"I Do, I Do - Because I Love You!"
Thesis: “I do, I do!” It’s suppose to mean I love you till death do us part. The intent of the, “I do’s” means I commit to work hard so our marriage and family is a success. In turn this creates true happiness and honors God.
Introduction:
Greetings, fellow brothers and sisters in Christ! We will be coming together these next few Sunday’s and Wednesdays to discuss and learn about marriage and family issues. Wow! What a task! The answers we are looking for are first, “How do we keep our marriages and our families strong in the Lord?” and second, “ How do we divorce proof our families for this generation and the next generation.”
Texts: Ephesians 5:1,2, 21, 22-33 The Message
Ephesians 5:1 (TMNT)
Watch what God does, and then you do it, like children who learn proper behavior from their parents. Mostly what God does is love you. Keep company with him and learn a life of love. Observe how Christ loved us. His love was not cautious but extravagant. He didn’t love in order to get something from us but to give everything of himself to us. Love like that.
Ephesians 5:3 (TMNT)
Don’t allow love to turn into lust, setting off a downhill slide into sexual promiscuity, filthy practices, or bullying greed. Though some tongues just love the taste of gossip, Christians have better uses for language than that. Don’t talk dirty or silly. That kind of talk doesn’t fit our style. Thanksgiving is our dialect.
Ephesians 5:5 (TMNT)
You can be sure that using people or religion or things just for what you can get out of them—the usual variations on idolatry—will get you nowhere, and certainly nowhere near the kingdom of Christ, the kingdom of God.
Ephesians 5:6 (TMNT)
Don’t let yourselves get taken in by religious smooth talk. God gets furious with people who are full of religious sales talk but want nothing to do with him. Don’t even hang around people like that.
Ephesians 5:8 (TMNT)
You groped your way through that murk once, but no longer. You’re out in the open now. The bright light of Christ makes your way plain. So no more stumbling around. Get on with it! The good, the right, the true—these are the actions appropriate for daylight hours. Figure out what will please Christ, and then do it.
Ephesians 5:11 (TMNT)
Don’t waste your time on useless work, mere busywork, the barren pursuits of darkness. Expose these things for the sham they are. It’s a scandal when people waste their lives on things they must do in the darkness where no one will see. Rip the cover off those frauds and see how attractive they look in the light of Christ.
“Wake up from your sleep,
Climb out of your coffins;
Christ will show you the light!”
Ephesians 5:15 (TMNT)
So watch your step. Use your head. Make the most of every chance you get. These are desperate times!
Ephesians 5:17 (TMNT)
Don’t live carelessly, unthinkingly. Make sure you understand what the Master wants.
Ephesians 5:18 (TMNT)
Don’t drink too much wine. That cheapens your life. Drink the Spirit of God, huge draughts of him. Sing hymns instead of drinking songs! Sing songs from your heart to Christ. Sing praises over everything, any excuse for a song to God the Father in the name of our Master, Jesus Christ.
RELATIONSHIPS
Ephesians 5:21 (TMNT)
Out of respect for Christ, be courteously reverent to one another.
Ephesians 5:22 (TMNT)
Wives, understand and support your husbands in ways that show your support for Christ. The husband provides leadership to his wife the way Christ does to his church, not by domineering but by cherishing. So just as the church submits to Christ as he exercises such leadership, wives should likewise submit to their husbands.
Ephesians 5:25 (TMNT)
Husbands, go all out in your love for your wives, exactly as Christ did for the church—a love marked by giving, not getting. Christ’s love makes the church whole. His words evoke her beauty. Everything he does and says is designed to bring the best out of her, dressing her in dazzling white silk, radiant with holiness. And that is how husbands ought to love their wives. They’re really doing themselves a favor—since they’re already “one” in marriage.
Ephesians 5:29 (TMNT)
No one abuses his own body, does he? No, he feeds and pampers it. That’s how Christ treats us, the church, since we are part of his body. And this is why a man leaves father and mother and cherishes his wife. No longer two, they become “one flesh.” This is a huge mystery, and I don’t pretend to understand it all. What is clearest to me is the way Christ treats the church. And this provides a good picture of how each husband is to treat his wife, loving himself in loving her, and how each wife is to honor her husband.
Lets look a video clip that asks this same question: Video Clip: Bye Bye Love.
Video Summary: The two guys are struggling with the results from their divorces and they are asking each other for help and support. They are also asking the questions,” What is it that other couples have that keeps them together and what I don’t have?” “What keeps couples and families together that we seem to have missed?” Our goal is to answer those questions and others over the next few weeks.
But first lets take a look at were the family unit is today.
Current Status of the Family Unit and Marriage: Barna Research 2001-2002
· A majority of American adults (56%) are married. (2002)
· The following population segments are more likely than average to be married: evangelicals (86%); Republicans (72%); born again Christians (65%); Catholics (63%); whites (62%). (2002)
· Marital status appears to be related to church attendance: while only one out of four married adults are unchurched (26%), 46% of individuals who have never been married and 40% of those presently divorced are unchurched. (2002)
· The region in of the nation in which divorce is least likely is the Northeast. In that area, 28% of adults who have been married have also been divorced, compared to 32% in the Midwest, 35% in the South, and 38% in the West.
· Overall, 33% of all born again individuals who have been married have gone through a divorce, which is statistically identical to the 34% incidence among non-born again adults.
· Faith and Divorce
Surprisingly, the Christian denomination whose adherents have the highest likelihood of getting divorced are Baptists. Nationally, 29% of all Baptist adults have been divorced. The only Christian group to surpass that level are those associated with non-denominational Protestant churches: 34% of those adults have undergone a divorce. Of the nation’s major Christian groups, Catholics and Lutherans have the lowest percentage of divorced individuals (21%). People who attend mainline Protestant churches, overall, experience divorce on par with the national average (25%).
Among non-Christian groups the levels vary. Jews, for instance, are among those most likely to divorce (30% have), while atheists and agnostics are below the norm (21%). Mormons, renowned for their emphasis upon strong families, are no different than the national average (24%).
A related survey recently completed by Barna Research among a nationwide sample of Protestant senior pastors showed that just 15% of pastors have ever been divorced.
· A Reaction to the Research
These findings were both expected and surprising, according to George Barna, president of the firm that conducted the study. “The national statistics have remained the same for the past half-decade. While it may be alarming to discover that born again Christians are more likely than others to experience a divorce, that pattern has been in place for quite some time. Even more disturbing, perhaps, is that when those individuals experience a divorce many of them feel their community of faith provides rejection rather than support and healing. But the research also raises questions regarding the effectiveness of how churches minister to families. The ultimate responsibility for a marriage belongs to the husband and wife, but the high incidence of divorce within the Christian community challenges the idea that churches provide truly practical and life-changing support for marriages.”
What do teens think about the splintering apart of the family unit?
Barna also noted that the impact of such widespread divorce has left its mark on young people. “One of the most striking findings in our recent survey among teenagers is that when we asked them to name their top goals for the future, one of the highest-rated was to get married and have the same spouse for their entire life. That’s a remarkable goal – one that reflects their own exposure to, and rejection of, a family that has to survive divorce, for whatever reasons. Since millions of those teens have never had a healthy marriage modeled for them, we can only pray that they will have the strength of character and the support systems available to make their goal a reality.”
( Barna Research Online, December 21,1999, Christians are more likely to Divorce.)
I honestly believe that everyone here wants to enhance their marriage and family or future marriage and family. They want to make to it better, stronger and more fulfilling. Their heart’s desire is to either re-ignite their passion for one another or to strengthen their passion for one another. To build a family that will last forever.
I would like you to take a moment to have you reflect back to that very special day when you made a commitment to your spouse. Or when you parents made that commitment which birthed your family of origin. You know, "The Big Day"! All the presents, glamour, songs, fun, anxiety, excitement and especially when we or they were asked to say, "I Do!" That was the beginning of your journey into marriage and family.
It started with He saying, "I do" and She saying "I do". They both made these commitments because "I do", "I do", equals, "I Love You".
T.S.-Since the beginning of Kathy’s and my marriage, we have learned a few lessons about this incredible journey or should I say "adventure"! Starting and maintaining a marriage and family is hard work. But I have learned as you can learn to say, “I love You!”
I. I have learned to say "I Love You" in many ways.
a. Here are some examples of how I have learned to continue to say “I love You!”
i. It all started with the "I Do."
ii. The song I sang, "I Could Never Promise You On Just My Strength Alone!" I realized the best way to say I love her is to first and foremost tell God that "I love Him with my whole heart and soul first". Then I have prayed and continued to pray, "Lord help me love my wife like Christ loved the Church!"
iii. Praying for her and the girls.
iv. Saying to her that I love her and telling my kids I love them!
v. Navigating the bedroom without turning on the light when she is sleeping.
vi. Giving her love notes with my love graffiti on them.
vii. By saying, "I’m sorry!"
viii. By filling her car with gas and checking the oil.
ix. By not getting mad at her when she neglects the van.
x. Helping around the house and cooking!
xi. By doing shopping for her and going shopping with all of them.
xii. By supporting her and telling everyone how smart she is! By telling everyone how all three of girls go straight A’s again.
xiii. By letting her pelt me with snowballs.
xiv. By truly listening to her when she speaks to me. This means shutting the T.V. off. I have to work on the computer!
xv. Saying, "thank you." To them/
xvi. Saying how great a cook she is. Saying the same to the girls when they cook.
xvii. Creating a romantic evening with Kathy.
xviii. Not spending too much money.
xix. Spending time at her mom and dad’s house.
xx. Sharing my feelings with her when I’m down. Has its limits though!
xxi. Doing the repairs around the house.
xxii. Believing in the girls and in Kathy.
xxiii. Holding hands together. Giving the kids hugs.
xxiv. Hugging her in church.
xxv. Starting new traditions.
xxvi. Enduring her frigid feet in bed on a cold winter’s night.
xxvii. Going hiking together.
xxviii. Holding the door open for her.
xxix. Learning to laugh more at her pranks.
xxx. Giving her flowers.
xxxi. Giving her a new ring and re-asking her to marry me again.
xxxii. Calling just to hear her voice.
xxxiii. Going over to say "hi" when she is teaching.
xxxiv. Taking her to lunch. Taking the girls out on dates.
xxxv. Cooking dinner once in a while.
xxxvi. Taking her out to eat because you know she is tired.
xxxvii. Knowing when I should be quiet.
xxxviii. Reading books and going to seminars to enhance our marriage.
xxxix. Warming the bed for her on a cold night.
xl. Breaking an irritating or unhealthy habit. (Still working on some!)
xli. Warming up her van.
xlii. Flirting with her and always telling her how beautiful she is.
xliii. Cleaning up after my self in the bathroom.
xliv. Laughing at her jokes.
xlv. Dating her regularly.
xlvi. Listening to her talk late at night when all I want to do is sleep.
xlvii. Giving her the chance to go back to school.
xlviii. Learning to listen with an open mind.
xlix. Learning how to be romantic.
l. Snuggling under a blanket on the couch.
li. Giving her a hug when she doesn’t expect it.
lii. Learning how to ask directions when I’m lost.
liii. A special smile across a crowded room.
liv. Trying to keep a good attitude when I am exhausted.
lv. Learning to listen to her advice about child-rearing.
lvi. Supporting her decisions with the kids.
lvii. Being protective of her and the kids
lviii. Walks together.
lix. Taking her to Hawaii.
lx. Telling her everything.
1. This list can go on indefinitely because each day I learn new ways to say "I Love You!" To both Kathy and the girls. The key is to do it!
T.S.- Not that we learned that saying “I Love You” has a lot to do with our actions more than mere words lets look at what commitment has to do with having a successful marriage and family unit.
II. What’s love and commitment have to do with keeping a marriage divorce proof?
a. You may have noticed that a wedding is one thing. A marriage relationship with commitment is a whole different experience. Marriage and family introduces us to reality.
i. Joe Aldrich explains to us here the realities we discover in marriage: It does not take long for newlyweds to discover that, ‘everything in one person, nobody’s got.” They soon learn that a marriage license is just a learner’s permit, and ask with agony, “Is there life after marriage?”
ii. And old proverb states that marriage begins with a prince kissing an angel and ends with a bald-headed man looking across the table at a fat lady.
iii. Socrates told his students, “By all means marry. If you get a good wife, twice blessed you will be. If you get a bad wife, you’ll become a philosopher.”
iv. Count Herman Keyserling said it well when he stated that, “The essential difficulties of life do not end, but rather begin with marriage.”
b. The reality is clear to all! Marriage takes work and a continual commitment to the marriage. It is not a one-time commitment but an every day lifelong commitment.
i. David Popenoe of the National Marriage Project stated, “One of the top ten Myths about marriage is that the keys to long-term marital success is good luck and romantic love. This is false he notes. He states, “Rather than luck and love, the most common reasons couples give for their long-term marital success are commitment and companionship. They define their marriage as a creation that has taken hard work, dedication and commitment (to each other and to the institution of marriage). The happiest couples are friends who share lives and are compatible in interests and values.”
ii. Swindoll stated, “Marriage begins like a romantic, sleigh ride, smoothly gliding over the glistening snow. It’s living together after the honeymoon that turns out to be rough backpacking across rocks and hot sand” (99,100)
iii. Therefore, let’s look at what the intent is when we say, "I do!" This is called: Our Declaration of lifelong Commitment:
C Christ-centered relationship
O Openness in our commitment
M Mount full-scale war against the one who would try to tear us apart. Note this is not each other.
M Maintain awareness of the state of our relationship.
I Intentional attitude is to be taken in the application of skills learned through various resources.
T Teamwork is our goal. Both of us are essential to the team to make it work and flow.
M Model to our children and grandchildren and others the attitude and love of Christ.
E Encourage each other to keep our focus on eternal things not temporal things.
N Nurture one another spiritually, physically, socially, emotionally, culturally, psychologically.
T Train every day for the adventure ahead and remember the athletes motto, "No pain, No gain!”
iv. The key we are after here at this month is that the Marriage of two partners is God ordained as the Family, the greatest of all institutions. It’s a man and woman who willingly make a life-long commitment to one another. Then they raise a family for the glory of God and for his kingdom work.
v. Notice the chart on how girls from a healthy family unit our 20% less likely to live with someone – to cohabitate.
T.S.- The enemy is out to destroy the family unit because he wants to dishonor God and destroy the future of mankind. He knows breaking up the family and destroying the sacred act of marriage is the key.
III. The original intention of the marriage and the family unit and why the enemy wants to destroy the family unit and marriage.
a. Ephesians 5:1-33: Reveals to us why Satan attacks the family unit.
i. Ephesians 5:1 (NIV) 1Be imitators of God, therefore, as dearly loved children
1. The key phrase of this chapter is we are to imitate God!
2. How do you have a successful marriage and family imitate God!
ii. Ephesians 5:2 (NIV) 2and live a life of love, just as Christ loved us and gave himself up for us as a fragrant offering and sacrifice to God.
1. How do you have a successful family unit live a life of love. See I Cor. 13.
2. We need to be like Jesus and offer ourselves as a sacrifice to God first and then to our families.
iii. Ephesians 5:3 (NIV) 3But among you there must not be even a hint of sexual immorality, or of any kind of impurity, or of greed, because these are improper for God’s holy people.
1. This text tells us that we are not to have a hint of these actions because they will ruin our marriage and family unit: immorality, impurity, and greed.
2. These are not to be present in God’s family units because they will cause devastation and destruction..
iv. Ephesians 5:4 (NIV) 4Nor should there be obscenity, foolish talk or coarse joking, which are out of place, but rather thanksgiving.
1. We are reminded again what must not take place in the family unit no obscenity, no foolish talk, no coarse joking – putting others down at the expense of a laugh.
2. But instead of these put downs and character assassination attempts there should be thanksgiving for one another.
v. Ephesians 5:5 (NIV) 5For of this you can be sure: No immoral, impure or greedy person—such a man is an idolater—has any inheritance in the kingdom of Christ and of God.
1. The Word of God now warns us no immoral, impure, greedy, idolater will inherit the kingdom of God. This is a pure simple warning to each of us.
vi. Ephesians 5:6 (NIV) 6Let no one deceive you with empty words, for because of such things God’s wrath comes on those who are disobedient.
1. We are then warned to make sure no one deceives us with empty words. Like these:
a. It’s okay to live together God won’t care.
b. It’s okay to have an affair.
c. It’s okay to let other thing usurp God.
d. It’s okay to divorce because you fell out of love.
e. It’s okay to let sin into my house.
f. It’s okay to ignore that my kids are disrespectful and don’t want to go to church. God doesn’t care!
g. It’s okay to _________________?
2. Truth is it’s not okay and the Bible tells us God’s wrath comes on those things which are no holy.
vii. Ephesians 5:7 (NIV) 7Therefore do not be partners with them.
1. We are then told to quit partnering with the world. Quit buying into what the world tells you to do. It’s advice is empty void and leads to judgment. It’s not from God and he will not bless actions that are contrary to his holy teachings and guidance.
viii. Ephesians 5:8 (NIV) 8For you were once darkness, but now you are light in the Lord. Live as children of light
1. We are to live like we are Christians – Christ like. Not world like! We need to live as children of the light not children of the darkness.
ix. Ephesians 5:9 (NIV) 9(for the fruit of the light consists in all goodness, righteousness and truth)
1. Key statement do you want a successful family – then let goodness dominate, let righteousness be the goal, let truth lead you there.
x. Ephesians 5:10 (NIV) 10and find out what pleases the Lord.
1. Do you want a successful marriage find out what pleases the Lord. Read the book!
xi. Ephesians 5:11 (NIV) 11Have nothing to do with the fruitless deeds of darkness, but rather expose them.
1. We are once again reminded and warned have nothing to do with the fruitless deeds of darkness.
2. A recent survey showed that the divorce rate for those who cohabitated together before marriage is at 80%.
3. Where those who did not is at 50%
4. This is a fruitless act and it’s exposed but you have to decide if you are going to follow God’s truth on this subject or what the world tells you everyday in it’s empty words of it make sense. You find out if you are compatible.
xii. Ephesians 5:12 (NIV) 12For it is shameful even to mention what the disobedient do in secret.
1. In God’s view its shameful what is now happening in secret to the family unit because people have bought into the empty fruitless words of the world.
xiii. Ephesians 5:13 (NIV) 13But everything exposed by the light becomes visible,
1. But here is a promise one day it will all be fully exposed by the light.
xiv. Ephesians 5:14 (NIV) 14for it is light that makes everything visible. This is why it is said: “Wake up, O sleeper, rise from the dead, and Christ will shine on you.”
1. The Light will revel it’s destruction and those who awake from the night’s deception will be delivered with Christ.
xv. Ephesians 5:15 (NIV) 15Be very careful, then, how you live—not as unwise but as wise,
1. The caution comes again be careful how you live because if you are unwise and listen to the world you will pay the consequences.
xvi. Ephesians 5:16 (NIV) 16making the most of every opportunity, because the days are evil.
1. We need to make the most out of our family unit because the days are evil if we refuse to make the most out of it for God evil will take it over and destroy it.
xvii. Ephesians 5:17 (NIV) 17Therefore do not be foolish, but understand what the Lord’s will is.
1. Therefore we need to wise not foolish and learn what God’s will is!
xviii. Ephesians 5:18 (NIV) 18Do not get drunk on wine, which leads to debauchery. Instead, be filled with the Spirit.
1. Warning again don’t get drunk because it leads to debauchery.
2. Alcoholism has lead to people doing more evil things than anything else.
3. Sexual rape, incest, drunk driving which kills innocent people. In violent crimes drugs and alcohol are involved over 60 % of the time.
4. Families have been destroyed because of alcoholism.
5. Instead of being alcoholics we need to be spiritual-holics.
xix. Ephesians 5:19 (NIV) 19Speak to one another with psalms, hymns and spiritual songs. Sing and make music in your heart to the Lord,
1. We need to sing praise to each other, we need to make music in our heart and really experience a high that is so much greater than alcohol or drugs can give.
xx. Ephesians 5:20 (NIV) 20always giving thanks to God the Father for everything, in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ.
1. We need to get high on giving God thanks.
2. This is what happens on Saturday night at IHOP.
xxi. Ephesians 5:21 (NIV) 21Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ.
1. We in the family need to submit to one another because this brings great highs and great joy to the family.
xxii. Ephesians 5:22 (NIV) 22Wives, submit to your husbands as to the Lord.
1. Wives need to submit to their husbands as they would to the lord.
xxiii. Ephesians 5:23 (NIV) 23For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior.
1. Yes the husband is suppose to be the head of the family leading the way but he needs to be Christ like while doing it. He needs to be a servant leader like Jesus.
2. He said, “Not my will Lord but your will be done!”
xxiv. Ephesians 5:24 (NIV) 24Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything.
1. In the spiritual realm wives need to submit to their husbands leading as he follows Christ.
xxv. Ephesians 5:25 (NIV) 25Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her
1. Husbands need to love their wife and family like Christ loves the church. You need to open up your arms on the cross and die to yourself and live for the Lord and serve your family with the help of God.
xxvi. Ephesians 5:26 (NIV) 26to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word,
1. If you do this your family will be clean and holy as the Word will wash it white as snow. The Word will sweep through your family in a great and holy way.
xxvii. Ephesians 5:27 (NIV) 27and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless.
1. We need to present our families to God without a hint of evil in them. No stains no wrinkles no compromise. As we seek to ruthlessly keep evil out of our families God will bless them.
xxviii. Ephesians 5:28 (NIV) 28In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself.
1. Men we need to love our wives and our families like our own bodies.
xxix. Ephesians 5:29 (NIV) 29After all, no one ever hated his own body, but he feeds and cares for it, just as Christ does the church—
1. We need to feed them and care for them just like we take care of ourselves. Both physically and spiritually.
xxx. Ephesians 5:30 (NIV) 30for we are members of his body.
1. Why because we are members of the Body of Christ!
xxxi. Ephesians 5:31 (NIV) 31“For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh.”
1. The goal of the husband and wife are to become one because that’s what makes up an imitator of God when the husband and wife both made in God’s image unite and then the balance of the two points to what God would do.
xxxii. Ephesians 5:32 (NIV) 32This is a profound mystery—but I am talking about Christ and the church.
1. We become one with Christ as we unite together and it’s symbolic of the relationship Christ has with his bride the church.
xxxiii. Ephesians 5:33 (NIV) 33However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband.
b. Of the world’s three great institutions - the home, the church, and the state - the home is the oldest and most sacred. The home consists of the family unit, which is the cohesiveness that holds society together. The family is bonded together by the union of two individuals who unite in love and make a covenant relationship with each other and with God.
i. The marriage union into which individuals enter is the closest and most satisfying that a human can be apart. Marriage is God’s institution, intended for the happiness and welfare of humankind.
1. It is a union embodying a covenant relationship between two individuals in the sight of God. It is a union not to be entered into lightly or unadvisedly, but reverently, discreetly and soberly.
ii. Remember, Eph. 5:31 "For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh.
1. These two take a vow and make a promise to intentionally love and support each other no matter what obstacle comes there way. This means that our commitment is something that we work at diligently every day.
iii. This month is an opportunity to help us focus on our tremendous task. However, we will only be able to deal with a few elements of marriage and family. To truly make a marriage and family successful takes the where-with-all to say, "I do" every day because, "I love you!"
c. We also need to be reminded that unfortunately, the marriage commitment has come under attack by our society and its evil forces. Today we hear of many marriages splitting apart because of the unwillingness of spouses to work at their marriages.
i. It is not surprising that in our society today this occurs. We live in a society that is hung up in the "I syndrome," the, "Me first" attitude. This needs to change if there is hope for our marriage beyond the "I Do’s".
ii. The Bible makes it clear to us that God intends marriages to be an example of His relationship to the true Christian Church.
1. Ephesians 5 gives us a glimpse as to why the Enemy is seeking to destroy all marriages. Because it parallels the relationship between Jesus Christ and the church.
2. Let’s not let that happen to ours.
Summary:
1. We need to learn to say “I Love you to our families with actions and words!”
2. We need to learn that families and marriages stay together because of commitment and determination to keep them together.
3. We need to understand that there is a evil force out there trying to destroy 100% of the marriages in this world so that he can kill steal and destroy the family unit.
a. He wants to destroy the family because it represents God’s family unit.
b. And he hates God and anything that looks like it!
