We read in Ephesians 4:14-15, “Then we shall no longer be children, carried by the waves and blown about by every shifting wind of the teaching of deceitful people, who lead others into error by the tricks they invent. Instead, by speaking the truth in a spirit of love, we must grow up in every way to Christ, who is the head.” (GNB)
There are two parts of this verse that I wish to highlight, the first one being, ‘no longer be children’ and the second one is to, ‘grow up in every way’. Anyone who is born again into the Kingdom of God as His children, do so by placing their faith in Jesus, and repenting of their sins. This transformation as children of God is for the sole purpose that Jesus Christ should be displayed in and through our lives.
When a baby is born, the parents and everyone around them rejoice only if the child is growing up day by day. Only if there is growth and maturity, the child will be able to fulfill the purpose for which he or she was created.
Paul is therefore admonishing the church is Ephesus that they should grow and mature in their faith in Christ.
Have you noticed how when a baby is hungry, he or she will wail and cry until the hunger is satisfied? A baby wants his or her needs met, and when this is not done, the child will keep crying. So also when a parent is taking the baby anywhere, they will make sure that they have the necessary things like milk, cereal and water for the baby. However, the same child as he or she grows up will mature in many ways. As adults we know that things change, and even if we have some needs we can manage or adjust till the appropriate time, without drawing attention to ourselves. Sadly, there are many who are grown up, but still have in them childish qualities. When things don’t go their way they will rave and rant, and will always seek to have everyone’s attention on themselves. This kind of a character in adults is what we call selfishness.
Whenever people are selfish, one can be certain that there will also be a rift in relationships. In families, if a husband is selfish, he will be addicted to certain habits, and not bother about the welfare of his family. So also, if a woman wants to live a life of luxury, she will spend more than their income allows, and will not be willing to sacrifice anything for the well-being of their family. This can true in any relationship, be it those between parent and child, or amongst siblings that wherever selfishness is present, we can be certain that there will be discord.
The word of God therefore reminds us in Philippians 2:4, “Abandon every display of selfishness. Possess a greater concern for what matters to others instead of your own interests.” (TPT)
A family that allowed selfishness to rule them
In Genesis 25 we read about the family of Isaac and Rebekah and their two sons Esau and Jacob.
We read in Genesis 25:27, “The boys grew up, and Esau became a skilled hunter, a man who loved the outdoors, but Jacob was a quiet man who stayed at home.” (GNB)
Both these boys Esau and Jacob were different in temperament, and while the elder one was an outdoors man who was skilled in hunting, the younger one was of a quiet nature and preferred to stay at home.
As we study the life of this family, we will be able to pick up lessons that we can apply to ourselves as individuals and families.
Parents who showed favoritism
We read in Genesis 25:28, “Isaac loved Esau. He liked to eat the animals Esau killed. But Rebekah loved Jacob.” (ERV)
In this family the father Isaac was fond of Esau who hunted animals and cooked delicious meals for his Dad. The mother Rebekah on the other hand favored Jacob, who probably stayed home and helped his mother in her chores around the house. This kind of partiality by the father and mother was one of the main reasons for problems in their family. Isaac wanted his appetite satisfied and hence his selfishness prompted him to love Esau, and so also Rebekah was selfish to want to have her son Jacob with her the whole time.
Here’s a word of advice to all parents, irrespective of how many children you have; treat all of them equally without any favoritism. This kind of equality should be evident in all relationships and if this is missing, one can be certain that there will be problems. We have divisions amongst ourselves based on social status, wealth, caste, region and language. The root cause for all of these divisions is selfishness, and if not dealt with it will sure lead to misunderstanding and conflict in relationships.
The brother who lost his inheritance
We read in Genesis 25:29-33, “One day Esau came back from hunting. He was tired and weak from hunger. Jacob was boiling a pot of beans. So Esau said to Jacob, "I am weak with hunger. Let me have some of that red soup." (That is why people call him "Red.") But Jacob said, "You must sell me your rights as the firstborn son." Esau said, "I am almost dead with hunger, so what good are these rights to me now?" But Jacob said, "First, promise me that you will give them to me." So Esau made an oath to him and sold his rights as the firstborn son to Jacob. (ERV)
Isaac’s elder son Esau came back home one day exhausted after hunting. Esau was completely famished and he wanted his brother Jacob who was boiling a stew to give him the red soup to ease his hunger. Jacob cleverly made use of this opportunity to make Esau hand over his birth right as the first born son over to him. In the Jewish culture the first born son had certain exclusive benefits. As the eldest son he was the head of his family, and he would inherit a double portion of his father’s possessions. We see that Jacob was selfish, and instead of offering some of the soup to his brother who was hungry, he manipulated the situation to confiscate Esau’s birthright. This was probably the heights of selfishness that Jacob displayed.
Selfish people are opportunists who will look for ways to manipulate every situation and relationship. It is good to examine ourselves to see if there is selfishness in our lives. If we were to explain this in today’s context it would look something like this. Let us suppose a brother were to approach his sibling for an emergency medical expense, and the other sibling made use of the crisis and asked him to hand over his property in return for the favor.
Esau was so caught up with the temporary, and wanted his hunger appeased that he cared nothing for the birthright which to him seemed something for the distant future. Esau slighted the blessings and inheritance that were duly his. This too is a kind of selfishness, because Esau was short-sighted, and gave no thought to what he was forfeiting in the future.
Selfish people are often short-sighted. There are many today who do the same, when they get so engrossed with the pleasures of the world, with no thought of the hereafter, simply because heaven and eternity seems so far away to them.
No way to get back what was lost
We need to exercise caution and read what the bible has to say about Esau in Hebrews 12:17, “For you know that afterward, when he desired to inherit the blessing, he was rejected, for he found no chance to repent, though he sought it with tears.” (ESV)
The bible reminds us that Esau just to satisfy his temporal hunger, disregarded his birthright. Later when Esau sought after it with tears, there was no way he could inherit what he had carelessly forfeited.
Selfishness will make one lose out on the many blessings that God has in store for us.
Selfish choices and their consequence
We see that Esau was also selfish in the kind of choices he made in marriage.
We read about this in Genesis 26:34-35, “When Esau was forty years old, he married two Hittites, Judith the daughter of Beeri, and Basemath the daughter of Elon. They made life miserable for Isaac and Rebecca.” (GNB)
When Esau chose to get married, it is obvious that he did not care to seek his parents’ approval or to check if they were happy about the women he married. Esau did what he thought was best, and the consequence was that these two women whom he married brought much misery to Esau’s parents, Isaac and Rebecca.
There are many children who make such selfish decisions that cause heart-ache to their parents. They just go by outward appearance, and make a wrong choice, without seeking their parent’s consent. The aftermath of such decisions is that they go through years of untold problems and pain. If you set aside your selfishness, and let your parents be part of this decision you make in marriage, your life will truly be blessed. Therefore, we realize that the decisions of a selfish person will often result in causing sadness and suffering to others.
The blessing that was expropriated
There is one more incident that we will look at from the life of these two brother Esau and Jacob.
This is recorded in Genesis 27:1-4, “Isaac grew old, and his eyes became so weak that he could not see clearly. One day he called his older son Esau to him and said, “Son! ”Esau answered, “Here I am.” Isaac said, “I am old. Maybe I will die soon. So take your bow and arrows and go hunting. Kill an animal for me to eat. Prepare the food that I love. Bring it to me, and I will eat it. Then I will bless you before I die.” (GNB)
This is a remarkable incident wherein a father sought to bless his son, but this was accompanied by a selfish request that the son should first hunt, and bring the father something delicious to eat. Isaac was willing to bless Esau only after he had eaten the food that his son would bring to him. If Isaac did not send Esau on such an errand, he would have probably blessed Esau then and there.
When Rebekah heard about this, she wanted her younger son Jacob to inherit the blessings of his father Isaac. Rebekah and Jacob (mother and son) enact a drama to deceive Isaac, and thereby confiscated the blessings that was due to Esau. They took advantage of Isaac’s dim eyesight, and pretended that Jacob was Esau.
After this incident there was untold hardships this family encountered only because selfishness ruled them. Rebekah had to be separated from Jacob, the son whom she loved so much. Jacob had to flee from his home to a far off country to escape his brother, Esau’s anger. Esau lost all the blessings and inheritance that were duly his.
Let us examine ourselves to see if there is any trace of selfishness in our lives. Selfish people will cause divisions in relationships wherever they go. This is evident in families, churches and in every other place. Though we were born again as children in the Kingdom of God, we must work towards spiritual maturity. It is a sad situation that many adults have not matured, and are still childish, and this has been the cause for much conflict, confusion and misery.
That is the reason why Paul reminds us in Ephesians 4:14-15, “Then we shall no longer be children, carried by the waves and blown about by every shifting wind of the teaching of deceitful people, who lead others into error by the tricks they invent. Instead, by speaking the truth in a spirit of love, we must grow up in every way to Christ, who is the head.” (GNB)
If you were to go to a school and observe a teacher in grade 1, most of her time will be consumed in trying to sort out the petty issues that these little children have with each other. We can observe that this is the case because of lack of maturity among these little ones. So also, whenever there are immature adults in any group, they can never focus and accomplish the purposes of God, but instead most of the time will be spent in trying to bring peace, and to settle the disputes they have with each other.
May the Lord help us to mature and grow more into the likeness of Jesus Christ. There is a certain amount of selfishness in all of us, but if left unchecked, we will experience numerous problems in relationships all around us. Let us set aside all selfishness, childishness and grow into the maturity that God desires for us. Wherever we are in the family, at work, in church or in society, let us never be the cause for confusion. Instead, let us desire to grow in maturity, set aside all selfishness, and yearn to be more and more like our Lord Jesus.
Rev. F. Andrew Dixon
www.goodnewsfriends.net
Transcribed by: Sis. Esther Collins
