“Love’s Balance”
I Corinthians 13:5
January 26, 2003
Love of Another Kind – I Corinthians 13
Given the frigid weather of this month, perhaps this poem is a fitting way to begin:
Six humans trapped by happenstance in bleak and bitter cold,
Each one possessed a stick of wood, or so the story goes.
Their dying fire in need of logs, the first man held his back,
For on the faces around the fire he noticed one was black.
The next man looking across the way saw one not of his church
And couldn’t bring himself to give the first his stick of birch.
The third one sat in tattered clothes; he gave his coat a hitch.
Why should his log be put to use to warm the idle rich?
The rich man just sat and thought of the wealth he had to store,
And how to keep what he had earned from the lazy, shiftless poor.
The black man’s face bespoke revenge as the fire passed from his sight,
For all he saw in his stick of wood was a chance to spite the white.
The last man of this forlorn group did naught except for gain.
Giving only to those who gave was how he played the game.
Their logs held tight in death’s still hand was proof of human sin.
They didn’t die from the cold without; they died from the cold within.
We have been talking about the difference that love makes in a person’s life, according to Paul. Jesus tells us that the item of greatest importance in the life of the Christ-follower is love. Priority One is loving God with every thing we have; the second priority follows right on the heels of the first, and indeed is inseparable from it: that we love each other as we love ourselves. In I Corinthians 13, in the middle of a discourse on the use and abuse of spiritual giftings, Paul talks about the context that is necessary for the exercise of any and all spiritual gifts: the context of love. What does love for one another look like? Today we resume our study—stand with me as we read together!
I got an email invitation this week from a group holding a meeting in a couple of months. The roster of speakers for the event was populated by a group of men and women whose names I didn’t know save one—and this one was particularly troubling. I had heard and read this individual on several occasions, supposedly a preacher of the gospel and a moral crusader. All I saw was arrogance, rudeness, and hypocrisy; I remember thinking to myself that, if ever there were begun an organization called “Jerks for Jesus”, this gentleman would make for an excellent president. I emailed the lady back who had sent the invitation; she responded to me the next day with word that the organization was withdrawing its invitation to the man, because several folks had emailed concerns. Sadly, among the other concerns came news that this individual had broken faith with his wife, divorcing her for a much younger woman—though sadly, it hadn’t stopped his self-righteous crusading. Knowing that pride comes before a fall, I found myself un-surprised, but saddened all the same.
Paul begins what is verse 5 to us by describing love as something which “does not act unbecomingly”. We don’t often use the word “unbecomingly” in common discourse. NIV says “rude”, which is close but somewhat stunted, I think. KJV says that love “doth not behave itself unseemly”; if “unbecomingly” is an uncommon word, more so “unseemly”! J.B. Philips says, in his translation, “love practices good manners.” So what is it that Paul is driving at here?
I. The Offense: Men (and Women!) Behaving Badly
Paul may have in mind particularly the conduct of the Corinthian believers at worship as described in 11:2-16, as well as chapter 14. In chapter 11, Paul has mentioned a cultural issue there in Corinth; the women were behaving in a way in that culture which served to disregard a distinction between the sexes, and so dishonored the name of Christ. There are several characteristics of this “behaving badly”, this rudeness, that I’d like to suggest; first, it involves behaving
A. Thoughtlessly
“Rude” is a culture-sensitive term; mores differ according to culture, and the definition of what it means to be “rude” will differ as well. At the heart of rudeness, regardless of culture, is a thoughtless disregard for the feelings and sensibilities of others. This is a form of disrespect. We act unbecomingly when we simply don’t take the time to think through our actions, when we just plunge right ahead with whatever it is we are determined to do. Americans are especially good at this; reticence is not generally found conspicuously among our traits!
B. Carelessly
Sometimes, we act toward others rudely because we are simply careless. We do not guard our words; we do not care enough to do otherwise. On the other hand, Christian love cares too much for the rest of the community to behave in such unseemly ways. Learning to look out for others—sensitivity—is a key component of overcoming rudeness.
Some folks pride themselves on speaking their minds. One fellow told a preacher one time, “My talent is to speak my mind.” Replied the preacher, “That is one talent that it is okay to keep buried!” Truth is that those who seem always intent on speaking their minds often are careless in the damage that they might do—because they are insensitive to others in the way they say things.
Sometimes, we are rude to people who are not believers in Christ by expecting them to act like believers, and then acting shocked when they don’t. Some habit of theirs is offensive to us, and so we tell them so—and because we’re right, we’re determined that we’re going to say it! Christian, please get away from the idea that God has called you to be the moral cop for other people. That’s not to say that we don’t stand for morality in societal life; we must. But it is to say that the greatest need of those without Christ is not to conform outwardly to some Biblical standard, but rather to come to Christ for salvation from indwelling sin. We can act rudely toward those without Christ when we forget this.
C. Gracelessly
Barclay translates this passage, “Love does not behave gracelessly.”
Love does not “fight fire with fire”. “The weapons of our warfare are not carnal…” “The wrath of man doesn’t bring about the righteousness of God”.
The presidency of Bill Clinton was, in some ways, a low point for Christian witness and behavior in this country. When I say that, I probably conjure up in your mind certain meanings, but let me take that thought in a direction different than the one you likely thought of. What I mean by that is that there were a fair number of Christian people who, to one degree or another, made monkeys of themselves in the way they treated a president who did some things that many of us found appalling. If you don’t know, you can probably guess my personal take on not only some of the president’s behavior, but many of his positions as well. That being said, there is no excuse for wanton character assassination. Truthfully, I wonder what the hateful words of some Christians toward President Clinton did to the witness we might have had for Christ! There were some well-known preachers for whom I lost some respect because of what frankly amounted to politically-motivated slander. Scripture says, “let no unwholesome words proceed out of your mouths”; Jesus warns us of the fact that we will give account to God for what we say. There are no qualifiers that say, “let no unwholesome words proceed out of your mouths unless the person you are criticizing is pro-abortion, or a womanizer—then you can let him have it!”
I am personally doing some questioning of myself along these lines. I wonder if my own manner of speaking has sometimes been responsible for turning people away from Christ? Have I forfeited the opportunity for witness for Christ by my speech? Have I been more concerned with saying my piece, or getting my point across, or whatever, than I have being sensitive to the hearers? Have I been graceless in my attitude and my words toward others, especially those with whom I disagree
Love is about more than being gracious and considerate, but it is never less. If people don’t see the gentleness of Christ in us, they are less likely to see Him in the gospel we proclaim.
II. What Changes Does Love Make?
A. Love thinks before it speaks.
We should think more about the Christian grace of tact…”having the ability to avoid what would offend or disturb someone”. "Tactfulness is the lubrication of relationships. It reduces friction between people." Tact is the ability to know what to say and how to say it. Proverbs reminds us that “like apples of gold in settings of silver is a word spoken in right circumstances.” As we’d say down south, how ‘bout them apples?
The new minister’s family was presented with a pie baked by a well-meaning lady who, frankly, couldn’t cook. The pie was just inedible and so, reluctantly, the pastor’s wife tossed the pie in the garbage. The preacher was then faced with the dilemma of thanking the baker—while at the same time remaining truthful. Finally, after much thought, he sent a note with this tactful response: “Thank you for being so kind and thoughtful. I can assure you that a pie like yours never lasts long around our house!”
The Scripture reminds us as well that “a soft answer turns away wrath, but grievous words stir up anger.” Love takes the time to consider its words and choose them carefully, realizing that one can never truly take back the words she speaks.
B. Love cares about the feelings and concerns of others.
Love makes us more concerned with the feelings and needs of others and less concerned that we get our own way.
Love is courteous, to put it another way. Robert Fulghum wrote a popular book entitled Everything I Needed to Know I Learned in Kindergarten; some of us need a refresher course! He writes of those life lessons he learned there: “Share everything. Play fair. Don’t hit people. Put things back where you found them. Clean up your own mess. Don’t take things that aren’t yours. Say you are sorry when you hurt somebody. Wash your hands before you eat.” And so on. Again, love is much more than courtesy, than politeness—but it ought never to be less!
C. Love extends grace, having received grace.
When God looks at us, He looks at us through the lens of grace. He does not treat us as we deserve; rather, He treats us as Jesus deserves to be treated, for we are the beneficiaries of the Great Exchange. Jesus laid down His life and His prerogatives for us; He was made to be sin for us, He Who knew no sin, that in turn we might be made the righteousness of God in Him. He took what we deserved; we get what He deserves. That’s grace. And that is what God calls us to extend to others. We don’t give them back what they’ve got coming to them—because that’s not how God treats us. We don’t strive to get even; we allow God to settle the matter in the end. We don’t insist on our rights; Jesus didn’t insist on His. We don’t view others as the enemy, to be hated; God’s love and grace are so great that, while we were sinners—in active, continuous rebellion against His holiness—He loved us and sent His Son to die in our place that we might be forgiven. We are here, folks, because of grace!
And because we have received grace so freely and so richly, we extend that grace to others.
III. The Key: Finding Love’s Balance – “Speaking the Truth in Love” – Eph. 4:15
Here is the key: learning to speak the truth in love. Get out of balance on either side of that equation and you run into trouble. People from “our neck of the woods” theologically, so to speak, might be more likely to err on the side of truth minus love. We are people of the Book, and the Book is God’s Word, God’s truth, and we love it and read it and know it! We try not to water it down, either in our beliefs or in our practice! We have the truth—and we are commanded by God to speak it! But do we always do it in love?
You see, finding this balance is so vital to influencing others for Christ. To speak the truth in love puts people at ease. I met a new friend recently and shared some time in conversation with him. He doesn’t believe some of what I believe. He doesn’t live with all of the same moral convictions I do. He is not a born-again believer in Christ, to the best of my knowledge; I doubt very seriously he’d claim to be. And we shared lunch together. I could have blown him away with theological arguments; I could have won those arguments. What would that have gained me? I determined instead that I’d just try to become his friend, share a listening ear and a concerned heart. I wanted to just let Jesus love him through me. And when we parted, I think he left having enjoyed the experience. There will likely be opportunity for more! I never watered down the truth of what I believed, nor compromised it; I just tried to make sure I balanced it with love!
Speaking the truth in love is described in the context of “growing up in all aspects” into Christ. It is tied to true growth, true progress in the Christian life. It is to exercise myself not to give offense, to do all that is within my power not to needlessly be offensive to another person. And by the way, while I’m in this ballpark, can I suggest as well that we ought to exercise ourselves not to be offended? We are more likely to lash back at other people, to act rudely, when we feel ourselves to be slighted, or wronged, or offended. Some of us have a case of what I call “enlarged feelings”; we seem to walk around just ready to take offense at one thing or another. George Fields said, "I am an inverted paranoid. I just think that everybody is out to do me good, that everybody is going to do the right thing. So I just expect that every time." While that may not be the case, what a great way to approach life!
Does not preclude:
1. Strong opinions—though these must be tempered with a humility that enables us to admit it when we are wrong, and change such opinions.
2. Loving confrontation—sometimes, the most loving thing I can do is to confront another person, and the most unloving thing is to shut up when there is such a need for confrontation!
But while these things are true, that we can have strong opinions and we ought sometimes to confront others, we must always do so in love. Always.
We never know the impact that a loving word can have—or a destructive word. There’s never been a voice quite like that of Karen Carpenter—as some of you roughly my age will agree. I remember where I was when I heard that she had died, to tell you how big a fan I was. Some of you are aware that her death was caused by a heart attack induced by anorexia. It’s hard to know all of the psychological demons which plagued her, but do you know what set it off? A rude word. One reviewer of a Carpenters release referred to Karen as “Richard’s chubby little sister”.
Paul tells us that love does not behave itself gracelessly. How about you?
