Phases of Fatherhood
The foundation of Fatherhood:
GENESIS 2:15-24 (NIV) 5 The Lord God took the man and put him in the Garden of Eden to work it and take care of it. 16 And the Lord God commanded the man, “You are free to eat from any tree in the garden; 17 but you must not eat from the tree of the knowledge of good and evil, for when you eat from it you will certainly die.” 8 The Lord God said, “It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him.” 19 Now the Lord God had formed out of the ground all the wild animals and all the birds in the sky. He brought them to the man to see what he would name them; and whatever the man called each living creature, that was its name. 20 So the man gave names to all the livestock, the birds in the sky and all the wild animals.
But for Adam no suitable helper was found. 21 So the Lord God caused the man to fall into a deep sleep; and while he was sleeping, he took one of the man’s ribs and then closed up the place with flesh. 22 Then the Lord God made a woman from the rib he had taken out of the man, and he brought her to the man. 23 The man said, “This is now bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh; she shall be called ‘woman,’ for she was taken out of man.” 24 That is why a man leaves his father and mother and is united to his wife, and they become one flesh.
GENESIS 4:1 (NIV) Adam made love to his wife Eve, and she became pregnant and gave birth to Cain. She said, “With the help of the Lord I have brought forth a man.”
Adam never lost these two things “work it and take care of it”
We see the proper order for becoming a Dad
1. Job first
a. Demonstrates a man is willing to, and has, the capacity to be a provider
b. You don’t need a helper if you’re not doing anything
2. Wife second
a. Do not get caught up in the myth of “The One”
i. Proverbs 18:22 (NIV) He who finds A wife finds what is good and receives favor from the Lord.
ii. The only time God put a man and woman together is with Adam and Eve
iii. He did not even tell Joseph to marry Mary He just told him it would be OK.
b. At this point (marriage) the family is created
c. Save the marital activities for marriage
d. Side note: They did not have kids right away, It is ok to just be married for a while
e. The husbands core responsibility remains, keep working and protect
i. Now his family is to be “worked and taken care of”
3. Then children
a. The best situation for a child is to be born into a Godly home with their own mother and Father, that
doesn’t mean other situations can’t work though
The Phases of Fatherhood:
1. Becoming a Dad
a. Courtship, not dating
b. Engagement
c. Marriage
2. New Dad (from pregnancy through toddler)
a. Pregnancy – when fatherhood begins, not family
b. Birth – when the father evolves into a Dad
c. Toddler – the child is Mom focused at this time
3. Hero Dad (toddler through single digit years)
a. Tickle fights and horseback rides
b. Wrestling on the floor
c. Exploration and wonderment
d. Boundaries/behaviors are set
e. Hero to Mom during this time
i. Providing needed “grown up conversations”
ii. Allowing needed times of escape
f. (In the chuck e cheese dispensation)
4. Coach Dad (late single digit years early teens)
a. Teaching them to Ride a bike (taught my kids)
b. Playing catch (with grandpa)
c. Sports and interests; fishing, hunting, working on cars, camping, swimming
d. The example you set at this stage is foundational to your children
5. Ignorant Dad (Mid to late teen years)
a. It is not that you are ignorant your advice just falls on deaf ears
b. 14 year old at the county fair in Ohio
c. Boundaries are tested and reinforced.
i. I pushed back with my Mom
6. Proud Dad (when ever they succeed)
a. When you make it through the Ignorant Dad phase you get to the Proud Dad phase
b. Your children start to spread their wings and take on responsibilities and pursue what God has for them
c. The only time my Dad said he was proud of me was on my wedding day. It was hard for him to say it. It
was hard for him to give my sisters away.
i. I believe he felt he completed fatherhood mission when we started our own families
d. During this phase Dad seems to get wiser
7. Wise Dad (late teen through the rest of your life)
a. The wise Dad phase is a blessing.
b. Your children seek your council
c. Your relationship morphs into parent/friend status
d. The Children you sweat for, protected, cried over, and prayed for begin to understand the why you did
what you did and respect matures in their heart for you.
i. It was out of respect that I was able to let my Dad move to heaven with my blessing.
ii. He was able to tell me with a clear heart he had done what he was on earth to do.
8. Super Dad (As soon as your son or son-in-law slips one past the goalie and becomes a new Dad)
a. Otherwise known as Grandpa
b. Known also as the reward for not killing your own kids during the ignorant phase.
9. Through every phase Dad has to be the:
a. Protector, Provider, cool-headed steady hand, Spiritual Leader
b. His daughter’s first love and his son’s first best friend
c. He must be an example of godly manhood to each of his kids
i. So the daughters know what to look for
ii. So his son’s know how to be.
d. Over time your mistakes and failures fade from their memories, but the love you demonstrated will be
your legacy.
Psalm 68:4-6 (NIV)
Sing to God, sing in praise of his name, extol him who rides on the clouds; rejoice before him—his name is the Lord. 5 A father to the fatherless, a defender of widows, is God in his holy dwelling.
6 God sets the lonely in families, he leads out the prisoners with singing; but the rebellious live in a sun-scorched land.
Psalm 128:1-6 (NIV)
Blessed are all who fear the Lord,
who walk in obedience to him.
2 You will eat the fruit of your labor;
blessings and prosperity will be yours.
3 Your wife will be like a fruitful vine
within your house;
your children will be like olive shoots
around your table.
4 Yes, this will be the blessing
for the man who fears the Lord.
5 May the Lord bless you from Zion;
may you see the prosperity of Jerusalem
all the days of your life.
6 May you live to see your children’s children—
peace be on Israel.
