Finish this sentence for me: “This is going to hurt me… (more than its going to hurt you).” That is a lie that parents have been telling since the beginning of time. I grew up in the age of corporal punishment (i.e. paddling at home and at school). And while I’ll admit to having doled out a few well-timed swats of my own when MY daughters were younger, I had dad that believed deeply in the power of a good spanking. And while I don’t ever remember him uttering these words, I can remember hearing them a time or two before a paddling I received at the hands of my elementary teachers. And so hopefully, parents are no longer telling this lie…that your punishment is going to hurt them worse than it’s going to hurt you. No way. “I paid my dues when I was young and dumb, and now it’s your turn to accept the punishment you have coming” (even if the punishment looks differently than what I got with the paddle).
But what IS absolutely true is that as a parent, one of the most painful things to witness is to see your children in pain. For the past several weeks, we have been in a series through the book of 2 Corinthians. And we have learned that Paul served as the spiritual father to this church…not simply an evangelist who won people to Christ, started a church, and then left town with no concern for the people he left behind. In reality, he cared so deeply that he wrote letter after letter to this church, filled with instructions for Christian living.
But the Apostle Paul understood that to love someone means to do what is best for them…not what was easiest for him. And so his care for them involved a mixture of comforting and encouraging words, but also words of correction and admonishment. And this is exactly where we find Paul today in 2 Corinthians 7. While you’re turning there in your Bibles, one of our pastors reminded me this week of a conversation he had had several years ago with a couple that asked for advice on what church to attend. They had been splitting their time between our church (where they were being fed) and another church (where they had developed deep relationships).
And after sorting through which church they should give their tithe (I tease), our pastor gave them the framework of how to evaluate a church when trying to make a wise decision. And one of the first things he asked them was in the dozens and dozens of sermons they had listened to at the other church, was there ever any mention of repentance? In fact, this is just my opinion, but I believe one of the dividing lines between a Biblically-driven church and a shallow, seeker church is the teaching and calling of people to repentance. It’s easy to tell someone to add Jesus into their life and that he’ll make their life better. It’s quite a different thing to call someone to lay aside sinful patterns of living in order to truly follow Jesus. But make no mistake, repentance is a central theme in the Bible, and the lifestyle of a Christian should be a lifestyle of repentance.
2 Corinthians 7:2-11
Make room in your hearts for us. We have wronged no one, we have corrupted no one, we have taken advantage of no one. 3 I do not say this to condemn you, for I said before that you are in our hearts, to die together and to live together. 4 I am acting with great boldness toward you; I have great pride in you; I am filled with comfort. In all our affliction, I am overflowing with joy. 5 For even when we came into Macedonia, our bodies had no rest, but we were afflicted at every turn—fighting without and fear within. 6 But God, who comforts the downcast, comforted us by the coming of Titus, 7 and not only by his coming but also by the comfort with which he was comforted by you, as he told us of your longing, your mourning, your zeal for me, so that I rejoiced still more. 8 For even if I made you grieve with my letter, I do not regret it—though I did regret it, for I see that that letter grieved you, though only for a while. 9 As it is, I rejoice, not because you were grieved, but because you were grieved into repenting. For you felt a godly grief, so that you suffered no loss through us. 10 For godly grief produces a repentance that leads to salvation without regret, whereas worldly grief produces death. 11 For see what earnestness this godly grief has produced in you, but also what eagerness to clear yourselves, what indignation, what fear, what longing, what zeal, what punishment! At every point you have proved yourselves innocent in the matter.
If we are honest this morning, the very word “repentance” has a negative connotation, doesn’t it? But here’s what else we have to be honest about – the call to repentance is all throughout the Bible. In fact, this was the message in the mouth of every biblical messenger. In the Old Testament, every prophet was preaching the same message: “Repent!” Ezekiel, Isaiah, and Hosea preached it: “Repent!” The same message was preached over and over and over. Why? Because this is the funnel through which all grace flows. Go to the New Testament. How about John the Baptist? “Repent, for the kingdom of heaven is at hand” (Matthew 3:2). What about the disciples? Mark 6:12 tells us “they went out and proclaimed that people should repent.” Luke 15:7 says that there will be “more joy in heaven over one sinner who repents than over ninety-nine righteous persons who need no repentance.”
How about the early church? On the day of Pentecost, over 3,000 people were converted. What was the subject then? “Repent!” was the subject in Acts 2. Then again in chapter 3: “Repent therefore, and turn again, that your sins may be blotted out, that times of refreshing may come from the presence of the Lord” (Acts 3:19-20). Later in Acts 17:30 we read: “The times of ignorance God overlooked, but now he commands all people everywhere to repent.”
And it wasn’t just the apostles’ message. In Revelation 2:16, Jesus said: “Therefore repent. If not, I will come to you soon and war against them with the sword of my mouth.” Then again in Revelation 3:19, Jesus said: “Those whom I love, I rebuke and chasten: be zealous therefore, and repent.”
And even though repentance often has a negative connotation, Paul starts off this treatise on repentance by proclaiming that he is writing these words of correction with a heart that is overflowing with joy (according to verse 4). If we back up to verses 2-3, Paul was once again defending himself against the false accusations of those who had pledged their allegiance to the false teachers known as the Super Apostles. And in spite of this, Paul said that was he “making room in their hearts for him.” If I’m honest and I was the author of 2 Corinthians, it would have been the shortest book in the Bible because it would have simply said – “You’re dead to me.”
But Paul’s heart is NOT dead to these people…instead he is filled with joy DESPITE the false accusations and DESPITE the physical exhaustion he references in verse 5. Paul? His heart’s wide open to these people. Me? I get hangry when I simply miss a meal…so I can only imagine how I would have responded (the Spirit is sometimes no match for a hangry heart). And because of this, sometimes we think, “Well, Paul was an Apostle and therefore was some sort of SUPER Christian.”
But Paul in spite of the physical and relational affliction tells us exactly where he finds his joy (and it’s not because he was a Super Christian). First, he was encouraged by a faithful friend at just the right moment – Titus, according to verse 6. And the second reason is found in verses 8-9:“For even if I made you grieve with my letter, I do not regret it – though I did regret it, for I see that that letter grieved you, though only for a while [in other words, ‘Sorry, not sorry’]. 9As it is, I rejoice, not because you were grieved, but because you were grieved into repenting.”
As their spiritual father, it hurt Paul that he had to share some things that were going to be hard for them to hear. But Paul wasn’t motivated by self-righteousness, or even anger. He was motivated by love. And so his tone was that of “I wish I didn’t have to say this.” And if our motivation is love (Proverbs says “Faithful are the wounds of a friend”) then we aren’t going to be excited to offer admonishment.
Have you ever been around another Christian who is just a little too excited to offer you a word of rebuke? Their motive is probably not love…but not Paul. This letter broke his heart to write…but he says that sorrow was short lived when he saw that his counsel was used as a catalyst by the Holy Spirit to produce repentance in the lives of the Corinthians.
And so we see that repentance is a prominent theme in Scripture (and should be in a churches as well). And we also see through Paul that repentance can be an occasion for joy when it leads to growth and change. But what exactly IS repentance? Repentance is a change of mind that leads to a change of behavior. A true change of mind (which is a synonym for the heart, or inner man) will always result in a change of behavior, because whatever is in our hearts will show up in our lives. Repentance is a turning away from sin and self-righteousness and turning towards Christ.
Here’s another thing I want you to see. We believe the Bible teaches that there are actually measurable evidences of genuine repentance. Back in Acts 26:20, Paul said, “I preached that they should repent and turn to God and prove their repentance by their deeds.” Repentance is the root I can’t see, but if the heart is repentant, there will be visible fruit on the tree. So the question that we want to address this morning is this: What is the fruit we are looking for when it comes to repentance? And so I want to spend the rest of our time this morning looking at three marks of genuine repentance…and this is not a checklist for you to primarily to use to use to evaluate other people. This is the Bible holding up a mirror to each one of us to see into our OWN lives.
THE MARKS OF GENUINE REPENTANCE
1. GODLY REGRET – vs. 9-10
Paul’s letter would definitely not always fit today’s demand in churches that sermons be both positive and practical. Now we work hard on these things, but we also don’t shy away from Paul’s message today when he says “grief” and “sorrow” are godly in nature. The process of repentance will cause us to be GRIEVED that we have disappointed the Lord. Look at verse 9 one more time: “As it is, I rejoice, not because you were grieved, but because you were grieved into repenting. For you felt a godly grief, so that you suffered no loss through us.”
“For you felt a godly grief…” That word “grief” could almost be interchanged with the English word “guilt.” But this isn’t the FALSE GUILT that we need to be wary of in the Christian life. False guild is that constant, low-grade undercurrent that you just can’t seem to shake. It’s the little voice from Satan that whispers, “You’re not DOING enough.” Or its cousin SHAME that says, “You will never BE enough.” One is rooted in performance (guilt) and one is rooted in identity (shame).
But that’s not what kind of guilt that Paul is talking about. Paul is talking about GOOD GUILT that is from the convicting work of the Spirit in our lives. Scripture says that it is the KINDNESS of God that leads us to repentance (not false guilt or shame…not anger). So in the process of repentance, “grief” and “guilt” are actually the result of God’s kindness and mercy in that he loves us too much to leave us where he found us.
And so the purpose of good guilt, or GODLY guilt, is to facilitate repentance AWAY from specific sin. Repentance is not general…it is always specific. So good guilt, or CONVICTION, will ALWAYS be about specific sin. False guilt is just a general sense that I have not done enough to receive grace. Newsflash – you will never do enough to deserve grace because that is the very definition of grace – unmerited favor. But if a person habitually sins and never feels guilty about it, never experiences GODLY grief, then that is evidence that the Spirit of God does not dwell within them because they have never been genuinely converted.
Now is it possible to experience guilt over something and yet not be saved? Of course. But verses 9 and 10 help us see a clear distinction between “godly grief” and “worldly grief.” The phrase that Paul uses in verse 9 when he says “godly grief” literally translates as “grief according to God.” Godly regret/grief is when I’m grieved by the fact that reproach has been brought upon GOD’s name. The focus of godly regret is GOD.
But look at verse 10: “For godly grief produces a repentance that leads to salvation without regret, whereas worldly grief produces death.” Worldly grief, or regret, is when you feel sorry for something you did because it leads to humiliation or punishment. I regret that I hit my brother because it earned me a swat from Grandma’s fly swatter (true story). The focus of worldly regret is ME. I’M embarrassed, I’M humiliated, I’M the one suffering unpleasant circumstances.
Worldly regret results in a superficial sorrow that may lead to a temporary change. But if there’s not a genuine turning to Christ for forgiveness then no real change takes place…because your character has not changed. Worldly grief does not change your character so you end up returning to the same sin once the embarrassment of your actions wears off.
But look at the things in verse 11 that accompany godly regret…Paul says that the repentant heart is easy to spot because there’s an “eagerness” or a “diligence” or a “longing” or a “zeal” to get this business done with God. Also notice…“what indignation?” Righteous indignation is anger over one’s sin…where you’re repulsed over the shame that your sin has brought Christ and his church. The thing that I once desired is not only no longer attractive, I’m actually repulsed by it.
So how do you know if you’re experiencing godly regret or worldly regret? You ask yourself this simple question: “Which is more painful to me? My sin or its consequences? Which grieves me more – that I disappointed Christ or that I embarrassed myself and am now experiencing unpleasant consequences?” This is the question you have to wrestle with at a heart level before REAL change can take place.
But not only is true repentance marked by godly sorrow (or regret), it is also marked by…
2. AN ATTEMPT TO MAKE IT RIGHT – vs. 11
I watched a video this week of a well-known, former megachurch pastor who had committed adultery last year. And his video was full of sorrow and regret for the pain he had caused. But his college-aged daughter subsequently released a video of her own that said he father made no attempt to make things right with his wife and family…instead, leaving his entire family and marrying his mistress. Repentance without restitution is not repentance at all. If you have sinned against someone else and never make an attempt to make it right, but claim to be repentant about that sin, then you’re fooling yourself. You may have confessed it because you want forgiveness in order to be right with God, but true repentance doesn’t stop there. True repentance always shows up in a desire to make things right with others, as much as it possible. You have no control over how others receive your attempts, but true repentance pursues restitution.
Paul’s list in the middle of verse 11 of the things that are produced by godly sorrow ends with the word “punishment.” Now, in the original language, this idea of “punishment” doesn’t mean punishment for the ungodly deed (although that may be involved), the original language paints the picture of a desire to see justice done. In other words, the repentant sinner no longer tries to protect themselves. They want to see the sin avenged no matter what it might cost them. Zacchaeus is the poster-boy for this. As a tax collector, he had cheated. But when he repented, what was the first thing he said? “I’ve got to give the money back. It doesn’t belong to me.” That’s restitution that comes from repentance. Again, the picture here is an energetic pursuit of fixing the fallout of my sin. It’s not managing the consequences, it’s laying everything out in the open in an attempt to make it right. I want justice to take place, even if it costs me deeply in the process.
So let’s review – true repentance is marked by godly regret (sorrow), which is followed by an attempt to repair the fallout of my sin, and finally, it is marked by a…
3. TURNING BACK TOWARDS CHRIST – vs. 11
Staying in verse 11, Paul uses three more words to describe the observable fruit that gives evidence of their true repentance. “What fear, what longing, what zeal…”
WHAT FEAR: this means their brash boldness in sinning was replaced by a reverential fear and awe of God. In other words, they go from not caring about their sin to a right view of the holiness of God. Write this down – a person who is casual about their sin is a person still that’s still sinning.
WHAT LONGING: this means they had a deep desire to not only display the righteousness of God, but also to restore their relationship with Paul.
WHAT ZEAL: the picture here is that you literally love someone SO deeply that you hate ANYTHING that harms the object of your love. Remember, true repentance is not just feeling bad on the inside about your sin. It’s about an observable change of heart on the outside. That’s what Paul is teaching us here in verse 11. Truth and time go hand in hand…and over time, there will be an evident zeal for Jesus. If you don’t remember anything else from today, remember this: “Repentance is not just about stopping your sin (that’s moralism). Real repentance is marked by turning around and pursuing Jesus.” We would call this the “fruits of repentance.”
An unknown author wrote, “There is a radical distinction between natural regret and God-given repentance. The flesh can feel remorse, acknowledge its evil deeds, and be ashamed of itself. However, this sort of disgust with past actions can be quickly shrugged off, and the individual can soon go back to his old wicked ways.”
In other words, there may have been initial regret, but it was not followed by turning away from sin and running towards Christ. But when you agree with God about the severity of your sin, and you turn in walk in a new direction, then something amazing happens…there will be a renewing of joy in the restoration of your fellowship with the Lord. It’s what King David meant in Psalm 51:12, “Lord, restore to me the joy of my salvation.”
Well, there’s one last thing that I don’t want you to miss this morning…and it’s the reason why we’ll preach about repentance even when churches all around us stop talking about it because of its negative connotation. Look back at verse 10: “For godly grief produces a repentance that leads to salvation without regret.” Somebody say AMEN! Genuine repentance frees me from regret. I am so excited about my renewed walk with Christ that I’m no longer focused on continuing in past sin or allowing Satan to remind me of my sin after I’ve already repented.
Look one last time at the phrase in verse 8: “I see that the letter grieved you, though only for a while.” In other words, “I know that was heard to hear, but God used those words to serve as a catalyst to repentance, and repentance allowed you to exchange regret for joy.” Church, Satan cannot steal our salvation, so he tries to keep us from experiencing the joy that comes from following Christ. But repentance blocks him from stealing our joy.
If you learned something new today about repentance, would you say Amen? So here’s the million dollar question…if all of these things are available to the repentant sinner, then why in the world would someone continue in sin instead of repenting? Perhaps it’s because they’re unsure of how God would respond to them. Let me tell you something – I don’t have to wonder how God will respond. In fact, Jesus told a story to illustrate exactly what happens when we repent of our sins and run towards God. It’s the parable of the prodigal son found in Luke 15: “17 When [the prodigal son] finally came to his senses, he said to himself, ‘At home even the hired servants have food enough to spare, and here I am dying of hunger! 18 I will go home to my father and say, “Father, I have sinned against both heaven and you, 19 and I am no longer worthy of being called your son. Please take me on as a hired servant.”’ 20 “So he returned home to his father. And while he was still a long way off, his father saw him coming. Filled with love and compassion, he ran to his son, embraced him, and kissed him. 21 His son said to him, ‘Father, I have sinned against both heaven and you, and I am no longer worthy of being called your son.’ 22 “But his father said to the servants, ‘Quick! Bring the finest robe in the house and put it on him. Get a ring for his finger and sandals for his feet. 23 And kill the calf we have been fattening. We must celebrate with a feast, 24 for this son of mine was dead and has now returned to life. He was lost, but now he is found.’ So the party began."
