Evelyn Shetter from Abilene, Kansas, accepted a lunch invitation with former coworkers. Since she was going to be gone over the lunch hour, she set the table and left dinner in the oven for Larry, her farmer husband. She scribbled him a note saying, “Dinner in oven.”
When she returned home at 4 p.m., she waved at Larry working outside, but he didn't wave back. “Guess he's had a bad day,” Evelyn thought.
In the kitchen, the plot thickened. There were no dirty dishes, and the casserole was still in the oven. However, a sandwich that Evelyn intended to throw away was missing from the refrigerator.
When Larry came in, she asked, “What did you have for dinner?”
Silence.
“Did you get my note?”
“Sure did,” he replied gruffly. “It said, ‘Dinner is over!’”
Evelyn now proofreads all her notes (Evelyn Shetter, Abilene, Kansas, "Lite Fare," Christian Reader, May/June 2000; www. PreachingToday.com).
Larry misunderstood Evelyn’s act of love because of a hastily scribbled note. But misunderstandings happen all the time between people who love each other, between husbands and wives, between church members, between leaders and those they serve.
So how do you clean up the mess of misunderstanding? How do you resolve the mix-up without making things worse? How do you clear up the confusion without creating more conflict? Well, if you have your Bibles, I invite you to turn with me to 2 Corinthians 1, 2 Corinthians 1, where the Apostle Paul addresses the Corinthian believers, who had misunderstood his act of love towards them.
2 Corinthians 1:12 For our boast is this, the testimony of our conscience, that we behaved in the world with simplicity and godly sincerity, not by earthly wisdom but by the grace of God, and supremely so toward you (ESV).
Paul begins by affirming the integrity of his behavior. His conscience is clear. It testifies that he acted with simplicity and sincerity. That is, he behaved with holiness and pure motives. “For,” he says…
2 Corinthians 1:13-14 …we are not writing to you anything other than what you read and understand and I hope you will fully understand— just as you did partially understand us—that on the day of our Lord Jesus you will boast of us as we will boast of you (ESV).
Their misunderstanding had caused them to doubt his sincerity and to be ashamed of their relationship with him. So Paul assures them that there was no hidden meaning in his communication with him, and he looks forward to the day when they will take pride in him as he takes pride in them, because he acted with integrity. And that’s exactly what you must do to clean up the mess of misunderstanding.
ACT WITH INTEGRITY.
Behave with holy and pure motives. Be above board and straightforward when you deal with people.
The Greek word translated “sincerity” in verse 12 describes an object that can bear the test of being held up to the light of the sun (Barclay). That is to say, those who behave with “godly sincerity” have nothing to hide. Even under the glaring light of the sun, people find no impurities.
Now, if that’s the way you always behave, even when people misunderstand what you do or say, they will give you the benefit of the doubt.
Seven-year-old first baseman Tanner Munsey never thought he'd end up in Sports Illustrated, but he did. While playing T-Ball in Wellington, Florida, Tanner fielded a ground ball and tried to tag a runner going from first to second base.
The umpire, Laura Benson, called the runner out, but young Tanner immediately ran to her side and said, "Ma'am, I didn't tag the runner." Umpire Benson reversed herself and sent the runner to second base.
Two weeks later, Laura Benson was again the umpire and Tanner was playing shortstop. This time Benson ruled that Tanner had missed the tag on a runner going to third base, and she called the runner safe. Tanner, obviously disappointed, tossed the ball to the pitcher and returned to his position. Benson asked Tanner what was wrong, and Tanner quietly said he'd tagged the boy.
Umpire Benson's response? "You're out!" She sent the runner to the bench. When the opposing coach rushed the field to protest, Benson explained what had happened two weeks before, saying, "If a kid is that honest, I have to give it to him" (Sports Illustrated, 9-16-93; www.PreachingToday.com).
When you act with integrity, people give you the benefit of the doubt.
Soon after I began my ministry on Washington Island in Wisconsin (2005), I said something from the pulpit on Sunday that got all twisted by the time it spread around that small island community the very next day. I had described Yoga as a Hindu prayer language and cautioned believers against it.
Well, people misinterpreted my words to mean that I was angry with a long-time, revered island resident, who happened to teach some Yoga classes. At the time, I didn’t even know her, and I was shocked that people misconstrued an innocent remark as an attack against someone I had not yet met. So, at our next elder meeting, I asked my elders, “What do I do to clear up the misunderstanding?”
A wise elder (Chick Stults), who became a good friend, replied, “Phil, just live your life in such a way that when people hear such rumors, nobody believes them.” His advice has served me well in my 20 years of ministry since then.
When you live your life with integrity, you make it difficult for people to question your motives. So, to clean up the mess of misunderstanding, always act with integrity. Then…
AFFIRM GOD’S INTEGRITY.
Point to God’s faithfulness in all His dealings with people. Direct people to trust in the Lord’s reliability. That’s what Paul did. Look at verse 15.
2 Corinthians 1:15-16 Because I was sure of this, I wanted to come to you first, so that you might have a second experience of grace. I wanted to visit you on my way to Macedonia, and to come back to you from Macedonia and have you send me on my way to Judea (ESV).
Confident of their relationship, Paul planned to visit Corinth twice, once on his way TO Macedonia, and then again on his way FROM Macedonia (north of Corinth). However, Paul had a change of plans, which prevented him from making a second visit. As a result, some in Corinth accused him of acting on impulse and being unreliable. To which Paul replies…
2 Corinthians 1:17-18 Was I vacillating when I wanted to do this? Do I make my plans according to the flesh, ready to say “Yes, yes” and “No, no” at the same time? As surely as God is faithful, our word to you has not been Yes and No (ESV).
We don’t say one thing and plan to do another. We did not lie to you, Paul says. We had every intention of visiting you again, but circumstances changed our plans.
2 Corinthians 1:19 For the Son of God, Jesus Christ, whom we proclaimed among you, Silvanus and Timothy and I, was not Yes and No, but in him it is always Yes (ESV).
Like Jesus, we say what we mean.
2 Corinthians 1:20 For all the promises of God find their Yes in him. That is why it is through him that we utter our Amen to God for his glory (ESV).
We commit our plans to the Lord, who always keeps His Word. We utter our Amen, that is, our “so be it” to God. It’s like saying, “I will do such-and-such, LORD WILLING.” In Paul’s case, God had different plans than he; but no matter what happens, God is always faithful.
2 Corinthians 1:21 And it is God who establishes us with you in Christ, and has anointed us, and who has also put his seal on us and given us his Spirit in our hearts as a guarantee (ESV).
God established their relationship in Christ. God anointed them. That is, He set them apart for service. God sealed them—that is to say He put His mark of ownership on them, securing them for all eternity. And God gave them His Spirit as a guarantee, literally, as a down payment with the promise of much more to come.
Do you see what Paul is doing here? He is directing attention away from himself to the Lord Jesus Christ, who never changes. Even though our plans change, God’s plans never change, and you can trust Him to keep His Word. So, in the midst of all the misunderstanding, trust God.
1st, trust God who established your relationship with other believers in Christ. When you have a misunderstanding with another believer, look to the Lord, who has brought you together in Christ. He established your relationship. He made it firm in Christ.
In Ephesians 2, Paul said, “You who once were far off have been brought near by the blood of Christ. For he himself is our peace, who has made us both one and has broken down in his flesh the dividing wall of hostility… that he might create in himself one new man in place of the two, so making peace, and might reconcile us both to God in one body through the cross…” (Ephesians 2:13-16).
God formed an unbreakable bond between you and your brother and sister in Christ. Because of the cross, you are now “one new man” in “one body.”
Christian leader and author Vinay Samuel put it this way some time ago. He wrote: “One sign and wonder, biblically speaking, that alone can prove the power of the gospel is that of reconciliation… Hindus can produce as many miracles as any Christian miracle worker. Islamic saints in India can produce and duplicate every miracle that has been produced by Christians. But they cannot duplicate the miracle of black and white together, of racial injustice being swept away by the power of the gospel” (Vinay Samuel, Leadership, Vol. 17, no. 3; www.PreachingToday.com).
God brought black and white together, male and female, young and old, rich and poor. God brought every believer together in one body. So do whatever it takes to work out your misunderstandings, because you’re stuck with each other for all eternity.
For years the Iron Curtain (actually, a fence) separated two populations of red deer living in the forests around the border between Germany and what is now the Czech Republic. When government officials dismantled the fence in 1989, they removed the physical barrier between those two populations. But when wildlife biologists began studying the deer in 2002 (12 years later), they quickly discovered that the deer living in Germany were not migrating into the Czech Republic, and the deer living in the Czech Republic were not migrating into Germany. In other words, both populations of deer were still behaving as if the fence remained intact.
As part of the study, biologist Marco Heurich fitted a GPS collar on Ahornia, a deer in eastern Germany. He and his team of researchers tracked her movements more than 11,000 times in Germany over several years, but not a single time in the Czech Republic. They tracked her at the border of the two countries several times, but she never crossed over.
She never crossed over even though she was born 18 years after authorities tore down the fence between the two countries. She has no physical memory of the fence's existence, and yet it still blocks her. Furthermore, the land on the other side of the non-existent fence is now a large and thriving nature preserve. It’s the perfect home for deer like Ahornia and her family—and yet she will not enter.
Marco Heurich and his team of biologists have tried to explain the deer’s strange behavior, but wildlife filmmaker Tom Synnatzschke, who often works in the area, has the best explanation. According to Tom, “The wall in the head is still there” ("Deep in the Forest, Bambi Remains the Cold War's Last Prisoner," The Wall Street Journal, 11-04-09; www.Preaching Today.com).
My dear friends, God removed the wall 2,000 years ago when Jesus died on the cross. Please, take down the wall in your head, cross the no-longer-existent barrier, and pursue peace with your brothers and sisters in Christ. When there is misunderstanding, 1st of all, trust God, who established your relationship with other believers in Christ.
2nd, trust God, who anointed you to serve Him with those other believers. Depend on God, who commissioned you to work together even with those you may not understand.
Way back in the spring of 1940, Hitler's panzer divisions were mopping up French troops and preparing for a siege against Great Britain. The Dutch had already surrendered, as well as the Belgians. The British army was stranded on the coast of France in the channel port of Dunkirk. Nearly a quarter million British soldiers and over 100,000 allied troops faced capture or death.
Hitler’s troops, only a few miles away in the hills of France, closed in for an easy kill. The Royal Navy had enough ships to save barely 17,000 men, and the House of Commons was told to brace itself for “hard and heavy tidings.”
Then while a despairing world watched with fading hope, a bizarre fleet of ships appeared on the horizon of the English Channel. Trawlers, tugs, fishing sloops, lifeboats, sailboats, pleasure craft, an island ferry named Gracie Fields, and even the America's Cup challenger Endeavor, all manned by civilian sailors, sped to the rescue. The ragtag armada eventually rescued 338,682 men and returned them home to the shores of England, as pilots of the Royal Air Force jockeyed with the German Luftwaffe in the skies above the channel. It was one of the most remarkable naval operations in history (Doug Banister, The Word and Power Church, Zondervan, 1999, pp. 33-34; www.PreachingToday.com).
The church is God's “ragtag armada,” a mix of flawed individuals that God commissioned to rescue people in desperate need of salvation. So, set your differences aside and seek to work together to save as many as you can.
When there is misunderstanding, 1st trust God who established your relationship with other believers. 2nd, trust God who anointed you to serve Him with those same believers.
And 3rd, trust God who sealed you with His Spirit as a guarantee of greater glory ahead for every believer. Depend on God who put His mark of ownership on you, securing your future with Him forever, along with everyone else who calls on the name of Jesus.
He was just a little fellow. His mother died when he was just a child. His father, in trying to be both mommy and daddy, had planned a picnic. The little boy had never been on a picnic, so they made their plans, fixed the lunch, and packed the car. Then it was time to go to bed, for the picnic was the next day.
He just couldn't sleep. He tossed and he turned, but the excitement got to him. Finally, he got out of bed, ran into the room where his father had already fallen asleep, and shook him. His father woke up and saw his son.
He said to him, "What are you doing up? What's the matter?"
The boy said, "I can't sleep."
The father asked, "Why can't you sleep?"
In answering, the boy said, "Daddy, I'm excited about tomorrow."
His father replied, "Well, Son, I'm sure you are, and it's going to be a great day, but it won't be great if we don't get some sleep. So why don't you just run down the hall, get back in bed, and get a good night's rest.
So the boy trudged off down the hall to his room and got in bed. Before long, sleep came—to the father, that is. But it wasn't long until the little boy was back. He was pushing and shoving his father, and his father opened his eyes. Harsh words almost blurted out until he saw the expression on the boy's face. The father asked, "What's the matter now?"
The boy said, "Daddy, I just want to thank you for tomorrow" (Benjamin Reaves, "Living Expectantly," Preaching Today, Tape No. 65; www.PreachingToday.com).
Like that earthly daddy, your heavenly Daddy has promised you and every believer a great tomorrow.
You see, God has tied up your past, your present, and your future with every other believer in Christ. He established you in those relationships—past tense. He commissioned you to serve with those believers today. And He guarantees your glorious future with all of them—even with those you don’t like. So work out your misunderstandings, because you’re stuck with those people forever!
God is faithful! He will keep His Word. Count on it, because God’s faithfulness is the remedy for healing all broken relationships. When it’s hard to trust your brother or sister in Christ, you can always trust God, who put you together in one body to serve Him forever.
So, to clean up the mess of misunderstanding, act with integrity, affirm God’s integrity, and finally…
ACT WITH LOVE.
Demonstrate compassion in all your behavior. Work to truly benefit your brothers and sisters in Christ, even those who may misunderstand you.
That’s what Paul did. Listen to him as he tries to explain his change of plans.
2 Corinthians 1:23-24 But I call God to witness against me—it was to spare you that I refrained from coming again to Corinth. Not that we lord it over your faith, but we work with you for your joy, for you stand firm in your faith (ESV).
Paul decided not to make a second visit to Corinth, because he wanted to spare them further pain.
2 Corinthians 2:1-4 For I made up my mind not to make another painful visit to you. For if I cause you pain, who is there to make me glad but the one whom I have pained? And I wrote as I did, so that when I came I might not suffer pain from those who should have made me rejoice, for I felt sure of all of you, that my joy would be the joy of you all. For I wrote to you out of much affliction and anguish of heart and with many tears, not to cause you pain but to let you know the abundant love that I have for you (ESV).
Paul’s previous visit was a “painful visit,” after which he wrote to them “with many tears,” because he loved them. He was dealing with sin in the church not by lording it over them, but by lovingly correcting them.
I like what Warren Wiersbe wrote about these verses:
“Love puts others first. He did not think of his own feelings, but of the feelings of others. In Christian ministry, those who bring us great joy can also create for us great sorrow; and this was what Paul was experiencing. He wrote them a stern letter, born out of the anguish of his own heart, and bathed in Christian love. His great desire was that the church might obey the Word, discipline the offender, and bring purity and peace to the congregation…
“Paul could have exercised his apostolic authority and commanded the people to respect him and obey him; but he preferred to minister with patience and love. God knew that Paul’s change in plans had as its motive the sparing of the church from further pain. Love always considers the feelings of others and seeks to put their good ahead of everything else” (Wiersbe, The Bible Exposition Commentary).
That’s what Paul did, and that’s what you need to do in your dealings with other believers. Act with love, and seek to put their good ahead of everything else.
Richard Cecil, in a message to other pastors said, “To love to preach is one thing—to love those to whom we preach, quite another (Richard Cecil, Leadership, Vol. 4, no. 2; www.PreachingToday.com).
Whether it’s preaching or anything else, love the people you serve more than the thing you do. For, when people know you love them, they are more likely to give you the benefit of the doubt when you do something they don’t understand.
To clean up the mess of misunderstanding, act with integrity and love, affirming God’s integrity and love in everything you do.
Garret Keizer, in his book A Dresser of Sycamore Trees, talks about visiting Peter, an elderly man in a nursing home. In those visits, Garret discovers that Pete loves bananas, so he starts bringing some on each week’s visit. Garrett said:
“I was standing with my Chiquitas in line at the supermarket behind one of those people who seem to think they're at a bank instead of a store. She must have had three checkbooks. I shifted from one foot to the other, sighing, glancing at the clock. I wanted to catch Pete before supper. No doubt I was feeling the tiniest bit righteous because I was about the Lord's business on behalf of my old man, who needed his bananas and was looking forward to my company. And here was this loser buying an armful of trivial odds and ends and taking my precious time to screw around with her appallingly disorganized finances.
“When I finally got through the line, I watched her walk to her vehicle feeling that same uncharitable impulse that makes us glance at the driver of a car we're passing just to “get a look at the jerk.” She got into the driver's seat of a van marked with the name of a local nursing home and filled to capacity with elderly men and women who had no doubt handed her their wish lists and checkbooks as soon as she'd cut the ignition” (Garret Keizer, A Dresser of Sycamore Trees, Viking, 1991, p. 155; www.PreachingToday.com).
In your interactions with others, seek more to understand than to be understood.
