Be there or be nowhere! -- Part 1
Power Point slide 1
Thesis: We have the choice of being there (Where God wants us) or being nowhere!
Texts: Psalms 119:175a states, “Let me live that I may praise you…”
Introduction: Let me ask you a question. When did you start living? Many would say when I was born! No let me clarify! I did not ask when you where born and started your life. But I asked, “When did you start living”! Not just existing, but really living! Do recall that moment in time when you started being alive- living with purpose- living with meaning- living with focus- living with the knowledge that your life counts for something- living now today and also living with a view of the future. Now do you understand my question “When did you start living?”
Power Point- Slide 2
Tony Campolo tells us that many in the world today are suffering from the “the spirit of deadness” they are walking dead people. They are existing but not living! They get up go to work or school and exist. They don’t “Carpe Diem” “Seize the day” they just survive the day, the week, the month, the year. Their life is about survival not about living. There life is about existence not living.
Video Clip – of Winnie the Pooh and Eore
There are many people today who are Eore. There dead in every way except in breathing and surviving. They are breathing but not living. They existing in a Ho Hum attitude of life.
Tony notes:
There is a deadness to our lives that seems everywhere evident. Annually, marriages end by the millions. And they do not end for reasons we might imagine. Adultery is not even close to being the dominant cause for these failed love affairs, even though many married people have affairs. It is simply that the relationships die. And they die because the people are dead. After a handful of years, there isn’t much passion left in these marriages…
And the kids are dead. I used to like to be a speaker for high school assemblies, but I don’t enjoy them anymore. It’s not that the kids misbehave or show no respect. It’s that they scare me with their deadness…The kids just sit there, dead. The blank looks on their faces never give away how they are feeling. Indeed they feel very little….They’ll tell you. Apathy is the word they use. And any attempt to call a meeting to deal with the problem will probably have to be canceled due to lack of interest.
The kids have a word for it. They describe themselves as being “cool”. I can hardly believe it. They talk about being “cool” as a virtue. And they are cool about everything. They have sex without real emotional involvement. They say cruel things to people without concern. Their mothers may cry at their unfeeling manners, and they hardly notice the tears. They can even kill without feeling (27,28).
I have pondered the question,” Why don’t the kids feel, or a least care?” Is it because they think no one else cares? Maybe they believe that their parents do not care? Maybe they are right. But then they see that no one else really cares. So why should they? They then inherit the mindset of “Spiritual and emotional deadness”.
They have observed their parents lack of care and concern. They have been the generations who where placed in front of a T.V.. The problem was that T.V. doesn’t care relationally. It could not talk back to them or answer their questions and in essence it hindered communication in many homes. Then came the computer some can even talk back but still it doesn’t care relationally. Then once again computers took away intimate time between families. The sad fact today is parents and living role models are absent today in kid’s personal lives.
We leave it to schools to teach academics, values, sex, proper behavior and even manners! One school in the area recently surveyed their school district and asked what classes would you like us to teach. One of the big requests was to teach a class on manners.
We see the same response with church going people they personally don’t teach biblical values to their kid’s it’s the churches job. What has happened to the parents responsibility to become personally involved in their kid’s lives! We recently did a survey here at New Life and the biggest concern on the survey was how the kids run through the church and use it as a gym. The challenge was the pastor needs to deal with it! Should not the parents take responsibility to control their kids? To be involved with directing them?
It is sad to say many parents have become dead in their God given roles. But of course not at New Life Community Church.
We have a society letting their kids run wild and they don’t correct them or teach them manners and then say to the school, “ You do it!” I’m to busy or I’m gone all the time. I don’t want to discipline my kid’s, “You do it! The parents are dead and apathetic in regards to teaching their kids personal responsibility. It all reflects Tony’s idea of a “Spirit of deadness” in relating to others.
How about you are you there for your kid’s, your spouse or are you nowhere. We need to Be There in physical ways, in relational ways, in emotional ways, in intimate ways, in teachable ways, in fun ways, and in living.
I know we need to Be There for our kids, family and spouses in financial ways but for a lot of individuals today this is the only place they are There. There must be a balanced approach. So the question becomes, “How am I suppose to Be There?” Lets explore some areas where we need to Be There!
I. We need to Be There for the children in a positive- influential -Biblical way!
a. We need to be there by being influential in kid’s lives!
i. Adults do influence children especially parents, grandparents, relatives and adult role models. Dorothy Nolte plainly reveals how our influence impacts children: Power Point slide 3
1. If a child lives with criticism, he/she learns to condemn.
2. If a child lives with hostility, he/she learns to fight.
3. If a child lives with ridicule, he/she learns to be shy.
4. If a child lives with shame, he/she learns to feel guilty.
5. If a child lives with tolerance, he/she learns to be patient.
6. If a child lives with encouragement, he/she learns confidence.
7. If a child lives with praise, he/she learns to appreciate.
8. If a child lives with fairness, he/she learns justice.
9. If a child lives with security, he/she learns to have faith.
10. If a child lives with approval, he learns to like himself.
11. If a child lives with acceptance and friendship, he/she learns to find love in the world. (Swindoll, 56)
a. So how are you there? Do you influence children’s lives positively or negatively?
b. Are you There parenting- influencing children responsibly, Biblically?
c. Deut. 4:9 “9Only be careful, and watch yourselves closely so that you do not forget the things your eyes have seen or let them slip from your heart as long as you live. Teach them to your children and to their children after them.”
i. We need to Be There teaching children what we have observed and seen. So that they gain understanding and help from us to live their life to the fullest.
d. Deut. 11:19-21 “8Fix these words of mine in your hearts and minds; tie them as symbols on your hands and bind them on your foreheads. 19Teach them to your children, talking about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up. 20Write them on the doorframes of your houses and on your gates, 21so that your days and the days of your children may be many in the land that the LORD swore to give your forefathers, as many as the days that the heavens are above the earth.”
i. We need Be There for the kids by fixing the Lord’s words in our hearts and minds. By having symbols and other things to remind us and the children who He is and what He has done.
ii. We need to Be There by writing it on the entrance to our houses. So all will know where our hearts are especially the kids.
e. Luke 17:1,-3a “1Jesus said to his disciples: “Things that cause people to sin are bound to come, but woe to that person through whom they come. 2It would be better for him to be thrown into the sea with a millstone tied around his neck than for him to cause one of these little ones to sin. 3So watch yourselves.”
i. Jesus warns us how important it is to Be There for the kids in a positive Godly way.
ii. If we fail to Be There we better watch out.
12. I would add one more to her list, “If a child lives with loving discipline, he/she will learn self-discipline and responsible behavior.” Power Point Slide 5
a. James Dobson adds this statement in his introduction to Dare To Discipline, page 2, 3,:
i. “Many well meaning specialists have waved the banner of tolerance, but offered no solution for defiance. They have stressed the importance of parental understanding of the child, and I concur, but we need to teach Junior that he has a few things to learn about mamma, too. Mrs. Nichols and all her contemporaries need to know when to punish, how to set limits, and what behavior to inhibit. This disciplinary activity must occur in the framework of love and affection, which is often difficult for the parent who views these roles as contradictory. Dare to Discipline is addressed, in part, to this vital aspect of raising healthy, respectful children. The term discipline is not limited to the context of punishment , and neither is this book. Children also need to be taught self-discipline and responsible behavior” (2,3).
ii. Power Point Slide 6,7
b. We need to be there by being balanced in discipline of the children.
i. Proverbs 3:11,12 “My son, do not despise the LORD’S discipline and do not resent his rebuke, because the LORD disciplines those he loves, as a father£ the son he delights in.”
ii. Proverbs 22:15b “Folly is bound up in the heart of a child, but the rod of discipline will drive it far from him.”
1. This has been one of the most misused Scriptures to justify child abuse that I know of . Yet discipline done God’s ways is not abusive and damaging but a blessing.
iii. Proverbs 23: 13,14 “Do not withhold discipline from a child; if you punish him with the rod, he will not die. Punish him with the rod and save his soul from death.
1. We are not supporting abuse here but Godly discipline. Here is the difference between abuse and discipline: Power Point Slide 8,9
Abuse Discipline
Unfair and unexpected Fair and expected
Degrading and demoralizing Upholds dignity
Extreme-too harsh, brutal Balanced- within limits
Torturous- leaves scars Painful but leaves no scars
Results from hatred and resentment Prompted by love and concern
Creates terror, emotional damage, Leads to healthy respect and
and resentment of authority
Destroys self-esteem; leads to horrifying, permanent damage and the inability, later in life, to maintain responsibility
for authority
Strengthens self-esteem; leads to the individual’s ability to later discipline himself.
2. Scripture supports this concept by telling us:
i. Proverbs 22:6 ‘Train£ a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not turn from it.”
3. Do you want children to be respectful and responsible?
a. Then follow the teaching of Scripture which tells us to be there for our children. Be an influencer who disciplines with love and wisdom!
i. We need to shape the will of children with wisdom and love not brutal beatings.
ii. Listen to what Proverbs 13:24 states,” 24He who spares the rod hates his son, but he who loves him is careful to discipline him.”
iii. Now wisdom tells us when a child is being curious, and when a child is defiant. There is a big difference and each requires a different approach.
· Swindoll states, “Willful defiance is another matter. Here I have in mind a child’s deliberate disobedience. I doubt such behavior needs a great deal of explanation. Teachers see it in today’s classrooms. Merchants face it in their shops. Cops encounter it on the streets. Youth workers in churches across America are forever forced to deal with it. Why? Because parents won’t. The permissiveness found in homes today is downright disgusting. It is not uncommon to find child-centered homes where children intimidate their parents. Afraid to be strong, hesitant to stand firm against the determined will of their youngster, parents create a domestic setting that becomes unbearable” (85).
iv. Proverbs 23:13 3Do not withhold discipline from a child; if you punish him with the rod, he will not die.”
· We are to discipline in love and wisdom when we encounter defiance because we need to save the child from himself and preserve others also.
· Proverbs 29:15 “The rod of correction imparts wisdom, but a child left to himself disgraces his mother.”
c. Be there by being consistent with discipline.
i. Proverbs 29:17,18 “Discipline your son, and he will give you peace;
he will bring delight to your soul. Where there is no revelation, the people cast off restraint; but blessed is he who keeps the law.”
1. Most experts recommend starting to discipline in the toddler years (1-2).
a. It’s important to begin teaching and disciplining your children in the early years to establish to them what boundaries are.
2. Start early the longer you wait the harder it is to discipline.
3. This is one of the most important areas where you need to Be There – consistency from the beginning.
d. Be there by being reasonable in discipline.
i. Proverbs 3:1-4 “My son, do not forget my teaching, but keep my commands in your heart, for they will prolong your life many years and bring you prosperity. Let love and faithfulness never leave you; bind them around your neck, write them on the tablet of your heart. Then you will win favor and a good name in the sight of God and man.
ii. The key is fairness and reasonableness. Not extremes!
iii. Ephesians 6:4 “4Fathers, do not exasperate your children; instead, bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord.”
1. There are limits parents and we need to stay in them.
iv. Colossian 3:21 “1Fathers, do not embitter your children, or they will become discouraged.”
1. You can go over board and destroy your child so be careful – be wise Never discipline out of anger.
2. Be There and be loving but also be firm for the sake of the child.
Conclusion:
The greatest you job you have as parents is to raise your family for the Lord. So Be There!
The next greatest job you have is to Be There for the children of the world and for each other. So Be There!
