Charles W. Holt
email: cholt@gt.rr.com
GUILT and How to Deal With it. (Part Two)
1 Samuel 24
This is the final installment in our series on the subject of guilt. Last week we saw how David dealt with his "I wish I hadn’t done that¨ guilt feeling after he secretly cut off a piece of King Saul’s robe while they were all inside a huge cavern. I said then that David also provides us with a second example of the "I wish I hadn’t done that¨ guilt experience. That story is just too good to pass because of what we can learn from it. That’s why I have chosen to revisit this subject again.
I will begin this message with a question. We have all seen caps, jackets, and tee shirts emblazoned with names such as Nike, Budweiser, Coors, Old Navy, The Gap, etc. People who wear articles with those names are walking billboards. You may have a cap or shirt with some well-known brand name on it and you are quite comfortable wearing it. My question is: How comfortable would you be wearing a cap or shirt with the words GUILTY emblazoned across the front? You know¡K a ball cap, for example, with the letters GUILTY embroidered in huge letters across the front as though it was branded across your forehead. Just think about it. Wherever you went, wearing that cap, the first thing people would notice would be your proclamation GUILTY! They would probably think, "I wonder what he is guilty of?¨ The next thought might be, "If he is guilty, why does he want to advertise it as if he was proud of the fact?¨
Well, believe it or not, the word GUILTY is now a registered trademark of the Guilty Corporation. Beginning sometime this spring you will see GUILTY advertised in various media and have the opportunity to purchase articles of apparel, sports equipment, lingerie, cologne, chocolate, and greeting cards, to name a few, that use the name.
There’s an interesting bit of psychology behind the idea of using the name GUILTY to prominently trim merchandise. According to advance publicity the company believes, "Two-thirds of consumers will not only buy, but pay a premium for brands they feel reflect their personalities. Even more sought after is the ability to make a personal statement. When a group is wearing or using the typical brand, they are all communicating that brand’s message.¨
The brains behind the marketing of this new logo say, "Commanding more attention for the individual than any other brand, GUILTY provides superior satisfaction for the consumer’s need to be noticed. Unlike other brands, GUILTY brings attention to the individual wearing or using the project, not just the brand being advertised. People are compelled to ask ’What are you guilty of?’" This question is a catalyst for conversation allowing people to reveal something unique and personal about themselves. GUILTY is the ultimate ’social icebreaker.’¨ Remember, folks, you heard it here first.
Now let’s move on to more serious stuff.
ANOTHER CASE IN POINT (Adapted from a story told by Gary Reece, Ph.D. in his article, Self-Esteem and Guilt, taken from the Internet.)
I want to tell you about a 40-year-old minister who for many years was held hostage by guilt. By the very nature of his profession, study, and preaching, he should have known how guilt works and what he could do with it. But he didn¡¦t and he was miserable for years. He had gone on vacation to visit his family. One of the things he had struggled with all of his adult life was a terrible feeling of guilt he had carried around since he was a teenager. Two things had happened that he attributes as the cause of his guilt. The first incident happened one day when he came home from school and discovered that his father had moved out. His mother, he felt, implied that it was because of him. No matter how wrong that was when she said it, the reality for him was that he had caused his father to abandon him and the rest of the family. This is exactly how guilt works: it distorts reality; our perception of how things really are is knocked seven ways to crazy and we ’hear’ things that aren’t even said and believe things that do not actually exist. This is how he reacted to his mother’s announcement that his father had left.
Several months later, still nursing a huge sense of guilt about his father leaving, another event occurred which deepened his sense of guilt. He was pushing his sister in a swing and she lost her balance and fell out. She struck her head and was in a coma for several weeks. She recovered but has had lasting neurological problems.
Years later he is still torturing himself about these events. Finally, his father died, taking with him whatever were the real reasons for leaving his family. His sister, however, is still living. He went to see her on his vacation. His goal was to talk with her, deal with his feelings of guilt and ask for forgiveness.
Sitting down together, he explained why he had come and what he wanted to do. Then he told how he had been feeling all these years. She sat and looked at him with compassion. ’You’ve been carrying that around with you all these years?’¨ she asked. ’How terrible’ she said. ’I never blamed you,’ she said. ’I was the one who lost my balance and didn’t hold on tight enough to the swing.’ At that moment he felt an enormous sense of relief. He described it as the dam breaking. He said, ’I have felt like a stagnant pond, dead and unattractive. Now, I feel like a running river, full of energy and life.’ He had never been able to feel close to his sister because of the guilt he felt. He just knew she hated him and blamed him for what happened. He also knew his mother blamed him for his fathers leaving. So all of these years he walked around like a man condemned. I know people like that. You do too.
As this story illustrates, Guilt feelings are almost without fail accompanied by a need to be punished in some manner. If others do’t do it, we will find a way to do it ourselves. Isn’t it strange how we readily accept human failings and imperfections in other people but a nagging voice inside prevents us from extending the same forgiveness to ourselves? ’You don’t deserve it¡ you aren’t worthy¡ others can but your guilt is different from everyone else¡ you deserve to burn in hell.’
Last Tuesday night a man in my jail class said very honestly, "I can’t ask God to forgive me because I can’t forgive myself. How can I ask Him to do something I am not able to give myself?" Most of us understand forgiveness so clearly that we can’t imagine anyone having a problem with it. Think of how easy it is for you to accept it then turn that thought completely around. As easy as it is for us to accept forgiveness to that same depth and degree it is difficult for him.
On Wednesday night a young lady told the story of a man she has known for years. He is dying of cancer. His life from early adulthood to this day has been ravaged and devastated by alcoholism. He openly and honestly confesses his total inability to forgive himself for an accidental shooting--a hunting accident--of the young son of his best friend. Despite his family praying for him; despite his close association with things Christian; despite his knowing many of the scriptures that are so clear to us concerning God¡¦s love and forgiveness, he matter-of-factly says, "I will die and go to hell." His best friend, who lost his son, does not blame him, does not hold him guilty. His family does not hold him guilty. Guilt has such a death grip on him until it is impossible for him to forgive himself for the accident therefore he cannot reach out to God and obtain His forgiveness.
Guilt has many ways of brutalizing us and holding us hostage. It changes how we think and feel about ourselves. We think of how worthless we are, how we deserve to be punished, and we can never be happy. It certainly has an effect on how we feel about others. It distorts perceptions and leads to faulty assumptions about how others feel about us. We believe they see us as we see ourselves, worthless and incapable. This effects the way we behave around them. Often we spend our entire lives trying to atone for some nameless feeling of dread and guilt.
If anyone ever had a reason to feel guilty about what he had done it was David in the story we are about to consider. This is a story of great tragedy. It is also a story of great triumph. The tragedy lies in the fact that as a result of David’s willful actions over 70,000 men were killed! The great triumph is found in the fact that when David repented for his selfish actions God was merciful and graciously forgave. I don¡¦t think there is a person you and I know whose guilt can match David’s. If this story says anything, it says, God is merciful and forgiving. Let me illustrate:
I know I should save this until the last but I want put it out front like a beacon at the beginning because of the hope it offers. Psalm 32 is a psalm of David. I don¡¦t know that it was written at the time of the incident we will consider. If not, it certainly is appropriate. He said,
"Blessed is he whose transgression is forgiven, whose sin is covered.
Blessed is the man unto whom the LORD imputeth not iniquity, and in whose spirit there is no guile.
When I kept silence, my bones waxed old through my roaring all the day long.
For day and night thy hand was heavy upon me: my moisture is turned into the drought of summer. Selah.
I acknowledged my sin unto thee, and mine iniquity have I not hid. I said, I will confess my transgressions unto the LORD; and thou forgavest the iniquity of my sin. Selah." Vs. 1-5
"Be ye not as the horse, or as the mule, which have no understanding: whose mouth must be held in with bit and bridle, lest they come near unto thee." Vs. 9
"Be glad in the LORD, and rejoice, ye righteous: and shout for joy, all ye that are upright in heart." Vs.11
DAVID’S SECOND SMITTEN HEART EXPERIENCE
David’s second experience of a smitten heart has many of the same characteristics that we find in the story from 1 Samuel 24. This new story is found in 2 Samuel 24.
The main idea from 2nd Samuel 24 is that David ordered General Joab to organize and carry out a vast census that would include all the citizens of Israel and Judah. His motives for this undertaking are mixed. You might think nothing is wrong in counting the number of people you rule. But there is more to it than that. Joab and the captains of the host were adamant in their opposition. "Why do you want to do this?" Joab asks (vs. 3). Whatever David answered is not known and how heated the argument against it became is not known but David won. The Bible says, "Notwithstanding the king’s word prevailed against Joab, and against the captains of the host. And Joab and the captains of the host went out from the presence of the king, to number the people of Israel" (vs. 4). Nine months and twenty days later they reported their findings to the King. It happened after the report was given that David was struck with an awful sense of guilt about what he had done. In essence he said, "I wish I had not done that." The Bible says, "And David’s heart smote (condemned, NKJV) him after that he had numbered the people" (2 Sam. 24:10 KJV).
The first thing I want to say about David’s heart smiting him is: Thank God That He Still Had a Sensitivity to The Wrongness of His Actions.
It seems that, for some people, the older they get the less sensitive they are about how their words and actions effect others. This is not true across the board but it is something we need to be watchful of.
There are some things we need to think about as we discuss this new episode in the life of David.
One of the major thoughts that gets my attention is the question: what is the difference between David the young man in the cave and David the older man who is now the King?
It is the same man¡XDavid. Or is it? He looks much the same as when we saw him poking his head out of the cave and hollering to the King. Well, he¡¦s not as young and robust as then. Many months have passed since the incident in the cave. Stress lines crisscross his face. Is that a touch of gray we see at his temples? Oh, he’s still quick-witted and laughs easily. That hasn’t changed. He seems more confident, self-assured. But there’s just something else we can’t quite put our finger on. But it comes out as the story unfolds.
--At the cave David was following a dream, pursuing a promise that some day he would be king.
--At the cave he had a sweet, gentle spirit.
--At the cave King Saul had said, ¡§David, you are a better man than I am because you have treated me like a gentleman while I had it in my heart to kill you¡¨ (1 Sam. 24:17).
--At the cave David was trusting God for his future. He was willing to leave details to the One who holds tomorrow in His hand.
--At the cave David could hear the voice of God and was willing to follow His leading.
--At the cave was David a better man than Saul as the king had said? In many ways, yes but even then did he have lurking inside the deep recesses of his own heart the Saul spirit that could be arrogant, willful, and hateful? I think yes. And this is true about all of us. The Prophet Jeremiah said, "The heart is deceitful above all things, and desperately wicked: who can know it? I the LORD search the heart, I try the reins, even to give every man according to his ways, and according to the fruit of his doings" (Jer. 17:9,10).
--Months before, in the cave, he cut off a piece of cloth from Saul¡¦s robe. He hurt no one. He was humble. His faith was strong. He was trusting God to take care of every need for himself and for his people.
--In the cave, he ignores the advice of his leaders and does not kill the king. He makes the right choice.
--Here he ignores the advice of his general and captains who are against taking the census. In so doing, he makes the wrong choice.
(Vs.10) David’s heart smote him after that he had numbered the people. And David said unto the Lord, I have sinned greatly--The act of numbering the people was not in itself sinful; for Moses did it by the express authority of God.
--David acted independently of any order or word from the Lord.
--His motive is totally out of line.
--He acts out of pride and vainglory
--He acts from self-confidence and distrust of God.
--He acted from ambitious designs of conquest. He needed to determine how many soldiers he could muster into military service, and to ascertain whether he could muster an army sufficient for the magnitude of the enterprises he contemplated.
I am not a King David. I do not have to defend my palace or impress potential enemies. I do not have to devise ingenious plans to expand my holdings and obtain wealth. I don¡¦t have to imagine grandiose schemes that will demonstrate my authority or impress hundreds of my subjects. But that doesn¡¦t mean I can be any less guilty than King David when I act willfully, independently, selfishly in my personal relationships and inter-actions with others be they at home, work or church.
I can be as careless as David.
I can be as arrogant as David.
I can be as uncaring as David.
I can be as insensitive as David.
I can be as close-minded as David.
I can shut my ears to good counsel as David.]
I can be as demanding as David.
I can be as insistent on having my way as David.
I can by all these (and other actions) cause harm to innocent people.
I can recognize my bullheaded, willful arrogance, and repent as David.
I can receive God¡¦s forgiveness as David.
I can be restored to fellowship with God as David.
I can be disciplined for my actions as David.
I can learn from my mistake as David.
I can move past my mistake (and guilt) as David.
I can go on to see many victories, write many psalms, enjoy a full life as David.
Conclusion:
-- Guilt need not master us as I tried to show in the story of the 40-year-old minister.
-- We need to think seriously about the possible results of our actions.
-- We need to listen to good advice from those we consider to be part of our ¡§inner¡¨ circle of friends¡Xthose in whom we have confidence and we expect to get useful input.
-- We should be ready to accept the responsibility for our actions, repent (this is possible) and make amends (if possible).
-- We should know that God is a forgiving God.
-- Guilt cannot hold us hostage unless we allow it. God forgives, let Him! Don¡¦t set yourself in a position greater than His by saying, "God can, but I can’t." Are you bigger than God?
