We read in Isaiah 60:15, “You were hated and deserted, rejected by everyone. But I will make you beautiful, a city to be proud of for all time to come.”(CEV)
There are two states that are mentioned in the above verse, the first is one is that of hatred, desertion and rejection, while the second state is one of beauty and honor for all time. God specializes in taking that which is hated, deserted and rejected by everyone, and reverses them so that the very ones who rejected us, will come seeking after us.
Many of us may have passed through such seasons of despair in our lives, where we were hated, deserted and rejected by people. This kind of rejection has caused a deep sense of grief, and those who have gone through such experiences, long for love and acceptance.
In the past few messages we were looking at marriage and family, and have realized that families are under severe attack by the enemy. We recognize that marriage was ordained by God, and was His initiative, not man’s idea. Everything that God established is for our good, but unfortunately many young people shun the idea of marriage, and are deciding to live life singly as they have wrongly perceived the institution of marriage and family. When God made Adam, He understood the fact that it was not good for man to be alone, and therefore He created Eve to be a suitable partner. Marriage is God’s blessing to mankind, but society has developed resentment towards this institution of marriage that was meant was our good. There are those who are married and live in a family, only for the sake of society, but in their hearts they are separated, and have no real union or love for each other. No matter how broken the marriage relationship is, the Lord assures us that He can come in, to restore back the love, joy and unity to the relationship.
Family is all about relationships
Family as a unit is all about relationships. Relationship between husband and wife, parents and children, mother-in-law and daughter-in-law etc. These relationships were established by God for safety and security. When God blesses a family with a baby, He does so with the hope that the child will be safe, and protected in this secure environment called family. These family relationships which a baby is born into, should help nurture the child, teach good values and protect the child from every form of harm. Unfortunately, so many children have their feelings and emotions crushed right in their homes, and have grown up to be adults with deep emotional scars.
It is so important that we accept our children for who they are, just as God created them, and not try to mold them to be what we want them to be. Every child is created uniquely, with their own special gifts and grace that God has bestowed upon them. So often, parents make the grave mistake of forcing their ideas and desires on their children, thereby prodding them to accomplish what they sometimes failed to do. We must pause to ask God to show us His plans for our children, and encourage them to fulfill the same in their lives. Parents must take time to talk to and counsel their own children. Home is meant to be a place of peace, joy, love and security. However, when a child does not receive the love, acceptance and assurance at home, but rather has his or her emotions bruised by harsh words and criticism, they will most certainly look for love and acceptance in relationships elsewhere, outside of their homes.
There are many parents who in their senior years are in grief, and weep over their children, simply because they failed to set a good example, and did not realize that their children when grown up would do exactly what they saw being modelled at home by their parents. Minor misunderstandings have resulted in parents severing ties with their children, and children not even speaking to their parents, sometimes for many years. If that is the case, we need to repent and not pride ourselves in this, but understand that the family was instituted by God to be a place of love and unity, not one of animosity and bitterness.
When husband and wife are not united with love and understanding, but are at discord with each other, this adversely affects the emotional growth and stability of their children. In many families, family members dislike each other so much that they consider them their enemies. Our ego and pride has prevented us from forgiving one another, and accepting each other with love.
Jesus said in Matthew 10:36, “your worst enemies will be the members of your own family.” (GNB)
Maybe that was why Jesus also commanded that we must love our enemies, and begin this practice right at home. Most people encounter numerous problems within their families, most of which began with a small issue, that was blown out of proportion, resulting in family members hating each other, and isolating themselves from one another. Sadly this happens at work place and sometimes in church too.
How to handle rejection
It is only when we handle rejection the right way, can we move forward, and have a good future. All relationships are given by God, and it is only when we trust Him totally can He set right all of these broken relationships. If we have strained relationships, we must ask the Lord for humility to go to that person, and set things right with them.
David’s rejection by his family
We read in 1 Samuel 16:10-11, In this way Jesse brought seven of his sons to Samuel. And Samuel said to him, "No, the LORD hasn't chosen any of these." Then he asked him, "Do you have any more sons?" Jesse answered, "There is still the youngest, but he is out taking care of the sheep." "Tell him to come here," Samuel said. "We won't offer the sacrifice until he comes." (GNB)
When Samuel came to the house of Jesse to anoint one of his son’s as king, Jesse made seven of his sons pass by. As Samuel looked on at these elder sons, they all seemed likely candidates for the post of a king. However, the Lord told Samuel that none of the seven sons were chosen by Him. It was then that Samuel asked Jesse if there were any of his sons who were not present, and it was only then that Jesse with reluctance mentioned about David his youngest son, who was tending sheep. Even the father thought that his eldest sons were worthy to be chosen by God, and did not even think David fit to be in that position. David’s own family did not recognize who he was, but rejected him, and thought him capable only to take care of sheep. David never got discouraged or filled his heart with bitterness thinking about his isolation. That is why he immediately went home, when he got a call from his father. God honored David in the midst of all his family members, blessed him and raised him to be the King of Israel.
We read in Psalm 27:10, “My father and mother may abandon me, but the LORD will take care of me.” (GNB) David was never upset with his parents or family members, for he was confident that even if they forsook him, the Lord would take care of him. He always rejoiced at the thought that he was chosen by God, and was therefore secure under His divine care.
People of the world may reject us, despise us and hurt us. But, we have a God who loves us all the time, and His love is unconditional. We read about the prodigal son, who chose to walk away from his father in rebellion. When things were going well he was fine, but, when he lost all his money, his friends, his job, his dignity only then he came to his senses. When we don’t maintain the relationships that the Lord has blessed us with, we too will end up like the prodigal son did, (taking care of pigs) in a deplorable condition. For those who find that they have issues in relationships, wherever they are, it is important that they introspect to see where the problem lies, for often it may lie within themselves, because of their inability to forgive and the grudges they hold against others.
When fathers are rude to their children, not showing love and affection. and mothers are pre-occupied with their own form of entertainment, children who grow in such environment think marriage will be the solution to their emotional inadequacies. Sadly, this is an erroneous belief, and when these impractical expectations are not met in the marriage relationship, they get discouraged. Unless all of our emotional hurts are healed, before we enter into the marriage relationship, we will end up disheartened, as marriage is not the solution to these insufficiencies as many wrongly believe.
Many parents have the misconception that the best way to correct their wayward son is to get him married. Unfortunately, this proves to be a disaster to both the husband and wife, as the young man has been forced into marriage without understanding all that it entails. Many go into marriage with all the emotional hurts from the past, and think that on their own they can do it differently, but are overwhelmed when they end up doing the exact same things that their parents did to them. When childhood expectations are not met, and our parents cause emotional hurts knowingly or unknowingly, these cause great damage to us as adults. The Lord alone can heal all of our hurts from the past, especially those from our childhood, and it is only when those emotional scars are healed, will we be able to have a happy and healthy marriage.
The Samaritan woman with her past
We read in John 4:17-18, The woman answered, "But I have no husband." Jesus said to her, "You are right to say you have no husband. That's because, although you have had five husbands, the man you live with now is not your husband. That much was the truth." (ERV)
In this incident when Jesus encountered the Samaritan woman, and asked her to go home to call her husband, she immediately retorted that she had no husband. What she was trying to hide from Jesus was the fact that she had five husbands, and the one she was living with was not her husband. Probably she entered marriage as a young woman, emotionally scarred hoping her husband would satisfy those emotional needs. When she found it was not so, she sought another and another which went on until she had tried five men. Finally in desperation, she gave up on the institution of marriage, and decided to have an illicit relationship with another man.
If a relationship has to be happy and stable, both husband and wife have the responsibility to do their part. Most spouses are not willing to accept their own fault, but find it convenient to throw the blame on the other, thereby giving no room for change and reconciliation in the relationship. When a person has not received this emotional healing from the Lord, it will be evidenced in all other relationships. They will find it hard to stick on to one relationship, and will constantly change friends, jobs, spouse and even the church they worship.
The rejection that Leah experienced
We read in Genesis 29:16-17, “Now Laban had two daughters. The older was Leah and the younger was Rachel. Leah's eyes were gentle, but Rachel was beautiful.” (ERV)
Laban had two daughters, the elder daughter Leah was not so pretty, whereas his younger daughter Rachel was beautiful and attractive. It was therefore likely, that there were more suitors for Rachel than there were for Leah. We can probably picture what happened in Laban’s family. As proposals came for Leah and people came to visit the family, on noticing how beautiful Rachel was, they would have favored the younger daughter to the older one. Leah too must have experienced this feeling of rejection, when she realized that her younger sister was more charming, and hence preferred over her.
We read in Genesis 29:18, Jacob loved Rachel, so he said to Laban, "I will work seven years for you if you will allow me to marry your daughter Rachel."(ERV)
When Jacob came to his uncle Laban’s house, he too fell in love with Rachel and was willing to work for seven years for Laban, in order to marry Rachel. After seven years of hard work, Jacob was all excited on his wedding day, anticipating to be with Rachel, the woman whom he loved for so long.
We read in Genesis 29:25, In the morning Jacob saw that it was Leah he had slept with, and he said to Laban, "You have tricked me. I worked hard for you so that I could marry Rachel. Why did you trick me?" (ERV)
When Jacob woke up the next morning after his wedding night, he was in for a shock to find that the woman whom he was married to was Leah, and not Rachel. We can imagine the commotion that must have taken place when Jacob was totally upset with his father-in-law Laban for being deceptive, and cheating him by sending in his elder daughter Leah to him, when Jacob had labored for seven long years to marry Rachel.
Definitely part of his anger would have been directed towards Leah, who also played along with her father in desperation. What an unhappy beginning to a marriage!
In those days the marriage feast went on for six to seven days and we can imagine Leah’s plight as she watched her husband angry, and upset at being cheated by her father. It must have shamed her further when the wedding guests also observed that Jacob was unhappy to have married Leah. Leah would have agreed to her father’s deceptive plan, hoping that Jacob would love her after her marriage. When she found that it was not so, we can picture Leah’s situation, which was one of shame, rejection and hopelessness.
Maybe there are some who think that their marriage was a mistake, and it all began wrong like Jacob. But, we have a God who can put back in order all those broken pieces of your marriage. There are those who believe that if the beginning was wrong there is no way the ending will be good. That is not true, for if anyone humbles themselves before God, he can set right everything, and restore the joy back into the marriage.
Leah hoped the birth of her children would change her situation
In Genesis 29:32, we read, Leah gave birth to a son, and she named him Reuben. She named him this because she said, "The LORD has seen my troubles. My husband does not love me. So now maybe my husband will love me." (ERV)
When Leah conceived and gave birth to her first born son Reuben, she was so excited. She name him Reuben, which meant, ‘Behold, a son’ or ‘See, a son.’ God had seen her rejection and now Leah hoped her husband would see, and take notice of her now that she had given birth to a son. Sadly, there was still no change in Jacob’s relationship with Leah.
Babies can perceive a lot while still in the womb. That is why is important that parents should begin to pray for their children, and bless them while in the womb itself. It is a dismal fact that there so many babies who are born, are rejected or abandoned simply on the basis of their gender. There are those who conceive out of wedlock, and the heartbreaking consequence is that those babies begin to experience rejection, while still in their mother’s womb. It is so vital that we accept every child who is born irrespective of their gender, looks or abilities as they are a gift from God. Any form of rejection is sure to have adverse effects on the child, as he or she grows up.
In Genesis 29:33, we read, Leah became pregnant again and had another son. She named this son Simeon. She said, "The LORD has heard that I am not loved, so he gave me this son." (ERV)
Now, Leah became pregnant again, and she had another son whom she named Simeon meaning ‘I have been heard’. Though the Lord heard her, Leah hoped that her husband Jacob would hear of her plight as well, but to no avail. Leah was still disappointed.
In Genesis 29:34 we read, Leah became pregnant again and had another son. She named this son Levi. She said, "Now, surely my husband will love me. I have given him three sons." (ERV)
When Leah gave birth to her third son, she named him “Levi” which means attached. She was certain that her husband would now be attached to her, and love her, but still there was no change in Jacob.
We read in Genesis 29:35, Then Leah gave birth to another son. She named this son Judah. Leah named him this because she said, "Now I will praise the LORD." Then Leah stopped having children. (ERV)
It was only when Leah gave birth to her fourth son Judah, did she begin praising the Lord. All this time she had tried to please her husband, and earn his love but she miserably failed. After all her futile efforts, it now seemed that Leah was confident that the Lord loved her, and therefore it did not really matter anymore that Jacob did not see, hear or love Leah as she hoped he would.
David praised the Lord in the wilderness, when he was forgotten by his own family. God honored him and Jesus was born in his lineage. Leah was rejected by her own husband, but God used her son Judah, and Jesus descended from his lineage.
Many people are desperate like Leah, running hither and thither, hoping that they will be accepted by others. Instead we must turn our attention toward God, seeking His approval, for He is the only one who will accept us just as we are. He is the loving Father, who accepts us with all our faults, unlike man whose acceptance is always subject to his owns terms and conditions. As parents, when our children approach us for something we lay down conditions to approve their requests. When husband and wife have issues, and there is a call for reconciliation, most often agreements are based on stipulations that are laid down by either of them. If we can understand and comprehend the love that God has for us, and experience it in a genuine way, man’s acceptance or rejection of us will become immaterial to us. We are precious to God and our worth does not depend on man’s acceptance or rejection of us.
Many are carrying emotional hurts and pains from their past, which prevents them from loving God, worshipping Him and being in fellowship with other believers. Let us not keep singing the praise of men, but learn to praise the Lord alone from the depth of our hearts. God has accepted us just as we are, and we are most valuable in His eyes. His love for us is absolute and He will never ever reject us, no matter what. There are two parts to the cross; the vertical signifies the relationship we have with God, and the horizontal our relationship with others. It is only when we experience and comprehend God’s limitless love for us, will we be able to accept others around us unconditionally. God is a God of peace, and He can bring healing to all our past hurts and bind our wounds with His immense love, so we can go forth as his agents of love, to be those who bring peace and healing to those around us.
Rev. F. Andrew Dixon
www.goodnewsfriends.net
Transcribed by: Sis. Esther Collins
