DEALING WITH TENSIONS AND CONFLICTS IN CHURCHES AND CHURCH ORGANISATIONS – PRACTICAL EXAMINATION AND SUGGESTIONS – PART 5
This is the final part in the series.
This next subject is near the end in the collection I had, but for some churches it can be a nightmare. I am going to share some thoughts and ideas on it.
[A]. MAYBE THE WORST PROBLEM OF ALL - CHURCH BUSINESS MEETINGS – KNOW WHAT YOU ARE DOING BEFORE YOU BEGIN! BE ORGANISED. NOT A FREE FOR ALL
Let us proceed to the biggest problem of all in churches for tension, conflict and the display of all that is not good in the old human nature, and that is the Church Business Meetings. At least that is true in my experience. Those of you who have business meetings, do you recall any nastiness at them? If you have not, then it seems you have a good church group.
I have been to a lot of church and affiliate business meetings, and have chaired some and advised on others. It is a thorny matter and I think the churches that hold these meetings think they are acting on a democratic principle. That is where every one termed “member” or “official member” has the right to express him/herself, along with everyone else. Most of my experiences with this type of meeting has been with Baptist churches thought there have been others as well.
When a quarterly, or whatever it is, meeting is called, there are the odd ones who have been waiting for the time to have their say = to sound off about something. At the meeting that person or those ones, sit like crouched tigers waiting to pounce and they do when along comes “Is there any other general business?”
This has seen some of the nastiest behaviour when some people get hot under the collar and start shouting, making accusations, tearing others down, and I saw one who began swearing in anger. All that is disgraceful behaviour in what is supposed to be a gathering of Christians. Church business meetings are the cause of so many who are jealous and “put out”, angry and in silent seething, and the spirit of envy and divisiveness has split the meeting. I don’t think I want to say any more about that.
The next question is a very important one. Can that be prevented? The answer is a decisive, “Yes.” There are some steps I think can be taken –
1. Ensure that the meetings are always chaired by efficient and experienced men.
2. Be very careful about items on the agenda. If you know they are controversial, try to use another approach or deal with them in another way.
3. Open-ended items don’t always work especially if there is a tendency for contrary views.
4. Following on from Number 3, I think it is a good idea to bring recommendations to the meeting, say, from the Board or elders or committee, however your church is structured. That avoids the nebulous open-ended approach.
5. When the meeting seems to be “heating up” and no resolution seems apparent, the chairman should conclude discussion on that one and refer it over. Let him move that it pass to the oversight group, whatever name you have.
6. Try to come up with a better system for the selection of persons than elections at meetings. I have seen some problems with that as some see themselves rejected by the group and they get bitter. I have seen recriminations. All that leads to a growing tension in a church. I think I mentioned earlier that it is better to decide on people for positions, agreed to by the elders, and then those people mentioned at the meeting, or on Sundays. Explain that is what the elders felt before the Lord. Of course all would be confirmed with the selected persons beforehand.
7. Probably one of the better ways is to bring all business to the meeting as recommendations from the oversight (trusting you have good men on that and not just a popularity selection as I raised much earlier on). “Open for General Business” is always an invitation for a possible confrontation even though it forms the format of most Business Meetings.
I have never forgotten some trouble a church meeting had in the 1970s in a Baptist church before a wage structure was determined by the State/national body. In those day the Pastor was paid the basic wage, now called the minimum wage. One person in General Business really ran with this and was insistent on a much higher remuneration (I think called a stipend in those days). It caused problems in the room partly because this person was quoting from The Good News Bible I think it was, and he said this, “If your minister works well, pay him well.” What he was doing was focussing on this verse – {{1Timothy 5:17 “Let the elders who rule well be considered worthy of double honour, especially those who work hard at preaching and teaching,”}} The Good News Bible had it wrong, but with a partially correct understanding.”}}
Maybe I have said enough on church business meetings, and perhaps part of what I have said may come from some of my time being spent as well with the Open Brethren (I think Americans use the term Plymouth Brethren). I was saved there and know the background and history well. They do not have a minister but are governed by an elders group. (These days some of the assemblies are using full time workers in meetings who are supported by the assembly but do not have the full control of ministers in other churches. They are like a senior elder if I can put it that way.)
They see that authority is given by God to the elders as recorded in the 2Timothy verses, and decisions are made by these men. I won’t explore that any more, except to say there is so much more harmony when you don’t have wrangling at church meetings.
[B]. THE WIVES OF PASTORS AND DEACONS AND ELDERS
Before I quote two verses, I will say this. Please, please, please, I am not picking on women. Let me just say I have seen things and have heard things in my longer life as a Christian. Paul had to devote time to this.
{{1Timothy 3:10-11 “Let these also first be tested, then let them serve as deacons if they are beyond reproach. Women must likewise be dignified, not malicious GOSSIPS, but temperate, faithful in all things.”}}
{{Titus 2:2-3 “OLDER MEN ARE TO BE TEMPERATE, DIGNIFIED, SENSIBLE, SOUND IN FAITH, IN LOVE, IN PERSEVERANCE. OLDER WOMEN LIKEWISE ARE TO BE REVERENT IN THEIR BEHAVIOUR, NOT MALICIOUS GOSSIPS, NOR ENSLAVED TO MUCH WINE, TEACHING WHAT IS GOOD”}}
I believe the role of the wives of Pastors, elders and deacons is a special and supportive one. I suppose one word I would use is decorum. Walk by the Spirit. Live by the Spirit. The wives must not be gossips or problem makers because it straight away reflects on the husbands, and the church congregations know it and tension will come and murmuring about the “elected” officials.
As sad as it might sound, some people can be very critical and judgmental and will make a mountain out of a mole hill if there is some slight problem with the wife’s behaviour. I am not being negative. In the Brethren meeting (I spent years there before being transferred away) women do not speak to the assembly in messages or give out a hymn to sing but it is noted by not a few that one of the elders’ wives will poke her husband and point out a hymn she wants and he gives it out. Then some start making comments later on to one another. That may not seem a big issue to most, but I cite it because it shows how too readily people want to find fault.
Speakers, teachers, Ministers, do not neglect many of those practical passages at the end of the epistles especially the pastoral ones – Timothy, Titus, but also Thessalonians and Galatians Ephesians, and Romans I think. Speak on them and urge your people to ever keep them in mind. Practical Christian living is important, as is our individual responsibility to each other. It must be taught on.
To close this section, just a word to those in leadership and especially elders and Ministers – I can’t tell you the number of people who have made comments about the children of Pastors and leaders. People criticise all too readily and it is easy to notice undisciplined or unruly children. I have seen this with one case where the children were wilder than normal children but the minister concerned was too busy. (They were his children).
Satan will drive a wedge in if he finds an opening. He will attack our kids and cause frustration. This is a difficult area I know, and no blame is being made. It happens but it is best it does not happen. Gossip spreads in a church and some might be too willing to infer the children of pastors and elders must be blameless.
You don’t want that tension so the best solution is avoidance. It is sometimes hard for active people in churches to have full control over their kids all the time because of pastoral responsibilities so the only thing I would caution all leaders in, is to be very aware of a problem that could occur if your kids are not under your control. People have high expectations of ministers (but sometimes not of themselves when it should be the case), and some are fault finders. Just be aware of the potential fallout if your children are not under your control. Also don’t forget we have a responsibility to each other so have the complainers tried to assist the workers’ kids?
There was a certain case reported to me authoritively of a certain church where the minister’s son took advantage of a young female (none of them legally children) but it was covered up in the church. That just can’t be done. People know. Let that one rest there. We are all accountable and God has placed a higher degree of accountability on those He placed into service. We are all attacked and those in leadership are attacked more than average I believe.
How we need the grace of God in our lives, and full surrender to him. We can’t live as hypocrites and live a two faced life. God is gracious and will forgive all His own who stray. Show support for those who are wounded in the fray and have fallen. Do not judge God’s servants who love him. Judge the false teachers but not those of the Lord.
[C]. IMPARTIALITY TO ALL – NECESSARY AND IMPORTANT
A church will have a wide range of personalities, like I said in an earlier article, ball bearings hitting together. From my experience in life, certain personalities appeal to some people and other personalities appeal to others. There is a great mix.
In all that, there are people who are more retiring and hang back near the edges and these are ones who get overlooked and can become isolated. Every single person in a church must not confine him/herself to a certain group in his/her comfort zone but be embracing to all. This is especially applicable on all those in leadership. It is so easy to be partial, not deliberately, but simply through relationships of like minds. Be ever watchful for more timid people who are left out and passed over. You just can not do that to a member of Christ's Body.
I think the Lord is an excellent example here. He chose 12 disciples but even after His resurrection, the disciples did not realise who the betrayer was – {{John 21:20 Peter, turning around, saw the disciple whom Jesus loved following them, the one who also had leaned back on His breast at the supper, and said, “Lord, who is the one who betrays You?”}} Jesus was so impartial with all His disciples; all was on the level; not one hint of disdain or rejection.
In this teaching that same truth comes out – {{Matthew 5:46-47 IF YOU LOVE THOSE WHO LOVE YOU WHAT REWARD HAVE YOU? Do not even the tax-gatherers do the same? If you greet your brothers only, what do you do more than others? Do not even the Gentiles do the same?}}
It is not easy to have an equal relationship with all because some personalities might rub you up the wrong way, but with God’s help, strive to be impartial. Fairness is a Christian quality.
[D]. THE LORD’S SUPPER IS A UNIFYING REMEMBRANCE IN THE CHURCHES ESPECIALLY THOSE WHO HAVE IT WEEKLY LIKE WE HAVE IN THE BOOK OF ACTS - BUT SOME HAVE CONTRADICTED IT
It was just yesterday I heard of two cases that caused considerable friction in two churches. I will mention one of them.
When it comes to the Lord’s Supper/Table otherwise called Communion or Eucharist or the Memorial Service, and there are other names, you would expect that to be a special time of remembering the Lord. Who would expect the Lord’s Supper to become a conflict in a church? Yet in this church I heard about, it has become that.
This is a fairly big church and their communion was conducted in a broadly common way with other Protestant churches. However someone decided to change that. Instead of the table being the focus of the time for communion, it was decided to place a table near a corner after you enter. If you want to partake, just go to the table and have what you want.
The Lord’s Supper is no longer a feature of the service. The information relayed to me by one who goes to that church sometimes is that a good number in the church are upset with what has been done.
CHANGE FOR CHANGE SAKE. Unspiritual, and unchristian. Church people, be focussed on the Lord and on His word and you will not wander away into stupidity and WOKE ideas and anything that dishonours the Lord. That move in the church I mentioned could only happen if the leadership, whoever they might be, is out of touch with God. It is a pretty poor indictment on our churches these days when the simplicity of the bible is being distorted.
[E]. CLOSING REMARKS
Imagine a three storey building you are living in, that is having problems. One day a crack appears in one of the walls and in a week has widened. In another room the window will not open as it is jammed. Someone notices a gap opening up between the floor of the room and the wall. Soon other problems appear in that building so an inspection was ordered.
It was found there was a problem with the foundations. A section of them was slowly sinking and decay was found in some of the materials used and they were breaking away. It had been a good, sturdy building when it was first constructed but through neglect or a wrong basis to begin with, it was not its former self.
There was a New Testament church like that. Let me give you a quote – {{Revelation 2:4-5 “but I have this against you, that YOU HAVE LEFT YOUR FIRST LOVE. Remember therefore from where you have fallen, and repent and do the deeds you did at first, or else I am coming to you and will remove your lampstand out of its place - UNLESS YOU REPENT.”}} It was the church at Ephesus and God tells them they have LEFT (not “lost”) their first love. They probably never noticed it in all the activity the Ephesian church had.
That is a great warning to us. We think we are right but slowly, like that building we just looked at, we are sinking and do not know it. That church that destroyed the concept of the Lord’s Table was sinking for some time, no doubt, and now the symptoms are showing. We must be so careful and walk so close.
In finishing this off, I want to stress, that if all church members (I am not talking about a membership list) walked closely with the Lord we would not have tensions and conflicts in the churches. The Christian walk and dependence MUST be preached on and taught regularly. If a church rejects the injunction “Walk in the Spirit,” then it will not walk in the Spirit.
Just yesterday I noticed something from Ephesians that would suit this message – {{Ephesians 4:25 “Therefore, LAYING ASIDE FALSEHOOD, EACH ONE OF YOU SPEAK TRUTH WITH HIS NEIGHBOUR, for we are members of one another.” Ephesians 4:32 “and BE KIND TO ONE ANOTHER, TENDER-HEARTED, FORGIVING EACH OTHER, just as God in Christ also has forgiven you. }}
Just those two commands alone, would make a lot of difference to our churches. Live in the Spirit and walk in the Spirit. The Rapture is very close. The Lord comes for His Church any time now. Don’t be found making trouble in your churches, and work together.
May the Lord bless each one of you and make you a credit to his ministry.
ronaldf@aapt.net.au
