I want to speak to you about 5 Ways to Speak without Regret. Let’s talk about the power of your words for the next few minutes.
We continue a series entitled Give Me THAT Attitude. Often, we tell our children, “Don’t you give me that attitude.” This is the exact opposite. These are attitudes we want. The series highlights four attitudes that every home should have in abundance. Your home needs to know the life-giving power of encouraging, truthful words.
Find Proverbs 18 with me. The book of Proverbs has more to say about our words than anything else it addresses in our lives—more than money, sex, or family. You can think of Proverbs as Biblical Street Smarts ?.1 The book of Proverbs has around 90 proverbs about our words.
A quick search of the Book of Proverbs shows that words such as “tongue, ““mouth,” “lips,” and “words” are mentioned about 150 times.
I’ll be sharing many different Proverbs with you this morning.
Homework Assignment
Pick your top two favorite Proverbs to take away from this and write them down. Share your top 2 favorite Proverbs with someone this week.
By a show of hands, how many of you have said something you regret over your lifetime? How many of you wish you could take back something you’ve said to others? Me too! 100% me too!
Here are 5 Habits to Speak without Regret.
1. Appreciate the Power of Words
“Death and life are in the power of the tongue, and those who love it will eat its fruits” (Proverbs 18:21).
1.1 Our Words Matter
Think about the power of your coach’s words, your boss’ words, or your teacher’s words. The Bible says your words have power, like death or life, over your team, your workplace, and your classroom. Consider the power of a father’s words or a mother’s words. The Bible says your words have a power like death or life to your family. Your words have emotional power.
You can encourage or discourage with your tongue. Your words matter, whether it’s an email, a text message, or a phone call. Your words matter, whether it’s Facebook, Instagram, or Snapchat. Words are more than just a means of communication. Words are tools for shaping someone’s thoughts and emotions.
Let me show you.
1.2 Peace Be Upon You
When Jesus first met with the disciples after the resurrection, the Bible says that He entered a locked room full of fear to say, “Peace be with you” (John 20:19). The Bible tells us that the setting was the evening of the first Easter. Jesus had died only days before, three days before, and the shock of Jesus’ resurrection was still fresh for the Disciples. Jesus shows them His hands and His side, the fresh scars of the crucifixion. Jesus says again, “Peace be with you” (John 20:21b). Eight days later, “Doubting” Thomas is with the Disciples when Jesus appears again in a locked room. For the third time, Jesus says, “Peace be with you” (John 20:26c). If your friends had deserted you at the very moment you were dying, would the first words you would offer them be, “Peace be with you”? Wouldn’t you be tempted to say something to the effect, “You scum-sucking bunch of fools! You’re not my friends. You turned your back on me faster than Benedict Arnold.” Jesus diffuses the whole situation. Jesus sets the tone.2 Earlier, Jesus had told the Disciples, “I tell you, on the day of judgment people will give account for every careless word they speak, for by your words you will be justified, and by your words you will be condemned” (Matthew 12:36-37).
Jesus knew the power of words. The Bible says life is in the power of the tongue.
1.3 Words Can Damage
“…the tongue is a small member, yet it boasts of great things. How great a forest is set ablaze by such a small fire” (James 3:5)!
A teacher walks by a student, saying for all to hear, “Do we forget to take our medicine today?” humiliating the young boy in front of everyone. Reckless, rash words can be like razor blades flying out of mouths.3 A deadly tongue can kill your church, your family, and your classroom. Your words can leave emotional scars and wounds that last for years. We may not be able to remember what we ate for dinner yesterday, but we can remember what our parents said to us decades ago.
I wish I were a better example, but I have fallen short.
1.3.1 Wedding Ring
Did you hear about the man sitting next to another man? The man noticed that his friend was wearing his wedding ring on his right hand (not the left) and the wedding ring was on the index finger (not the ring finger). The man said, “That’s strange. Is that your wedding ring?” He said, “Yes, it is.” He said, “Why are you wearing it on the wrong finger?” He said, “I married the wrong woman.” Now, that may be funny to hear, but it’s also extremely hurtful.
1.3.2 Sticks and Stones
I’m going to lie to you to begin this sermon: “Sticks And Stones may break my bones, but words will never harm me.” Don’t believe that for a minute! Oftentimes, the cruelest cut of all is spoken words. Words have the ability to shape thoughts, emotions, and actions. Your words can damage your spouse. Build up your wife. Build up your husband.
1.4 So Many Words
The challenge is we speak so much that we forget the power of our words. A 2007 University of Arizona research study placed voice-activate recorders on American and Mexican students for several days. They carried the recorders for about seventeen hours per day. The study estimated that both men and women speak around 16,000 words per day.4 That’s the equivalent of speaking a seventy-page book every single day! When we speak so many words, we often forget their power.
1.5 Emotional Scars
Again, your words can leave emotional scars and wounds that last for years. Again, words are powerful because our emotions are tied to what others say to us and about us. A mother makes a remark about her daughter, and that little girl grows up with a poor self-image. A father tells his son he’s no good over and over and the boy grows up to believe it. We may not be able to remember what we ate for dinner yesterday, but we can remember what our parents said to us decades ago.
1. Appreciate the Power of Words
2. Speak Less, Not More
“A fool gives full vent to his spirit, but a wise man quietly holds it back” (Proverbs 29:11). You can paraphrase this to say, “Too much talk leads to sin. Be sensible and keep your mouth shut.” The Bible says you should monitor what you say. If you talk too much, you’re going to get in trouble. You don’t need to post everything.
2.1 Long Words
Did you know the longest word in the English language is a chemical name for a protein, which has 189,819 letters? There’s a recording of one man saying this word, and it took him reportedly three hours long! This super long word describes the chemical composition of a giant protein involved in muscle contraction. It's so long that it’s rarely written out in full.5 The longest word in the Oxford English Dictionary is 45 letters long. And Mary Poppins’ “Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious” is just 34 letters long. That is difficult for me to say, but this isn’t: If you talk too much, you’re going to get in trouble. Again, Speak Less, Not More.
2.2. Are You a Fool?
“Better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to speak out and remove all doubt,” said Abraham Lincoln. “Even a fool who keeps silent is considered wise; when he closes his lips, he is deemed intelligent” (Proverbs 17:28).
2.3 Listen More, Speak Less
We ought to listen more than we talk. God gave us two ears and only one mouth. Limit your words. Strategize what you’ll say, like a teacher preparing her lesson plans. Take Monday and purposefully choose your words carefully.
1. Appreciate the Power of Words
2. Speak Less, Not More
3. Speak Gently, Not Harshly
“A gentle tongue is a tree of life, but perverseness in it breaks the spirit” (Proverbs 15:4).
3.1 Tree of Life
The Tree of Life is a metaphor to restore Paradise in a broken world. Gentle speech is healing speech. You should speak to restore and heal. Remember how Jesus spoke to the fearful Disciples on the first Easter when He said, “Peace be with you.” Again, Jesus set the tone. Your words impact morale: “A man’s spirit will endure sickness, but a crushed spirit who can bear?” (Proverbs 18:14).
3.2 Child Hits and Swears at Cops
Maybe you saw the 30-second video clip where a young toddler hits and curses at cops. I’ll never forget this 2022 video. Minneapolis police officers showed up in St. Paul to execute a search warrant for a murder suspect. With at least one adult in the background, the toddlers met the cops on the sidewalk. To help you get the shocking picture, one of the toddlers is wearing nothing but his underwear. Toddlers met the cops — some still in diapers — who punched, kicked, cursed, and threw rocks at them.6 Some of the words this toddler I cannot say. The toddler told the officers to “Shut the F up” and “Shut up” and then calls the cop the derogatory term for a female dog. These toddlers are an embarrassment to their parents and their community.
Curse words are not gentle words. Dads, set the tone in your home with gentle words. Moms, set the tone in your home with gentle words. We can teach the next generation how to speak with respect to those in authority. No, no Bible command says don’t say these words. But, the Bible does say, “Let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths, but only such as is good for building up, as fits the occasion, that it may give grace to those who hear” (Ephesians 4:29).
If your mouth is filled with curse words, then you are not speaking gently. If you cannot go a day without cussing, consider what you are saying. A little league baseball coach recently used the “f word” when caustically speaking to elementary school-aged players. I doubt he meant to use the word, but oftentimes, cussing becomes such a habit that it spills out of our mouths.
3.3 What You Permit, You Promote
Parents, what you permit, you promote. If you permit your child to use words that are ugly, hurtful, sinful, or vulgar, you are promoting it.7
3.4 James Earl Jones
Just this week, the famous actor James Earl Jones passed away. Many of you know he was the voice of the famous villain Darth Vader. James Earl Jones had a golden voice. To have his baritone voice! He was so good that he was once chosen to recite (not sing) the National Anthem for the MLB All-Star Game. While most of us don’t have his voice, we can speak gently and not harshly.
3.5 Mind Your Tone
“A soft answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger” (Proverbs 15:1).
The Bible commands us to speak gently. Your words should be a fire extinguisher, not a fire starter. To speak gently means to be mindful of my tone, my word choice, and my delivery. Gentle speech is healing speech. Yes, I understand sometimes you must raise your voice. But, a home is constantly filled with shouting and yelling so much pain and hurt can result. Moms and dads, can you gently redirect? Dads, set the tone in your home with gentle words. Moms, set the tone in your home with gentle words.
1. Appreciate the Power of Words
2. Speak Less, Not More
3. Speak Gently, Not Harshly
4. Think before You Speak
“The heart of the righteous ponders how to answer, but the mouth of the wicked pours out evil things” (Proverbs 15:28).
4.1 Ponder
A wicked person doesn’t think about what they are saying. They simply let the words flow. The wise/righteous person thinks before she speaks. She ponders, “What impact will my words have on my children?” The Bible commands us to be thoughtful and to be considerate. Reflect before I speak. Don’t let my words just “[pour] out evil things.”
Think about my words because…
4.2 Words Spread Easily
“The lips of the wise spread knowledge; not so the hearts of fools” (Proverbs 15:7). “A man who flatters his neighbor spreads a net for his feet” (Proverbs 15:28). The Bible says words spread so easily. Words are spreadable! They spread faster than the winter flu. Words spread faster than a fire in the dry, hot summer. Your words can spread knowledge and wisdom, or your words can spread a net for your friend.
4.3 Flattery
What is flattery? Flattery involves giving someone excessive praise or compliments. You are buttering them up, and you’re not sincere. Flattery is another form of lying. Flattery is something you tell someone that you wouldn’t say behind their back, while gossip is what you say behind someone’s back that you wouldn’t say to their face.
4.4 Kudzu
Either way, words spread easily. Kudzu is a plant in the southeastern part of the United States. Kudzu was introduced from Asia for soil erosion control. But the problem with Kudzu is it easily spreads and suffocates native plants and even trees. Knowing that your words can spread so easily, think before you speak.
1. Appreciate the Power of Words
2. Speak Less, Not More
3. Speak Gently, Not Harshly
4. Think before You Speak
5. Speak the Truth in Love
“Hear, for I will speak noble things, and from my lips will come what is right, 7 for my mouth will utter truth; wickedness is an abomination to my lips. All the words of my mouth are righteous; there is nothing twisted or crooked in them” (Proverbs 8:6-8).
5.1 An Abomination
Wisdom speaks as if she were a person in Proverbs 8. Wisdom speaks, “From my lips will come what is right” at the end of verse 6.
Then, right in the middle of verse 7, we read: “wickedness is an abomination to my lips.” I doubt you say “abomination” very often in your daily life. “Abomination” is something that is detestable. Let me help you get a picture of an “abomination” you’ll remember. You know, those icky water bug roach-like things that run around in the dark. They are so disgusting. Imagine sitting down to fine China, covered with a silver-plated foot dome. They lift the lid to reveal a plate full of those nasty bugs. The Matre de says, “Would you like any dipping sauce with these, madam?” That’s an “abomination” ?. God hates lying that much!
5.2 Love Honesty
Love honesty. Traffic in honesty. The Bible speaks of honest lips and righteous lips. “Whoever gives an honest answer kisses the lips” (Proverbs 24:16). What a picture! An honest answer is like a kiss on the lips. “Righteous lips are the delight of a king, and he loves him who speaks what is right” (Proverbs 16:13).
5.3 Hate Lying
“Lying lips are an abomination to the LORD, but those who act faithfully are his delight” (Proverbs 12:2).
Advertisers lie. Politicians lie. We are told that’s just how things are done.
“Truthful lips endure forever, but a lying tongue is but for a moment” (Provers 12:19). Jesus said the devil is “a liar and the father of lies” (John 8:44). Have you ever thought how silly it is for people to put different shades of color on their lies.7 There are white lies and black lies. I’ve never heard anyone say, “Yeah, I only got involved in the orange adultery, not the green kind.”8
5.4 Homework Assignment
Do you remember your homework assignment? Pick your top two favorite Proverbs to take away from this and write them down. Share your top two favorite Proverbs.
5.5 Imagine, as it were, that God put a little invisible tape recorder around your neck on the day of your birth. That tape recorder only clicks on whenever you tell somebody else how they ought to be (Romans 2). Whenever you tell someone else, “This is how it ought to be, this is how you ought to be, this is how people ought to be,” it clicks on to record your statements. At the end of time on Judgment Day, God will come up to you and say, “Excuse me, let me get that tape recorder off,” and you’ll say, “Oh, what? I didn’t even see that there.” He’ll say, “Listen, I want you to know I’m going to be very fair. So fair. I am NOT going to judge you by the Word of God.” Instead, God says, “I’m going to take the recorder off, and all I’m going to do is judge you by your own standards. All I’m going to do is see if you were the person you demanded other people be. I’ll just judge you by your words.” 9 That’s a death sentence. So what do we do?
5.6 Speak the Truth in Love
“Rather, speaking the truth in love, we are to grow up in every way into him who is the head, into Christ…” (Ephesians 4:15). The Bible tells you to speak the truth in love. Here is the truth about you. You are a sinner separated from God. Here is the truth you need to act on. You need to confess your sin to God. You need to confess your need for the cross of Jesus to wipe away your sins.
EndNotes
1 https://www.sermonsearch.com/sermon-series/S129133/proverbs-biblical-street-smarts/; accessed September 9, 2024.
2 Raymond C. Ortlund Jr., Preaching the Word: Proverbs—Wisdom That Works, ed. R. Kent Hughes. (Wheaton, IL: Crossway, 2012), 132.
3 Ortlund Jr., 135.
4 https://abcnews.go.com/Technology/story?id=3348076&page=1; accessed September 9, 2024.
5 https://www.digitalspy.com/fun/a444700/longest-word-has-189819-letters-takes-three-hours-to-pronounce/; accessed September 9, 2024.
6 https://alphanews.org/sheila-qualls-grooming-children-for-a-life-of-crime/; accessed September 9, 2024.
7 Thanks to Pastor Bob Ingle for this sentence. https://www.sermonsearch.com/sermon-outlines/129128/words-5-of-7/; accessed September 9, 2024.
8 Thanks to Pastor Bob Ingle for this sentence. https://www.sermonsearch.com/sermon-outlines/129128/words-5-of-7/; accessed September 9, 2024.
9 Francis Schaeffer, The Church at the End of the Twentieth Century, 2d ed (Wheaton, IL: Crossway, 1985), 49-50.
