Sermon: “What Marriage Bed?” Rev. David Anderson
Hebrews 13:4
I want you to take a walk with me. The day is warm, but not heavy as we walk down a small path in a flowered meadow. The grass is still wet with dew. We hear birds singing, sometimes near, and sometimes at a distance. The distinctive cooing of the turtle dove comes from a perch on the chimney of a small country cabin. We are walking toward the cabin.
We walk up the front stairs and unto a large porch where a white swing hangs from iron chains. The sun continues to shine brightly, the birds are still singing, and the day remains enchanting. We open up the french glass doors hung with lace curtains, and enter the country cabin. Inside the sun breaks through a large series of windows and lands on a bed with overstuffed pillows and comforters of silk and floral designs.
Across the room we see several other beds–smaller,
intended for children. They are also covered by pillows and soft comforters. The sunlight plays with the dolls and small toys lying on and around the little beds.
We sense a divine harmony here. A home bathed in the
light of nature, beauty, and life. A serendipity that God has created within His divine order. One home, one marriage bed, and all the little beds that come from that one home and one marriage bed.
This is how God intended it to be. A man and women united for a lifetime and in the strength and commitment of their relationship, providing a secure foundation for their children.
This picture, however, is becoming more and more like a
fairy tale. Oh we have always had divorces and the like, because we are not perfect. We sin. Sometimes we are sinned against. So our business today is not to throw stones at anyone’s past, but to once again set our aim to the target, even if we not everyone is willing or able to hit the target.
I say "NOT WILLING to hit the target of God’s design for marriage" because some live in brazen sin against God and His will.
I say "NOT ABLE" because some, who love God and seek to
do His will, are still overcome by their sin, or the sin of others against them, and so marriage fails.
Generally speaking, marriage is a failing institution.... a failing institution of God’s design. I believe that I mentioned in a previous sermon that most young people do not see the
need to get married, or downright distrust it! The majority of the girls interviewed said they thought that it would be better to have children outside of marriage.
The percentage of single people is growing. Sometimes I hesitate to devote a whole sermon to the topic of marriage because so many people in the congregation are not married. Single people--children, teens, adults who have been widowed, divorced or never married--make up the majority of people in our country. In fact, 40% of the adults in the United States are not currently married.
So why have a sermon on marriage? Why teach math if
students don’t always get the right sum? Because math
is something real the effects our lives. Its correct application makes the difference between life and death in the design of cars, airplanes, spacecrafts, and so many other items of our modern life. People will die, or have a poorer quality of life, if we don’t continue to set our aim on teaching children the right model of mathematics.
We teach God’s model for family in marriage because it
works. Those who have been empowered to live successfully within this institution created by God, know the blessings that it brings. But beyond all this, we honor the institution of marriage because God has told us to do so.
Listen again to Hebrews 13:4 “Marriage should be honored by all, and the marriage bed kept pure, for God will judge the adulterer and all the sexually immoral.”
"Marriage is to be honored by all." By everyone -- male, female, young, old, married, and single. Let’s take a look at the institution of marriage by exploring some important considerations.
First off, why is marriage to be honored by all?
Now, not everyone agrees that marriage should be a valued institution. Radical feminists seriously equate marriage with slavery, and maybe some people in this room refer to "the good old days before I was married," but the Bible clearly tells us that marriage is good and important.
Why is marriage good and important? There are at least five reasons, and likely a whole lot more, why marriage is important: First, it is God’s plan for human beings. We were never meant to be the "rocks" or "islands" that Paul Simon used to sing about. God made us with an innate need for companionship.
As God said in Genesis 2:18, "It is not good for man to be alone." And, in most cases, the best companion is a spouse, but in Pastor Daul’s case, as he continues his life as a single adult, it is his dog Kelvin who serves as his companion, along with the entire parish that he has adopted as his own.
The bottom line is that the Lord knew what He was doing
when He made Eve, not Steve, as Adam’s partner. Men and
women are biologically complementary. Our differences
enable us to produce children, and to find a healthy
pleasure in sexual intimacy. Adam and Steve just don’t work, as Pastor Wade pointed out a few sermons ago, no matter what activists may say as they seek to change traditional morality.
The differences between men and women make them
emotionally and even spiritually complementary. I’m
convinced men and women, husbands and wives, are better
able to help each other be happier, and even more godly, than a friend of the same sex. Although God calls some men and women to live celibate lives, studies show that married men live longer and healthier lives than single men.
I had a professor at the seminary– and he was a godly
teacher as well as a psychiatrist, who said that God
sometimes calls men into the ministry to devout their lives to it, and they may feel led to have their parish as their only family.
There are some folks whom He calls to be single for their entire life. In 1 Corinthians 7 the apostle Paul encourages people not to marry if the Lord has given them the ability to live as a single person, devoted to the Lord. We say such a person has the gift of celibacy. Paul was not married, and wrote in 1 Corinthians 7:7 “I wish that all men were as I am.
But each man has his own gift from God; one has this gift, another has that.”
Paul also says there are others who have been divorced or widowed that God now calls to remain single after their marriage has ended. Paul seems to make the case that single people who devote their energies to serving Christ, rather than serving a family, have a very special calling from God.
Pastor Wade may be so called, or someday the Lord may
surprise Him. The point must be made, however, that God’s basic plan is that a man be joined to a women for a lifetime.
That’s why God says in Genesis 2:24 “For this reason a
man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and they will become one flesh.”
Secondly, marriage is good and important because it makes husbands better men.
A few years ago, George Gilder wrote a remarkable book
called Men and Marriage. The result of his research
surprised many, but it probably should not have, because it reflects what Genesis says: "It is not good for man to be alone."
Gilder found that on average, men who are married work
harder, make more money, commit less crime, are more
honest, more generous, healthier, and much happier than
men who are single. Now, you single guys here should not be discouraged. Most of you are well above average, though you might want to double check just to make sure God doesn’t want to make a change in your circumstances.
Gilder says the reason marriage has such a positive effect is that it tends to "tame men." Being accountable to a wife and caring for a family cause men to be more responsible. Over twenty years of marriage to Nancy have certainly made me a better man than I would have been without her.
Thirdly, how about women, do they get as much from
marriage as men do?
I’m not sure, at least I don’t have a book to quote like I did for men, but certainly women benefit from the marriage relationship.
As I say, I haven’t read any studies which contrast single and married women, but I have made a couple of interesting observations. First, those women who think the world would be much better off if men didn’t exist, the radical feminists, are not (generally speaking) happy people. Whatever good, or not so good, qualities they have, they appear to be unhappy.
Often they seem very angry. Though they claim to be able to "get along fine without men," their attitude seems to suggest that they’re not doing well as islands of womanhood.
Secondly, most all of the single moms that I know would like to be married to a good husband. Oh, she may be glad to be rid of the man she had, but she knows being a parent would be a lot easier with a husband who was willing to encourage, support and help in caring for her family.
Single moms are usually too busy caring for their children to be looking for husbands, but it’s something many desire. Dr. James Dobson talks about the different emotional needs of men and women. A desire to be respected is often dominant in men, and a desire for security tends to be a woman’s most basic emotional need.
Even strong, gifted, independent women often feel they
need the physical and emotional security a marriage can
bring. Though marriages can turn sour and cause
considerable pain to both men and women, the relationship between husband and wife has the potential to bring a sense of fulfillment and joy to life that single people, including single women, can rarely experience.
The fourth reason marriage is important is because it
provides unique opportunities for spiritual growth, for both men and women.
Now, I’m certainly not claiming married people are somehow spiritually superior to singles. (Pastor Wade wanted me to say that...)
The marriage relationship, however, is a tool God uses to help us become more like Christ. It’s not the only means, but it is a means empowered by His grace for nurturing faith. One obvious way marriage grows us spiritually comes from the accountability between husband and wife. A spouse is often like a good mirror that forces us to see our best and worst sides.
Living under the same roof and sleeping in the same bed
year after year provide excellent opportunities to encourage each other in our Christian walk, and to correct each other when one strays from the path.
But there is something else involved as well. A couple which seeks to follow the biblical instructions for marriage recorded in Ephesians 5 and other places, gets lots of practice at some important Christian virtues. Sacrifice and submission are the key words in a biblical marriage.
These have much in common, though Scripture says
sacrifice is primarily the husband’s responsibility and
submission, the wife’s. But I want you to note that sacrifice and submission are also important virtues for the follower of Christ.
Jesus calls us to lose our lives so we might find abundant life. He motions for us to follow Him wherever He leads. Jesus submitted to the cross and became the greatest servant of history. A biblical marriage is full of sacrifice and submission. As husbands and wives model Christian virtues their marriage becomes a school for discipleship. It’s not the only school, but it is a valuable one.
The fifth reason why marriage is important is because good marriages provide an essential foundation for a healthy society.
We could spend a lot of time on this, but I’ll just say that many of the social and economic problems we face in our country are compounded, or even caused, by the breakdown in marriages and families which have occurred in the United States during the last forty years.
For example, almost all the school teachers I talk with say their job is much harder today because of the difficult circumstances many of their students face at home. These situations are frequently linked to broken or bad marriages.
Strong, healthy marriages usually result in happier men, women and children. More than that, they also provide for a better city, state, and nation.
Stable families result from husbands and wives who embody the true meaning of sexuality in their relationship. When I’m asked what’s so important about
marriage, I usually respond by talking about the two things God created marriage to give to us.
First, God intended marriage to provide intimacy between two soul mates. Adam rejected the animals as companions because he could not be intimate with them. Intimacy here is clearly not a reference to the act of sex, but to His whole emotional being that could not be satisfied even by doting pets. Only Eve could be so intimate with Adam that she could be called "bone of his bones and flesh of his flesh."
But the second great importance of marriage is that it gives children a secure foundation for the start of their lives. Children raised outside of marriage have a higher rate of divorce, death at a young age, emotional problems, and participation in crime–that’s assuming that they don’t die at the hands of an abortionist.
Okay, I hope you are convinced that marriage is worth
honoring. Now let’s talk about how we can do that in
practical ways. First, celebrate marriage events like
weddings and anniversaries. Remember special days in the life of your spouse like Birthdays.
Secondly, avoid sexual immorality. Though we have not
mentioned it yet, that is the focus of our text. Listen again to Hebrews 13:4 “Marriage should be honored by all, and the marriage bed kept pure, for God will judge the adulterer and all the sexually immoral.”
The affair, the sexual relationship with someone who is not your spouse, destroys marriages. Yes, forgiveness is possible and I know of very good
marriages that have weathered these storms of immorality. But the scars remain for a life time.
Even the secular world acknowledges that adultery is a very serious sin. The polls show that many Americans are quite tolerant of a political leader who has a sexual affair, but they sure don’t want their spouse to do that. Despite all the talk of "open marriages," the vast majority of people demand that their spouse keep the marriage vows and avoid adultery.
A growing number of people are also realizing that
premarital sex can be destructive to a marriage relationship. A few years ago some people, even Christians, were starting to say that a trial period of living together before marriage was probably a good idea.
Now the statistics are coming in and surprise, surprise, people who live together before they get married are more likely to get divorced and have other marriage problems than those who don’t live together. In fact, couples who live together before marriage have TWICE the divorce rate of those who do not live together.
Studies also show that people who are sexually active
before marriage not only risk contracting various physical diseases, but also are more likely to experience a variety of emotional problems than those who don’t have sex before they get married. As Dr. Laura says, "Get married first, then sleep together. That is the way it is supposed to be." And I would add, that’s the way that honors marriage.
Thirdly, commit yourself to making your marriage a good
one. This is maybe obvious, but it’s important. If you’re married, the best way you can honor marriage is by building and maintaining a good, solid relationship with your spouse.
As we have said, that takes work. It requires sacrifice, giving up your own desires for your spouse’s sake. It requires submission, not demanding your own way. It’s not always easy, but the benefits and joy that can be found in a good marriage make everything you put into it a very good investment.
People sometimes ask me how come my garden looks so
good and free of weeds. I tell them it’s because I sit in an overstuffed lawn chair while weeding and feeding the garden with psychic mind waves.... You get the point, good gardens take work... good marriages take work.
Fourthly, support the marriages around you. To honor
marriage means that moms and dads will support their
children’s marriages. It means instead of siding with their daughter or son against their son-in-law or daughter-in-law, parents need to encourage their children to be committed to working things out with their spouse.
Oh, I’m not talking about tolerating abuse. That’s a different story. But parents need to remember that though little Johnny or Susy will always be their son or daughter, once their child is married, he or she becomes someone else’s spouse and, according to Genesis 2:24, that marriage relationship takes priority over the parent-child relationship.
When mom and dad remember the primacy of their chilren’s marriage relationship and encourage their children in their marriages, they honor marriage. We also need to support and encourage our friends in their marriages.
Friends, as I close, I need to say that I realize honoring marriage is not easy. The four things we have just talked about doing don’t come naturally for most of us. First we seek a strong relationship with Jesus Christ.
Attached to Christ individually we are empowered to honor marriage and discover in it, even in the tough times, many blessings from God. As we are empowered to put our trust in Jesus as Lord and Savior, some very important things happen. Our sins are forgiven, we become a part of God’s family, and we grow in leading a God pleasing life.
May God empower each of us to honor marriage, and
perhaps make some changes that will help our own
marriages, or the marriages of those about us. May God
empower our children to wait for their sexual experiences until after they are married. And we should pray that God will empower adults in our culture to stop the flow of pornography (and the like) that floods our media, movies, and entertainment.
God has given us the gift of marriage. In Christ He
empowers us so that we are forgiven and led. My prayer for you is that the country cabin and its marriage bed might not be a fable for you, but a gift of God. Amen.
