God's Help for Happier Families - Part 2
Ephesians 5:20-33; Revelation 19:5-9;
John 3:5-7; Ephesians 1:3-7
Sermon by Rick Crandall
(Prepared July 14, 2023)
(Revised August 21, 2023)
BACKGROUND:
*Our families are precious to us, but they are infinitely more precious to the Lord. God created families. He loves families. He knows the best ways for families to thrive, and He shows us how in His Word.
*Today's main focus is on marriage, but God's wisdom here is not just for husbands and wives. There is something here for everybody, even more so than the last time we focused on families. Please think about this as we read Ephesians 5:22-33.
MESSAGE:
*Years ago, I preached a wedding where I met the bride's great-grandparents. They had been married for 64 years! When I heard that, I said, "I bet you could give some good advice." That great grandmother replied, "Say 'I love you!' the first thing every morning, -- and mean it. And say, 'I love you' the last thing every evening, -- and mean it." That great-grandfather said, "You must put God first in your marriage. The sooner you realize that you can't do it on your own, the better off you will be."
*That was great advice, but the best advice we can ever get for our marriages, and for our lives is found in God's Word. The first truth today focuses on wives, but actually it's for the rest of us too.
1. GOD CALLS WIVES AND ALL CHRISTIANS TO HAVE SUBMISSIVE LOVE.
*Please listen again to Paul's guidance in vs. 22-24:
22. Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord.
23. For the husband is head of the wife, as also Christ is head of the church; and He is the Savior of the body.
24. Therefore, just as the church is subject to Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in everything.
*Then in vs. 33 Paul says, "Let the wife see that she respects her husband."
*These verses have been distorted by a lot of men, and discarded by a lot of women, but they are important to help us live together in love. Many people will tell you that this guidance in God's Word is obsolete. Do not believe them. This Scripture is just as relevant today as it was on the day it was written.
*But notice that Paul tells wives to submit to their husbands right after he tells all Christians to submit to one another. In vs. 20-21 Paul says that all Christians should be "giving thanks always for all things to God the Father in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ, submitting to one another in the fear of God." This kind of loving submission then should be normal behavior for ALL Christians. It's normal, and it is voluntary. The original word has the idea of you putting yourself under someone else. In marriage ladies, it's you letting your husband be the head of your family.
*This submission does not give your husband the right to bully you, or rule over you with an iron thumb. Paul said, "Submit to your husband, as to the Lord." Think about your relationship with Jesus Christ: Does He ever bully us or push us around? Has Jesus ever been mean to you? -- No, of course not.
*But why does God ask wives to "submit to your husband, as to the Lord"? One reason why is because God created men with a built-in need to be respected. Men generally respond to respect. It charges us up and motivates us to be the husband you want us to be.
*Of course this is not a one way street. Women deserve and need respect too. But with men it's a much bigger deal. Ladies, we really do need your respect. So try your best to give honor and respect to your husband. And husbands, we must try our best to deserve the respect God wants us to have.
*But also please understand that this does not mean that men are better than women. My wife is a very strong-hearted, very good woman. She is a better person than me in a lot of ways. And I am a thousand times better than I ever would have been without my wife. But Mary willingly submits herself to me, (most of the time anyway). Why does she do that? Is it because I deserve it? Sometimes, and hopefully more each day. But that's not why Mary submits to me.
*The main reason why is because God has poured a whole lot of grace into her heart toward me. And Mary voluntarily submits to me, because she gets it. She understands that this IS God's plan for families. She also understands that showing respect helps make me a better husband.
*But again: This kind of voluntary submission is one of the most godly things all of us can do. In fact, it's one of the main themes in Peter's first letter to God's Church:
-1 Peter 2:13 says, "Submit yourselves to every ordinance of man for the Lord's sake. . ."
-1 Peter 2:18 says, "Servants, be submissive to your masters with all fear, not only to the good and gentle, but also to the harsh."
-1 Peter 3:1 tells wives to "be submissive to your own husbands. . ."
-1 Peter 5:5 tells "Younger people (to), submit yourselves to your elders. . ."
-1 Peter 5:5 also tells all Christians to "be submissive to one another. . ."
*Five times Peter tells Christians to submit: Submit to the law, submit to your boss. Wives submit to your husbands. Young people submit to your elders, and all Christians, submit to one another.
*In fact, after Jesus comes back and straightens out all of this earthly mess, 1 Corinthians 15:24-28 tells us that Jesus will submit Himself to our Heavenly Father. So our godly submission is a most proper, Christ-like thing for all Christians to do.
2. GOD CALLS WIVES AND ALL CHRISTIANS TO SUBMISSIVE LOVE. THEN HE CALLS HUSBANDS TO THE SAVIOR'S LOVE.
*That means we should love our wife just like the Lord Jesus loves us all. God clearly tells us to do this in vs. 25, where Paul wrote, "Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself for it."
*Men, why does God ask us to love our wives, "just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself for it"? One reason why is because He created women with a built-in need to be loved. Again, this is not a one way street. Of course, men need to be loved, too. But women by nature generally respond to love. It charges them up and motivates them to be the wife you want her to be.
*Please listen again to vs. 25-29:
25. Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself for her,
26. that He might sanctify and cleanse her with the washing of water by the word,
27. that He might present her to Himself a glorious church, not having spot or wrinkle or any such thing, but that she should be holy and without blemish.
28. So husbands ought to love their own wives as their own bodies; he who loves his wife loves himself.
29. For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as the Lord does the church.
*"Nourish" there is the idea of providing for your wife and protecting her. "Cherishing" means treating her with tender love and care, treating her like a treasure, because she IS a treasure from God.
*When it comes to marriage then, there is no doubt that God gives the greatest responsibility to us, men. We are to love our wives the way Jesus Christ loves us. But the main take-away from this part of the sermon is how much Jesus loves all of us. So, how does Jesus love us?
[1] ONE THING FOR SURE: JESUS' LOVE FOR US IS UNSELFISH.
*There is so much selfishness in the world today that we could talk about it for days. Our selfishness breeds misery all around us, and sooner or later, we will suffer the consequences too.
*But God is always unselfish. In Psalm 68:19 King David said, "Blessed be the Lord, Who daily loads us with benefits, even the God of our salvation!" David knew the great truth that God is not selfish. In 2 Corinthians 8:9 Paul tells Christians, "You know the grace of our Lord Jesus Christ, that though He was rich, yet for your sakes He became poor, that you through His poverty might become rich." 1 Peter 3:18 tells us that Jesus "suffered once for sins, the just for the unjust, that He might bring us to God."
*Can you imagine Jesus being selfish? -- Never! Jesus always acted in the best interest of others, and that is how He wants us to treat our wives.
[2] JESUS' LOVE FOR US IS UNSELFISH, AND IT'S UNCONDITIONAL.
*We would be in terrible shape if we had to earn the Lord's love, because not one of us could ever deserve it. But Jesus loves us anyway, and He wants us to love our wives the same way. They are not perfect, and of course, neither are we. Our job is to love our wives on the bad days as well as the good.
[3] THE LORD'S LOVE FOR US IS UNCONDITIONAL. IT'S ALSO PATIENT, KIND, AND GENTLE.
*We need to love our wives with the same kind of God's agape love that Jesus has for us. 1 Corinthians 13:4-5 describes it this way in the New Living Translation: "Love is patient and kind. Love is not jealous or boastful or proud or rude. Love does not demand its own way. Love is not irritable, and it keeps no record of when it has been wronged."
*The Lord wants us to be patient, kind, and gentle in all the things we do and say. As Ephesians 4:29 says in the New Living Translation: "Don't use foul or abusive language. Let everything you say be good and helpful, so that your words will be an encouragement to those who hear them."
[4] THE LORD'S LOVE FOR US IS PATIENT, KIND, AND GENTLE. IT'S ALSO FAITHFUL.
*The Lord's love for us is ever faithful and true, and this sure truth shows up many times in God's Word. For example, Psalm 89:1-2 says, "I will sing of the mercies of the LORD forever; With my mouth will I make known Your faithfulness to all generations. For I have said, 'Mercy shall be built up forever; Your faithfulness You shall establish in the very heavens.'''
*Lamentations 3:22-23 says, "Through the LORD'S mercies we are not consumed, because His compassions fail not. They are new every morning; great is Your faithfulness." And in Revelation 19:11, He is named "Faithful and True."
[5] JESUS' LOVE FOR US IS FAITHFUL, AND IT'S FORGIVING.
*Of course forgiveness must be a two-way street for us, because we all need forgiveness. Sometimes it will be your turn to say, "I'm sorry." And sometimes it will be your turn to say, "That's okay. I forgive you."
*In Ephesians 4:31-32 Paul put it this way, "Let all bitterness, wrath, anger, clamor, and evil speaking be put away from you, with all malice. And be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, just as God in Christ also forgave you."
[6] JESUS' LOVE IS FOR US FORGIVING, AND IT IS SACRIFICIAL.
*In John 15:13 Jesus said, "Greater love has no man than this, than to lay down his life for his friends." Jesus Christ gave His life on the cross for us. He made the ultimate sacrifice for us. This is the kind of love that Jesus has for all of us! And God wants us to love our wives with this same kind of love.
[7] JESUS' LOVE FOR US IS SACRIFICIAL, AND IT IS FULLY COMMITTED.
*In Hebrews 13:5, Jesus tells all Christians: "I will never leave you nor forsake you.'' The Lord's love is as sure as sure can be. He is always there for His people. That's the kind of till-death-do-us-part, faithful love that God wants us to have for our wife.
*Men: There is no way we can do these things in our own strength. So ask the Lord to help you love your wife like Jesus loved the church and gave Himself for her. Pray for it. Keep praying for it. God will surely answer those prayers. And over time, you will experience some remarkable changes in your heart.
3. GOD CALLS HUSBANDS TO THE SAVIOR'S LOVE. AND HE CREATED MARRIAGE WITH A SACRED CONNECTION.
*We see this sacred connection in vs. 29-31, where God's Word says:
29. For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as the Lord does the church.
30. For we (that is, we Christians) are members of His body, of His flesh and of His bones.
31. "For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.''
*God created a sacred connection between husband and wife. As vs. 31 says, "The two shall become one flesh.'' The oneness God is talking about here goes far beyond the physical side of marriage. God wants us to "become one in spirit, one in mind, one in affection, and above all things, one in Christ." There is a oneness in marriage that can touch every dimension in life. And that's the way God wants it to be, for a lifetime.
4. GOD CREATED MARRIAGE WITH A SACRED CONNECTION. AND GOD WANTS EVERYONE TO BE IN HIS SPIRITUAL FAMILY.
*When we receive Jesus Christ as our Lord and Savior God's Spirit makes us part of the Family of God. Think about how you become part of a family. Basically, there are only 3 ways: Marriage, birth, and adoption. God uses a spiritual version of all three to make us a part of His family.
[1] WE'VE BEEN FOCUSING ON MARRIAGE.
*And the Bible says that Jesus the Bridegroom, and His Church is the Bride of Christ. There are at least 7 passages that talk about this truth. And today's Scripture is one of them. Another example is Revelation 19:5-9, where the Apostle John wrote:
5. Then a voice came from the throne, saying, "Praise our God, all you His servants and those who fear Him, both small and great!''
6. And I heard, as it were, the voice of a great multitude, as the sound of many waters and as the sound of mighty thunderings, saying, "Alleluia! For the Lord God Omnipotent reigns!
7. Let us be glad and rejoice and give Him glory, for the marriage of the Lamb has come, and His wife has made herself ready.''
8. And to her it was granted to be arrayed in fine linen, clean and bright, for the fine linen is the righteous acts of the saints.
9. Then he said to me, "Write: 'Blessed are those who are called to the marriage supper of the Lamb!' '' And he said to me, "These are the true sayings of God.''
*When we respond to the conviction of the Holy Spirit and receive Jesus as our Lord and Savior, we are miraculously saved, and we become part of the spiritual Bride of Christ.
[2] BUT WE ALSO BECOME PART OF THE FAMILY OF GOD BY A NEW SPIRITUAL BIRTH.
*When we believe in Jesus, we are born again by the Holy Spirit of God. Jesus talked about this new spiritual birth in John 3:5-7. There Jesus told Nicodemus: "Most assuredly, I say to you, unless one is born of water and the Spirit, he cannot enter the kingdom of God. That which is born of the flesh is flesh, and that which is born of the Spirit is spirit. Do not marvel that I said to you, 'You must be born again.'"
*When we trust in Jesus, we are literally, spiritually born again, and we have two birthdays! This miraculous gift of new life is absolutely essential for salvation. And it is always the work of God's Holy Spirit.
[3] BUT WE ALSO BECOME PART OF GOD'S FAMILY BY ADOPTION
*When we receive Jesus Christ as our Lord & Savior.
-He comes to us through His Holy Spirit and adopts us into the Family of God.
*Paul spoke of this great truth in at least two places.
*For example, in Ephesians 1:3-7, Paul said:
3. Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, who has blessed us with every spiritual blessing in the heavenly places in Christ,
4. just as He chose us in Him before the foundation of the world, that we should be holy and without blame before Him in love,
5. having predestined us to ADOPTION as sons by Jesus Christ to Himself, according to the good pleasure of His will,
6. to the praise of the glory of His grace, by which He has made us accepted in the Beloved.
7. In Him we have redemption through His blood, the forgiveness of sins, according to the riches of His grace.
*I have heard adoptive parents talk about the boundless joy they had on the day their dream of adoption came true. And think about the kind of love on display when families choose to adopt children.
*My parents didn't choose me, and there were probably days when, given the choice my Mama would have said, Mmmmm, -- no thanks!" But God has the kind of love that He could look at us warts and all, and still say, "I choose you!"
*C.L. and Peggy Johnson were a wonderful couple at McClendon in West Monroe. During World War II, C.L. was a Navy Seabee. He helped clean up the destruction after Japan attacked Pearl Harbor. Then, C.L. was on ships that were attacked by suicidal Kamikaze bombing planes. Three times, those ships were sunk, and one time, C.L. was stranded in the Pacific Ocean for several days.
*He was a real hero, and it’s a wonder he survived the war. But God had a plan for his life. God wanted C.L. to come back home and meet Peggy, and they did meet in the café where she worked. C.L. was working for the railroad back then, and the crew always stopped in to have coffee.
*It was the beginning of a great life with 54 years together in marriage. But at first, Peggy didn’t think it would come to much, because she already had a young daughter named Ann. Most men wouldn’t want to take on that responsibility, but C.L. wasn’t like most men, and he fell in love with little Ann, too.
*One day C.L. asked Ann what she wanted for her birthday, and she said, "I want you to be married to my mom!" "Wow!" C.L. replied. "Well, -- we’ve got to talk to Peggy about this." They got married on little Ann’s birthday that year. And that's a great story of the love and joy of adoption. But God has infinitely greater love and joy when He adopts us into His family! (1)
CONCLUSION:
*When we believe in Jesus Christ, we are put into God's Family every possible way! -- By marriage, by birth, and by adoption! God uses these human relationships to point us to Heavenly relationships. God is trying to give us a glimpse of eternity in the everyday things of life, because He wants everyone to be part of the Family of God.
*He wants that so much, that the Father was willing to send His only begotten Son to die on the cross for us, and Jesus Christ was willing to come. He was willing to die on the cross for us, because He loves His Father, and because He loves us.
*Nobody could possibly love you more than Jesus Christ already does! What a shame it would be, if you weren't part of the Lord's family. What a shame it would be, if you missed out on the most important relationship of all. Don't miss it! Don't ignore it. Don't forget it.
*Call on our crucified and risen Savior to save you today, and you will also be part of the Family of God. You can do it right now, as we go back to God in prayer.
(1) Original illustration:
-Kay Strom gave the example of 11-year-old Jeremy. He had been abandoned by his birth mother when he was just a little baby. Jeremy had grown up in a series of foster homes. The only times he ever saw his birth mother were the 3 times she came to town for court hearings to block Jeremy from being adopted. How cruel she must have been.
*Finally, the judge was able to free Jeremy for adoption. But it took 11 long years. Rachel Carter was Jeremy's 4th grade school teacher. She was also the mother of three girls. Rachel's heart had gone out to Jeremy on the very first day of school that year.
*Mrs. Carter was specially moved when the little boy introduced himself by saying, "I'm Jeremy, and I don't have a family. I never will, because I'm too old for anybody to love me."
*That's what Jeremy thought. But before the year was out, Rachel and her husband decided to adopt that little boy. At the end of the school year the adoption was finalized. And Jeremy proudly told the principal, "When school started I was a nobody. -- Now I'm a Carter!"
-Source: SEEKING CHRIST by Kay Marshall Strom - Nashville: Thomas Nelson Publishers, 1994 - pp. 106-107 - Source: Sermons.com sermon "Adopted!" by King Duncan - Ephesians 1:3-14
