“How Much Longer?”
I Corinthians 13:4
November 24, 2002
Love of Another Kind – I Corinthians 13
We began last week looking at the subject of love of another kind: God’s kind of love. God’s love is agape love, the kind of love that extends grace toward others, that treats them better than they deserve. This is a love that forgives the unforgivable, that sacrifices for the well-being of others. It is the “more excellent way” that Paul speaks of in I Corinthians 12; it is necessary, the first tangible fruit that the indwelling Spirit of God produces in the life of the disciple of Jesus Christ. Last week we looked at the fact that, without this love, it really doesn’t matter what else we have; everything else we might claim as having value adds up to absolute zero. We listed five categories of well-doing that Paul alludes to in the first 3 verses of chapter 13:
A. Conspicuous spirituality
B. Limitless knowledge
C. Extreme faith
D. Unbounded generosity
E. The ultimate sacrifice
And we said that all of these added together minus love is worthless. Today we begin in Paul’s description of what this essential love looks like. Stand with me as we read I Corinthians 13:1-4!
Theologians speak of “original sin”, the doctrine which holds, among other things, that we are born sinners, infected with the curse of a sin nature by virtue of Adam and Eve’s transgressions in the Garden. I’m on board with that; any real student of human nature cannot deny that the propensity to sin comes naturally to all. We don’t have to teach children how to lie, how to be selfish, how to throw temper tantrums; these things come naturally; they are programmed into us.
There’s another thing that’s just “programmed in” to children. To my knowledge, there is never any instruction given to children regarding this; never have I heard of a conference wherein kids get together for the purpose of communicating on the subject of “How to Annoy Your Parents on Trips”. It’s just there, and if you’ve ever taken a trip with a child, you know what I’m talking about, the twin questions that are the bane of every parent. Question 1 (repeat it with me): “are we there yet?” Question 2: “how much longer?” Call us mean; I really don’t care. We forbid the asking of those questions in our car. Not that they don’t get asked anyway, of course, but we attempt, at the start of a long trip, to estimate our ETA. We inform the children of this, using visuals, if necessary (“it’ll be dark when we get there”, is one such visual aid). We’ll tell them that, if we anticipate arriving at 9:30, not to bother asking if the first digit isn’t a “9”; if they insist on asking, I will quietly point to the clock. Has our plan worked? Well, with moderate success, I suppose. But the fact is that all parents come to dread those words, I think—“are we there yet? How much longer?” They are words of impatience—and we are impatient with hearing them!
The word “patient” here is the Greek makrothumeo, which means forbearance, a slowness to repay another for offenses, a slowness to build resentment. When we see this word in the New Testament, it almost always refers to patience with people, not so much with events or circumstances. Patience, then, in this context involves the ability to allow oneself to be used and inconvenienced by a person time and again without allowing bitterness and anger to take over. Church father Chrysostom said of this word, “It is a word which is used of a man who is wronged and who has it easily in his power to avenge himself but will never do it.” And another said that it is “a calm endurance based upon the certain knowledge that God is in control.”
Patience is not indifference, by the way. Indifference toward another person is not a sign of love, but patience is. When another person wrongs me in some way, I show patience—a loving concern which withholds vengeance—rather than indifference, which basically has a “who cares” attitude about another brother or sister.
When Christians have been willing to confess their shortcomings to me, it’s interesting how quickly they are to own up to this sin. If I’ve heard it once, I’ve heard dozens of times the confession, “oh, I’m not a very patient person.” It’s one of those sins that we don’t really think is all that bad; we are quick to confess it, as opposed to other sins that I rarely, if ever, hear a Christian confess. Patience is a virtue, indeed, but one which is in short supply today! Why is it so tough to be patient?
I. Why it’s Tough to be Patient
A. It goes against our culture.
Americans have to be the most impatient people on earth. We hate to wait! And so we invent things to keep us from waiting; we are the kings of “instant”. We love good food, but in every city of any size we have restaurants not called “good food” restaurants, but “fast” food—and some of it is much faster than it is good! Here’s a rule of thumb: never eat pizza from a place named after the speed with which they claim to get it to you! I distrust places with names like “Pizza Express” and “Jiffy Pizza” and “Pizza on the Go”. Fast is nice, but I fear that the taste will be such that I’d prefer to eat the cardboard.
Calvin’s dad says, “It used to be that if a client wanted something done in a week, it was considered a rush job, and he’d be lucky to get it. Now, with modems, faxes, and car phones, everybody wants everything instantly.” Calvin walks his dad holding a microwave dinner, reading the instructions. “It takes 6 minutes to microwave this”, he says, “who’s got that kind of time?” We live in a rat race/fast track/quick print/expressway/10-minute oil change/instant camera/microwave culture. We’ll be just about anything but patient!
B. It goes against our nature.
We are selfish, and our nature is like the kindling waiting to be ignited by a culture such as ours. We naturally want our own way, and in a culture in which our way is the fast way, our very nature exercises its selfishness in impatience. Its our very nature, interestingly enough, to often be the least patient with those who are the closest to us. We tend to expect more from our families than we do from others; we live with our families wall-to-wall, and we see each other in a light in which others do not see us. Next in line, sometimes, is our church family. We tend to be critical, to spot the idiosyncrasies in others. And we get critical and impatient with them as well, if we are not careful. And a third reason patience is tough is
C. It is seen as a weakness, and not as a strength, by some.
Makrothumeo was not seen by the Greeks as a strength, but as a weakness; they valued the assertive man, the one who could force his will on others, who could get things done, no matter what. Things haven’t changed much, have they? People today take “assertiveness training” in order to get what they want; they read books that promise to teach them how to get their way, no matter what.
II. What Happens When We’re not Patient
A. We forget our own sinfulness.
We expect perfection, or something close to it, from others, when we realize that we cannot legitimately expect it of ourselves. For us to be impatient with other people is to forget how prone we are to sin. We all fail; we fail others regularly; why then do we forget this when we treat others with impatience?
B. We forget the damage impatience can do.
James warns us of the misuse of our tongues; is it fair to say that a significant percentage of our sins involving our speech involve impatience with one person or another? Let me give you a quick test: are you patient with people who serve you, like the waiter who didn’t get the order right or the checkout girl in the 10 items or less line who is new and doesn’t know how to fix the cash register tape? How about the mechanic who doesn’t have the part he said he’d have because there’s a delay from the manufacturer, or the girl at Sheetz who doesn’t seem like she knows what she’s doing? The mechanic doesn’t care that you haven’t missed church in three months! The waiter doesn’t care if you believe in a pre-tribulation rapture. It isn’t a concern of the checkout girl whether or not you made a Faith Promise commitment, and the girl at Sheetz isn’t interested in your views on the atonement. Do you treat these people with patient love? That is what will matter most, because remember, without love, everything else equals absolute zero.
C. We forget the persevering grace of God.
“The Lord is not slow about His promise, as some count slowness, but is patient toward you, not wishing for any to perish but for all to come to repentance" (II Peter 3:9). God does not exact immediate judgment upon those who wrong Him; if He did, who’d have a chance? He slows down the judgment process and opens the way for a reprieve, for forgiveness of sins. If anyone has the right to limit His patience, it is a holy God. If He were not patient with me, though, I wouldn’t be standing here today. His grace is amazing because it forgives and forgives time and again, and if I were God, I might not be nearly so willing to be forgiving! But His grace perseveres with us. If such a holy God—Who could justly demand that we pay for our sins—is willing to be patient with us, how much more so ought we sinful creatures be patient with one another?
Robert Ingersoll, noted atheist of the 19th century, would often stop in the middle of his lectures and dare God. “I’ll give God five minutes to strike me dead for the things I’ve said.” To which Theodore Parker replied, “And did the gentleman think he could exhaust the patience of the eternal God in five minutes?”
III. How to Become a More Patient Person
We need to recognize that patience is not merely something we conjure up within ourselves. The Scripture describes it as one of the fruits of the Spirit (Galatians 5); it is thus something that the Spirit of God produces in our lives as we cooperate with Him. How might we then cooperate with the Spirit?
A. Abide in Christ.
Jesus, in John 15, tells us that there is no way that we can possibly hope to bear fruit in our lives except as we abide in Him. What does it mean to abide in Christ? It means to commit ourselves to daily communing with God in prayer and in the study of His Word, taking in the Word on a regular basis. You must stay connected to the vine. Further, it means not being content, of course, to merely read the Word, but to be a doer of it. It means confession of sin, and asking God’s Spirit to control you and to guide you through the day. Patience involves God’s working in my life, and I can’t possibly see it happen unless it is God’s work.
And by the way, in order to forge this quality in our lives, He may use some rough tools we don’t like so well. Tribulation works patience in our lives, the Bible says, and when we experience difficulties, especially persecution for the cause of Christ, patience is likely to be one good result. If you ask God for patience, He might send tribulation—but in His plan, it is certainly worth it.
B. Take your foot off the accelerator.
We need to discipline ourselves to slow down. God gave the Sabbath day to the Jews in order to remind them that there had to be a place for rest, relaxation, and worship in their schedules. Now there are friends who disagree with me, of course, but I don’t see the Sabbath per se as binding upon believers—but what I do believe we need to understand is the principle of the importance of rest in our lives, of dropping regularly out of the rat race for a lap or two. There might be several forms this would take: I believe in taking time to rest on a weekly basis—this is where the idea of the Sabbath comes into play. I believe in getting away physically for a time from time to time in order to recharge our batteries. The point is that we need to get away from a utilitarian, accomplishment-oriented view of life, whereby our value as individuals is wrapped up in what we get done. This hard-driven pursuit of accomplishment lends itself strongly to impatience, as we view disruptions and sidetracks as impediments to our goals, rather than potential opportunities to trust God, to minister to people, to learn patience. Take your foot off the accelerator and slow down the pace of life if you find yourself struggling with impatience!
C. Give up your “rights”.
In the Corinthian church, this impatience was expressing itself through the believers there taking each other to court. Paul addresses this in I Corinthians 6:1-8. His summation is sobering for us in this rights-oriented age: “why not rather be wronged?”
* “I don’t believe a Christian ought to be a doormat.” Is that statement derived from solid Biblical exegesis or from pride? Sure, there is a place for justice and equity; we are not bound to go looking for abuse. But patience might mean permitting myself to be abused and wronged on many occasions. Jesus said of personal ethics that if we are slapped on the right cheek, we ought to turn the left (Matthew 5:39).
I get a little bit concerned today when I hear some Christians who are standing up for the rights of believers. There is a fine line. I do believe that we ought to be concerned, as believers, to stand up for the rights and freedoms guaranteed us in the Constitution. Interestingly enough, I sent out a rare email to many of you this week urging you to do just this thing. Parenthetically, if we do this, we will be as concerned for the rights of homosexuals to be free from oppression as we will for our rights to speak freely. But what concerns me is an attitude of militancy in defense of our rights which I sometimes sense. There is a fine line, I appreciate—but for a Christian to adopt an attitude of “we’re mad as ____, and we’re not going to take it anymore” clearly crosses a line. Or an attitude that suggests that we aren’t going to allow ourselves to suffer persecution, and we’ll fight before that happens.
But Paul asks us, “why not rather be wronged?” As hard as this is for us to hear, it is an attitude which we as believers need to adopt—a willingness to allow ourselves to suffer harm before we stand up and insist upon our rights. This isn’t easy, I appreciate. A couple of years back, my wife and I found ourselves being effectively cheated out of a few hundred dollars by a person who claimed to be a believer but who indicated a willingness to take us to court if we didn’t allow her to have her way. I remember the struggle we faced. A contract had been signed; her name was on the dotted line. A few hundred dollars isn’t chump change for us, and we struggled. And yet we had to come back to this verse, and the fact that allowing ourselves to be taken to court would involve dragging the name of Jesus through the mud in a court of law. Eventually, we did reach a compromise, but one which still cost us a fair amount of money. It’s tough, and there were times when everything in me wanted to get revenge. But this verse haunted me—why not rather be wronged? In the end, it won out, though I can’t say that it always does, because this is tough. Still, God never promised that obedience would be easy, but merely that it would be right and that He would bless us for it.
D. Remember the example of Jesus.
I Peter 2:23 – “when He was being reviled, He did not revile in return; while suffering, He uttered no threats, but kept entrusting Himself to Him who judges righteously.” Beaten, spat upon, ridiculed, threatened, laughed at, crucified; all of these and more, and still no revenge exacted.
Jesus showed tremendous patience toward
His apostles, slow to understand and believe – Gethsemane sleepers
His enemies, quick to take offense and ready to pounce upon any time He failed to meet their expectations
His own death, and those who inflicted it (“Father, forgive them…”)
Allow me to close by quoting Scripture, Colossians 3:12-13: “So, as those who have been chosen of God, holy and beloved, put on a heart of compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness, and patience; bearing with one another, and forgiving each other, whoever has a complaint against anyone; just as the Lord forgave you, so also should you.” Love is patient!
