How to Relate to Teens?
Thesis: To relate to teens you need to understand what questions they are asking themselves. The three primary questions are: 1. Who am I? 2. What beliefs will I adhere too? 3. What’s my destiny?
Texts:
Ephesians 6:1-4: 1Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. 2“Honor your father and mother”—which is the first commandment with a promise—3“that it may go well with you and that you may enjoy long life on the earth.” 4Fathers, do not exasperate your children; instead, bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord.
Colossians 3:20,21: 20Children, obey your parents in everything, for this pleases the Lord.
21Fathers, do not embitter your children, or they will become discouraged.
Video Drama: Hungry Children, Sunday Morning Live Volume 7, Willow Creek Resources.
Summary: Story takes place at the dinner table and insensitive father is smashing away through the dinner table. This father fails to be sensitive to his family and his teens. He is unwilling to be empathetic to where others are. Result is his teens are hungry and hurting and at risk. This is how not to relate to your teenager.
Introduction: To relate to teenagers requires a lot of work and patience.
To better understand were our teens are at today listen to some of these statistics from surveys done with teens. Taken from Barna Research on line:
Family life:
· 57% of teens live in the same home with both of their natural parents. (1999)
· 43% talk to family or friends about religious matters in a typical day. (1998)
· 70% of teens have daily conversations with their mothers about an important issue in their life, compared to 53% of teens who have similar type of conversation with their fathers. (1998)
Adults and Teens:
· Teens describe themselves as “happy” (92%); “responsible” (91%); “self reliant” (86%); “optimistic about my future” (82%); “trusting of other people” (80%); “very intelligent’ (79%); and “physically attractive” (74%). (1998)
· Teens believe adults would describe young people as “lazy” (84%); “rude” (91%); “sloppy” (70%); “dishonest” (65%); and violent (57%).
· Teens also said these positive comments about what would adults think of teens “friendly’ (63%); “Intelligent” (58%). (1998)
· 47% say their parents have the greatest influence on their spiritual development. 16% listed their church, 8% named their peers, 4% said relatives (1998).
· 82% say their parents have been good role models of how to be a person of strong meaningful faith. (2000)
The future (1998)
· Having a college degree (88%)
· Having a comfortable lifestyle (83%)
· Having one marriage partner for life (82%)
· Having close personal relationships (84%)
· Having good physical health (87%)
· Having a clear purpose for living (77%)
· Living with a high degree of integrity (71%)
· Having a close relationship with God (66%)
· Influencing people’s lives (56%)
· Making a difference in the world (56%)
· Having a satisfying sex life with their marriage partner (55%)
· Working in a high paying job (55%)
· Having children (54%)
· Being deeply committed to the Christian faith (50%)
· Living close to family and relatives (49%)
· Being personally active in the church (43%)
· Owning a large home (28%)
· Owning the latest household technology and electronic equipment (27%)
· Achieving fame or public recognition (18%)
Spirituality
· Teens who said they were Christian (82%). (1999)
· Teens who said they were “committed Christians (60%). (1999)
· Teens who claimed to be “Born Again” (33%). (1999)
· (65%) of teens say that the devil, or Satan, is not a living being but is a symbol of evil (2000).
· (61%) agree that “if a person is generally good, or does enough good things for others during their life, they will earn a place in Heaven. (2000)
· (53%) say that Jesus committed sins. (2000)
· (30%) of teens say that all religions are really praying to the same God, they are just using different names for God. (1999)
· (83%) of teens maintain that moral truth depends on the circumstances, and only 6% believe that moral truth is absolute. (2001)
This data helps us get a perspective on teens today but you must understand the questions they are asking themselves and realize they are in search of answers to those questions. The three primary questions are 1. Who am I? 2. What beliefs will I adhere too? 3. What’s my destiny? One thought prior to diving in we need to understand that these questions are no exact but a generalization of the same types of questions. Teens would not come right out and say these are exactly the top three questions they are seeking answers too..
Lets explore these three questions to better relate to teens:
I. Who Am I?
a. Teens are always seeking an answer to this question.
i. It can be communicated by these similar questions:
1. Do I look okay?
2. Do people like me?
3. Do my clothes look good?
4. Am I ugly?
5. Am I a loser/
6. Am I to fat?
7. Do they notice me?
8. Am I attractive?
9. Am I popular?
b. This is all about the search for their self-identity. How they come to view themselves.
i. It’s been called their self-esteem
ii. It’s their coming to grips with themselves and accepting themselves for who they are.
iii. Whether their self-esteem is positive or negative is determined by the following factors:
1. By there immediate family of influence especially their mother and father.
2. By whether they are abused, physically, or psychologically
a. There oppressive realm
3. By their environment and culture
4. By their peers
5. By their relatives
iv. What answers this question for teens? According to scripture its the family unit.
1. Isaiah 51:1,2: “Listen to me, you who pursue righteousness
and who seek the LORD: Look to the rock from which you were cut
and to the quarry from which you were hewn;
2. Stoop notes, “Moreover, destructive generational patterns are present in some families, what the Bible refers to as sins of the fathers, which affect even the third and fourth generations (see Exodus 34:7). This shows us how neglect or abuse in past generations can play an important role in shaping our Self-talk as adults” (55).
3. Other family things like communication patterns, family crisis, how the family handled the crisis, financial matters, family values or lack of values, stability in the family, alcoholism, drug addictions, affairs, and the list could go on.
c. Stoop notes, “Growing up is the most complex, demanding task any of us will ever experience in our lifetime” (53).
i. Swindoll’s quote on this stage of life: “Have you ever met somebody who would like to go through their adolescent years again? I’ve asked that question in audiences all across America and have yet to see the first hand raised. The changes, the pressures, the adjustments, the pain, the confusion-yes, even for Christian teenager-are mind boggling. When asked that question, most folks sign and groan aloud” (118).
T.S.- We have briefly explored question one asked by teens now lets look at question two.
II. What beliefs will I adhere too?
a. This has to do with their value system of living.
i. Who’s authority will they accept.
1. Will I reject what my parents believe because they preach it but don’t live it.
2. Will I reject what any authority says including the police.
3. Will I yield or rebel against the status quo.
ii. Whose rules will they follow and buy into.
iii. What kind of lifestyle will they choose.
iv. Whether they will follow wisdom from above or below.
1. Insert thought from James 3:13-18 : Who is wise and understanding among you? Let him show it by his good life, by deeds done in the humility that comes from wisdom. 14But if you harbor bitter envy and selfish ambition in your hearts, do not boast about it or deny the truth. 15Such “wisdom” does not come down from heaven but is earthly, unspiritual, of the devil. 16For where you have envy and selfish ambition, there you find disorder and every evil practice. 17But the wisdom that comes from heaven is first of all pure; then peace-loving, considerate, submissive, full of mercy and good fruit, impartial and sincere. 18Peacemakers who sow in peace raise a harvest of righteousness.
b. There are many types of value systems screaming at the kids of today.
i. Choose the pursuit of money!
ii. Choose the pursuit of fame!
iii. Choose the pursuit of fortune!
iv. Choose the pursuit of pleasure!
v. Choose the pursuit of the ultimate party!
vi. Choose the pursuit of education!
vii. Choose the pursuit of God!
viii. Choose the pursuit of work!
ix. Choose the pursuit of sports!
x. Choose the pursuit of self!
xi. Choose the pursuit of causes!
xii. Choose the pursuit of rebellion to society!
c. This is why Deut. 6 tells us to teach our kids about God and what he has done in our lives their whole life.
i. Deut. 6:1-25: 1These are the commands, decrees and laws the LORD your God directed me to teach you to observe in the land that you are crossing the Jordan to possess, 2so that you, your children and their children after them may fear the LORD your God as long as you live by keeping all his decrees and commands that I give you, and so that you may enjoy long life. 3Hear, O Israel, and be careful to obey so that it may go well with you and that you may increase greatly in a land flowing with milk and honey, just as the LORD, the God of your fathers, promised you.4Hear, O Israel: The LORD our God, the LORD is one. 5Love the LORD your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength. 6These commandments that I give you today are to be upon your hearts. 7Impress them on your children. Talk about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up. 8Tie them as symbols on your hands and bind them on your foreheads. 9Write them on the doorframes of your houses and on your gates. 10When the LORD your God brings you into the land he swore to your fathers, to Abraham, Isaac and Jacob, to give you—a land with large, flourishing cities you did not build, 11houses filled with all kinds of good things you did not provide, wells you did not dig, and vineyards and olive groves you did not plant—then when you eat and are satisfied, 12be careful that you do not forget the LORD, who brought you out of Egypt, out of the land of slavery. 13Fear the LORD your God, serve him only and take your oaths in his name. 14Do not follow other gods, the gods of the peoples around you; 15for the LORD your God, who is among you, is a jealous God and his anger will burn against you, and he will destroy you from the face of the land. 16Do not test the LORD your God as you did at Massah. 17Be sure to keep the commands of the LORD your God and the stipulations and decrees he has given you. 18Do what is right and good in the LORD’S sight, so that it may go well with you and you may go in and take over the good land that the LORD promised on oath to your forefathers, 19thrusting out all your enemies before you, as the LORD said.20In the future, when your son asks you, “What is the meaning of the stipulations, decrees and laws the LORD our God has commanded you?” 21tell him: “We were slaves of Pharaoh in Egypt, but the LORD brought us out of Egypt with a mighty hand. 22Before our eyes the LORD sent miraculous signs and wonders—great and terrible—upon Egypt and Pharaoh and his whole household. 23But he brought us out from there to bring us in and give us the land that he promised on oath to our forefathers. 24The LORD commanded us to obey all these decrees and to fear the LORD our God, so that we might always prosper and be kept alive, as is the case today. 25And if we are careful to obey all this law before the LORD our God, as he has commanded us, that will be our righteousness.”
1. Impress them on your kids.
2. Discuss them with your kids. Communicate!
3. Let them see what you believe by living it.
4. Let them see them in your decorations at home.
5. Let them observe them at home through your actions.
6. Don’t let them see you follow other gods and adhere to contrary beliefs.
7. Let them here your testimony.
8. Let them ask questions and you answer them!
ii. This is an important point in teens life that you help them understand what they believe and why. Not just what you believe but that they come to understand and then embrace it themselves.
T.S.- We have explored the second question teens ask now lets look at question three.
III. What’s my destiny?
a. This has to do with them taking responsibility for their future.
i. Some will ask this question but never do anything about answering this.
ii. Some will believe they are owed a destiny.
iii. But others will say I have a destiny.
b. It’s about embracing responsibility for the future.
i. They will decide to take responsibility or not.
ii. They will either blame society for failure or fail forward taking responsibility.
iii. They will play the blame game of the game of life.
iv. They will decide to be responsible for school or not.
v. They will either live in denial or face reality.
c. There similar questions are heard in these questions:
i. What does my future hold?
ii. What career should I choose?
iii. Will I be successful?
iv. Where should I go to school?
v. How will I live?
vi. Do I need to get a job?
vii. What job will I do to get to the point God wants me?
viii. Should I pray for direction and insight?
ix. Do I have a vision?
1. Proverbs 29:18 “Where there is no vision, the people perish.” KJV
2. Barna notes, “Unless God’s people have a clear understanding of where they are headed, the probability of a successful journey is severely limited” (11).
3. Teens must capture a vision for their life and then be allowed to pursue it.
a. For them to achieve a vision for their life they need to do three things:
i. Seek to understand what God wants you to do which is different from what other believers are doing.
ii. Pray and ask God for vision and direction.
iii. Study his word for insight in how to live a successful life.
iv. If you need counseling for this seek it out from respected others.
v. Once you have received you vision then turn your vision into action and it will change your life.
Conclusion:
John Richardson stated, “When it comes to the future, there are three kinds of people: those who let it happen, those who make it happen and those who wonder what happened.”
God will give teens their destiny- and a vision for their lives.
Barna notes, “God never sets up his trusted servants for failure, but neither does He remove all obstacles and hardships from our path. (Josh. 1:8,8) He is faithful to those who are diligent in completing the good works He has designed for us” (37).
He adds, “Vision comes when God determines you are ready to handle it” (37).
Are you Ready teens? Are you ready Parents?
