OPEN: Being as this is the Valentine Weekend I wanted to share a few quotes by children about love:
- Glenn, age 7 - If falling love is anything like learning how to spell, I don’t want to do it. It takes too long.
- Tom, age 5 - Once I’m in kindergarten, I’m going to find me a wife.
- Kenny, age 7 - It gives me a headache to think about that stuff. I’m just a kid. I don’t need that kind of trouble.
- Regina, age 10 - I’m not rushing into love. I’m finding fourth grade hard enough.
- Angie, age 10 - Most men are brainless, so you might have to try more than once to find a live one.
- Dave, age 8 - Love will find you, even if you are trying to hide from it. I’ve been trying to hide from it since I was five, but the girls keep finding me.
- Ava, age 8 - One of you should know how to write a check. Because, even if you have tons of love, there is still going to be a lot of bills.
- Manuel, age 8 - I think you’re supposed to get shot with an arrow or something, but the rest of it isn’t supposed to be painful.
APPLICATION: Today, we’re going to be talking about the painful side of love.
The dark side of affection...
The flip side of friendship...
Today we’re going to discuss a painful experience known as loneliness.
How many of you can ever remember being Lonely? (A vast number raised their hands). You’re in good company. A recent Gallop poll said 4 out of 10 Americans admit to frequent feelings of intense loneliness.
ILLUS: Charles Swindoll mentioned an ad in a Kansas newspaper. It read, "I will listen to you talk for 30 minutes without comment for $5.00." Swindoll said, "Sounds like a hoax, doesn’t it? But the person was serious. Did anybody call? You bet. It wasn’t long before this individual was receiving 10 to 20 calls a day. The pain of loneliness was so sharp that some were willing to try anything for a half hour of companionship."
I remember being lonely. I wasn’t well liked at school. I couldn’t seem to get a date (in fact, if a girl talked to me… that was sufficient ground to consider her a girlfriend). I had a few friends, but for the most part I was a very lonely teenager. And looking back I can remember how that made me feel.
I. And looking back, I can see how God healed me of that loneliness. For, you see, God promises to heal us of loneliness:
Psalms 68:6 tell us that “God sets the lonely in families, he leads forth the prisoners with singing; but the rebellious live in a sun-scorched land.”
God sets the lonely in families. He seeks to heal them of their feelings of isolation.
Why would God do that? Why would God commit Himself to this task of helping the lonely? Why? Because God knows that loneliness is not a good thing. He declares in Genesis 2:18 "It is not good for the man to be alone."
Now, that’s not to say that God’s people have never experienced loneliness. Giants of faith, like Jacob, Moses, Job, Nehemiah, Elijah & Jeremiah…they all had their times of loneliness.
· David once cried out to God “Turn to me and be gracious to me, for I am lonely and afflicted.” Psalms 25:16
· Paul, at the end of his life noted that his friends had left, that some had forsaken him, and that he pleaded with his young colleague Timothy to “make every effort to come to me soon.” (II Tim. 4:9-12 NASB).
· And, of course, Jesus cried out on the cross the most lonely comment of all “My God, my God, why have you forsaken me?” (Matthew 27:46)
Being religious, doesn’t mean we’ll never be lonely.
AND being lonely doesn’t mean that we are somehow being punished for our sins.
Nor does it mean that we are suffering because of our lack of faith
BUT, the fact of the matter is – if you’ve ever experienced loneliness, you know that you don’t ever want to feel like that again. You don’t ever want to experience the emptiness, the feelings of rejection and isolation ever again.
And the good news is God doesn’t want you to experience it either. That’s why in Genesis 2, God declared “it isn’t good that the man should be alone.”
So, what can be done to alleviate loneliness?
I. The first place to look for the healing of the pain of loneliness is God
But that isn’t generally how its done. The 1st place people generally look for the answer to their emptiness… is "somebody else." If we can just get “somebody else” into our lives, then we won’t be lonely. And so there is a constant struggle to get that “somebody else” into our lives, so that we won’t be by ourselves anymore.
ILLUS: That’s why dating clubs are so popular. That’s why those listings in the Newspapers and the internet are so pervasive. In our local paper there are at least 3 pages of personals. "Woman with inner beauty seeking man aged 35 - 40 to share interests with…"
Now, allow me let you in on a secret… finding “somebody else” is not the solution to emptiness. Finding someone else is not the cure to loneliness.
ILLUS: There’s an old saying – “there are worse things in life than not getting married”
· There are women who will find that special somebody, hoping that HE will keep them from being lonely, only to end up in marriages where the man beats her and runs around on her
· There are men who will chase the “special somebody” only to end up with a woman that nags him to death and makes his life miserable
· AND then, there are those who feel they have snagged the perfect somebody, only to have their lives torn apart by divorce in a few short years.
You see, finding “somebody else” is not the SOLUTION to loneliness. And it’s not the CURE for emptiness. Not just anybody is going to fill the need that we know, and God knows is in our hearts.
II. Genesis 2, points this out for us:
Look at Genesis 2:18-20 with me. (After it was read I asked:) What was the 1st thing God did after declaring man shouldn’t be alone? He has Adam give a name to all the animals God had created. Now notice what it says the purpose of all this “naming” was:
"So the man gave names to all the livestock, the birds of the air and all the beasts of the field. But for Adam NO SUITABLE HELPER WAS FOUND." (Genesis 2:20)
Now, didn’t God KNOW these animals wouldn’t be suitable “helpers” for Adam?
Of course He did!
Didn’t God KNOW that (His next creation) Eve would fill that role?
Of course He did!
God KNEW all of that… but Adam didn’t
And once Adam knew that there was no suitable helper around that HE could find
… God did something miraculous
… God changed something in Adam’s life
… God created a miracle to fill the loneliness in Adam’s life
You see, the solution to Adam’s loneliness was not “Somebody Else.” Granted, it turned out that Eve was the fulfillment of his needs. But Eve was the solution to Adam’s need BECAUSE God made her that way.
III. Back when I was young and lonely, I felt the solution to my emptiness was someone else.
I was desperate to find someone who would listen to me. Anyone who would talk to me. And so I fell into a pattern that many chronically lonely people follow:
ILLUS: Psychologists Carter, Meier & Minrith have observed that “People who have constant bouts with loneliness often fall into the overly dependent style of life…. An overly dependent person… becomes excessively distraught if he is rejected by someone. He clings to people, sucking up all their emotional energy… (these lonely people get to the point where they) expect others to fulfill their needs for them. Then they begin to make demands of those on whom they depend. Naturally, this causes others to retreat from them, keeping at a distance. The dependent person finds himself back at square one, and usually continues the cycle endlessly.”
That was me. I clung to others who would make me feel less lonely. And as a result, they didn’t want to be around me that much. So… finding somebody else, was NOT going to solve that problem for me.
I had to be healed inside. I had to let God find a way to deal with my loneliness. And how God did that is an interesting story…
ILLUS: I was a lonely boy up until I was about 22 years old. That was the summer I went up north to Sault St. Marie, Michigan to do an internship under the guidance of a preacher named Roy Chenowith. Roy was an amazing man who could see into the heart of people and know just what they needed to do. And when I went to his church (and lived in his home) Roy touched the heart of my problem with a simple set of questions.
"You ever going to get married?" he asked
"Yes," I replied, "I intend to someday.
"Have you ever asked God for a wife?" he continued.
"I sure have," I answered.
Then he asked: "Have you ever told God what type of woman you would like?"
I was aghast (and I said so). Wasn’t it presumptuous to TELL God what type of person I wanted to marry. After all, He was omniscient. He knew what I needed and didn’t need any advice from me.
"Oh no," he smiled "you don’t understand. If you don’t tell God what you want, how will you know when He’s supplied her?"
That made sense. So I set myself to praying for that special someone. I made a list of about 5 or 6 items that I felt were important (I didn’t want to make the list too long… I was having a hard enough time getting a date as it was). And then I just turned it over to God.
It was amazing. Suddenly, I felt at peace. And I didn’t even attempt to date anyone again for the next 3 years. For 3 yrs I felt NO NEED to have SOMEBODY IN MY LIFE. You know what that means? It means that God healed my loneliness 3 years before I met my wife.
You see, I didn’t need SOMEBODY to heal my loneliness. I needed to learn how to trust God to deal with my loneliness… in His time… and in His way.
I’m convinced that – had I never met Diana – I STILL wouldn’t be lonely today. BUT, I believe that God wanted me to have Diana in my life. Had I never met Diana, I would have never had as much fun and excitement as I’ve had in my life to this day. Something would be missing for me. FOR, you see, I believe God did something miraculous in supplying me with the woman I now love.
But Diana was not the ONE who cured my loneliness… God cured my loneliness. And He did it LONG before I ever met Diana.
And that was a good thing. Because had I been lonely when I met Diana… .I very easily could have smothered her with my desire to always have her attention. And I might easily have used her as a crutch to meet my own personal needs. And I’ll tell you – after awhile, that kind of relationship can get old.
CLOSE: Now, I’m sure I’m NOT a perfect husband – I have my faults. And my wife is not the perfect wife. And none of you are perfect either. You see, we all sin, and we all fall short of the glory of God. It’s because of that that looking to others to cure our emptiness and loneliness in our lives can leave us disillusioned. Other people will disappoint you. Other people will let you down. They’ll break your heart, and they’ll fail you in any number of ways
BUT, if you keep your eyes on God, and wait for Him to bring the miracle of healing into your life… then you’ll receive His best, in His time.
Albert L. Peace was a man in love. His fiancée was all he had ever wanted in a woman and they planned to soon be married. She was that SOMEONE who could fill his life. Then he encountered a problem that crushed all his hopes and plans. He was going blind. The woman he had loved and hoped to share his life with walked out of his life forever. She could not stand the possibility of living her life with a man whom she unquestionably would need to care for the rest of her life.
Albert Peace was a shattered man. Loneliness crashed in around him and it seemed that everything that he had ever hoped for had been torn away from him. But in the midst of this loss & emptiness he sought out God, and he found the love of One that he knew would not reject him. God healed his loneliness and filled his life with His goodness. Sometime later, Albert Peace wrote these word:
(If you know it, sing it with me)
O love that will not let me go,
I rest my weary soul in Thee.
I give You back the life I owe,
That in Your ocean depths its flow,
May richer fuller be.
O joy that seeks me through pain,
I cannot close my heart to Thee.
I trace the rainbow through the rain,
And feel the promise is not vain,
That morn shall tearless be.
SERMONS IN THE “RX FOR THE SOUL” SERIES
Healing For Depression - 1 Kings 19:1-19:18
Relieving Stress - Matthew 8:14-8:27
The Cure for Loneliness - Genesis 2:18-2:25
Peace For The Mind - Isaiah 26:1-26:12
