Did I ever tell you I have three sisters? Growing up, we were quite competitive in just about everything. Be it sports, games, music, acting- there was always something for us to try to outdo each other. If our family had been the one in today’s text, my sisters would likely say that I was Joseph. They saw me as mom’s preacher boy, the golden child, and I could do no wrong in my mother’s eyes. From my perspective, and probably not a very good defense, being the oldest, I had learned when mom had reached her limit, would stop doing whatever it was, and watch my sisters fall off the cliff and get in trouble. When I look back, I think each of us had times when we reflected some of the character of Joseph.
My dad had a rather unique way of handling the question, “Who’s your favorite child?” Rather than saying he didn’t keep favorites, he’d tell us we were ALL his favorite. I was his favorite (and only) son. Angie was his favorite oldest daughter. Kelly was his favorite middle daughter. Kim was his favorite youngest daughter.
Sibling rivalries like ours aren’t a healthy family dynamic. It does, however, seem to be the norm when we rely on the fleshly side of our human nature. It doesn’t seem to be just children that get caught up in it, but we see it happen with people of all ages. Just recently I was told about a veteran who had four sons. The oldest three had also gone into the military when they came of age, but the youngest was too late to be able to join as the draft ended.
For years, this left the youngest son on the outside looking in. Mom tried to be a peacemaker, talking her husband into apologizing at various times, but it was short-lived. Then mom passed away, and dad, who was in his 80s, was hospitalized due to heart problems. The boys were called in to see dad, but it wasn’t going well. The oldest had the military ingrained in him, much like his father, and felt the youngest should have no say in matters. The second tried to follow his mother’s example and reconcile the brothers. The third grew tired of the fighting, but agreed the youngest should have no say.
The sad thing was, they really didn’t know the youngest brother. None of them knew that over the years, he had become a man of faith, that he had married and raised two kids. He had come, not to discuss the estate, but because he hoped to apologize to his father and be reconciled.
To make things worse, while they were at the hospital, the third son went to the house and began to gather items of value that he wanted to make sure he would inherit but got caught on camera. The oldest son called the police and had him arrested, so he spent the night in jail. It was only a few days later that the father passed away. To hear the neighbors describe it, World War 3 had broken out among the brothers when they came to their father’s house to sort out who would receive what.
Sibling rivalry is not a pleasant thing to observe at whatever age. In fact, I was doing the math as I was studying the family of Abraham. Did you realize Jacob was 77 years old when he left home and 84 when he married? As we look at today’s text, I believe we’ll find there are a combination of factors that create such a toxic family atmosphere. The first cause I’d like to look at I call the Generational Cycle.
Now, I realize that not all these examples include sibling rivalries, but starting with Abraham, we find that each generation has a rivalry in the family that harms the relationships. Sarah, Abraham’s wife, and Hagar, her servant, were at odds after Sarah gave Hagar to Abraham in her efforts to fulfill God’s promise. Abraham didn’t help the situation with his hands-off approach. The rivalry continues between Isaac and Ishmael (we still see the effect in Jewish-Arab relations). Jacob and Esau’s rivalry resulted in Jacob living in exile for 20 years. Jacob’s wives, Leah and Rachel, were sisters vying for their husband’s love, even giving him their servants as lovers in an effort to win him over. And now we come to Joseph and his brothers, where Joseph is clearly dad’s favorite and the others are very jealous.
For me, this brings to mind when God gave Moses the 10 Commandments, He included to not make false gods. In Exodus 20:5, He explains, “I the Lord your God am a jealous God, visiting the iniquity of the fathers on the children to the third and the fourth generation of those who hate me.” Does this mean my children will be punished for the sins that I commit? Hannah and Elizabeth can thank God that the answer is no, though there are negative effects that can continue even after my passing. Ezekiel 18:1-4 explains it this way (read text). The child isn’t paying the price of the parent’s sin in the sense that he is condemned for what his father has done, but there is a negative result. We see that in Jacob’s family.
The second cause for sibling rivalry that I see here is parental responsibility. The generational cycle needs to be broken, but it’s often easier said than done. Sometimes, a parent’s actions will directly create the sibling rivalry. You can ask Terri about what that’s like. Lee, the man most of you hear Terri refer to as dad is actually her stepfather. Her bio-father was rather abusive and often encouraged Terri and her brother to physically fight. Terri has a terrible memory of her father telling her to hit her older brother, after all, she was physically bigger than him. One time, he even locked her out of the house until she hauled off and hit him.
For others, it’s a matter of passing along the traits that we learned from our parents. Think about it, how many of you have caught yourself disciplining one of your kids when you realize with horror- I sound just like my father or mother.
Somebody has to decide they want to break the cycle, it’s clear that Jacob did not. His grief at the loss of Rachel likely plays a part, Joseph being his favorite son was obvious. We’re told that Jacob presented Joseph with a coat of many colors and his brothers were jealous because of what it meant. As I was preparing for today, I came across a couple places that suggested what this coat might mean to the family. First, it represented favor- Jacob loves Joseph more than the other twelve siblings. Second, it represented station- a coat like this would not be worn while shepherding the flock and likely meant Joseph would no longer be in the fields with his brothers. Third, it represented birthright- Jacob could very well have been declaring that even though Reuben was the true firstborn, because Joseph was the son of the wife he loved, Rachel, that Joseph would be receiving the firstborn’s share of the inheritance.
Ever see a goofy sounding rule posted somewhere and wondered what might have happened that someone decided the rule needed to be there? While Jeff and I were having our weekly lunch with our friends in ministry, one of them pointed out Deuteronomy 21:15-17 (read text). You have to wonder if God wasn’t trying to make sure no one repeated the decision Jacob made regarding the inheritance for his children.
This takes us to a third cause for sibling rivalry- the attitude of the siblings. Sometimes a sibling feeds into the problem with their own actions. For example, we used to call one of my sisters the Family Reporter because anytime one of us did the wrong thing, she made sure our parents knew about it. As we look at the family dynamic found in Genesis 37:2, we’ll see that Joseph took similar actions that didn’t help his cause any. (read verse)
Notice that it says Joseph was a boy with the sons of Bilhah and Zilpah. Rachel had passed away at the birth of his brother Benjamin, who was likely too young to be working at the time of these events. The way this is worded lends the idea that because the rivalry between sisters had been so bad, Leah and her children chose to have nothing to do with Joseph. Then Joseph makes it worse for himself by going home to dad and giving a bad report about the only brothers who would have anything to do with him. Jacob gives Joseph the coat of many colors, further separating him from his siblings.
But it doesn’t top there. Joseph shares about not one, but two similar dreams with his brothers. In those days, people understood that dreams like this carried a meaning and, if interpreted correctly, could predict the future. The brothers here these dreams, react like, “Great, now you expect to rule over us?” and they hate him even more. Even his father rebukes him, you’re taking this too far, but he keeps the idea of these dreams tucked away in his mind.
The sibling rivalry between Joseph and his brothers had some pretty apparent negative effects that impacted everyone involved. The next section of Genesis 37 tells the famous story of Joseph being sold into slavery and Jacob thinking he is dead.
This had a very grave impact on Jacob. He hadn’t learned from being separated from his own family for 20 years. Now that he’s been informed that his favorite son is dead, he declares that he will mourn for the rest of his life. Jacob spends the next 22 years mourning.
Reuben, the actual firstborn son, dealt with a lot of emotions the day they sold their brother. He talked his brothers into letting Joseph live, he made plans to rescue Joseph and make himself the hero in his father’s eyes, then came back to find that Joseph had already been sold off. Think about the shock, horror, despair, remorse, and fear all coursing through him as he realizes his brother is gone. In Genesis 37:29-30, all this is described (read text). Reuben asks the question, “Where will I go?” He knows how Jacob will receive the news, he doesn’t want to be there, doesn’t want to deal with the shame, yet he’s going to have to live with it.
Then there was Judah. He had to live for over 20 years carrying guilt. It was his idea to sell Joseph into slavery instead of killing him, after all, why not make a bit of money off the brother you can’t wait to be rid of. Imagine being able to go to your father and inform him that his favorite son is dead, knowing he lives and that you’re the reason for his absence, then maintaining that lie for 22 years.
Of course, Joseph had to endure being sold into slavery, serving well only to be falsely accused of seducing his master’s wife and thrown in jail. Continuing to serve well, even interpreting the dreams of a couple prisoners who had been direct servants to Pharaoh himself, only to be forgotten for two years. Yet, even with all these terrible things that happened, Joseph remained faithful to serving the God who looked out for him. (read Genesis 39:2,23). All these bad things happened, yet the Lord was with him and gave him success.
Even with all the negative things that have come about because of the dysfunctional sibling rivalry between Joseph and his brothers, some positive effects also came about. You see, God works for the good even through our dysfunctions. When I had done the family math, I noticed that 13 years had passed from when Joseph was sold into slavery until he interpreted Pharaoh’s dreams. At the age of 30, Pharaoh appoints Joseph as his second in command to prepare for the famine. It was two years into the famine, or at age 39, when Joseph’s brothers come to Egypt to purchase food and are put to the test by Joseph, who recognized them. When they return a second time, the brothers, Judah especially, redeem themselves in Joseph’s eye as they do all they can to protect their brother Benjamin from punishment for the sake of their father.
This brings us to Genesis 45:1-5 (read text). Joseph reveals himself to his brothers and the family is restored. Notice where Joseph focused- it was God who made this possible. He took what you meant for evil and turned it to good. Because Joseph could see God’s hand at work throughout his lifetime, he was able to forgive and move forward.
I believe that is the challenge this story presents for us today. We all have our rivalries, sibling or otherwise. In fact, I don’t believe this is limited to the relationships within our earthly families, but extends to our spiritual family as well. Our challenge is to be like Joseph- end the rivalry and restore the relationship.
If we turn to the New Testament, we find that Jesus wants us to make things right regardless of who’s at fault. Read Matthew 5:23-24. If you have sinned against your brother, go to him and make it right. Read Matthew 18:15. If your brother has sinned against you, go to him and make it right.
So who have you been at odds with? Who do you view as a rival? Maybe it’s a family member by blood, maybe it’s a family member by faith. If someone has come to mind, maybe it’s time to restore that relationship. As we pray, ask God to show you your next steps to make that happen. Pray
Before any of us knew God and took the steps to become his follower in Christ, we set ourselves up in opposition to God- His enemy. God took the first step, gave His Son to die on the cross so that He could restore the relationship we had broken, and calls us to Him. He awaits your response. If you need to make the commitment to follow God by being baptized into Christ, come forward as we stand and sing this next song.
