SEX: The Emotional Consequences
Intro:
We talk a lot about the physical aspects of sex. You guys go through sex ed in school, and we talk about it here at church. We talk about sexually transmitted diseases, pregnancy, abortion, and other physical aspects of sex. What we don’t talk about a lot is the EMOTIONAL aspect of sexual relationships. There are emotional consequences from inappropriate sexual relationships that are just as much – and sometimes more – damaging than the physical consequences. Sometimes you can break all of the rules and have no physical consequences, but you will most likely never escape the emotional consequences of inappropriate relationships.
Tonight we are going to address those emotional consequences – what they are, where they come from, how to avoid them and how to deal with them if you already are struggling with them.
A. Men Are Visual: Guys, we are stimulated by what we see. We see a good looking woman, and our heart beats a little faster. This is how God wired us – but it can get us into a lot of trouble.
a. Pornography: Pornography is a HUGE issue for men. Unfortunately, now that the internet is reaching into so many homes, so is pornography. It used to be that you had to find a store that sold pornographic magazines and where you wouldn’t be recognized in order to see this stuff. Now you can log onto the internet and it practically finds you – you don’t even have to look for it.
i. Guard you heart! What happens in a guy’s mind is that he sees these images over and over and is aroused. Then, like a drug, it takes something more exciting to be aroused the next time. The real problem is that no one really looks like that in the real world – most of these pictures are doctored. So we end up with an unrealistic idea of beauty and sexuality. Pornography also encourages us to look at women as objects and not as people with feelings and emotions and needs.
ii. There is help: If you are struggling with pornography, there is help. I would be glad to sit down and talk with you and help you come up with a plan to overcome pornography’s influence in your life – but I know that it might be very difficult for you to admit to your youth pastor that you do that. If you can’t talk to me or another adult male that you trust, there are some websites out there. One in particular that I would suggest you look at is xxxchurch.com. The whole site is set up to address the issue of pornography.
b. She just walked right in front of me! Billy Graham once said that it’s not a sin for a man to look at a beautiful woman walking down the street, it’s a sin when he stops and looks a second and third time. Again, this comes from our society’s idea of women as objects and not as people. God made women beautiful, but their true beauty is not in how they look or dress – it is in their character.
B. Sex Changes Everything: If you are in a relationship, and you decide to become sexually active, everything will change. You will become connected to each other on an emotional level that you never thought possible. At the same time you will experience fear and anxiety like you’ve never faced before. There is the anxiety of wondering if she’ll get pregnant, the fear of STDs and the fear of getting caught amongst other things. Life is much simpler if you just play by the rules.
C. These issues don’t just go away: One day you will get married. The last thing you want to do is put an engagement ring on that special girl’s finger and say, “Will you marry me? Oh, by the way, I’ve slept with five other women, but I don’t think I have any diseases or any kids, so it’s all good.” She won’t appreciate it and neither will you. Think of some of the emotional consequences of inappropriate sexual relationships on your marriage:
a. Comparisons – comparing your sexual experiences with your wife to your previous sexual experiences
b. Continued fear – never knowing if your son or daughter will show up on your doorstep
c. Continued fear – never knowing if your doctor will tell you about the disease that you have, but you didn’t know about
d. Guilt – knowing that you didn’t save yourself for your wife, knowing that you disappointed God
God has a plan for you. Jeremiah 29:11 puts it this way, “For I know the plans I have for you,” says the Lord, “Plans to prosper you and not to harm you; plans for hope and for a future.” The world would like you to think that God’s plan is prudish and puritanical and boring, but God made us and He knows how we work. He knows all of the consequences that come from these relationships and He wants to save us that trouble. Can you trust Him?
