Relationships that Work!
Thesis: Relationships that work and last for eternity are steered by honesty and authenticity. They are also maintained by a commitment that will last for eternity. The only way they can endure the test of time is for them to be formed and based in God’s love.
Introduction: God designed us to have relationships with one another. Really relationships are what the church is all about. The Bible is full of stories about people who have relationships with one another and with God. Today I want to focus on friendship style relationships. Les Parrot in his book Relationships has a chapter called “Friends to Die For”.
He makes a statement that when I read it impacted me and prompted me to reflect on relationships and their importance. He stated, “…most people do, in fact, find a kindred spirit or two. In fact, only seven percent of people say they don’t have someone in their circle of friends who, at any given time, they can rely on as a best friend.”
I agree with this but for most people this becomes their spouse. But today I want to talk about friendship with others – not with your spouse! Joseph Addison stated, “The greatest sweetener of human life is friendship. To raise this to the highest pitch of enjoyment is a secret which but few discover.”
I agree with this statement “Few have discovered that friendship makes life sweeter, makes life more enjoyable, makes life easier to handle.” Friends – good friends do make all the difference in this world especially when we deal with life’s challenges on a daily basis. A good Godly friend is one who is there to help us face the harsh realities of life. A good friend is one who is not a fair weather friend who is their in the good times but disappears in the bad times. It’s one as Proverbs says” …loves at all times.”
Leslie Parrot has this to say about friendship:
Friends make the ordinary-running errands or eating lunch, for example-extraordinarily fun. And good friends ease our pain and lighten our heavy load….Not only are friends good for the soul but for the body as well. Friends help us ward off depression, boost our immune system, lower our cholesterol, increase the odds of surviving with coronary disease, and keep stress hormones in check. A half dozen top medical studies now bear this out. Their findings didn’t seem to be influenced by other conditions or habits such as obesity, smoking, drinking, or exercise. The thing that mattered most was friends. What’s more, research is showing that you can extend your life expectancy by having the right kind of friends (75).
How important are friendships with others? They in reality can extend your life span. They help you live happily and healthier. I really believe that friendships-relationships that are genuine and godly are rear today. I just think about the latest hit movie “My Big Fat Greek Wedding”. Have you wondered why this is such a hit. I really believe it was successful because of the strong, deeply committed relationships revealed in the movie. The one
s that you knew would last a life time. I also sat and pondered this week about how counseling is on the rise. Have you ever thought about it? One reason I believe counseling is on the rise is because in our society there are few deep meaningful relationships between others. So people have to go pay a counselor to talk and have someone to listen. Think About it!
Today I have asked Kathy to share with you about a real close relationship she has with her best friend Avis. It’s one that has lasted a long time and many would die to have. Listen to how meaningful this relationship is with her friend Avis.
5 minutes -- Kathy is going to share what it means to have a really good friend.
Kathy has shared the importance of having a good friend and we all need to see the value of these types of relationships.
Chuck Swindoll in his book Dropping Your Guard has to this to say about the importance of relationships with in the Body of Christ:
Before anyone can ever be convinced of the value of involvement and mutuality, that person must come to terms with the consequences of isolationism. The fact is, we need each other. The other side of the coin is axiomatic: Without each other, unhealthy and unhappy things happen to us. Empirical studies and psychological analyses strongly suggest that individuals cannot function effectively without deep links to others. Continuous meaningful, and secure bonds are essential or we risk losing our humanity (20).
Even though it is easy to buy into the selfish lifestyle and opt for isolationism instead of involvement, the consequences are bitter and inescapable. That’s why the simple, profound counsel of Solomon remains so needed: ‘Two are better than one…”Swimming with the current of today’s me-ism mindset has a way of eclipsing the contrasting light of Scripture. If you will return with me to that ancient king’s comment, you’ll find several reasons behind his statement “Two are better than one…” This is true because:
They have a good return for their labor (Ecc. 4:9)
- Mutual effort
One will lift up his companion (Ecc. 4:10)
-Mutual support
They keep (each other warm) (Ecc. 4:11)
-Mutual encouragement
They can resist an attack (Ecc. 4:12)
-Mutual strength
(Swindoll, pages 21,22)
The truth is whether you want to admit it or not we need each other and we need friends to die for. We really need to see that Scripture tells us over and over that we need each other. We really do need a renewal a revival of meaningful relationships in our society today. If our society fails to connect with each other it will eventually deteriorate and fall into disarray. We all need today to make a commitment to developing spiritually healthy relationships with one another.
T.S. - I want to share a story of two guys from the Bible who had a great friendship with one another. It was a friendship that endured good times and bad times but it endured the ups and downs of life. The story is about David and Jonathan. It is found in 1 Samuel Chapter 20.
Scripture Texts:
I Samuel 20:1-42:
1Then David fled from Naioth at Ramah and went to Jonathan and asked, “What have I done? What is my crime? How have I wronged your father, that he is trying to take my life?”
2“Never!” Jonathan replied. “You are not going to die! Look, my father doesn’t do anything, great or small, without confiding in me. Why would he hide this from me? It’s not so!”
3But David took an oath and said, “Your father knows very well that I have found favor in your eyes, and he has said to himself, ‘Jonathan must not know this or he will be grieved.’ Yet as surely as the LORD lives and as you live, there is only a step between me and death.”
4Jonathan said to David, “Whatever you want me to do, I’ll do for you.”
5So David said, “Look, tomorrow is the New Moon festival, and I am supposed to dine with the king; but let me go and hide in the field until the evening of the day after tomorrow. 6If your father misses me at all, tell him, ‘David earnestly asked my permission to hurry to Bethlehem, his hometown, because an annual sacrifice is being made there for his whole clan.’ 7If he says, ‘Very well,’ then your servant is safe. But if he loses his temper, you can be sure that he is determined to harm me. 8As for you, show kindness to your servant, for you have brought him into a covenant with you before the LORD. If I am guilty, then kill me yourself! Why hand me over to your father?”
9“Never!” Jonathan said. “If I had the least inkling that my father was determined to harm you, wouldn’t I tell you?”
10David asked, “Who will tell me if your father answers you harshly?”
11“Come,” Jonathan said, “let’s go out into the field.” So they went there together.
12Then Jonathan said to David: “By the LORD, the God of Israel, I will surely sound out my father by this time the day after tomorrow! If he is favorably disposed toward you, will I not send you word and let you know? 13But if my father is inclined to harm you, may the LORD deal with me, be it ever so severely, if I do not let you know and send you away safely. May the LORD be with you as he has been with my father. 14But show me unfailing kindness like that of the LORD as long as I live, so that I may not be killed, 15and do not ever cut off your kindness from my family—not even when the LORD has cut off every one of David’s enemies from the face of the earth.”
16So Jonathan made a covenant with the house of David, saying, “May the LORD call David’s enemies to account.” 17And Jonathan had David reaffirm his oath out of love for him, because he loved him as he loved himself.
18Then Jonathan said to David: “Tomorrow is the New Moon festival. You will be missed, because your seat will be empty. 19The day after tomorrow, toward evening, go to the place where you hid when this trouble began, and wait by the stone Ezel. 20I will shoot three arrows to the side of it, as though I were shooting at a target. 21Then I will send a boy and say, ‘Go, find the arrows.’ If I say to him, ‘Look, the arrows are on this side of you; bring them here,’ then come, because, as surely as the LORD lives, you are safe; there is no danger. 22But if I say to the boy, ‘Look, the arrows are beyond you,’ then you must go, because the LORD has sent you away. 23And about the matter you and I discussed—remember, the LORD is witness between you and me forever.”
24So David hid in the field, and when the New Moon festival came, the king sat down to eat. 25He sat in his customary place by the wall, opposite Jonathan, and Abner sat next to Saul, but David’s place was empty. 26Saul said nothing that day, for he thought, “Something must have happened to David to make him ceremonially unclean—surely he is unclean.” 27But the next day, the second day of the month, David’s place was empty again. Then Saul said to his son Jonathan, “Why hasn’t the son of Jesse come to the meal, either yesterday or today?”
28Jonathan answered, “David earnestly asked me for permission to go to Bethlehem. 29He said, ‘Let me go, because our family is observing a sacrifice in the town and my brother has ordered me to be there. If I have found favor in your eyes, let me get away to see my brothers.’ That is why he has not come to the king’s table.”
30Saul’s anger flared up at Jonathan and he said to him, “You son of a perverse and rebellious woman! Don’t I know that you have sided with the son of Jesse to your own shame and to the shame of the mother who bore you? 31As long as the son of Jesse lives on this earth, neither you nor your kingdom will be established. Now send and bring him to me, for he must die!”
32“Why should he be put to death? What has he done?” Jonathan asked his father. 33But Saul hurled his spear at him to kill him. Then Jonathan knew that his father intended to kill David.
34Jonathan got up from the table in fierce anger; on that second day of the month he did not eat, because he was grieved at his father’s shameful treatment of David.
35In the morning Jonathan went out to the field for his meeting with David. He had a small boy with him, 36and he said to the boy, “Run and find the arrows I shoot.” As the boy ran, he shot an arrow beyond him. 37When the boy came to the place where Jonathan’s arrow had fallen, Jonathan called out after him, “Isn’t the arrow beyond you?” 38Then he shouted, “Hurry! Go quickly! Don’t stop!” The boy picked up the arrow and returned to his master. 39(The boy knew nothing of all this; only Jonathan and David knew.) 40Then Jonathan gave his weapons to the boy and said, “Go, carry them back to town.”
41After the boy had gone, David got up from the south side of the stone and bowed down before Jonathan three times, with his face to the ground. Then they kissed each other and wept together—but David wept the most.
42Jonathan said to David, “Go in peace, for we have sworn friendship with each other in the name of the LORD, saying, ‘The LORD is witness between you and me, and between your descendants and my descendants forever.’” Then David left, and Jonathan went back to the town.
T.S. – Lets learn three lesson about How to develop enduring friendships that will last for eternity from our story of David and Jonathan.
I. A good friendship that works is one that is based on honesty between the two parties.
a. David in our story shared his heart to Jonathan about the threat on his life from his father and Jonathan listened (1 Samuel 20).
i. Jonathan does listen and then checks out if David’s perception is correct.
1. Notice he disagrees with him but he is still willing to listen and to do whatever it takes to try to verify if it is true.
a. Proverbs 27:6: Wounds from a friend can be trusted, but an enemy multiplies kisses.
2. Jonathan states in verse 4, “Whatever you want me to do, I’ll do for you.”
a. He did not just say this to appease David- He is genuinely honest- whatever you want me to do, I will do! He means what he says, “He is not kidding- he is serious!”
3. This is what true friendship is all about. The willingness to listen even if you disagree.
a. This act of friendship is all rooted in honesty and authenticity!
i. There are no masks being worn by these two. They are vulnerable to each other.
ii. They speak the truth from their hearts to one another and the other respects that.
iii. There is no deception in their relationship with one another.
iv. There are no cover ups, no facades!
v. There is no schemes – no one is trying to use the other to get ahead in the business world or the political realm. It is a true friendship!
vi. One cares about the other!
ii. David shared his heart about his life being in danger but Jonathan does not see it at first- Why? Because it is his father! Sometimes it’s hard to see the faults of our family.
1. But Jonathan is willing to check it out and even willing to put his own life in danger to confront the situation with his father. Why? To protect David from his own father.
a. This is true friendship!
2. He does confront the situation in verses 28-34
a. He actually risked his life!
i. He does challenge his dad’s warped thinking about David.
1. Notice dad tried to sway Jonathan to his view that David needed to die.
2. He warns Jonathan that if David is not killed then he will not inherit the kingdom.
a. He tries to appeal to his ego to destroy their relationship.
b. To turn and betray his friendship for what he could gain out of it.
3. The kingdom did not matter to Jonathan – all the power-the fame-the prestige-the money did not matter – what mattered was his father was in the wrong.
4. He did care about himself he cared about David and what the Lord directed! He cared about their relationship!
5. True friends are ones who care about others more than they care about themselves. They don’t build relationships on what they take out of the friendship.
6. Jonathan could have yielded to Saul’s claim that he must die because Jonathan is the one that will lose out. He chooses to follow the path of the Lord and to protect his friend David.
7. Proverbs 18:24: A man of many companions may come to ruin, but there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother.
ii. Result was his dad became enraged and threw a spear at him to kill him.
1. Why? Because Jonathan was honest and open with his father.
2. His father was outraged at his authenticity and being confronted about his own deceptive thinking.
3. Jonathan put his life in danger and would not stop from confronting the issue with his father. He was going to support his friend. He was willing to be an advocate for his friend
4. He leaves angry and upset at his father’s shameful conduct with David his friend.
5. His honesty with his father brought forth the truth that David was in danger and it troubled Jonathan deeply.
b. David and Jonathan were honest with one another about the condition of Jonathan’s father Saul.
i. They faced the truth together and were honest with the truth about Saul’s intent. It hurt --- but they found strength in each other.
1. The man was angry and out of control.
a. But their friendship was strengthened in spite of the opposition.
ii. Genuine friendships that last a life time are based on honesty-authenticity with each other.
iii. Real friendships thrive with honesty and authenticity at the helm. It directs the way to stronger and more meaningful relationships that will last for eternity. Their friendship of love lasted because it was rooted in authenticity and honesty.
iv. Proverbs 17:17: A friend loves at all times, and a brother is born for adversity.
T.S. – Relationships that work are rooted and grounded in honesty and authenticity but it is also imperative that we choose in our relationships to be committed through the good times and the bad times.
II. A good relationship that works is one that makes a commitment to be there for the other through the thick and thin of life.
a. Jonathan and David made a commitment – and oath to stick by each other and to take care of one an others family.
i. These two had a loyalty to one another that survived the harsh reality of life. It was a commitment that endured the trials and tribulations of living in a society that was not fair.
1. In spite of what family members did or did not do. They remained committed to their friendship.
2. In spite of being on the run they remained committed.
3. In spite of war they remained committed.
4. In spite of death their friendship endured for eternity.
5. In spite of all the years of being on the run they remained committed to their oath of friendship.
a. Truth is they protected each other and guarded each others secrets and each others lives.
b. They did not run around blabbing about the other or turning on the other.
c. They guarded each others lives and families.
6. In spite of all the garbage both had to go through they remained committed to their friendship.
b. There love for each other is reaffirmed when the truth comes out that Saul is out to kill David.
i. Jonathan is outraged at his father and risks his life for his friend.
ii. He was a friend who was willing to die for his friend.
iii. Illustration from Pearl Harbor – Video clip
c. David’s love for Jonathan is seen in his lament in 2 Samuel 1:17-27
i. They where dedicated to one another and it is seen very clearly in verse 25,26 “How the mighty have fallen in battle! Jonathan lies slain on your heights. I grieve for you, Jonathan my brother; you were very dear to me. Your love for me was wonderful, more wonderful than that of a women…”
1. I heard Bill Hybels say once, “My friends are in ministry with me, they are there for me and I am their for them. I am looking forward to us growing old together and being there for the other when we go on to glory.” He added that it does not get any better than this!
a. I shout way to go Bill- “You have what many long for- relationships to die for!”
d. What does it mean to be dedicated to a relationship?
i. Share story of Bill!
a. It’s sad to say but I know of a man who does not value or is dedicated to meaningful relationships.
b. Bill shared with me about a time when he flew across the country and would be able to see a friend from the past – a close friend. He said I came to the city he was living in and called him up and said “I I am in town lets get together.” The man basically responded to him – “I am too busy maybe later in the week!” – I could see the pain in his eyes!
c. This is not being dedicated to relationships and friendships
2. Dedication and commitment means being willing to go out of your way to keep the friendship fresh and alive.
e. Friendship with commitment in them will always preserve that relationship and keep its memory alive even in death. David was committed to their relationship even after Jonathan’s death. He kept his promise to Jonathan when he takes over the Kingdom in 2 Samuel 9:1-12
i. He shows kindness to Mephibosheth and adopts him as his own son on account of Jonathan’s and David’s relationship to one another.
1. He invites him to dine at his table for the rest of his life. He restores what he had lost at the death of his father.
2. I am sure David looked at Jonathan’s son and always smiled remembering the friendship he had with his father.
ii. One side note here---He also kept the commitment to Jonathan by not harming King Saul.
1. Note verse 15 – “Showing kindness to his family – which would include his father.”
2. Two times David had the opportunity to take Saul’s life but he never did.
3. He honored their oath to each other and he also knew that because their relationship was entrenched in their relationship with the Lord that he could not harm even Saul- who was trying to kill him.
T.S. – Relationships that work – work because the two individuals commit to the relationship and a relationship will only last when God is the center of the relationship because when he is in the middle of the relationship love becomes the sustaining force in that relationship.
III. A good relationship that works is one that has God involved in it.
a. 1 Samuel 20:42 “Jonathan said to David, ‘Go in peace, for we have sworn friendship with each other in the name of the Lord, saying, ‘The Lord is witness between you and me, and between your descendants and my descendants forever…”
i. They swore a friendship to each other in the name of the Lord and God was their witness that is why you read about it today 1,000’s of years later. It is a model relationship! For all of us to follow!
b. What does a good Godly relationship look like?
i. It all starts with having Love in your heart.
1. You cannot have love in your heart without God – because God is love.
2. Listen to the importance placed on love and love in relationships from Scripture:
a. 2 John 1:4-6 4It has given me great joy to find some of your children walking in the truth, just as the Father commanded us. 5And now, dear lady, I am not writing you a new command but one we have had from the beginning. I ask that we love one another. 6And this is love: that we walk in obedience to his commands. As you have heard from the beginning, his command is that you walk in love.
b. 1 John 4:7-12: 7Dear friends, let us love one another, for love comes from God. Everyone who loves has been born of God and knows God. 8Whoever does not love does not know God, because God is love. 9This is how God showed his love among us: He sent his one and only Son into the world that we might live through him. 10This is love: not that we loved God, but that he loved us and sent his Son as an atoning sacrifice for our sins. 11Dear friends, since God so loved us, we also ought to love one another. 12No one has ever seen God; but if we love one another, God lives in us and his love is made complete in us.
c. 1 Cor. 13: 1If I speak in the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. 2If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but have not love, I am nothing. 3If I give all I possess to the poor and surrender my body to the flames, but have not love, I gain nothing.4Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. 8Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away. 9For we know in part and we prophesy in part, 10but when perfection comes, the imperfect disappears. 11When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put childish ways behind me. 12Now we see but a poor reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known.13And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.
c. Rick Warren says, “Life is all about love!”
i. “Because God is love, the most important lesson he wants you to learn on earth is how to love. It is in loving that we are most like him, so love is the foundation of every command he has given us; ‘the whole Law can be summed up in this one command; ‘Love others as you love yourself” (123.
ii. Learning to love God helps us to able to love others. When God is involved in relationships love is the driving force in the relationship and we form close bonds because love is designed to last for eternity.
iii. Warren, “Love should be your top priority, primary objective, and greatest ambition” (124).
iv. Warren, “Life without love is worthless” (124).
v. I add life is about relationships and relationships are formed and maintained by allowing love to be the guiding force.
d. Love is the secret ingredient for friendship and it is only found in relationships that involve God at their center.
Conclusion:
I honesty believe it is time for the Body of Christ to make the decision to build relationships that work and that will last for eternity. We need to ruthlessly root out me-ism from our lives and develop relationships which are driven with honesty at the helm. We need to choose to commit to the relationship through the storms of life and see it survive for eternity. We also need to form relationships that are grounded with God as the center. Because when God is at the center then love rules and guides this relationship. When love is the primary force in a friendship it will last for eternity because the Lord is in it!
Let me ask you a few questions today, ‘Do you want a friendship like David and Jonathan had? Do you want a friend to die for? Then pray and ask the Lord to send you this type of relationship. Put God at its center and let love rule. Then commit to the relationship no matter what may happen in life. Then decide to always allow the value of honesty and authenticity to be the driving force in the relationship.
How many want this? Raise your hands and lets pray!
