A couple of weeks ago, the wives and mothers hopefully received encouragement on Mother’s Day. Worry is one of the most common struggles of motherhood, and so we addressed how wives and mothers can live worry-free.
This morning, I hope to give needed encouragement to fathers. What is the one common struggle of fatherhood? The balance of work and family? No. Mothers working outside the home struggle with that also. Furthermore, balance depends on the expectation each father has from his work and his own family.
I believe the one common struggle of fathers is the need to realize the rewards for fatherhood. We need the motivation to build a loving and godly family. We need to know why fatherhood is personally important and rewarding.
A couple of years back, Susan, Esther and I flew out to Washington DC to spend time with my mentor for two weeks. One night after dinner at my mentor’s house, both Susan and I raced to the kitchen sink to do the dishes. When I beat Susan to the dishes, my mentor’s wife made the comment, "I guess Dana won."
Susan and I didn’t understand what she meant by that, because we thought the one who ends up not doing the dishes was the winner. Then she explained to us that we were racing to the dishes and away from Esther.
Both Susan and I laughed because her insight cut through our superficial servant’s spirit. It was true, both Susan and I wanted time away from Esther. We loved Esther, but when you spend an entire day playing with a child, you don’t feel you’ve accomplished much. When you get done with the dishes, you can at least see your accomplishment.
Fathers and mothers face this same temptation everyday. We are tempted to choose what offers immediate reward over what offers delayed reward. But fathers generally give into this temptation. Fathers are seldom ready to invest into the family, because we don’t see the rewards right away. So we spend enormous amounts of time and energy at our work to earn the raise and the praise from our supervisors and clients.
Few fathers know the rewards of fatherhood. The media doesn’t reward fatherhood. Shows like Home Improvement and Married with Children depict fathers as large boys without common sense, self-control or self-sacrifice.
Peter De Vries wrote, "The value of marriage is not that adults produce children, but that children produce adults." Children teach parents to have self-control, to sacrifice, and to love unconditionally. There are many other rewards to parenting.
This morning, we’ll look at what kind of fathers God rewards and with what unique rewards. Our text is Psalm 127.
First, God rewards with His help those fathers who ask for God’s help. We see this in verses 1-2.
Before CalFed Bank turned into Citibank, there was an advertisement that showed a toddler driving a parent crazy, and then words that suggest that while CalFed cannot help you take control of your child, it can at least help you take control of your finances.
Children have ways of bringing parents to our knees. And God says, "Since you’re already on your knees, why not ask Me for help?"
The American folk cliché, "God helps those who help themselves," really isn’t true. The truth is, God helps those who asks Him for help. I’ve prayed more sincere and passionate prayers in the last four years of my life than most of the other fifteen years as a Christian.
I’ve asked God to give me gentleness, perseverance, self-control and strength as we trained Esther to sleep on her own and as we potty-trained Esther. Esther has been a very healthy child, but when she has gotten sick, I’ve asked God to recover her health and strengthen her body.
Fatherhood involves protecting and providing for the family. And with the recent news about child kidnapping, Susan and I have been asking God to protect Esther. I can’t be with Esther at all times to protect her. She’s beginning school on Monday.
Asking God for His help does not mean that we do less. We still have to learn our children’s temperament, to learn parenting skills and to learn how to keep our children safe in different settings. But we do not know everything and cannot be everywhere. We are wise to depend on God to build, to protect and to provide for our family.
Fathers who ask God for help are rewarded with supernatural rest that will keep us from burning out and giving up. Without supernatural rest, we can walk out on our family, if only mentally. We may be physically there, but we are not emotionally there. God wants to give us peace and rest, so that we are renewed and enthused to face the challenges of each day.
Second, God rewards with His plan those fathers who follow God’s plan. We see this in verses 3-5.
God planned for children to be a reward to us, not a drain on us. It’s true that children require an early and even ongoing investment of energy, love, money and training. But God intended children to become our heritage to the world and our weapon against our enemies.
Someone has said, "A hundred years from now ... it will not matter what my bank account was, the sort of home I lived in, or the kind of car I drove ... but the world may be different because I trained up my children." This is not to say that we determine what careers our children select, but we do determine what values our children live by.
Our children are our heritage. And if we don’t have biological children, we can have spiritual children. Bill and Connie have four biological children but many more spiritual children spread around the United States, Asia and Australia. They are all Bill and Connie’s heritage and reward.
God also intend for us to train our children to defend us against our enemies. When Esther was around eight months old, she would make this sound, "duck, duck, duck." In Cantonese, "duck" means, "Yes" or "I will." So Susan and I got a tape recorder and ask Esther a series of questions and recorded her voice saying, "duck."
We would ask, "When we get old, will you buy us a house to live in?" And Esther would respond, "Duck (which means ’yes’)." "When we retire, will you pay for our travel around the world?" And Esther would respond, "Duck."
We made the recording for fun, because Esther really had no idea what we were saying or what she was saying. But as parents, we need to teach our children to follow God’s plan to train Esther to honor us and to take care of us in our old age. Children are parents’ weapon against insufficient income, loneliness, loss of dignity, and helplessness due to illness or neglect in our old age. Children are God’s long-term care insurance plan for parents. Teach your children this truth, or you will miss out on one of the great rewards of fatherhood.
Let me close with my tribute to my Dad. I wrote this tribute back in 2000, before my Dad became a Christian. He has since received Christ and baptism. If your Dad is alive, I would highly recommend that you give your Dad a tribute instead of a belt, a sweater or a tie this Father’s Day. Even if your Dad has passed away, I would recommend that you write a tribute to your Dad this Father’s Day.
Tribute to My Dad
Dear Dad,
I don’t remember much about life with you in China or Hong Kong. I remember several impressionable values you demonstrated throughout my childhood. I remember you were strict in raising (older) sister and me. I remember that you disciplined us when we misbehaved, and I became so fearful that I would lie to avoid getting caught. Then, you decided that I would only be disciplined for lying. By the time I entered middle school, you decided to reason more with me and to give me much more freedom. Even today, you are more able to control your temper and reason with me than I am able to. "No discipline seems pleasant at the time, but painful. Later on, however, it produces a harvest of righteousness and peace for those who have been trained by it (Hebrews 12:11)." I am thankful for your discipline of me and for the value of honesty that you have instilled in me.
Another value you demonstrated throughout my childhood, and even today, is that of diligence. You have always been self-reliant and diligent. On top of the courage you and Mom must have had to leave China for hope of a better future for (older) sister and me, you followed through with diligence to provide for the cost of living in the United States. You did not let your limited English language skills or your pride get in the way of succeeding in the American dream. You willingly worked long hours at many jobs much below your intellectual ability. Your planned saving from the hard-earned money allowed you to put (older) sister and me through college, to buy a house, to buy several cars, even the one I am currently driving, to take us on many family vacations around the world (giving me many fond memories). In every job that I’ve held, people have told me that I am the most diligent worker in the company, school or ministry. I have unconsciously followed your example.
I also appreciate the example you set as a father. Despite your long hours at work, you provided more than what I needed, and you made time to be with me. While we were not wealthy when I was a child, you purchased a pair of leather Nike shoes for me; you took me ice-skating, biking and to Marine World, Great America and Disneyland. And on many of the earlier family trips, before (older) sister and I began to work, you often saved money by ordering some "item over rice," and you gave us the item while you ate the white steamed rice. Many times today, I find myself trying to give my wife and daughter the very best while I willingly settle for less. In those moments, I remember the example you set in my life.
Your influence on my life has been great. I thank God for a father like you. Unfortunately, I realize that you may be disappointed because I chose to go into ministry rather than into medicine or some other prestigious career. While some work for money or prestige, I have chosen a career that helps people to experience fullness and peace in life by being reconciled to their Maker, God, and by living according to God’s principles for life. While some marry money or beauty, I have married a woman of excellent character and beauty, who supports me in every way as a wife and as a mother to Esther (Pui Men). While some selfishly live for themselves or to please another, I have chosen to live for God as a general motive for all that I do. In these three most important decisions in my life, I have chosen wisely. I have no regret, and I hope you can see that I am very happy and have already succeeded in life. "What good is it for a man to gain the whole world, yet forfeit his soul? (Mark 8:36)."
On this Father’s Day, 2000, I want you to know that I admire you and that you have succeeded as a father.
Your Grateful Son,
