Studies In The Christian Family
The Duty of Children
Introduction
We come this evening to the third of our special series of studies that we have entitled God’s Blueprint for a Happy Family Life. We have been focusing our thoughts mainly on what Paul has to say about this subject in Ephesians chapter 5:22ff and the parallel passage in Colossians 3:18ff. In these two passages Paul addresses each of the members of the family in turn and gives them a keyword, a word that sums up their primary duty in the home in respect of their particular personal relationship to the other members of the family circle. In our first study two weeks ago we considered what Paul had to say to wives and noted that insofar as their relationship to their husbands go their keyword was “SUBMIT” “Wives submit to your husbands as to the Lord…” And we studied what Paul had to say about this and worked out the theological and practical implications of it. Last week we considered what Paul had to say to husbands and noted that their duty towards their wives was summed up in their keyword which was “LOVE” “Husbands love your wives just as Christ loved the Church” and again we looked at that in some detail. Well having dealt with the duty of the wife and the duty of the husband, Paul then moves on to the duty of the children to their parents and follows that up by dealing with the duty of the parents to the children. It is the former of these that we are going to be considering this evening - The duty of Children to their parents. So the spotlight this evening falls particularly on you children and young people who are present this evening and I am very pleased that there are a good number of you here tonight. Its interesting that Paul in this letter speaks directly to children. It shows us that he expected children to be part of the Church and to be part of the congregation when the Church met for worship and for instruction in the things of God. Paul took it for granted that when his letter was being read out, children and young people would be there to hear it, and so he made a point of putting something in this letter for them. Boys and girls, young people, God expects you to be present when the Church meets for worship and for instruction.
Before we begin to look at these verses together I want to remind all of you, but especially the young people who are here tonight that the things that you are going to hear from this pulpit this evening are not simply the ideas, the suggestions, the rules and regulations that this minister or this church has come up with, with regards to this subject. Nor are they the dated, culturally bound, personal views and ideas of the man who wrote this letter, Paul. Rather what you are going to hear this evening is what God has to say about this subject. The apostle Paul was one of the human instruments through whom God made His will known to us. The Holy Spirit inspired Paul in his writing of these letters and that being the case when you take them up and read them or when we study them together as we are doing this evening we are to realise that God is speaking to us. Now I want you to remember that and to realise that what you are going to hear this evening is what God both expects and requires of you in respect of your duty to your parents.
Well lets turn then to the first three verses of Eph 6 and to v20 of Colossians 3 to see what God has to say to us this evening. Thinking of the duty of Children to their parents notice with me in the first place this evening
1) The Nature of The Child’s Duty:
Look at v1. “Children obey your parents in the Lord for this is right” OK now turn over a few pages in your Bibles to Colossians 3:20. Now what does it say there? “Children obey your parents…”
Now you remember that I said that Paul gave a keyword to wives – the word Submit; and that he also gave a keyword to husbands – the word Love. Well what is the keyword that he gives here to Children? Well you don’t need to have O levels and A levels to work out the answer to that question because it is so simple. Its not a trick question. It is there in front of you in plain English. What is the keyword for Children? Its OBEY. “Children obey your parents.”
Now before we look at this keyword that Paul gives to children we need to ask who is Paul addressing here when he says “children”? Is he referring only to those who are of primary school age? Children who are let’s say, under 11. Because of course, as we all know, once a boy or a girl reaches 11 or 12 they don’t really think of themselves as being children any longer and they certainly don’t like being thought of or referred to as a child. Is Paul thinking here only of young children or does what Paul have to say here also apply to those in their teens? When does a child cease to be a child and thus no longer come within the scope of this command? Well although we cannot as it were give a definitive answer to that question most commentators and Biblical scholars are of the opinion that two factors have to be taken into consideration here. The first is the age at which the local culture recognises a young person as being no longer a minor but an adult, which in our culture is 18. The other factor is whether or not the young person is still living at home and dependant upon their parents. And working on those lines I think a good guideline is that if you are still living at home with your parents and are still dependant upon them then in most cases this command will still apply to you. One thing is for sure it applies to most, if not all of the children and young people here this evening.
Now what does Paul mean when he says “Children OBEY your parents”
Well the word ‘obey’ isn’t a difficult word to understand. It involves three things – listening to some specific instruction, understanding that instruction, and carrying out that instruction. Later on in this chapter Paul in addressing slaves says “slaves OBEY your earthly masters…” It’s the same word. So here you have a slave and his owner comes along to him in the morning and he says ‘there is a large hole in the fence down by the roadside and the sheep are escaping through it, I want you to fix it and after that I want you to plough that field and after that I want you to chop those logs up into firewood for the house.’ So the master has given very clear instructions to his slave, the slave knows exactly what his master wants him to do and his duty is to carry out his masters wishes.
So when Paul says children OBEY your parents he means that when your parents tell you to do something, you are to listen to them and having understood what it is they want you to do, you are to do it. It’s 9.00pm at night and you are sitting in the living-room watching television or reading a book or playing a game and Dad or mum says “right Susan or right Frank up to bed.” They have given you an instruction, you understand exactly what they want you to do and so according to what Paul says here you are to put away your game, leave down your book stop whatever it is you were doing, say goodnight to your parents and go up to bed. Or maybe you come in and ask your parents if you can go to a certain place with some friends and having given the matter consideration your parents for what they believe to be legitimate reasons tell you that you are not allowed to go to that particular place. Well your duty is to conform to the wishes of your parents. Children OBEY your parents. This is what God is saying to you this evening, boys and girls and young people.
And notice from Col 3:20 how all encompassing this duty is “Children obey your parents in everything…” Notice it doesn’t say “Children obey your parents when you feel like doing so” Nor does it say “Children obey your parents when you think they are right” Nor does it say “Children obey your parents when they tell you to do something that you want to do anyway.” No!! “Children obey your parents IN EVERYTHING” The only exception that there is to that “in everything” is if your parents require you to do something that involves disobeying God. It is highly unlikely that any of you young people would ever find yourself in such a situation, but some Christian young people, usually those who have non-Xn parents, have found that in certain situations their parents wishes have conflicted with their Christian principles and if followed through would have involved disobedience to God. In such a situation there is a conflict of loyalties for that Christian young person and the higher principle taught in Acts 5:29 “we ought to obey God rather than men,” must be applied. But let me stress that this is the exception rather than the rule. The rule is Children OBEY your parents, and obey them in everything.
And it is clear from what Paul goes on to say that the obedience that you are to render to your parents is not to be a mechanical or a grudging, complaining obedience whereby whilst outwardly conforming to what your parents have said you are all the while rebelling and raging against them in your heart and calling them all sorts of names under your breath and maybe moaning and complaining about them behind their back when your with your friends. That’s not the sort of obedience Paul has in mind. That is to obey the letter of the law but not its spirit. Paul says that you are to obey your parents and “Honour” them. Look at v2 “Honour your father and your mother….” What does that mean? Well it means to hold them in high regard. To have a deep loving respect for them. It’s a word that has to do both with your inward attitude of heart and mind towards your parents and also the way in which you speak to them, speak of them and act towards them. If you truly love and respect your parents then even if they forbid you from doing something that you want to do or insist that you do something that you don’t want to do you will not speak to them in any way that is disrespectful nor will you speak in a derogatory way about them behind their back.
This then, children and young people, is the keyword that God gives to you this evening in summing up your duty to your parents – OBEY Children OBEY your parents
Now listen young people I know that because of the sort of world in which we live and because of the sinful nature of your own heart you’re not going to find it easy to obey your parents. We live in days when instead of obeying their parents, instead of honouring them and showing them respect, many young people, young people that you mix with day and daily at school and so on don’t pay any heed to what their parents say and show them very little respect, if any at all. I was appalled the other Saturday when I called in to JJB’s over in Coleraine. There was a young boy of about 12 who evidently didn’t get what he wanted because his mother said it was too dear. He went bezerk and started swearing at her and calling her the sort of crude names that I hadn’t heard in many a long year and didn’t think a child of his age would have known. She told him to get out of the shop and go over to the car. Would he do it? No way. He adamantly refused to do what he was told and then gave her another mouthful of verbal abuse and even struck out at her and hit her. Now some of you might think that an extreme case, but such disobedience to and such disrespect for one’s parents is quite common today among young people albeit in differing degrees. Its ‘cool’ to ignore what your parents say or bad mouth them either to their face or behind their backs when your with your mates. And there is tremendous peer pressure brought to bear upon you to be just like everybody else. Don’t give in to that peer pressure young people. Such disobedience to and such disrespect for parents are distinguishing marks of a degenerate society, a society that has become Godless and corrupt. You see that in the opening chapter of the book of Romans where Paul is describing the awful condition of the society of his day. Look at the way in which he describes it - 1/24ff READ. Writing to Timothy he says that such disobedience to Parents is a sure indication that we are in the last days and that the day of Judgement is fast approaching – 2 Tim 3:2ff. Disobedience to parents is a sign of a degenerate society heading for judgement. It is a very serious thing in the eyes of God. It always has been and it always will be. If you want to get some idea of how seriously God regards a young persons disobedience to and disrespect for their parents then open your Bibles with me to the O.T. to Deut 21:18-21 Lev 20:9. Ex 21:15. A child who was wilfully and persistently disobedient even after he had been disciplined by his parents and efforts were made to make him change, such a disobedient child was to be put to death because such rebellion against parental authority was an abomination in the eyes of God.
Now I am sure that you are very pleased that such O.T. laws no longer apply today, but let me tell you this young people whilst the way in which God deals with such sin has changed, the seriousness with which he views it has not, as is evident from the passages we looked at earlier in Romans and Timothy. It is a terrible sin to disobey your parents and to fail to show them the respect you owe to them as their children. And if you don’t obey them, if you don’t honour them God will one day call you to account for that.
Some of you children and young people have professed faith in Jesus Christ. Well let me tell you that this is one of the areas of daily life in which the genuineness of your faith in and love for the Lord Jesus will be shown, in your attitude towards and your obedience to your parents. If you say you are a Christian and yet you persistently and habitually disobey your parents then it is questionable whether you really are a Christian. Now that does not mean that you will always obey your parents. In this area as in others you will from time to time sin, but the point is that if you are a Christian the general tenor of your life at home will be marked by respect for and obedience to your parents.
Children obey your parents, obey them in all things, and obey them out of an attitude of reverence and respect for them.
Well having looked at the Nature of the Child’s Duty lets look secondly at
2) The Reasons For The Child’s Duty:
I believe that we can identify three reasons in these two passages as to why Children are to obey their parents
(i) The Law of nature demands it.
Look at what Paul says in v1 Children obey your parents in the Lord, FOR THIS IS RIGHT.”
Paul begins at the very foundation and points out that there is something very basic about a child obeying his or her parents. It is to be expected that children will obey their parents. The law of nature demands it. God has made us in such a way that even though we have been marred by sin in every aspect of our being and that that affects all our various relationships, there is nevertheless still a very clear awareness within each one of us that children ought to obey their parents. We instinctively know that there is something wrong when a child does not obey his or her parents. We immediately say that’s not the way it should be. There is a certain unnaturalness about it. It is something that clearly violates some in-built principle that is part and parcel of our very nature. We know that things are out of sync when children rebel against and refuse to submit to the authority of their parents.
Paul says Children obey your parents ‘for this is right’ - The law of nature demands it.
But then secondly
(ii) The Law of God Demands it.
Paul goes on to refer to the fifth commandment ‘honour your father and your mother…’ In doing so he is reminding the young people that obedience to parents is a requirement of the moral Law of God. God has not only made us in such a way that our own nature testifies to the fact that children ought to obey parents, He has also clearly revealed that this is something that he has established as a rule of life for children. To fail to honour your father and mother, which includes obeying them, is to sin against God. Disobedience to parents is not only a violation of a natural law it is a violation of the Law of God. It is a refusal to bring your life into conformity with God’s revealed will. Now what that means is that when you as a child or as a young person refuse to do what your mum or dad has told you to do you are in effect rebelling against God. You are saying ‘God I am not going to obey you.’ Because it is God who has said ‘Children obey your parents. It is God who has said ‘Honour your father and your mother.’ And that, boys and girls, is why God dealt so severely with disobedient children in O.T. times and commanded that if they didn’t repent and change their ways they were to be put to death. Disobedience to parents was and still is, in effect, rebellion against God.
But if you turn over to Col 3:20 we find there another reason why Children should obey parents and that is because
(iii) Our Love for God Requires it.
Children obey your parents in everything for this pleases the Lord.
As Christian young people you, because of what the Lord Jesus has done for you in saving you from your sins, you should be striving to please the Lord each day by the way you live your life. Jesus himself said that the best way to show your love for Him was to obey his commands – ‘If you love me keep my commandments.’ Now that means that in your family life one of the ways in which you will please the Lord, one of the ways in which you will show your love for Him will be by obeying your parents.
Why should you obey your parents? Because the Law of nature demands it – It is right to do so. The Law of God demands it – he commands you to do so. Your love for God requires it – he is pleased when you do so.
That brings me to my third and final point this evening
3) The Rewards Associated With Observing This Duty:
Instead of impressing this duty upon the children by means of threats of punishment for disobedience Paul adopts a much more positive approach and points to the rewards or the blessings that come to those who fulfil this duty. ‘Honour your father and mother’ he says ‘that it may go well with you and that you may enjoy a long life on the earth.’
Now its obvious that Paul has modified the promise of the fifth commandment somewhat here because as originally given to Israel in O.T. times the blessings of obedience to this commandment had particular reference to their enjoyment of land of Canaan. But Paul, under the guidance and inspiration of the Holy Spirit widens the scope of that promise and applies the principle in a way that has meaning and relevance for the people of God in N.T times. And the promise has two aspects to it namely ‘that it may go well with you’ – that is that you will have a good life; and secondly that ‘you may enjoy long life on the earth’ – that is that you will have a long life.
Now we are not to think that Paul is saying here that everyone without exception who obeys their parents will without fail have a good life and live until they are 90 or whatever, rather we are to understand him as stating a principle that in the outworking of God’s providence is generally true, namely that if you as a child obey your parents then life for you will be much better and you will live longer than would have been the case if you had lived in disobedience to your parents. Now lets think about that for a moment.
First of all Paul is saying that obedience to this duty makes for and usually produces a much better quality of life – ‘that it may go well with you’ And I think that Paul here is thinking particularly about life in the context of childhood, young adulthood and family life. He is saying if you obey your parents, if you show them the honour, the respect that they deserve, then according to the usual workings of God’s providence you will in all likelihood enjoy a safe, happy, satisfying, secure and stable childhood and family life. There will be peace and harmony and mutual respect and love and security in such a family. And in such an atmosphere you yourself will thrive.
And isn’t this true to life folks? Doesn’t experience bear this out? I don’t know about your homes but whenever our children are doing what they are told, being obedient and respectful to us as their parents, family life is a joy. Things go well with us. It is when there is disobedience and disrespect that the atmosphere of family life degenerates. Just think of how few fights there would be in the home, how much bad feeling would be quelled, how peaceful and enjoyable the atmosphere would be if children were to take this duty seriously And when things in family life in general are going well the children themselves benefit greatly from that. Obedience brings blessing. Take a very simple example of the outworking of this principle. You ask you parents if you can go round to your friends house for the evening and they agree and as you are going ut they say ‘make sure you are back in for 10.00pm. And just before 10 you come in. You have obeyed them. Same thing happens later on that week and again just before 10 you arrive home, again you have obeyed your parents. Then on Friday or Saturday night you are heading out again and ask your parents if you can stay out until 10.30pm. What happens? Well in all likelihood because you have been demonstrating an attitude of obedience and have shown that you can be trusted your parents will let you stay out that extra half-hour. Now that is a very simple example but you see the point I am making. You actually benefit from obeying your parents. Children obey your parents. Honour your father and your mother that it may be well with you.
But Paul also says that such obedience usually produces long-life. Now what does Paul mean by that? Well what I think he has in mind here is the idea that if you listen to and follow the advice and instructions of your parents, if you are obedient to them then you will not go down sinful paths and engage in sinful habits that by there very nature are detrimental to your health and well-being. For example your parents are certainly not going to encourage you to smoke, or to drink alcohol, or to take drugs or to live a sexually promiscuous life, or to gamble, or to keep company with people whose way of life is sinful, or to join paramilitary organisations and so on. All of these things and others like them will not only diminish the quality of your life but have the potential to bring your life to what from the human perspective is an untimely end - through lung cancer, some alcohol related disease, some overdose of drugs or being on the receiving end of a deadly tablet, some sexually transmitted disease, or getting shot or blown up because of your involvement with some paramilitary group. This I think is what Paul has in view here and in this, and perhaps he had this in mind, he is restating what was said in the book of proverbs 3:1ff “My son do not forget my teaching, but keep my commands in your heart, for they will prolong your life many years and bring you peace…”
Children, young people. God in his blueprint for a happy family life has given you a keyword and that word is OBEY. When the alarm clock goes off tomorrow morning and you waken up you will know exactly what God requires of you insofar as your duty to your parents goes – “children OBEY your parents.” Do it because it is right to do so, do it because God commands you to do so, do it because God is pleased when you do so; Do it because you and your family will be blessed when you do so.
God willing next week we will turn the spotlight away from the children and focus it on the parents to see what God requires of us.
Limavady Reformed Presbyterian Church – Rev Robert Robb
www.limavadyrpc.co.uk
