Last week, we talked about our faith and what part it plays in our lifestyle. Today I want to get a little more detailed and ask if our faith shows up in our conversations.
It is estimated that people spend 52 minutes a day talking about someone who is not present. Of those gossip-filled conversations, 10% are positive or flattering, 75% are neutral and 15% are negative. Most of the time, people don't hear what's being said about them, but what if they did? Words do matter.
Last week, in our message, we saw that James taught that our actions demonstrate our faith. Our faith should be seen in our lifestyle. We don't just say we have faith, we show it by our actions. James was not implying that our words are unimportant. In James 3, we see just how important and powerful our words are. Prayer.
James 3:1-5a – “Not many should become teachers, my brothers, because you know that we will receive a stricter judgment. 2 For we all stumble in many ways. If anyone does not stumble in what he says, he is mature, able also to control the whole body.
***** 3 Now if we put bits into the mouths of horses so that they obey us, we direct their whole bodies. 4 And consider ships: Though very large and driven by fierce winds, they are guided by a very small rudder wherever the will of the captain directs. 5 So too, though the tongue is a small part of the body, it boasts great things.”
The small size of the tongue doesn't keep it from doing great damage. Words can demoralize and destroy others just like a small spark can start a wildfire that destroys a large forest. James even says that the tongue is a fire. And it sets the course of life on fire and is itself set on fire by hell. Those are strong words.
We've probably all experienced the harsh effects of a tongue and have been on the receiving end of cutting criticism, destructive gossip, or demoralizing sarcasm. We've also seen the effects of lying, slander, and careless words.
Proverbs 6:16-19 lists 7 things the Lord hates and 3 of them are sins of the tongue. a lying tongue, a lying witness who gives false testimony, and one who stirs up trouble among brothers.
The apostle Paul pleaded with his readers to avoid the use of obscene and foolish talking or crude joking. Clearly words are powerful and can destroy relationships and people's reputations.
Yes, words matter. They can destroy. Or they can give hope. Our words have the power to instruct, inspire, encourage, and motivate. Teachers’ words make a difference in their students' lives. The words they say are important-- so important that the very act of teaching invites a stricter judgment. God is serious about what is taught.
James uses the examples of horses and ships to illustrate how we can control those things using instruments that are so much smaller. A bridle bit weighs between 1 and 2 pounds, yet by using it a rider can direct an 1800-pound horse. A rudder is a tiny fraction of the size of the ship's hull, and yet the captain uses it to steer the entire ship.
In the same way, the tongue is a small part of the body. James says, “But we should not be fooled by its size.” Typically, a person's tongue is slightly over 3 inches long, and weighs just over 2 oz, and is all muscle. But, it's power for good or bad is disproportionate to its small size. That small muscle has great power. James says, “It boasts great things.”
God wants us to recognize the power that our words hold to either harm or to help. If we would think of it in terms like that, we would reflect God's attitude. Let your speech give others a glimpse of Christ's love.
James 3:9-10 – “9 With the tongue we bless our Lord and Father, and with it we curse people who are made in God’s likeness. 10 Blessing and cursing come out of the same mouth. My brothers and sisters, these things should not be this way.”
James is pointing out how inconsistent we are. With our words, we use the same tongue to bless God yet curse the people He created in His image. So, what do we do? Do we simply give up and give in to every temptation to lie, curse, and gossip about others? Of course, not. And that is James's point.
Let's face it, Satan is always going to tempt us to do evil with our tongues. So we have to be on our guard and constantly submit that temptation to the Lord. If we rely on our own self-control, that's not the answer. The only way we can use our tongue consistently for God's good purposes is to submit to God's control in our lives.
James is pleading with us to submit our speech to the Lord. Think of it this way. Words that inspire and bring hope come from the mouth of a wise, God-controlled person. But if God doesn't control us, if we don't submit to His Lordship, we will gossip like everyone else.
Remember the statistics outlined at the beginning of this message? If we spend 52 minutes a day gossiping, and 15% of that time we talk negatively about others, then that translates to about 8 minutes a day, or nearly 2 full days in a year that we bash someone.
Did you ever wonder why someone gossips about someone else? One of the reasons we're tempted to gossip is because tearing down others can make us feel better about ourselves. It doesn't have to be that way. We don't have to indulge in destructive behavior, not if our relationship with God is the source of our identity. If God is directing our tongue, we won't use it to destroy others.
Yeah, I've heard it before. “We weren't gossiping pastor. Everything we said about them is true.” If you don't know any better, I am telling you now that that statement does not make it any better.
You might be thinking that you don't normally gossip and criticize others. Let's bring it a little closer to home. Before posting anything online, including comments, or responses, pause for a moment and think about whether you're online words will bring honor to the Lord. Can you hear me now?
So what are we supposed to do? Look how the Apostle Paul said it:
Philippians 4:8 – “8 Finally brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable—if there is any moral excellence and if there is anything praiseworthy—dwell on these things.”
And let me tell you something, sarcasm can be just as destructive as gossip. When a person makes a sarcastic remark, he says one thing that, if taken at face value, has the exact opposite meaning that he wants to convey. For example, he may say, “Nice going,” when someone makes an embarrassing blunder. Now some of you may look at that as just a light hearted way to take the edge off of criticism. But it can come across as mean-spirited, intended to cut and inflict pain.
What's the answer? Instead of using sarcasm, we should pause for a moment and think. We should think about the things that Paul says are true, honorable, just, pure, lovely, commendable, and praise-worthy. Yeah, that might create an awkward silence for a moment, but feeling awkward for a few seconds is a lot better than spending hours trying to mend a relationship back together because we broke it down with our destructive words.
Have you ever heard the phrase, “Catch your breath and count to 10 before you say something?” In that brief time, you could simply ask God to give you the right words to say, and not cut someone else down. That is what submitting to God's control is all about. Whether we need to get a grip over our negative speech or succeed in stopping the hurtful sarcasm, we will be wise people who gain victory when we give control of our tongues to the Lord.
I can't count the number of times that this has happened to me. Someone is criticizing or belittling someone and I always say a quick prayer in my mind and ask the Lord to guide my words to help this person. See it from the Lord's view.
Start paying attention to your speech. When you find yourself in a difficult conversation or you feel the tension rising, say a quick silent prayer and ask the Holy Spirit to guide your speech. He will give you words of wisdom that you did not even realize you had.
James 3:13-16 – “13 Who among you is wise and understanding? By his good conduct he should show that his works are done in the gentleness that comes from wisdom. 14 But if you have bitter envy and selfish ambition in your heart, don’t boast and deny the truth. 15 Such wisdom does not come down from above but is earthly, unspiritual, demonic. 16 For where there is envy and selfish ambition, there is disorder and every evil practice.”
The world teaches us that we should always strive for personal gain. But the Bible teaches us that we should avoid worldly wisdom. It seeks personal gain. Notice how James describes worldly wisdom in three ways:
Earthly- He uses this word to describe human activity in contrast with divine activity. Worldly versus Godly.
Unspiritual- This is the term that builds on the previous one but goes a step further. It is self-centered wisdom and it is void of any godly influence.
Demonic- This wisdom is specifically directed away from the things of God.
So James has given us a contrast between worldly wisdom and Godly wisdom. If we allow earthly wisdom to guide our thoughts, we will act and speak from a bitter, selfish heart. We will look out for number one, we will step all over other people to get ahead, and we will seek to win at all costs.
From the worldly wisdom, we’ll do whatever it takes to get ahead, even if that means we need to destroy other people's character through gossip or demeaning them and crushing their spirits with bitter sarcasm. Those envious and selfish attitudes are the proof that God's wisdom is not guiding our words or our actions.
Think about those times when you're most tempted to use harsh speech, untruths, or gossip. Try to identify those specific situations where you most likely dishonor God with your speech. It's something that needs to be learned. We can learn to be ready to speak God-honoring words the next time you are in that situation.
James 3:17-18 – “17 But the wisdom from above is first pure, then peace-loving, gentle, compliant, full of mercy and good fruits, unwavering, without pretense. 18 And the fruit of righteousness is sown in peace by those who cultivate peace.”
God is asking us to honor Him with our speech. If we have that thought in mind as we talk about someone, that talk will be nothing but positive. God's wisdom, the wisdom from above, as James described it, is characterized by actions, words, and attitudes.
When we speak to or about someone, if we have these attitudes, it is then that we're reflecting a Godly attitude. As I list these Godly attitudes, think about which of them you might struggle with and if you do, ask God for His help to grow in that area and He will definitely help.
Pure- without moral defect
Peace loving- free from inner turmoil, seeking the best for others
Gentle- gracious and patient with others
Compliant- reasonable, agreeable
Full of mercy and good fruits- displaying kindness and goodness
Unwavering- steady, resolute, impartial
Without pretense- gentle and sincere
Do these describe your attitude? It's through these attitudes that God's wisdom shows through our speech, and through our speech we honor Him.
We need God's wisdom in the ongoing battle to control our untamed tongue. When we are tempted to let our tongue wreak havoc in our relationships, we need to pause, think, and pray, seeking God's wisdom. We cannot let conventional worldly wisdom, what James called bitter envy and selfish ambition, guide us.
Here's a Final key to stopping gossip. When someone is in the middle of a gossiping statement, interrupt them and ask, “Is it ok if I share with them what you said?
Let's make this world a better place. Let's make this church a better church. Let's make ourselves a better Christian and obey God's guidance today.
If we have faith like we claim we have, let’s allow it to show in our conversations.
