Are children welcome in our churches? Are they tolerated? Is any part of the service of interest to them? What would Jesus say? Can we learn anything from watching them? Let’s find out in Matthew 18.
At that time the disciples came to Jesus and asked, “Who, then, is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven?” He called a little child to him, and placed the child among them. And he said: “Truly I tell you, unless you change and become like little children, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven. Therefore, whoever takes the lowly position of this child is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven. And whoever welcomes one such child in my name welcomes me. (Matthew 18:1-5 NIV)
What does Jesus warn about causing one of these little ones to lose faith and sin?
But if you cause one of these little ones who trusts in me to fall into sin, it would be better for you to have a large millstone tied around your neck and be drowned in the depths of the sea. (Matthew 18:6 NLT)
If I say that’s the cutest little baby in the world, am I speaking literally or hyperbolically? The same would be true of some of Jesus’ teachings. Here’s an example.
Woe to the world because of occasions of stumbling! For it must be that the occasions come, but woe to that person through whom the occasion comes! If your hand or your foot causes you to stumble, cut it off and cast it from you. It is better for you to enter into life maimed or crippled, rather than having two hands or two feet to be cast into the eternal fire. If your eye causes you to stumble, pluck it out and cast it from you. It is better for you to enter into life with one eye, rather than having two eyes to be cast into the Gehenna of fire. See that you don’t despise one of these little ones, for I tell you that in heaven their angels always see the face of my Father who is in heaven. For the Son of Man came to save that which was lost. (Matthew 18:7-11 WEB)
What does Jesus' parable of the lost sheep mean?
What do you think? If someone had one hundred sheep and one of them wandered off, wouldn’t he leave the ninety-nine on the hillsides and go in search for the one that wandered off? If he finds it, I assure you that he is happier about having that one sheep than about the ninety-nine who didn’t wander off. In the same way, my Father who is in heaven doesn’t want to lose one of these little ones. (Matthew 18:12-14 CEB)
Is conflict a part of life? In every church in Christendom, will we eventually be confronted with some great personal offenses? How can we better deal with major conflict? Is a resolution always possible or even realistic? What are our options when our grievances are ignored? Let’s look at Matthew 18:15-20 and learn some broad principles of working through great personal offenses.
The setting is a time when the disciples WERE the Church. After the resurrection, small house churches were the norm for 300 years, until Constantine officially recognized Christianity and persecution began to wane in the Roman Empire. Megachurches, such as the assembly on Pentecost, were and still are rare exceptions.
Taking most interpersonal disputes to a large megachurch is impractical, but the spirit of these instructions is still applicable. As long as sin exists, conflict will be part of church life. Sometimes we can resolve things easily and sometimes we must separate for a time, like Barnabas and Paul (Acts 15:36-39). Even the universal Church has had its schisms through history.
Great Offense
The sense in Greek is to call to account and demand an explanation. This is obviously not an everyday quibble. Normally we bear with one another (Colossians 3:13; Ephesians 4:2). In this case the offense is a major sin.
Do we normally forbear one another’s weaknesses? What use is creating an argument over every minor infraction? Who wants an intolerably toxic, authoritarian atmosphere of fear? Forgiveness and forbearance of each other’s faults makes a joyful church. But does that mean that we should never say anything? Should our attitude be to try and win our brother?
If one of my followers sins against you, go and point out what was wrong. But do it in private, just between the two of you. If that person listens, you have won back a follower. (Matthew 18:15 CEV)
Was there a legal obligation in the Old Testament of two or three witnesses (Deuteronomy 17:6; Deuteronomy 19:15)?
What kinds of offenses deserve to be taken up a level? Should we escalate every single dispute? Do we mostly just forgive and forget, agree to disagree and part as friends? Do we only escalate really bad situations?
But if he does not listen, take one or two others along with you, that every charge may be established by the evidence of two or three witnesses. (Matthew 18:16 ESV)
Did they take the dispute to the small house church? Would this mean excommunication in some severe cases? Would it mean to simply continue in fellowship, but realize they may not yet be spiritually mature? Should we shun such people or simply treat them as kindly as we do all our other non-Christian neighbors?
“if he refuses to hear them, tell it to the church. But if he refuses even to hear the church, let him be to you like a heathen and a tax collector.”
Church Decisions
In the context of handling disputes, Jesus expands the promise given Peter (Matthew 16:19) to all the Apostles and by extension to the whole Christian community. Does the church community make a decision to excommunicate, absolve of guilt or simply forbear? Are such decisions inspired by heaven?
Does Jesus’ statement mean that all formal dogmas are infallible? Are we quiet for the sake of peace or are some causes too important to stay quiet? Some translations give the more correct Greek sense, that such decisions will have already been decided in heaven, not that heaven follows what we decide on earth.
Truly I say to you, whatever you bind on earth shall have been bound in heaven; and whatever you loose on earth shall have been loosed in heaven. (Matthew 18:18 NASB)
Is God obligated to answer a prayer agreed to by at least two Christians? What of groups of two Christians praying contradictory prayers? The context is God’s blessing on the witnesses in a church dispute.
The following verses are often misused to support exaggerated views of spiritual warfare, group prayer, or husbands and wives praying together. The difference between a mature and immature Christian church is not an absence of conflict, but how it is handled. Jesus gives us three broad principles of conflict resolution. Coupled with prayer for wisdom from heaven this can go along way to working through some very sticky interpersonal situations. It may not be a successful formula in situations outside the church, where prayer may not be a factor. However, among brothers and sisters who are anxious to live together in harmony, it can be very helpful in solving many conflicts.
Again, I assure you: If two of you on earth agree about any matter that you pray for, it will be done for you by My Father in heaven. For where two or three are gathered together in My name, I am there among them. (Matthew 18:19-20 HCSB)
The principles here apply to a wide variety of conflicts, from personal to church wide decisions. Whatever the decision, we are called to live in peace. Sometimes like Barnabas and Paul, we will separate for a time. Is our goal eventual reconciliation? You decide!
How Often Forgive
How often should we forgive? Let’s explore the difficulty and necessity of forgiving from the heart. Let’s look at what Jesus taught in Matthew 18:21-35.
How often must we be abused and bruised by others and still forgive? Peter’s suggestion seemed generous compared to an ancient Jewish idea of begging for forgiveness three times. How often ought we to ask God's forgiveness? If the answer is only 7 times, then we are all in trouble.
Then came Peter to him, and said, Lord, how oft shall my brother sin against me, and I forgive him? till seven times? (Matthew 18:21 KJV)
Forgiveness often accompanies deep personal pain. It’s a choice, despite pain and lack of trust. Holding grudges hurts us deep in our souls. Forgiving blesses us forever. Jesus answered hyperbolically. If we have to keep track perhaps we have not really forgiven at all.
Jesus said to him, “I do not say to you, up to seven times, but up to seventy-seven times. (Matthew 18:22 NASB)
The Unforgiving Servant
Jesus gave an example to illustrate. Are we like the servant, our sins forgiven by our king in heaven?
Therefore, the kingdom of heaven is like a king who wanted to settle accounts with his servants. As he began the settlement, a man who owed him ten thousand bags of gold was brought to him. Since he was not able to pay, the master ordered that he and his wife and his children and all that he had be sold to repay the debt. At this the servant fell on his knees before him. ‘Be patient with me,’ he begged, ‘and I will pay back everything.’ The servant’s master took pity on him, canceled the debt and let him go. (Matthew 18:23-27 NIV)
Having been forgiven by heaven, are we then unforgiving of others?
But when the man left the king, he went to a fellow servant who owed him a few thousand dollars. He grabbed him by the throat and demanded instant payment. His fellow servant fell down before him and begged for a little more time. ‘Be patient with me, and I will pay it,’ he pleaded. But his creditor wouldn’t wait. He had the man arrested and put in prison until the debt could be paid in full. When some of the other servants saw this, they were very upset. They went to the king and told him everything that had happened. Then the king called in the man he had forgiven and said, ‘You evil servant! I forgave you that tremendous debt because you pleaded with me. Shouldn’t you have mercy on your fellow servant, just as I had mercy on you?’ Then the angry king sent the man to prison to be tortured until he had paid his entire debt. (Matthew 18:28-34 NLT)
Will God do the same to us if we refuse to forgive others?
So my heavenly Father will also do to you, if you don’t each forgive your brother from your hearts for his misdeeds. (Matthew 18:35 WEB)
Forgiveness is a very difficult task. We must differentiate between trust and forgiveness. Trust is not demanded. Trust takes a long time to regain, but forgiveness is demanded. Do we pray, Father, help me! I’m angry at sin and I don’t trust weak humanity, but I have decided to forgive? You decide!
Hosea and Gomer
Would we take an adulterous spouse back, or empty our bank account to buy them back from a sex slave market? That's what Hosea did for his wayward wife Gomer. Let’s examine love in the midst of heartache and unfaithfulness.
When the Lord first spoke through Hosea, the Lord said to him,“Go, marry a prostitute and have children of prostitution, for the people of the land commit great prostitution by deserting the Lord.” 3 So Hosea went and took Gomer, Diblaim’s daughter, and she became pregnant and bore him a son. (Hosea 1:2-3 CEB)
Gomer’s adulterous ways mirrored Israel’s unfaithfulness to God. Does the change in terms for God picture a deeper relationship?
I promise from that day on, you will call me your husband instead of your master. I will no longer even let you mention the names of those pagan gods that you called “Master.” (Hosea 2:16-17 CEV)
Does God look forward to the day when His people repent and become faithful to Him?
And I will betroth you to me forever. I will betroth you to me in righteousness and in justice, in steadfast love and in mercy. 20 I will betroth you to me in faithfulness. And you shall know the Lord. (Hosea 2:19-20 ESV)
Gomer ended up as a sex slave. Hosea rescued his unfaithful wife from a sex trafficking pimp, paying all the money he had and the rest of the 30 shekel price in produce. Jesus was betrayed for the same price.
Then the Lord said to me, “Go again; show love to a woman who is loved by another man and is an adulteress, just as the Lord loves the Israelites though they turn to other gods and love raisin cakes.” So I bought her for 15 shekels of silver and five bushels of barley. (Hosea 3:1-2 HCSB)
The rocky marriage of Hosea and Gomer is a love story picturing God’s love for His often unfaithful people. Jesus gave all to save us from ourselves. Will we remain faithful to Him forever? You decide!
Forgiveness Scriptures
Do we pray like Jesus on the cross, “Father, forgive them; they don’t know what they’re doing.” Let’s look at a few other passages on forgiveness.
bearing with one another, and forgiving one another, if anyone has a complaint against another; even as Christ forgave you, so you also must do. (Colossians 3:13 NKJV)
For if you forgive men their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive men their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses. (Matthew 6:14-15 NKJV)
Let all bitterness, wrath, anger, clamor, and evil speaking be put away from you, with all malice. And be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God in Christ forgave you. (Ephesians 4:31-32 NKJV)
As far as the east is from the west, So far has He removed our transgressions from us. (Psalm 103:12 NKJV)
Grateful for God’s forgiveness, do we forgive others from the heart? You decide!
