“Big Daddy – needs to be honored!”
Thesis: Fathers Day is the day to honor “Big Daddy” and for all of us to show appreciation and affection for what our fathers did right.
Illustration - humorous - Big Daddy:
Because I’m Big Daddy, I must hold the television remote control in my hand while I watch TV and occasionally scan the other channels to make sure I don’t miss something important If someone misplaces the remote I can miss a whole TV show looking for it and possibly a important news flash.
Because I am Big Daddy, when I lock my keys in the car I will fiddle with a wire clothes hangar and ignore your suggestions that we call a road service. Oh, and when the car isn’t running very well, I will pop the hood and stare at the engine as if I know what I’m looking at. If another guy shows up, one of us will say to the other, “I used to be able to fix these things, but now with all these computers and everything, I wouldn’t know where to start.”
Because I’m Big Daddy, when I catch a cold I need someone to bring me soup and take care of me while I lie in bed and moan. You never get as sick as I do, so for you this isn’t and issue.
Because I’m Big Daddy, I can be relied upon to purchase basic groceries at the store, like milk or bread. I cannot be expected to find exotic items like “cumin” or “vanilla”. For all I know these are the same thing. And never, under any circumstances, expect me to pick up anything for which “feminine hygiene product” is a euphemism.
Because I’m Big Daddy, when one of our appliances stops working I will insist on taking it apart, despite evidence that this will just cost me twice as much once the repair person gets here and has to put it back together. But I tried and gave it my best shot.
Because I’m Big Daddy, I don’t think we’re all that lost, and no, I don’t think we should stop and ask someone. Life is an adventure we need to explore. Besides why would you listen to a complete stranger – how would they know where we’re going. I also do not want to bother other people because they have important things to do.
Because I’m Big Daddy, there is no need to ask me what I’m thinking about. The answer is always either sports or sex, though I have to make up something else when you ask, so don’t. I am so sensitive to others feelings I would never want to hurt them.
Because I’m Big Daddy, I don’t want to visit your mother she is so busy, or have your mother come visit us and me bother her for hours, or talk to her when she calls because I know she wants to talk to you, or worry about her anymore that I have to because she’s under God’s protection. Whatever you get her for Mother’s Day is okay, I don’t need to see it I trust you. Did you remember to pick up something for my mom, too?
Because I’m Big Daddy, you don’t have to ask me if I like the movie. Chances are, if you’re crying at the end of it, I didn’t. But I love sacrificing my time watching it with you.
Because I’m Big Daddy, I think what you are wearing is fine. I thought what you were wearing five minutes ago was fine, too. Either pair of shoes is fine. With the belt or without looks fine. You hair is fine. You look fine. Can we just go now because your always so fine?
Because I’m Big Daddy and this is a new century, I will share equally in the housework. You do the laundry, the cooking the cleaning, and the dishes. I’ll do the rest.
We father’s have done a lot of interesting things in our parenting years and in essence role modeled some appropriate and inappropriate examples to our kids. We have even been known to teach principles to our kids through our famous sayings.
Illustration on what Fathers have been known to say:
- Who made you the boss!
- I’m the king of this house!
- Don’t argue, I’m the boss!
- Wait till your mom gets home!
- You mom won’t like it!
- This is going to hurt me more than it hurts you.
- Quiet. I’m watching the ball game.
- Don’t forget to check the oil.
- Bring back all the change.
- How should I know? Ask your mother.
- I’m not made out of money!
- Keep your eye on the ball!
- Don’t worry it’s only blood, just wipe it off.
- Don’t make me stop this car?
- You are going and you will have fun!
- Who’s paying the bills around here, anyway?
- If you break your leg don’t come running to me.
- Don’t put your feet on the furniture. Your mother will kill you.
- Quit playing with your food.
- Be quiet! Can’t you see I’m trying to think!
- Why? Because I said so!
- You better get that junk picked up before I ground you for life.
- Just wait till you have kids of your own.
- Kids today have it so easy.
- You have to work for what you get in life.
- I was not asleep. I was just resting my eyes.
Introduction:
For years we have seen a lot of people placing all the blame for their problems on their fathers or mothers. I think fathers have been blamed, pointed at and criticized more so than moms. I’m a troubled adult because my dad yelled at me. Or my father never talked much to me. My father was always working and therefore I did not see him much. My dad was to strict- not strict enough - too religious – not religious enough. He never had time for me or he was always bugging me. Dad’s have had the finger pointed at them many times saying it’s all your fault! Dad you ruined my life!
This video clip is a spoof on this blame the father mindset.
From Group’s Blockbuster Movie Illustrations: I do not recommend this movie. When I was searching for this clip from the movie showed how not to be a father and it has a lot of swearing and in appropriate scenes.
Overview: Sonny tells his adopted son that fathers just screw up their kids and claims that every screwed up guy blames his father for his condition. Sonny points out a “freak” walking by and tells the guy to get over his father, causing him to burst into tears.
Illustration: Leave it to Adam Sandler to make us laugh at such a depressing topic wounded people have issues now because of a broken relationship with their earthly fathers, which in turn affects their relationship with the heavenly Father (page 92).
Texts:
Ephesians 4:29-5:2:
29Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen. 30And do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God, with whom you were sealed for the day of redemption. 31Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice. 32Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you. 1Be imitators of God, therefore, as dearly loved children 2and live a life of love, just as Christ loved us and gave himself up for us as a fragrant offering and sacrifice to God.
Ephesians 6:2, 3:
“Honor your father and mother – which is the first commandment with a promise ‘that it may go well with you and that you may enjoy long life on the earth.”
Deut. 5:16:
16“Honor your father and your mother, as the LORD your God has commanded you, so that you may live long and that it may go well with you in the land the LORD your God is giving you.
Thoughts on HONORING OUR FATHERS
I believe there is something in us--a law written on our hearts--that says, "Honor your father and mother." That’s how it’s stated in the Bible, but you’ll find it in all of the world’s religions. The ancient Chinese Analects advise, "surely proper behaviour to parent and elder brothers is the [tree] trunk of goodness."
We must consciously attempt, first of all, to find the good in our fathers, no matter how badly they seemed to have fathered us. To put a spin on Marc Anthony’s cry: "We have not come to bury our fathers under the dirt of our accusations; we’ve come to praise them for what we have discovered in them, and for what they have given us." What our fathers did right is every bit as important as what they did wrong.
If, as C.S. Lewis wrote, "fatherhood must be at the core of the universe," then disrespect for a father means engaging in some very dangerous vandalism. That is true culturally, but also personally. Gordon Dalbey writes, "We had better teach our sons mercy. A man who curses his father...curses his own manhood."
SOURCE: Ken Canfield, PH. D. The Heart of a Father. Chicago: Northfield Publishing, 1996. Pg. 30.
T.S.- Let’s learn from some others on the importance of honoring what fathers did right.
I. Stories of famous children who wanted to remember what their dads did right in their lives.
a. Frank Peretti shares why he loves and honors his dad.
i. You know, it never entered my mind that I might not succeed in building a fill size blimp in the backyard, and Dad never flinched at the idea. “Just be sure to get the grass cut, and don’t leave nails and boards lying around,” he said, and he went back to painting the porch. I had plenty of nails and boards. The previous summer’s twenty-foot model of the Titanic hadn’t quite gotten past the keel laying stage, so behind the garage there was a sizable pile of two-by-twos bristling with nails. My brothers and I pulled out all the nails, pounded them straight on the patio, and put them to work holding the two – by – twos together again, only in a different shape. What a feeling, driving in that first nail! It was the same feeling I had when we started building a mad scientists lab in the basement…Or when we started making hot air balloons out of the laundry bags and raining them down on the neighborhood. Or when we bought two old lawn mowers from Goodwill so we could use the engines to power the two airplanes we were building in the garage…Or when I built that robot…Well, actually the secret lab where I was going to build the robot….Or when we dug up the alley because we were going to build a World’s Fair. Dad never flinched. He never said, “It’s a dumb idea” or “It’ll never work” or “Remember the last project?” No, he just let us use his tools and the same old nails and, as long as we put the tools back and didn’t kill ourselves, he just watched (180, Gaither)
b. Steve Green tells his story about his dad.
i. As we sat around the fireplace and talked, I was again impressed with how carefully my father guarded his speech. Always choosing appropriate words, he seasoned conversations with insight and wisdom. I remember that as children he had sometimes sensed people-problems among missionaries, noticed injustices, and felt the tension of living in a foreign culture among people whose customs often flew in the face of our own, yet I don’t remember ever hearing a hint of criticism or seeing a telltale sign of condescension from my parents. I’m not suggesting that they were perfect. Certainly they would remember failures in these areas, but as the years pass, I have increasingly appreciated their example of James 3:2 –“We all stumble in many ways. If anyone is never at fault in what he says, he is a perfect man, able to keep his whole body in check.” (99)
c. Joni Eareckson Tada shares her story about her dad and mom.
i. What did my parents do right? Even thirty years ago, I would have said what I say now – Mom and Dad were at the top. Funny thing is, my parents were anything but conventional. We never had traditional family devotions…When we’d go camping on the beach, nighttime stories around the fire included not only real-life escapades of my father hunting bear and trading with the Indians but the real life adventures of Noah, David and Moses. Dad would talk about the days when he sailed clipper ships and explored the upper Yukon, but he’d also talk about Moses, brave and trusting, exploring the wilderness of the desert beyond Egypt…The accident in which I became paralyzed put me in a stark, dreary, and often depressing institution for nearly two years. Warm and sunlight memories of my growing up years then became a rich source of comfort and joy as I lay in that dull and colorless place. I’ll never forget the time my family brought in environmental recordings of thunderstorms, birds in a forest, and the crashing of ocean waves. I closed my eyes and was at once transported to the crackling campfire at our sandy beach….I had learned as a child to be responsible for my actions. I was now to learn as a teenager in a wheel chair to be responsible for my attitudes and choices. (78-82).
d. Dr. James Dobson tells us about his dad.
i. The very happiest days of my growing up years occurred when I was between ten and thirteen years of age. My dad and I would rise early before the sun came up on a wintry morning. We’d put on our hunting clothes and heavy boots and drive twenty miles. After parking the car and climbing over a fence, we entered a wooded area where we would slip down to the creek bed and follow the winding stream several miles back into the forest. Then my dad would hide me under a fallen tree which made a little room with its branches. He would find a similar shelter for himself around a bend in the creek. My dad and I were then ready to watch as the breathtaking panorama of the morning unfolded and spoke so eloquently of the God who made all things. Most important was what occurred out there in the forest between my dad and me. The intense love of affection generated on those mornings set the tone for a lifetime of friendship. There was a closeness and a oneness that made me want to be like that man… that made me choose his values as my values, his dreams as my dreams, his God as my God (68,69)
e. When we hear stories like this I believe it jogs our memories to remember what our own fathers did right.
T.S. - So for a moment I want to share what my dad did right. I have at times pointed out what he did wrong so know I want to share what he did right.
II. The story of my dad and what he did right.
a. My dad is Bob McCartney Sr. he is a supervisor for Super Value. He has been in the grocery business his whole life.
i. My dad has always been a hard working man. I remember the Saturday’s where we would go off and work for a friend of my dads after he worked all week at the store.
1. In these times my dad taught me how to lay carpet and tile. He taught me the value of hard work. I remember my dad always patting me on the back when I would work hard. He would praise me for working hard.
ii. I remember the times we went hunting together. Especially the time we went with my uncle and they were bow hunting. I was along for the adventure. We spotted some deer and my dad went into the woods to flush them out. The deer bolted out of the brush and my uncle shot but his arrow hit to low. I was right there carrying some arrows so I bolted off after the deer with the arrow held in my hand like a spear. I was going to chase those deer down and stab them. Off course the deer out ran me and I grew tired of the chase. I walked back to my uncle and dad standing there in amazement at me. They never criticized me but we did laugh about my zeal for hunting.
iii. My dad taught me the value of giving to others. I recall the times when we would go work for Mr. Porter my dad’s boss and help him out around his house. He would go help this elderly gentleman out with his yard work and never want any pay. My dad was a very giving man. He always gave to others and sacrificed his time and money for the sake of others. He taught me the value of being a giver and not a taker.
iv. My dad praised me for becoming a minister. I recall the day I graduated from North Central Bible College and my dad gave me a letter telling me how proud he was of me.
1. My mom informed me after graduating from Bible College that when I was young my dad told her he thought, “ I would make a good priest!”. I’m not a priest but I am a preacher.
2. I recall the times when he helped out the different ministries I worked for. He would get store owners to donate things to the ministries. He himself would buy things we needed for the church or camp. My dad helped us out a lot when we remodeled and started the café.
v. My dad made me think about my spirituality. I recall when in my teens my dad came back from Colorado and told us he had accepted Christ at a Jimmy Swaggert meeting. I remember him sitting on the couch listening to his albums. I could see that something profound had happened in his life. It made me wonder about this religious thing.
vi. My dad and I have recently drawn closer than ever before. I recall the best time I had with my dad was a couple of summers ago were we fished and talked all day out on the lake. We talked about the past, the different family members, the mistakes we both made and the things that made us laugh.
1. It was a very special moment in my life. We actually had fun together. He told me he never worried about me because I was one of the boys who he could see had it all together and he praised me for that.
T.S.- How about you can you recall what your dad did right in your life? If so you need to praise him for that. Tell him what he did right!
III. Why should we praise our dads for what they did right and tell them?
a. First of all it’s Biblical to honor your parents. When we honor them we in essence honor Jesus.
b. Second you are commanded in Scripture to do so. It’s one of the Ten Commandments with a promise. Honor your parents and your life will be blessed.
c. Third we need to forgive them for their mistakes and focus on what they did right.
i. Philippians 4:8: 8Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things.
ii. To err is human, to forgive is divine is a famous saying to you and I. It reminds us that we ourselves are not perfect either.
1. To err is human wrote Alexander Pope in the 18th Century. In 1982 the humorist Russell Baker expressed the same idea in more specific terms: I make the average number of mistakes. Maybe 150 or so on a busy day. Most of them aren’t terribly serious. Putting too much sugar in the coffee cup. Picking up the telephone and dialing the number of the telephone I’ve just picked up. Spelling harass with two R’s. Yes, humans make mistakes. We goof up, and create mess. They miss-hear, mis-interpret, miss-judge, misread, misspeak, misspell, misunderstand, and yes make the mistake of sinning.
2. We have all been making mistakes for years and we will continue to make mistakes in the future.
3. Example of some mistakes: Pliny a Roman administrator who lived in 1st Century A.D. wrote an encyclopedia called "Natural History". It was published in the middle-ages which at that point became a reference book for 1,500 years. Here are some of his facts published in this work:
* He told of women giving birth to elephants in Africa.
* He stated that cats were one of the causes for driving people into insanity. He concluded that a cat did this by licking a humans skin with their tongue.
* Having trouble with tooth decay? He stated eat a mouse or inhale smoke from burning onion seeds.
* He also claimed that mouse droppings, rubbed into one’s head, caused hair to grow on bald spots.
* He reported that ear wax healed poisonous wounds.
iii. Scripture text on forgiveness: Matthew 6:14, 15: 14For if you forgive men when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. 15But if you do not forgive men their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins.
1. We all need to forgive if we want to be forgiven for our mistakes!
T.S. -Dads I want to address you for a moment this morning. I came across this list of 8 things a dad wishes he could do over. We today have the opportunity to do these 8 things from this day forward so let’s learn what 8 things matter the most in our lives and then do them.
IV. Eight things dad wishes he could do over.
a. ILL. John Dresser wrote a book titled, "If I Could Do It All Again." In it he shares 8 things that he would do differently if he could go through his years of being a father all over again. Here is what Dresser wrote:
1. "First of all, if I could do it all over again, I would love my wife more, because by loving my children’s mother more, I would create an environment of security in our home. Our love would be something they could see - something they would never have to worry about."
2. "Second, I would laugh more. I would relax & enjoy my children & laugh at their antics. I would spend more time with them & enjoy being a father."
3. "Third, I would present a more realistic model for them to follow. I would be honest with them about myself. I would let them know that I had problems in school, too, that I stumbled, & made mistakes, & failed. I would let them know that I understand, & that they can come to me when they fail, because I have been there as well."
4. "Fourth, I would listen to what they say. I would listen to their pains & problems & worries & concerns. I would listen when they wanted to talk to me, because now I realize that if I listen to them when they are small, & to their little problems, then when they are big, & have big problems, they will still come & talk with me."
5. "Fifth, I would stop praying so much for my family, & start praying more for myself, because a father’s prayers so often sound something like this, `God, make my son & daughter good people. Help them to succeed in school. Help them to find the right person to marry. Take care of them & protect them.’ We’re always praying for them, it seems."
"But I would start praying more for myself, that I might be the right kind of father, realizing that when I become the right kind of father, my children will probably be the right kind of children."
6. "Sixth, I would pay more attention to little things. I would begin to appreciate the touch of love & the word of encouragement. So many times we fathers are quick to criticize their failures, & so slow to praise & encourage them when they do something right."
7. "Seventh, I would create an environment of belonging. I would want my children to know that they belong, & that they are important family members, because I realize that there are going to be people saying to them, `Join this & join that.’ But if they have a solid identity in the home & in the family they will not easily be led astray."
8. "Last, but certainly not least, I would make God an intimate friend of my family. I would use His name freely. I would communicate to them that He is involved in all our family decisions. I would want them to see me pray & read God’s Word & search for His direction & leadership."
T.S. – Friends we should all try very seriously to improve in those 8 areas because it will make a difference for eternity in your hearts and your families hearts.
Conclusion:
I want to conclude by speaking to fathers first: “Dads you do make a difference in your kid’s life!” Listen to these two reports.
PEACE CORP VOLUNTEER STUDIES
Some years ago a study was conducted among Peace Corps volunteers. Researchers took a random sample of volunteers and split them into two roughly equal groups: those who completed their tour commitments and those who returned home early because of "problems of adjustment and conduct (including psychiatric terminations)."
Unlike many studies, this one was nearly unaffected by the volunteers’ race or socioeconomic background. Almost all of them were college graduates from white, middle-class families. The study did not differentiate between reasons for father absence, "psychological" instead of physical absence, age at separation, or other father figures who may have stepped in. So an "absent" father was said to be one who was away from the child’s residence, for whatever reason, during at least the child’s tenth through fifteenth years.
The results were startling. Of the people who completed their duties, 9 percent came from absent-father backgrounds; but among those who came home early, 44 percent had absent fathers. The study was repeated, and again there was a wide gap of difference: 14 percent and 44 percent.
We’re finding similar results in study after study. The evidence must not be ignored: your children need you.
SOURCE: Ken R,. Canfield, PH.D. The 7 Secrets of Effective Fathers: Becoming the Father Your Children Need. Wheatland Illinois: Tyndale House Publishers, 1992.
Citation: Peter Suedfield, "Paternal Absence and Overseas Success of Peace Corps Volunteers," Journal of Consulting Psychology 31 (1967): 424-25.
ONE YOUNG LIFE AT A TIME
Ken Canfield, Founder and President of the National Center for Fathering, once asked a stadium full of men: "Are fathers necessary or optional? Do dads have a unique and important contribution to make in the lives of their children?" The crowd grew quiet. He sensed that many of them had experienced first hand the emptiness a young boy feels when his father isn’t involved in his life.
Ken went on to say that he believes men possess more power through healthy fathering than in any other area of their lives.
"As we consider who will be the real heroes of the coming generation, I’m convinced that fathers like you and me have a great opportunity--to shape the destiny of America one young life at a time."
SOURCE: Sermon Central Staff. Citation: Ken Canfield, PH.D. The Heart of a Father. Chicago: Northfield Publishing, 1996.
Dad’s you do make a difference stay the ‘Big Daddy!” Be there for your families.
Second: I want to speak to all you kids, and children. “Focus on what your dads did right and honor them for that. Praise them for their beneficial acts. Tell them what they did right. Forgive them if they have made mistakes like Jesus forgave your mistakes. Show them a good time this Father’s Day.
Kids make sure your papers for your dads are filled out and then give them to your dads. They will greatly appreciate it.
Third: wives I want you to do as you are instructed in Ephesians honor your husband this father’s Day and tell him how much you appreciate him.
Fourth: Dad’s the church of Jesus Christ appreciates you. We want to honor you by giving you a gift this morning. Please come up and pick up a gift. And thanks for being a dad who loves Jesus and desires to bless his family.
