Title: Building Self-esteem in the Family
Theme: To show how the family builds self-esteem in their children.
Scripture: Luke 2:52; Proverbs 18:21
Opening Scripture:
Luke 2:52 NLT Jesus grew in wisdom and in stature and in favor with God and all the people
Proverbs 18:21 Death and life are in the power of the tongue, And those who love it will eat its fruit.
Introduction
Jesus grew. Sometimes that is hard for us to wrap our head around. Except when we understand that He emptied Himself. The Greek word is kenosis “to make empty” (Strongs G2758). Christ emptied Himself. He was still divine but “limited Himself to human nature” (Dake on Luke 2:52).
God placed Jesus in a family so that He could grow. Mary and Joseph were the chosen couple that God used to raise up His son. To me this is the cocoon that offered the preparation for what was going to come.
That is what family is. Whatever the dynamics might look like. How ever they are put together but it is a place where children grow. It is a place where self-esteem is built.
self-es·teem [?self?'stem]
Definition: the overall sense of self-worth or personal value we attribute to ourselves
https://www.mentalhealth.com/library/self-esteem
Proverbs
Proverbs 18:21 reminds us that there is Death and life are in the power of the tongue,
Death and life can come just by what we speak. I was reminded this week that the power of the tongue is so evident. We often times focus on the “death” part. Trying to be careful that we don’t speak death over people and situations. But that part about “life” is so key. Think about the power of words when we say, “I love you”. I mean genuine. Or even you are doing a great job. Or even these words “I forgive you”. There is a release that happens.
So yes there is life that comes from words we say.
This is what family is all about. Creating an atmosphere where life is spoken. Creating an atmosphere where self-esteem is built. So over the next few minutes I want to talk to you about building that in your family. (Again, family for me is in its essence mother, dad and child but there is so much more. This includes single parents, grandparents, uncles, aunts and cousins. There is so much more built into it.)
I. Family helps in our identity
The opposing view of the world. The world around us is always telling us “who we are not”. We are not beautiful enough. We are not skinny enough. We are not smart enough. We are not joyful enough.
Family tells us who we are. Reminding us.
A. God knows us
Jeremiah 1:5 "Before I formed you in the womb I knew you; Before you were born I sanctified you; “
B. Made in God’s image Gen 1:27
C. Called for God’s purpose.
Ephesians 2:10 For we are God's handiwork, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do.
II. Family shows unconditional love
Family is where unconditional love is shown. “I am going to love you no matter”
Love is not based on works. It is not based on obedience. Love is what we show in spite of the behavior. We may not approve but we love.
False love is based on behavior.
I have heard parents make the connection between God’s love and their children’s behavior. God won’t love you if you do this.
III. Family shows forgiveness
Forgiveness is not acceptance of behavior but of the person that you see they can become.
I release you from the debt you owe me. If you are always holding it over their head.
If you are always reminding them of their bad behavior.
More and more I have tried to look at children and say, “Maybe it isn’t bad behavior but it is a gift.” Maybe it is just not conforming to all the standards of society.
Example: Teaching Kai (our son). He was rambunctious. He had a lot of energy. Typically in school the goal would be to put him behind a desk and help him (through discipline and reward to control his energy). Yet for Carol it was to teach some then let him run some, maybe 5 to 10 minutes. I think teachers have gotten better about this as they learn to shift their attention.
IV. Family brings order
I was reminded of this. We live in a world of disorder. Instability. Confusion. Family should be that place where we can find order. Helping us put the pieces back together.
How much chaos is in the world around us. How much confusion. How much turmoil. Always stirring something up. Wars.
God is the one who brings order to our life. When things are out of alignment then we see the world differently. When we try to find peace in the wrong places. Some try to find it in a bottle yet it brings more disorder.
V. Family brings boundaries
Ephesians 6:4 And you, fathers, do not provoke your children to wrath, but bring them up in the training and admonition of the Lord.
A. Training “nurture”
Shema:
Deuteronomy 6:4-7 "Hear, O Israel: The LORD our God, the LORD is one! (5) You shall love the LORD your God with all your heart, with all your soul, and with all your strength. (6) "And these words which I command you today shall be in your heart. (7) You shall teach them diligently to your children, and shall talk of them when you sit in your house, when you walk by the way, when you lie down, and when you rise up.
B. Admonition “discipline”
VI. Positive and negative reinforcement
A. Positive. Rewarding good behavior
B. Negative. Consequences for bad behavior
Conclusion
The prophetic voice we have is very important. The ability we have to speak life and death to our family. Our children or grandchildren. Our nieces or nephews. Those children around us.
Before we can speak life over others we must begin with ourselves. Where are we with God? Do we have order in ourselves?
Too many times we speak through our chaos.
