How many people in this room struggle with anger? Raise your hand. Some of you are thinking, I don’t struggle with anger; I let it out and get it out. Or, I don’t struggle with anger; I just don’t cooperate with the people I’m angry at. Or, I don’t struggle with anger; I never let it show. I keep my anger to myself.
Anger is something common to man and woman. But anger can be harmful to our physical health, to our spiritual life, and to our relationship with others. Anger can lead us to say or do things that we will later regret. Anger can lead to road rage. Anger can lead to child abuse or spouse abuse. Anger can lead to ulcers. Anger can lead to bitterness and depression.
Paul J. Meyer wrote, “As an author of business programs marketed in more than sixty countries, I have encountered numerous people in every culture who have shortened their careers, ambushed their futures, and stifled their personal progress because they could not handle their pent-up anger appropriately.”
Anger is universal, but most people don’t know how to deal with anger. Most teachers and parents do not teach us to handle our anger. They simply teach us not to express our anger. Over time, we habitually respond to anger in one of three ways. Spew out anger. Seep out anger. Or stuff in anger.
Spewing out anger is most commonly done at home. Rather than to blow up at work and lose your job, you blow up at home. Yell at the children. Complain about the cooking or cleaning. Throw, hit or kick furniture. You words and actions hurt others.
Seeping out anger can be done anywhere. Psychologists call this passive-aggressive behavior. You let out your anger in small, almost indiscernible form. You procrastinate, show up late or somehow interfere with the person you are angry at. You use mild sarcasm or uncooperativeness. Anger is seeping out in disguised form.
Stuffing in anger can also be done anywhere. This is a great danger for Christians, who mistakenly believe that anger is wrong and a sin. Anger is not a sin, but it can lead to sin. The Bible tells us, “In your anger do not sin.” The Bible does not say, “Do not be angry.” Stuffing in anger leads to emotional, spiritual and physical health problems.
Prisons are filled with people who did not deal with their anger, but let their anger spew out in violent acts. Schools and homes are filled with young people who do not deal with their anger, but let their anger seep out in uncooperative behaviors. Churches are filled with members who do not deal with their anger, but stuff their anger, until depression or bitterness replaces the anger.
This morning, we will be looking at how we can answer anger in a healthy and biblical way. We will not be addressing the causes of anger. There are many causes, fear, hurt, impatience, self-righteousness, jealousy, injustice, and much more. What we will address is how to work through the emotion of anger, so that you can discern the underlying cause of anger and have a clear head to deal with the causes. Because there are so many different causes of anger, we cannot address how to remove each cause in this short time.
Our text this morning is Job 12-14. Just reading these three chapters is quite therapeutic for me, because we can express anger vicariously through Job.
Can you tell that Job was angry? Angry with his so-called friends. Angry with God. But he did not sin. He handled his anger in a way that few of us do. Let’s take a closer look, and see if we can find help to answering anger in our own lives.
First, Job turned from people to God. We see this in chapters 12 and 13.
Job told his so-called friends what he thought about their condemnation, their “knickknack wisdom,” and their self-righteous attitude. Job clearly let them know he was angry with them. You might say that he vented his anger on the right people.
Many Christians do not confront the people who have wronged them. We are either afraid that confrontation would destroy our Christian witness or break the relationship. But Jesus tells us to confront the one who has wronged us.
Many times, we vent our anger on people who did not cause our anger. We vent our anger on people who are innocent or helpless to defend themselves. Because of my impatience at something undone at church or my hurt caused by someone at church, I often times will take out my anger on Esther. I would complain about her mess or her noise level. I would take away her privileges for the slightest irritation.
I didn’t know any better. I had no model or anyone to teach me how to deal with my anger. But God gave me Job. Job taught me to ask myself, “Who am I really angry at?” And, “What is appropriate demonstration of anger?” Job didn’t take out his anger on his wife. He took out his anger on those who caused his anger, and he did it to a degree that did not hurt them.
But Job didn’t stop there. He turned from people to God. People can only take so much of our anger. A little child is helpless against our anger. Your spouse can only take so much of your anger before lasting relational damage begins. And your boss or colleague can only take so much of your anger before anger shortens your career.
God, on the other hand, can take our anger. He is big enough to understand our need to vent. There are many reasons why we need to turn from people to God when we are angry.
Connie pointed out to me that when she read Job 12-14, she could see that Job was in great pain. He was hurt, and that’s why he was angry. Yet, the person who is angry rarely is able to see the cause of his or her own anger. Turning to God, and asking God, “Why am I angry?” and waiting for an answer, will save your health, your relationship with your child, your marriage and your job.
When we turn to God, not only can we gain insight into the cause of our anger, we can gain peace, perspective, wisdom, repentance and forgiveness. Our anger may be due to our desire to have something that God never intended us to have. He may be the one who is interfering with our desire. And we need to repent and receive forgiveness.
I was talking with someone this week who was angry at something from the past. He never took the anger and past hurt to God. He has been withdrawn for years. When we cannot remove bitterness and resentment by ourselves, we need God’s help. We need to lay our hurt on Calvary, where Jesus died for our sins. Only there can we forgive others as Christ forgave us.
Second, Job turned from self-assertion to self-surrender. We see this in chapters 13 and 14.
Job’s anger continued as long as he asserted his own innocence and righteousness. He continued to defend himself against his so-called friends. He continued to defend himself to God. He did not wait or trust God to defend him. Instead Job wanted to take justice into his own hands. But eventually, Job surrendered not only to the idea that God is sovereign but also to the reality that God, not Job, will have the last word and will outlast and out-exist Job.
James 4:1-3 tells us, “What causes fights and quarrels among you? Don’t they come from your desires that battle within you? You want something but don’t get it. You kill and covet, but you cannot have what you want. You quarrel and fight. You do not have, because you do not ask God. When you ask, you do not receive, because you ask with wrong motives, that you may spend what you get on your pleasures.”
To answer anger, we need to surrender our demands. We are not Buddhist, denying our passions. Our surrender is an act of trust in God, not a denial of personal needs or desires. Even in our surrender, we can ask God for what we need.
Many of us cannot surrender our hurt, our pride or our desires to anyone else other than the true God. We are so prideful that the thought of surrendering to anyone less than us is unthinkable. Yet, God is greater than us, and He has modeled for us how to humbly surrender, even His life on the cross. And that makes my self-surrender doable.
This week, when I felt anger welling up in my emotions, I asked the question, “God, who or what is causing my anger?” Sometimes the cause is my own unrealistic expectations. Other times, the cause is another person or another emotion, such as fear, stress or hurt.
I’ve also learned to ask, “God, what do I have to trust you for?” “What am I trying to attain on my own that I’ve not asked You for?” “God what do I have to surrender in order to overcome my anger or in order to diffuse my anger?”
Sometimes the answer was surrendering my right to a certain expectation. Other times, I needed to surrender my right to recover certain losses, such as time, energy or money. Still other times, I needed to surrender my pride as a parent or a pastor. Until I turned from self-assertion to self-surrender, my anger rarely left.
When I’ve practiced what I’ve learned from Job, I was able to deal with, in a more healthy way, my anger. I’ve shared with you what I’ve learned from Job. I hope you’ve found some encouragement today also.
