Happy Mother’s Day, Mothers and Grandmothers!
On Friday night, one of the men at the English Fellowship made this comment: "If I have to give birth, I would rather be a monk." Mothers, you need to know that’s not just one man’s opinion, but I suspect if we were to ask for a show of hands, almost all the men in this room would agree. We simply have no ambition to give birth.
Mother’s Day is a time to honor and thank our Mothers and Grandmothers, if for no other reason than that you gave birth. But there are many other reasons, for your sacrifice, love and perseverance. Several mothers told me to remind the husbands and children that mothers need encouragement and help more than one day each year, on Mother’s Day.
Susan Yates’ book, And Then I Had Children, cited some common challenges of mothers: Low self-esteem, monotony and loneliness, stress from too many demands, lack of time with husband, confusion about discipline of children, need for outside role models, an much more. Mothers not only struggle in the present, but they worry about the future also.
Mother’s will always struggle to take care of self while taking care of their children. Mothers will always experience some confusion about training up their children, since their children do not come with instruction manuals. But mothers do not need to always worry about the future.
Most people struggle with worry, but parents often struggle with worry for themselves and for their children. They worry about their children’s health and safety. They worry about their children’s education and future. They worry that they are not good parents. And mothers generally worry more than fathers.
Worry is uncontrolled and unproductive concern. Worry divides our mind and makes us unstable. Worry hinders our judgment, our confidence and our will. Worry leads to emotional and physical health problem.
I want to introduce two principles to help mothers live worry-free lives. When I sent out an email earlier this week making this promise, I got back reply that read, "OK, I expect to be worry-free by 12:45 PM." That made me worry.
One principle is for the husband or the father. The second principle is for the mother. Let’s begin.
The first principle is for smart husbands: He who loves his wife loves himself. We find this in Ephesians 5:25-33.
There are many ways of stating the principle from this passage. When I counsel couples preparing for marriage, I encourage the man to learn the jingle or mantra, "A happy wife, a happy life."
Smart husbands know this. We take the time, the energy and the effort to please our wives. The Bible tells husbands that our wives are like our bodies. When we don’t take care of our bodies, we carry around a great deal of discomfort. But when we take care of our body, we feel great.
Someone described hell as a place where people are holding 10-foot long spoons trying to feed themselves. And they starve to death because of their selfishness. But in heaven, people are holding 10-foot long spoons feeding each other. And they not only have full stomachs but also live happy lives.
Although that’s not a biblical description of hell and heaven, it makes for a good illustration of our relationship with our spouse. If you are a husband who is trying to please yourself only, you are starving a part of you that only your wife can feed and starving your wife. If you are a husband who is trying to please your wife first, you will find that she will respond by pleasing you. And you will help your wife take the first step toward worry-free living, because she has the confidence that you love her.
Now I’m not suggesting that smart husbands cater to every whim of their wives. You do not love your wife by giving her everything she wants. That’s the stuff of daytime soap operas or evening shows like Joe Millionaire.
The kind of love our wives needs from us are found in 1 Corinthians 13: 4-7, "Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.
1 Corinthians 13:4-7 guides us to love as Christ loves us. You can also express love more specifically to meet the needs of your wife. Simply ask her what you can do to help her know that you love her. Some might say that a gift now and then to appreciate her would communicate. Others might suggest a phone call or a love note now and then. Still others might suggest a comforting touch periodically. You find out from your wife.
Sometime ago, I asked a very successful businessman why he treated his clients better than he treated his wife. He told me that he used business techniques with his clients, but he felt it was dishonest to use them with his wife. I didn’t say, but I was wondering what was so dishonest about buying gifts for his wife, affirming his wife verbally or giving his wife his undivided attention.
Smart husbands know, "A happy wife, a happy life." And the wife of a smart husband not only responds with love for her husband but also with confidence in life. The wife of a smart husband is less likely to be worried.
The second principle is for smart mothers: She who trusts God for self-worth and sufficient provision triumphs over worry. We see this in Matthew 6:25-34.
Someone tells about a woman who for many years couldn’t sleep at night because she worried that her home would be burglarized. One night her husband heard a noise in the house, so he went downstairs to investigate. When he got there, he found a burglar. The husband said to the burglar, "Come upstairs and meet my wife. She has been waiting 10 years to meet you."
A real burglar can steal from you once; worry can steal from you night after night, for many years. Worry not only steals our sleep, but worry also steals our health and our abilities to cope with life productively.
People respond to worry in different ways. Many live with worry, because they believe worry is a normal part of life. Some live in denial. Others cover up their worries with drugs, legal and illegal.
Jesus offers a better solution. He teaches us to stop worrying by trusting God for self-worth and sufficient provision. Almost all worry is caused by a lack of intrinsic self-worth and a fear of insufficient provision. If we can overcome these two causes of worry, we can overcome almost all worries in life.
The good news is that the Bible tells us we have intrinsic worth. Our worth is not based on what we do or don’t do. First we are made in the image of God. Since God has infinite worth and glory, we, His creatures, reflect His worth. Second, we are highly loved and valued by God; therefore, we are valuable. Third, God has redeemed us at a high price, with the blood of His own Son, Jesus Christ. Any loss of value due to our own mistakes and wrongdoings are paid for. If we trust God’s self-worth for us, half of our worries are gone.
The other half of worry comes from our fear of insufficient provision. If we can somehow be sure that we have what our children and we need for life, we can overcome this second cause of worry. Again, the good news is that the Bible tells us God provided abundantly for our needs. Our lack comes from our lack of use, not from God’s lack of provision.
God created a world containing the needed oxygen, water, food supply and raw materials for life. God also established His church to be His storehouse for those in need. Our church cooperates with existing ministries and organizations to help those who have unmet spiritual, emotional, physical and financial needs.
Finally, God created our body with abundant provision. We possess far more capacity than we ordinarily use. We have two eyes, two ears, two lungs, and two kidneys, but we can function adequately and live productive lives with just one of each. Autopsies show that a large percentage of brain cells have never been used.
Almost every mother’s worries can be overcome by trusting God for self-worth and sufficient provision. I’ve asked a number of mothers to see what they worry about. Many worry that they are not good mothers.
What they are really struggling with is a low self-worth and a fear of insufficient provision. They worry about what others think of their ability to keep the house clean, to discipline their children, to keep their children safe and healthy. They worry that they don’t measure up to other mothers. They worry that their children will not receive what they need.
But if you trust God for self-worth, you don’t worry about what others think of you. You aren’t insecure about your own worth as a person. And if you trust God for sufficient provision, you won’t lose sleep, health or the ability to become a good provider.
Whenever you are worried about something, ask yourself, "If I truly believe that I’m intrinsically valuable, would I worry about this?" Chances are you would not. Ask yourself also, "If I truly believe that God has provided sufficiently in my life, would I worry about this?" No. You would simply use the abundance God has given you.
A John Hopkins University doctor said, "We do not know why it is that worriers die sooner than the non-worriers, but that is a fact." Dr. E. Stanley Jones replied, "I think I know. We are inwardly constructed in nerve and tissue, brain cell and soul, for faith (trust in God) and not for fear. God made us that way. To live by worry is to live against reality."
Smart mothers and smart grandmothers, in reality, you are already valuable because God made you in His image and because Christ gave His life on the cross for you. In reality, you have all that you need to be a good mother, because God created the world, the church and you with abundant provision. Worry keeps you from realizing your self-worth and utilizing your abundance. Trust in God empowers you to realize your self-worth and utilize your abundance.
