I Have A Friend Who...
Plays With Fire
Dr. Marty Baker
Stevens Creek Community Church
Augusta, Georgia
www.stevenscreek.net
November 18, 2001
When I was a child, I used to love to build tents out of bed linens. Some were elaborate while others were very simple. They were typically made out of sheets, blankets, quilts or comforters. I am sure that many of you have done the same thing.
One October morning in 1965, I built a small tent over my bed. It was dark inside so I placed a lamp underneath covers. The lamp provided an array of colors as its light pierced through the bed linens. In the middle of this project, I became distracted with the sound of the Beverly Hillbillys show coming from the television in the living room. I ran into the room to watch Jed, Granny, Jethro, Ellie Mae, Mr. and Mrs. Hathaway and Jane.
A few minutes into the show my mother walked through the living saying, "I smell smoke." I ignored her and continued watching TV In the meantime, she was checking all the appliances and scoping out the house. Everything was fine until she opened my bedroom door. When she did there were flames going from the floor to the ceiling. She ran into the living room saying, "Get out, the house in on fire." I replied, "No, its not, I’m watching TV."
She picked me up and ran outside. Within minutes, our yard was filled with firemen and a group of onlookers. In a small town, a siren is an invitation for the community to gather. People came from all over town to watch our house burn.
When it was all said and done, my bedroom was destroyed. On the positive side it now had a skylight. The Fire Chief declared that it must have been faulty electrical wiring. Umm ...an electrical fire. Well, he was close, it was electrical, but it was not the wire’s fault. You know, they did not ask me. Okay, I feel better. I’ve confessed a thirty-six year old secret. I caught our house on fire. Whew!
The fire did a lot of damage to our house. Not only did it destroy the structure and furnishings, but it left a stench in the air. It took weeks to rebuild my bedroom and get the house back to it’s original condition.
Fire is an multifaceted phenomenon. On one hand, it can hurt you and destroy your stuff; but on the other hand, it can provide energy that warms and purifies.
In some ways, human sexuality is like a fire. It provides an emotional energy that warms and encourages, but left undisciplined it can wound and destroy people God loves.
Over the last several weeks, we have been in a series of messages entitled, "I Have a Friend Who ...." This series has addressed a number of topics like: I Have a Friend Who Struggles with Anger; Doesn’t Understand Christianity; Needs Financial Help and so forth. Today, I am going to talk about human sexuality.
Needless to say, most of our friends do not struggle with their sexuality, it appears that they indulge in it. If you listen to their talk, you been to wonder if you are normal. They brag about their conquests like Georgia fans brag about their victories. It makes you feel like a Clemson fan, everyone is going to a bowl game except you. I sometimes go home and complain to my wife and she assures me that it’s all talk. Well, if it is, they have a vivid imagination.
I realize that a message of human sexuality will make some people nervous.
Its like the Readers Digest Story of a pastor who had plans to preach a message on sex. He was a little nervous about the subject so he did not tell his wife what he was speaking on. On Sunday morning, his wife was not feeling well, so she stayed home from church. As he was leaving the house, she said, "By the way what are you speaking on today?" The pastor quickly replied, "Sailing." She thought that was strange, but did not say anything.
The next day she was doing the weekly grocery shopping at Kroger when a new member saw her and said that they missed seeing her at church yesterday. The conversation continued as the lady said, "Tell you husband that his message really helped her out." The pastor’s wife laughed as she said, "He doesn’t know what he’s talking about. He’s only done it twice. The first time he got sick; the second time he lost his hat."
As I said, a talk focused on human sexuality tends to make some people nervous. For the most part, your friends are not embarrassed about the subject especially the guys. They talk about it everyday. It’s on their mind constantly. The question is: "What does God think about it?" Well, the Bible is very clear that God is in favor of sex. Spend a little time in the Old Testament book Song of Solomon and you will get a glimpse of God’s thoughts on the subject.
God created sexual expression as a means for a married couple to share their deepest love for each other. Yet in our generation it is common for people to share this experience without the marriage covenant.
On the surface, it may appear to be okay since popular culture has embraced it, but there is a danger in using your sexuality outside of God’s plan. As I speak this morning, I realize that many people in this auditorium live their lives with the belief that "as long as two people love each other there are no boundaries." The Bible clearly teaches us that we have been given the gift of sexuality in trust. As with any trust, there is responsibility. This is more than a talk on "safe sex". I am referring to the responsibility of using our sexuality in a way that honors God.
How can we honor God with our sexuality? This question is directed to all of us ... singles and married. It speaks to the singles because this gift is designed to expressed within the framework of marriage. It speaks to the married among us because there is a Biblical responsibility for each spouse to satisfy the needs of the other spouse.
1 Corinthians 7:3-5
3 The husband should fulfill his marital duty to his wife, and likewise the wife to her husband.
4 The wife’s body does not belong to her alone but also to her husband. In the same way, the husband’s body does not belong to him alone but also to his wife.
5 Do not deprive each other except by mutual consent and for a time, so that you may devote yourselves to prayer. Then come together again so that Satan will not tempt you because of your lack of self-control.
Too many times, married couples use sex as a means of control instead of a means of connection. When this happens, it creates a dangerous atmosphere within a marriage. This atmosphere leads to frustration and frustration opens the door for sin.
To the singles, I realize that a message on sexual purity is contrary to the voices of your generation, but I want to encourage you take the high road. It’s not easy, but you’ll be glad you did. Remember that God will not put more on you than you can handle. Listen to the words of the Apostle Paul
1 Corinthians 10:12-13
12 So, if you think you are standing firm, be careful that you don’t fall!
13 No temptation has seized you except what is common to man. And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can stand up under it.
Patty and I were sexually pure when we were married. God knew what we could handle, so our dating relationship was not the norm. Our first date took place in January 1982. Two weeks later, Patty left college with a liver disease. Around the same time, I went on a month long fast. During the fast, she was healed and came back to college. We were together for a few weeks then separated for spring break. Then, we were together two or three weeks and went on Easter break. Three weeks later, we get out of school. During this time, we decided to get married. I began traveling around speaking and she moved back to Louisiana. She decided that she could not live without me, so she called and eight weeks later we were married. That’s probably not the best illustration for abstinence. It’s the only one I have.
Human sexuality is a gift from God. Used within His plan, it will provide a closeness that defies definition.
Matthew 19:5-6
5 Jesus said, ’For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh’?
6 So they are no longer two, but one. Therefore what God has joined together, let man not separate."
Through this experience, you are united with your spouse. Your souls are knit together. You become one.
When people ignore God’s plan and are joined with multiple partners, it weakens the sacred bond. It’s like piece of tape. If you place tape on an object it sticks. If you take it off and then reapply it, it may stick, but not with the original intensity. If you continue move the tape from place to place, it will eventually lose all of it "stickiness".
Sex is a beautiful thing, but it also can be a dangerous thing. When passionate fires burn out of control, they cause great pain in your life and in the lives of those around you. I hear too many stories of people who fall into sexual sin and say, "I don’t know how it happened."
Somewhere along the line, you lost control. You allowed your passions to run wild. You were trying to numb your pain or gratify your senses, but now all you feel is guilt and shame. What was intended for pleasure has now produced great pain. You started playing with fire and you got burned. Fire can be dangerous. It may provide warmth and energy, but left uncontrolled, it can destroy.
There are many reasons for sexual sin occurring, but this morning I want to talk about three reasons for sexual sin.
Reasons for Sexual Sins
1. We underestimate the power of our sex drive.
It is unbelievable how an innocent flirtation can lead to a moral downfall.
Have you passed an 18 wheeler on the interstate hauling gasoline? On the side of the truck is a warning label that says: "Warning. Contents are Flammable". This means that you don’t play with matches in front of the gas truck because if you do, the thing could explode and destroy homes and kill people.
So many of us are playing with matches around flammable relationships, flammable places, movies, television shows, magazines, and we underestimate how strong, powerful and complex our sexual drives are.
2. We ignore God’s directives.
The Bible gives three prohibitions sexually.
The first is adultery, the seventh commandment. You know what adultery is.
The second is fornication - five times directly; twenty three times indirectly, that means sex with unmarried persons is a no-no.
The third prohibition is something referred to as sexual sin.
Colossians 3:5-6
5 Put to death, therefore, whatever belongs to your earthly nature: sexual immorality, impurity, lust, evil desires and greed, which is idolatry.
6 Because of these, the wrath of God is coming.
1 Thessalonians 4:3
It is God’s will that you should be sanctified: that you should avoid sexual immorality;
Most scholars interpret sexual sin to mean everything stopping short of sexual intercourse. Many people feel that as long as you do not have sexual intercourse, everything is okay. Be on guard.
3. We rationalize our actions.
If you ignore the small voice inside that provides a warning to you, you
We’ve talked about problems, what about some solutions.
How to maintain sexual purity
1. Maintain a vital relationship with Jesus Christ.
The battle for sexual purity begins in your mind.
Philippians 2:5
Your attitude should be the same as that of Christ Jesus:
2. Define the Relationship
Married Couples: Don’t allow sex to be a means to control.
Singles: Set boundaries in your dating relationship. An example: Don’t pull up; don’t pull down; don’t unbutton; don’t unzip.
3. Develop a discerning mindset in regard to our culture.
Our world is filled with invitations for you to compromise your convictions. There are X-rated opportunities; movies, Internet sites, television, magazine racks, and mail order catalogues. You cannot escape sexual stimulation, but you can refuse to seek it out. You can avoid it when you see it coming.
When you see it coming, pray that God will give you strength to discipline your desires.
4. Avoid situations that compromise your values.
The problem with compromise is that it opens your life to STD’s. When I say STD’s, you are probably thinking about AIDS, syphilis, gonorrhea, herpes. When I say STD’s, I mean Stupid Thinking Disorder.
When you have sex with someone outside of a marital commitment, it gives you the Stupid Thinking Disorder. It destroys your discernment. You can’t tell if this person is right for you or not because of the power of sex. Stupid Thinking Disorder causes people to marry the wrong person or leave the one that they are married to. Be on guard.
Avoid situations that lead to compromise.
Proverbs 4:23
Above all else, guard your heart, for it is the wellspring of life. (NIV)
5. Realize that there is grace for those who have fallen.
I realize that I am speaking to many people whose virginity is past tense. It doesn’t matter to me where you are in this realm; I have some wonderful news: we serve a God will give you another chance. We serve a God who will break down barriers..... Fix feelings .... And restore relationships. You can come here today and leave this place free and pure, with another opportunity to do wit God’s way. I can tell you about this opportunity, but you have to make the choice.
What would I say to my friend ....
I am praying for you.
I am here if you need to talk.
Don’t settle for less than God’s best.
Closing Prayer
The writings of Joel Smith of Wellspring Community Church in North Carolina and Ed Young, Jr of Fellowship Church in Texas provided great inspiration for this message.
