HoHum:
Things will be different without my grandmother- another empty chair
WBTU:
Kyle David Matthews wrote a song and the Oak Ridge Boys recorded it in the early 2000’s. It’s called Inconvenient Christmas. This is more of a story than a song but here is the first part: Among the bills that I'd received was a postcard marked “Apologies, The Christmas gifts you ordered aren't in stock” So I packed up the kids for Grandpa's house Then a blizzard blew in and the car broke down So, we shared a quart of eggnog at a truck stop And I said, "Kids, this is unfortunate You think it's bad? Well it's inconvenient” But the most inconvenient Christmas ever was Was the first one
We will refer to other parts of this song throughout this series. Bob Kastens has been putting up the church sign since the death of Carolyn France and this week he put as the title of the sermon, “A Disturbing Christmas.” Did not have enough I’s for Inconvenient this week so he put up disturbing. Well, for this sermon that is applicable and probably a better title. People who are grieving often come to the holidays with disturbing thoughts. These holidays will not be good because so and so is no longer with us. That person just made the holidays special and now that they are gone, I would rather just skip the holidays, forget all about them. The Oak Ridge Boys are an American country and gospel vocal quartet originating in Oak Ridge, Tennessee. Started in 1943, through time, they changed their image and concentrated on country music. Elvira, their most famous song, was released in 1981. On September 19, 2023, the Oak Ridge Boys announced that they would be embarking on a farewell tour to mark their golden anniversary. Joe Bonsall, lead tenor, retired from the group due to what was later revealed to be ALS on December 17, 2023; he eventually died July 9, 2024 from ALS complications. Holidays, no Joe
Steven Covey tells about an experience that caused a major change in his perspective. He remembers one Sunday morning on a subway in New York. People were sitting quietly- some reading newspapers, some lost in thought, some resting with their eyes closed. It was a calm, peaceful scene. Then suddenly, a man and his children entered the subway car. The children were so loud and rambunctious that instantly the whole climate changed. The man sat down next to me (Covey) and closed his eyes, apparently oblivious to the situation. The children were yelling back and forth, throwing things, even grabbing people’s papers. It was very disturbing. And yet, the man sitting next to me did nothing. It was difficult not to feel irritated. I couldn’t believe that he could be so insensitive as to let his children run wild like that. It was easy to see that everyone else on the subway felt irritated, too. Finally, with what I felt was unusual patience and restraint, I said to him, “Sir, your children are really disturbing a lot of people. I wonder if you couldn’t control them a little more?” The man lifted his gaze as if to come to an awareness of the situations for the first time and said softly, “Oh, you’re right. I guess I should do something about it. We just came from the hospital where their mother died about an hour ago. I don’t know what to think, and I guess they don’t know how to handle it either.” Covey said, “Because I saw things differently. I thought differently. I felt differently. I behaved differently. My irritation vanished an my heart was filled with the man’s pain.” It’s incredible how viewing a situation more clearly can change how we think, feel, and react. I wonder if we need to see things differently when it comes to grief in our lives.
Thesis: Let’s talk about good grief- 3 parts of good grief
For instances:
Part 1- Lean into grief, don’t ignore it
Where does this idea come from? How about the Bible? The example of leaning into grief is sprinkled throughout the Bible. The prophet Jeremiah wrote an entire book in the OT called Lamentations. To lament means to passionately express grief or sorrow. Jeremiah wrote this book to talk about the fall of Jerusalem in 586 BC. Much of it is disturbing (our title) in the poetic descriptions of the atrocities and deaths. Jeremiah knows much about grief and is called the weeping prophet. Lamentations 3:31-33 (English Standard Version) For the Lord will not cast off forever, but, though he cause grief (the Lord at least could have stopped it), he will have compassion according to the abundance of his steadfast love; for he does not afflict from his heart (reminds me of a father who takes his child to the doctor and the doctor has to give a painful shot; dad holds the child and all the while the child is seething with anger at the father but it is for the child’s good) or grieve the children of men (does not want to grieve us). The Lord moves in mysterious ways. Anne Johnson Flint- God Hath Not Promised- God hath not promised skies always blue, Flower-strewn pathways all our lives through; God hath not promised sun without rain, Joy without sorrow, peace without pain. But God hath promised strength for the day, Rest for the labor, light for the way, Grace for the trials, help from above, Unfailing sympathy, undying love.
Not the only place where thoughts of grief are mentioned. Half to 2/3rds of the Psalms are classified as laments. Psalm 6:1-3: LORD, do not rebuke me in your anger or discipline me in your wrath. Have mercy on me, LORD, for I am faint; heal me, LORD, for my bones are in agony. My soul is in deep anguish. How long, LORD, how long?
Psalm 31:9-10: Be merciful to me, LORD, for I am in distress; my eyes grow weak with sorrow, my soul and body with grief. My life is consumed by anguish and my years by groaning; my strength fails because of my affliction, and my bones grow weak.
When God created us, he created complex creatures. Our emotions and feelings are not separated from our bodies. (Try to swallow our anxiety and our bodies will let us know). A great starting point is to be honest with God and others and lean into our loss, hurt and grief.
God, I feel so far away from you
God, I am so sad, and I feel angry
God where are you?
When we are wrestling with those questions on the inside but pretend all is well on the outside- that’s a ripe environment for trouble. It’s denial. Negative expressions and questions are not wrong. Questions are not necessarily “from the devil,” even though that is the way some have been taught. Questions are not evidence of a lack of faith but the reality of being human. Puritan preacher Archibald Simpson observed, “When we are in prosperity, our prayers come from our lips, but when we are in the depths, our prayers come from our hearts.” Psalm 130:1: Out of the depths I cry to you, Lord.
Jesus leaned into his grief. Hebrews 5:7: During the days of Jesus’ life on earth, he offered up prayers and petitions with fervent cries and tears to the one who could save him from death
It has been said that when we do not process before God the very feelings that make us human, such as fear, sadness or anger, we leak. Lots of “leaking” people in our society.
Have we experienced some kind of loss lately. Do we know what it is like to groan with sorrow? Apply some good grief- stop trying to run from or ignore our grief, but instead, lean into it.
Part 2- View waiting as positive, not negative
Who likes to wait? I don’t. I love the Dollywood rides where they is no wait. Waiting stinks. It’s tough. It goes against our nature.
Waiting for an adult child to come to their senses
Waiting for the results of the PET scan
Waiting for a new preacher
Yet the call to grieving is to wait. The problem with waiting is that we often believe that nothing is happening. The truth is if we are waiting on God, all kinds of things are happening. We can’t see what’s taking place because we are weighted down. Even so, there are times that God calls us to wait. Several Psalms talk about this. Psalm 37:7: Be still before the LORD and wait patiently for him. Psalm 40:1: I waited patiently for the LORD; he turned to me and heard my cry. Psalm 130:5: I wait for the LORD, my whole being waits, and in his word I put my hope.
Waiting patiently is one of the most radical commands of today. It requires humility. Often our American culture’s response to waiting is: “Don’t just stand there, do something.” Henry Blackaby has pointed out that God often says to us, “Don’t just do something, stand there!”
Part 3- Let God birth new from the old
A central message of the Bible is that suffering and death bring resurrection and transformation. We see this especially in the life of Jesus and then in us. Good grief is not just letting go, but letting loss bless us. Crystal Lewis- God brings beauty from ashes, strength from fear; gladness for mourning and peace from despair. Our hurts and losses can become the foundation for new beginnings if we follow God’s pathway for our grief. We can pay attention to the pain that comes with our losses while we wait. And then God can bring something new from the old.
Had a lady confront me in a phone call. Visited this widow before her husband died. I said that I was excited about moving from Cincinnati to Tennessee. She said that was a lie. I had to acknowledge that she was speaking truth. YEs, I was apprehensive and fearful about moving from where we were for 12 years and uproot once again and come to a new place. Even so, good things can come out of brokenness. Resurrection only comes out of death. Our losses are real. But as we pay attention and wait on God in our losses and grief, no matter how long it takes, God over time brings and births resurrection. As we do, this will have a powerful effect on us. I believe good things have come from me being here. Continue to pray for greater things.
Psalm 40:1-3: I waited patiently for the LORD; he turned to me and heard my cry. He lifted me out of the slimy pit, out of the mud and mire; he set my feet on a rock and gave me a firm…
