Singles and Marriage
Selected Scripture
(If you feel this sermon is helpful, you are welcome to visit https://danachau.thinkific.com/ for a free online course.)
Let me share what Christena Cleveland, associate professor at Duke University's Divinity School, wrote in her blog: "A couple of summers ago I visited a Dallas-area church.... the pastor gave a profound, rousing sermon on the beauty and holiness of marriage. Even as a single person, I was inspired by his sophisticated, lovely depiction of a Christ-centered marriage. It was that good!
At the end of the 40 minute sermon, the pastor looked up from his notes and began to ad lib: “I know that over 40% of you are single, so I should probably say something about singleness as well.”
My ears perked up. Since this pastor was such a scholarly guy and since he had just given an exceptionally thoughtful sermon on marriage, I just knew that his brief thoughts on singleness would be equally profound. I leaned forward.
The pastor said, “Here’s what I want to say to all you single people: Don’t have sex before you get married. Then when you get married, make up for lost time. [wink, wink]”
Once the laughter died down, the pastor gave a benediction and returned to the pew where his wife awaited him.
Singles can often feel like an afterthought. Not given due value or attention. Not the way couples and marrieds are celebrated throughout the year: Valentine's Day, Mother's Day, Father's Day and anniversaries.
Today we will learn what the Bible says about Singles and Marriage. This message is not just for singles, but for everyone. So that we would understand and value singles the way God does.
Here are some false beliefs about singles from Justin Holcomb's list of " Stupid Things People Say to Singles":
1. There’s sin in your life that God wants you to work through first. Once you work it out, he’ll bring you a spouse.
2. You’re too picky. You should probably lower your standards. You’re only interested in men/women who are above your level. You need to be more realistic about who you are and what kind of guy/woman you can expect to be interested in you.
3. You aren’t confident enough. If you liked you, guys/women would like you, too.
4. Guys are intimidated by you. The more you accomplish, the less guys will want to ask you out.
5. Maybe you’re not praying enough for a spouse.
There are various wrong beliefs from these sayings. One is that married people are more holy and blessed of God. Second is that all single people want to and should get married. Third is that there is something wrong with not being married.
This morning we will answer three introductory questions from God's Word about singles: Who are the singles? Why marry? And, Why choose singleness?
Let's start with, "Who are the singles?" Children, youth and young adults who are not married come to mind. But there are many others. And Jesus recognized them in Matthew 19.
The context of Matthew 19:1-12 is a conversation between the religious leaders and Jesus. The religious leaders asked Jesus, "What are legitimate reasons for divorce?" To which Jesus answered, "Unless adultery entered the marriage, God made marriage to be lifelong."
Then some of Jesus' disciples chimed in, "If we can't get out of marriage for reasons less than adultery, then we rather not get married." Here we see some people choose singleness because of the fear of being locked into an unhappy lifelong marriage.
Then we read Jesus responding to his disciples about other reasons for being single in verses 11-12: “Not everyone can receive this saying, but only those to whom it is given. For there are eunuchs who have been so from birth, and there are eunuchs who have been made eunuchs by men, and there are eunuchs who have made themselves eunuchs for the sake of the kingdom of heaven. Let the one who is able to receive this receive it.”
From verse 12, we see three other groups of singles. The first group are those born not able to engage in marital sex. These include those born with certain physical disabilities.
The second group of singles result from people-created circumstances. Commentators suggest these were castrated by men. But singles from people-created circumstances could include the loss of spouse, leaving behind widows, widowers or divorced. This second group could include those affected by society's definition of attractiveness, limiting those who are marriageable. This group could also include those affected by China's population control, leading to millions more men than women.
The third group of singles choose to remain single to serve God without the distraction of spouse and children. These include monks, nuns and priests. But they also include those not in full-time ministry. This singleness can be for a season or a lifetime.
So who are the singles? A diverse population who are not married. But they could be once married or be married in the future. Some are single by choice, others are single because of circumstance. Not because they are inferior to the marrieds, nor are they loved less by God.
The second question is, "Why marry?" Some women have talked about their wedding day since they were little girls. Dads talk with sons about growing up to be fathers. Dating services promise to connect singles to their soulmates. Churches focus on godly marriages and strong families. Chinese culture equates marriage with maturity. The Old Testament describes God's blessing with marriage and children.
Companionship, sex, financial security, family, and cultural pressure are just some reasons people get married. Also, establishing godly marriages and physical families were keys to fulfilling God's OT plan. The OT unfolded God's plan for humanity from creation to procreation to a nation, Israel, God's chosen people.
Genesis 1:27-28, the first book of the OT, tells us, "So God created man in his own image, in the image of God he created him; male and female he created them. And God blessed them. And God said to them, 'Be fruitful and multiply and fill the earth ....'"
Malachi 2:15, the last book of the OT, tells us, "Did [God] not make [husband and wife] one, with a portion of the Spirit in their union? And what was the one God seeking? Godly offspring. So guard yourselves in your spirit, and let none of you be faithless to the wife of your youth."
Marriage and family are clearly God's design for the procreation of mankind and the development of a godly people. And the New Testament affirms that heterosexual monogamous lifelong marriage is the moral context for sexual intercourse. 1 Corinthians 7:2 and 9, "But because of the temptation to sexual immorality, each man should have his own wife and each woman her own husband.... if they cannot exercise self-control, they should marry. For it is better to marry than to burn with passion."
So, why marry? Someone said, "I always hated weddings because the elderly would come over and poke me saying 'You're next.'" There are definitely cultural influences and people pressures. But there are also God's design and goodness.
Finally, why choose singleness? Before we look at what the Bible says, let's see what our culture says. Here are some reasons from USA Today:
1. Singles are not only much more connected to their family and friends, but also they are more likely to help their parents in their old age than their married siblings....
2. When a couple marries, there is a measurable boost in their happiness, but it doesn't last. Over time, their happiness returns to pre-marriage levels....
3. Across all social classes, women are less likely than in the past to see marriage as an economic benefit....
In other words, at least in Western society, there are no clear and lasting relational, emotional nor financial benefits to being married. So singleness is an equally good option. But what does God's Word say?
As we have already seen from Matthew 19, there are choices and circumstances that lead people to be and to stay single. But are there truly good reasons to choose singleness over marriage? Paul thinks so. Let's see why.
Singleness and marriage are both gifts from God. Paul wrote in 1 Corinthians 7:7, " I wish that all were as I myself am [unmarried]. But each has his own gift from God, one of one kind [singleness] and one of another [marriage]." Marriage is not a curse; singleness is not a curse. Both are gifts from God.
Don't put your life on pause waiting for a marriage partner. Paul wrote in 1 Corinthians 7:17, " Only let each person lead the life that the Lord has assigned to him, and to which God has called him." If you are married, live lovingly with your mate. If you are single, live passionately for Christ.
Singles can be single-minded for Jesus Christ. Paul wrote in 1 Corinthians 7:32-35, "I want you to be free from anxieties. The unmarried man is anxious about the things of the Lord, how to please the Lord. But the married man is anxious about worldly things, how to please his wife, and his interests are divided. And the unmarried or betrothed woman is anxious about the things of the Lord, how to be holy in body and spirit. But the married woman is anxious about worldly things, how to please her husband. I say this for your own benefit, not to lay any restraint upon you, but to promote good order and to secure your undivided devotion to the Lord."
Some singles are single-minded to get married. But if you can be single-minded for Jesus Christ, this is a good and biblical reason to choose singleness. Let me close with a story.
Someone tells of two brothers who were farmers; one lived on top of the mountain with his wife and five kids, while the other unmarried brother lived at the base of the mountain. When harvest time came, the brother on top of the mountain looked down to the base of the mountain and thought, “My brother is single, and he has no one to help him plant and harvest his farm. He must be quite lonely also. I will take a fraction of my harvest and bring it to him so that he can be encouraged.”
Meanwhile, the brother at the base of the mountain looked up to the top of the mountain and thought, “My brother has a wife and five kids to feed. He works so hard, and he may still not have enough for his family. I will take a fraction of my harvest and bring it to him so that he can be encouraged.”
Both brothers began their journey on the same morning, each hauling a fraction of his harvest to bring to the other. By late afternoon, both brothers arrived on the road halfway from the top and the base of the mountain. When each discovered what the other intended to do, their hearts were so encouraged that they built an altar at that very place to worship God.
Singleness and marriage have their respective challenges and benefits. The Good News of Jesus Christ is the same for both. There is a new family, God's family, to which we all belong. And like the two brothers, consider the needs of one another.
(If you feel this sermon is helpful, you are welcome to visit https://danachau.thinkific.com/ for a free online course.)
