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NORTH PINE BAPTIST CHURCH
Sunday 10th August 2025
1 Peter 3:1-7
“Right Conduct: Marriage”
Today we are going to focus on a text which has not always been very well liked.
The text is 1 Peter 3:1-7
1 Wives, in the same way submit yourselves to your own husbands so that, if any of them do not believe the word, they may be won over without words by the behaviour of their wives, 2 when they see the purity and reverence of your lives. 3 Your beauty should not come from outward adornment, such as elaborate hairstyles and the wearing of gold jewelry or fine clothes. 4 Rather, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God’s sight. 5 For this is the way the holy women of the past who put their hope in God used to adorn themselves. They submitted themselves to their own husbands, 6 like Sarah, who obeyed Abraham and called him her lord. You are her daughters if you do what is right and do not give way to fear.
7 Husbands, in the same way be considerate as you live with your wives, and treat them with respect as the weaker partner and as heirs with you of the gracious gift of life, so that nothing will hinder your prayers.
Wives be submissive!
Sarah called Abraham her lord!
Six verses for wives … only one verse for husbands! 85% to only 15%.
Calling wives the weaker partner.
No wonder so many people get upset at Peter he is just a … misogynist.
And then this passage gets dragged out and applied to arguments about headship, inequality, gender roles, ministerial leadership and authority.
That is often how the passage is used.
It is not always well-liked.
But it is not well-liked because it is misapplied and misunderstood.
It is also often used in the wrong way because the wider context is ignored.
That context starts at 1 Peter 2:12
12 Live such good lives among the pagans that, though they accuse you of doing wrong, they may see your good deeds and glorify God on the day He visits us.
Peter has applied this principle to the social issue of dealing with human authorities, and also the social issue of slavery. In 1 Peter 3:1-7 Peter is applying this principle to the social issue of marriage.
More specifically, Peter is equipping Christian husbands and Christian wives to “live good” in a marriage even where the spouse is an unbeliever.
You saw that didn’t you?
…
That Peter is speaking into a relationship where the wives and husbands are married to unbelievers? In the case of the wives this is very clear in 1 Peter 3:1
1 Wives, in the same way submit yourselves to your own husbands so that, if any of them do not believe the word, they may be won over without words by the behaviour of their wives.
It isn’t as clear that the males being addressed are married to non-believing women.
But when we look at the context.
And the application of the principle of “living good” in pagan social situations.
And Peter’s words to the Christian wives.
We can be certain that Peter also has in mind Christian husbands who are married to non-Christian wives.
Which perhaps raises a question for some of us. “How did these Christians end up with non-believing spouses?” For doesn’t Paul say in 2 Corinthians 6:14
14 Do not be yoked together with unbelievers. For what do righteousness and wickedness have in common? Or what fellowship can light have with darkness?
If these Christian men and women had been faithful to God’s Word, they would not have ended up in these marriages.
It’s easy to be a person who looks at a situation and, on the basis of very little knowledge, make a judgment without being willing to consider the context.
But we can’t do that.
And Peter definitely is not making this judgement. Because Peter knows the context.
This is not an issue of disobedience. This is an outcome of the transforming work of the Gospel. At one time all these husband and wives were unbelievers.
But then the Gospel came into that relationship.
And, in a response of faith, one of those unbelievers became a believer.
So now there are multiple numbers of Christian men and Christian women who are married to unbelievers. And they are faced with a very practical question, “I’m married to a “pagan” … now what do I do?”
That is the context.
In 1 Peter 3:1-7 Peter is equipping Christian husbands and Christian wives to “live good” in a marriage even where the spouse is an unbeliever.
Peter first talks to the Christian wives. How does she “live good” in her marriage circumstance? The guts of this “live good” response is in 1 Peter 3:1
1 Wives, in the same way submit yourselves to your own husbands so that, if any of them do not believe the word, they may be won over without words by the behaviour of their wives.
In the social context of 1 Peter this is a huge calling.
Right through the Roman Empire, with few exceptions, a wife was expected to venerate the gods of her husband. Moreover, society actively discouraged wives from independently having their own religious life.
Let’s read a quote from a man named Plutarch, who was a first century ethical writer. Plutarch reflects the thinking of society in the first century.
A wife ought not to make friends of her own, but to enjoy her husband’s friends in common with him. The gods are the first and most important friends. Wherefore it is becoming for a wife to worship and to know only the gods that her husband believes in, and shut the front door tight upon all queer rituals and outlandish superstitions. For with no god do stealthy and secret rites performed by a woman find favour. (Moralia 140D)
Basically Plutarch is saying, “the gods are not really interested in the sneaky, and secretive, and “too female” rituals which women are prone to offer.”
That what society at the time says about women and religion.
In contrast the Scripture says
28 There is neither Jew nor Gentile, neither slave nor free, nor is there male and female, for you are all one in Christ Jesus.
Galatians 3:28
This same wife of faith
… who is told by the Scriptures that she is equal in status, equal in dignity, equal in value.
… that same wife of faith lives in a household where society fully expects her to worship and venerate the gods of her husband.
She has no voice … and society doesn’t encourage her to have a voice.
She worships one God … and society condemns her for not worshipping the many gods of her husband.
It is a very difficult situation. Especially when we also realise that most homes in the Roman Empire
… even homes that were small and lived in by poor people.
… most homes had a location where there was a household shrine.
It was a place where idols of different gods were set up.
A place of worship and prayer and sacrifice.
In small homes it was just a small shrine.
Larger homes had whole rooms, and multiple locations, through the house.
So, everyday, when she got up, this Christian wife would walk into these spaces. And watch her husband, and the household
… the children.
… the slaves.
Worship. And pray to. And make sacrifices to. All these false gods.
When we understand this situation there might be a few of us who are starting to think, “Surely … in that situation … surely God would understand if she just upped and left.”
I think we would have sympathy with the Christian wife in that situation who came to the conclusion that, “This is so hard I should just get out of this situation.”
Which she could do quite easily. She could easily get out of that situation.
Because while it is true that women in the Roman Empire were vulnerable. It is equally true that these women could leave their marriage at any time.
When a couple got married a woman would bring her dowry to the marriage.
The marriage contract would state the value of this dowry.
If the couple divorced
… and in the Roman context either couple could initiate divorce.
… if they divorce the man had to return the full value of the dowry to his wife. If he couldn’t return the whole amount off the dowry the law was on the side of the wife to make sure the husband eventually paid.
So here is the Christian wife … married to an unbeliever.
Jesus tells her that she is equal in status, equal in dignity, equal in value.
Society tells her that she is to worship and idol gods of her husband.
She lives in a home which literally is “a house of gods”
She has no voice.
And no-one would even think twice if she left her husband and took her dowry.
Yet, at no point, does Peter doesn’t say, “Hey, now that you find yourself in the difficult position of being married to an unbeliever just get out of there.”
Instead Peter says,
1 Wives, in the same way submit yourselves to your own husbands so that, if any of them do not believe the word, they may be won over without words by the behaviour of their wives.
Wife married to the non-believer – you submit.
You voluntarily place yourself under the authority of your husband.
You seek to “live good” in that circumstance. And you live as a Jesus-driven woman in that circumstance.
Live good by … without words … demonstrating purity and reverence.
Live good by … without words … demonstrating the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit.
Live good by … without words … not giving way to fear that may arise because you are in a vulnerable situation.
Do this so that your unbelieving husband may be won over to Jesus.
Do this so that, on the day Jesus visits, that now unbelieving husband of yours may be one of those ex-pagans who are now praising God because of the good deeds that have been seen. Just because it is hard you stay … and keep submitting in that relationship.
I’m not a mind-reader.
But I’m pretty confident that, right through the room, people are calling to mind all sorts of situations where they are thinking
“Yes, but what about this situation?”
So, some quick responses.
No this doesn’t mean women must stay in physically abusive marriages.
No this doesn’t mean Christians who divorce haven’t lived good.
No this doesn’t mean husbands can do whatever they want.
No this doesn’t mean the wife just puts up and shuts up.
I completely understand why such responses would come up.
But we don’t want the “Yes buts …” to rob us of the equipping that Peter teaching here.
Because what Peter is doing is reminding us of the power of the transforming work of Jesus in our lives … in this case especially the lives of Christian woman.
For the reality is that no woman, in and of her own strength, could “live good” in the way this passage is calling her to.
No woman … except one. The one who can do this is God’s woman.
The woman who knows that she is God’s precious possession.
The woman who stands only and firmly on Jesus.
The woman who, when people look at her, they see the inner beauty, and faith, and godly spirit.
God’s woman … that is the woman who can “live good” in the way this passage is calling her to. This is the woman who can stay without fear.
Even in difficult marriage circumstances.
Even when her husband doesn’t take the spiritual lead.
And … women in this church … each and any one of you can be that woman.
Any one of you.
That is what the transforming power of Jesus can bring into your life.
Whatever circumstance you are in
… and there are some in our congregation who are in very difficult marriages.
… and there are many who are in great marriages.
… and there are those who are married to men who don’t really follow Jesus.
… and there are those who are married to men who do follow Jesus, but who also struggle to consistently put that spiritual responsibility into practice.
In these circumstances … the transforming power of Jesus has for you all that you need in that situation to “live good”.
Ok – that is enough for the women.
Husbands – it is your turn. There is only one verse for you … 1 Peter 3:7
7 Husbands, in the same way be considerate as you live with your wives, and treat them with respect as the weaker partner and as heirs with you of the gracious gift of life, so that nothing will hinder your prayers.
Let’s remember the social context.
Specifically – that the wife was expected to worship and venerate the gods of her husband. All husbands. So, when a husband becomes a Christian, he had the power.
The power to remove all the shrines from his house.
The power to ban all worship of other gods.
The power to stop his wife from worshipping at the pagan temples.
He also has the power, as long as he can pay the dowry, to divorce her.
He has that power … backed by society … to force his wife into religious compliance.
Yet, Peter does not say, “Husbands use your power to force your wife to follow your faith”.
Instead, be considerate.
Instead, be respectful.
For they are the weaker partner.
Which is not a good translation. The verse literally says that consideration and respect needs to be given because the husbands are “living with the weaker vessel, the female one” – also not so helpful.
Because to our modern ears it implies an inferior ability to deal with life.
Which is just not true.
When a woman gives birth, her cervix starts from being closed to opening to 10cm. Let’s be generous and give a starting point of 1cm. That is a 900% increase of size, and related pain.
The average kidney stone is around 6mm in diameter. The average male urethra is 5mm in diameter. Passing a kidney stone only requires a 20% increase diameter. I’ve heard men describe the pain of passing a kidney stone.
Believe me … you would have no chance if you had to give birth.
The weaker vessel doesn’t mean inferior in ability, or logic, or capacity, or spirituality, or endurance. Rather Peter is making the general observation that, generally, women are physically not as strong as men.
And we also want to remember that, in the culture of the day, on the day of their marriage the men were often in their mid twenties and the women were often in their mid teens.
And we also remember that, in society generally, women are much more vulnerable than men. And that society structures generally favour men, not women.
In that context Peter says to the Christian husband
… even though he has the power.
… and even though society favours the use of his power.
The Christian husband does not use that power to take advantage of the vulnerabilities of his wife. Instead, he is considerate and respectful, honouring her as a co-heir. See her, as God sees her.
Chosen. Royal. Holy. God’s special possession.
And even if she is an unbeliever, he treats her this way, praying that she will come to a place of belief.
Husbands. That is the call.
And it is a call that God takes very seriously. Because if a Christian husband doesn’t fulfill this biblical calling to “live good” this lack of obedience is going to bring a hindrance into that husband’s prayer life.
A Christian husband cannot treat his wife in an inferior way. Talking her down. Treating her with contempt. Making her feel undervalued or insignificant. A Christian husband cannot do that and, at the same time, expect that God will just keep hearing the prayers as if it is business as usual.
A Christian husband cannot force his physical desires on his wife in spite of her moods or her ability to cope. Nor can he treat his wife like a personal servant or beck-and-call girl. And then expect God to sit back as if nothing is wrong.
A Christian husband cannot force his religion onto his wife – in a way that is not considerate or respectful of her – and then not expect that such an approach will create a hindrance in his prayer life.
Husband’s think about that for a moment.
Your relationship with your wife has a direct impact on your relationship with God.
God is much less inclined to listen to the husband who uses his power in a way that is not respectful and considerate to his wife.
God takes this call very seriously.
Which means we need to ask a very serious question.
What sort of man is able to do this?
Because men, we know it. The easiest thing for a man … for a husband … is to use power and strength to get what he wants.
So what sort of man is able to do this.
Only the man who has been deeply transformed by Jesus. The transformation spoken by Paul in Ephesians 5:22 where Paul says
25 Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave Himself up for her.
Just as Jesus.
Husbands – Jesus never used His power to force, or coerce, or demand, or abuse, or power-trip. Jesus used His power to sacrifice … and to serve … and to save.
Even when He didn’t deserve it Jesus prays, “Father forgive them because they do not know what they are doing.” Using all His power to make a sacrifice for the ones who are creating the pain.
If you want to be the husband who “lives good” in your marriage … then you need to be a Jesus man. Imitating the love and sacrifice of Jesus who gave Himself for the church. Imitating that … and bring that into your marriage.
That was a lot wasn’t it.
And there is still so much more that can be said. But let me finish with a couple thoughts for you to take home.
“Living good” in our marriages.
That is what Peter is equipping is to do.
If “living good” is not happen in your marriage – then perhaps the issue could be that one of you, or both of you, are not fully living in obedience to the transforming power of Jesus. If you just let Jesus work in you the transformation that is needed … that will transform your marriage.
If “living good” is happening in your marriage – then be thankful and praise Jesus. But keep even more growing and learn and living in obedience to the transforming power of Jesus. Because there will always be the new spiritual challenges that come up to come between you.
If you are single, and are waiting for such a marriage, “live good” now. For the sake of your future spouse life in obedience to the transforming power of Jesus now. So that, if and when God brings that spouse into your life, you already have a powerful biblical foundation for your relationship.
And finally, let’s all keep remembering the big principle. We want to be in obedience to this call to “live good” because this is a powerful evangelistic work. Fulfilling the calling that, through every aspect of our lives, including our marriages, there will be people on the day when Jesus returns who will be glorifying God. Glorying because they saw us “live good”.
Let’s Pray.
