HELPING FAMILIES WITH ADULT CHILDREN IN CRISIS
INTRODUCTION
A. In the Chinese language, the word for “crisis” is composed of two characters: “wei” meaning danger, and “ji,” meaning turning point or crucial moment.
B. When families have adult children in crisis, how we, their church family, react can be a turning point for good or bad.
I. FIRST, WE WILL EXAMINE TWO TYPES OF PROBLEMS
A. There are acceptable, but heartbreaking problems: sickness, accidents, job loss, and death, etc.
B. There are “unacceptable” and heartbreaking problems: adultery, divorce, homosexuality, substance abuse, etc.
C. The church often rallies around those with acceptable problems but ignores or shuns those with unacceptable problems.
D. Paul gives us the pattern for helping in 2 Corinthians 1:3-4 and Galatians 6:1-2.
1. If we only bear one another's burdens in acceptable situations, we add an even greater burden.
2. Our “priestly” role is to comfort the hurting parents, not a prophetic role of condemning them for any real or perceived failures.
II. FOUR SPECIFICS OF MINISTERING TO HURTING FAMILIES
A. Be there (Job 2:1-13). Our supportive presence may bring great comfort to those who are hurting (See the story at the end).
B. Be slow to speak and quick to hear (Prov 10:19-21; Jam 1:19-20).
III. DON’T MINIMIZE THE PAIN
A. When Hannah mourned her infertility, her husband meant well, as husbands often do, but he gave her no comfort (1 Sam 1:8).
B. Cliches such as “Many people have it worse,” “You’ll understand it in heaven,” and “It was God’s will” bring no comfort to the hurting.
IV. DON’T MAXIMIZE THEIR HURT
A. When Job’s friends began sermonizing, Job could see the finger of their judgment pointing at him (Job 4:2-7).
B. Job calls their proverbs “proverbs of ashes” (Job 13:1-12).
CONCLUSION
A. Remember this: “When you don’t know what to say, say nothing, but be there.”
B. Accept this: We cannot wipe away all the tears or heal all the hurts, but we can point hurt families toward Him who can (Rev 21:4)
THE DAY I LEARNED THE POWER OF SILENCE
Several years ago, a couple who were good friends and fellow workers in God’s kingdom suffered the loss of their grown son, who committed suicide. Another brother and I were the first to arrive at the couple's home. We offered our sympathy, but we couldn't find words of comfort. The couple did not mourn and weep. Instead, she made coffee, and he led us around, showing us his hogs and his prize garden. Family and other friends began arriving, and we left, feeling like miserable comforters. A week or so after the funeral that I had preached, I received a letter of gratitude thanking me for the sermon. However, it was the gratitude they expressed for the comfort we had provided at their home on the day of the tragedy that really caught my attention. We had said nothing of note but had just followed their lead. I learned that day that when you have nothing to say, don’t try to say something profound. Instead, listen to whatever they want to say.
