The Brule River, which is on the border between Michigan and Wisconsin, flows for roughly 44 miles with clear, sparkling water. It is inhabited by an abundant population of speckled, rainbow, and brown trout. At one point the Iron River, muddy and thick with sediment of ore and clay, merges with the Brule. Where these two rivers join, the clear waters of the Brule flow alongside the muddy waters of the Iron for a short distance. Soon the waters are mixed into one stream. Now consider what happens—the clear waters of the Brule do not cleanse the waters of the Iron, but vice versa. The muddy waters of the Iron pollute the whole stream.
And that principle is true not just in nature, it’s true in the Christian life as well…especially in the context of relationships. Galatians 5:9 says that “a little leaven [meaning sin] leavens the whole lump [of dough]. And so turn with me this morning to 2 Corinthians 6 where Paul is going to offer a warning about the dangers of a follower of Jesus entering into deep relationships with those who are NOT following Jesus.
As you’re turning there, let me remind you that sometimes the Bible offers comfort and encouragement…other times it offers warning and judgment. Today is the latter…it is a strong warning against who we should and should not develop deep relationships with. And since we teach through – and not around – tough passages, let’s listen to God’s Word today, even if it steps on our toes.
2 Corinthians 6:14-16
Do not be unequally yoked with unbelievers. For what partnership has righteousness with lawlessness? Or what fellowship has light with darkness? 15 What accord has Christ with Belial? Or what portion does a believer share with an unbeliever? 16 What agreement has the temple of God with idols? For we are the temple of the living God; as God said, “I will make my dwelling among them and walk among them, and I will be their God, and they shall be my people.
If you recall from the past few weeks, Paul is writing a letter to the church he started in the Greek city of Corinth. And he’s been addressing the fact that many of the Corinthians within the church were compromising with the world and culture around them. They were letting culture, not Christ, form their values…and these values were driving their decisions. And instead of moving TOWARDS God, they were moving towards CULTURE and ITS value system especially with regard to their relationships. And so Paul is going to show us today that when it comes to boundaries within our relationships, it’s going to require two choices to please the Lord.
So the first warning when it comes to relationships is to…
1. CHOOSE WISELY – vs 14-16
If we were to summarize verses 14-16 into a simple, two-word summary, I think it would be: CHOOSE WISELY. There’s a phrase in culture that I don’t even think originated with a Christian: Show me your friends and I will show you your future. And while that’s true for the rest of the world, there are a lot of Christians that don’t think it applies to them. And why is that? It’s because our prideful hearts think that we are too strong and too smart to be influenced deeply by those around us (this is our fallen nature that Christ is rescuing us from). This is why Paul warned the Corinthians back in his first letter: “Do not be deceived, bad company corrupts good character” (1 Cor. 15:33).
And do you know why that verse starts off with “do not be deceived?” It’s because too many of us are deceived into thinking that WE won’t be changed by the influence of “bad company.” Here’s another verse we should write down - Proverbs 13:20: “Whoever walks with the wise becomes wise, but the companion of fools will suffer harm.” And while the Corinthian believers were apparently disregarding these truths, aren’t you glad we don’t struggle with these antiquated issues in the Bible today, Amen?
The crux of what this section of Scripture is trying to teach us is the phrase “do not be unequally yoked...” And so let’s start by making sense of this phrase. This is really the only place in any of Paul’s letters where he uses this term. And it was an agricultural term referring to the harnessing of two field animals together with a wooden bar (yoke) and the resulting problems if the animals weren’t similar in size and strength. Quite literally, this would create chaos out in the fields. And this is an illustration of what it looks like when a Christian engages in a deep relationship with someone that is NOT a Christian. Listen to this insight from one pastor:
“…A Christian is in process [of] moving toward holiness. Thus to be ‘yoked with unbelievers’ is to be of one heart and mind with them, co-opted by the values that guide them, seduced by their commitments to various ‘gods and lords,’ conformed to a view of things which dismisses absolute truth and moral absolutes.”
In life, we have a handful of really important decisions to make…decisions that will determine the direction of our lives. Some of these might include: IF you marry, WHO you marry, WHERE you live, WHAT career path you choose, WHAT church you become a member of. And another huge decision is who you choose to form deep relationships with. And the reason this last one in particular is such a big deal is that you will be powerfully shaped by your deepest relationships. If you’re listening, say Amen. According to Scripture, the most common outcome is that the Christian is often influenced AWAY from Christ by the non-Christian, not the other way around. To use our opening illustration, the pure water becomes muddy water.
And the reason this is true is because until non-Christians experience Christ, they’ll never experience a change of heart…in other words, a change of heart in THEM doesn’t rub off from ME. But on the other hand, because Christians are still at war with our old nature, non-Christians DO have the ability to tap into our sin nature and drag us backwards. Now, I can already hear the silent protest: “How are non-Christians going to hear about Jesus if we avoid relationships with them?” Hang onto that thought for a minute because we’re going to answer that question.
But here’s what I want you to see first –the task in front of a Christian is to glorify God. And what is Paul teaching is that the ability to do that will be hindered if our deepest relationships are with people who are not motivated by the same things that should motivate us. And so Paul takes us back to the farm in verse 14 where the clear statement is: “Do not be unequally yoked with unbelievers.”
The word picture here is of a large ox and a small mule working together. And you know how that story goes. The large ox will eventually tire of trying to drag along the entire plow AND the small mule and will give up. Don’t miss the warning here. He is saying that a person, even one pursuing the Spirit-filled life, even someone that is spiritually as strong as an ox, will get dragged down by a deep relationship with a person who does not possess the power of the Spirit, because they do not possess Christ.
In fact, in the next 2 verses, Paul asks five rhetorical questions to further prove his point: For what partnership has righteousness with lawlessness? Or what fellowship has light with darkness? 15 What accord has Christ with Belial [Belial is a name for Satan that means “worthlessness” which is the exact opposite of the supreme worth of Christ]? Or what portion does a believer share with an unbeliever? 16 What agreement has the temple of God with idols?
Paul is putting up some very clear dividing lines between two polar opposites. And sometimes, here’s one of our problems as Christians. In the name of not being offensive, we don’t put up any dividing lines at all in either our theology or our relationships. But make no mistake, there are only two roads. To quote some great prophets of old, there is a stairway to heaven and a highway to hell. That’s it! There are only two ways of living. There are only two types of people.
You know, sometimes in Scripture you have to put on your thinking cap to figure something out…but not today! No research needed here. These five rhetorical questions offer such stark contrasts. As a Christian you may share some common interests or common personality traits with a person who is not a Christian, but at the core of your being, you could not be more opposite. That’s the word picture that Paul is trying to paint here. Your motivation for living could not be more opposite. A non-believer is driven by finding pleasure, while a believer is driven by pleasing Christ. A non-believer trusts their own wisdom and a believer “leans not unto their own understanding.” A non-believer is looking for self-fulfillment and self-improvement, and a believer is living to deny themselves so that Christ may be exalted!
If you’re still awake, say Amen. The Bible describes Christians as aliens and strangers in this world...because our true citizenship is in heaven. And that means at the core of my being, I have more in common with a Christian living on the opposite side of the world than I do with a non-Christian in my own neighborhood. And these verses should force us to look in the mirror and ask “What does this mean for my life?” What do I do with Paul’s command to NOT be unequally yoked with unbelievers?
Now as we often do, we make the mistake in our Christian lives of being extreme in the application. Let me list two of them:
• Mistake #1 – to confuse separation with isolation
Some of you may know that Pastor Brad and Tosha have homeschooled 3 of their 4 kids for most of their academic journey. In fact, Shannon and I actually homeschooled one of our girls back in elementary school. And you have to have thick skin if you homeschool your children and want to hang around Brad because he’ll be the first guy to make fun of homeschoolers. He joked once that the reason families’ homeschool is because their children have yet to learn how to comb their hair…as evidenced by the fact that the highest per capita bed-head gatherings take place at a home school co-op. And while I’ve heard Brad say 100 times that homeschool has worked well for their family, he’ll also tell you that it’s not right for every kid and every parent.
But here’s what else Brad will tell you. That many families he has met in the homeschool community confuse separation with isolation. They are not motivated by more time or more discipleship opportunities, but instead they are motivated by fear. They operate with the mindset that their children’s hearts are pure and need protected, when the Bible says their little hearts are wicked and need transformed. But this is simply an illustration of the fact that many Christians make the same mistake of confusing separation and isolation. Isolating yourself and having no contact with the world is the wrong response to the Gospel’s call to “be separate.”
As we look at the life of Jesus, we see him eating with sinners and people of ill repute. He spent time with people who the religious establishment found to be vile. He did this in an attempt to love them and invite them into a new life. And he befriended them without endorsing their values. So we can’t take the approach of not spending time with or associating with non-believers. That would be an error.
• Mistake #2 – to live as if there is no need to separate at all
The opposite end of the spectrum is to reject Paul’s counsel and tear down all the walls and deeply associate ourselves with anyone. To naively think that our deep non-Christian relationships will not hinder us in our walk with Christ is the same as saying, “When it comes to deep relationships, I am wiser than God” (and by the way, this is a heart attitude that needs repented of before the principle of this passage can be obeyed).
So, raise your hand if you like practical Bible teaching. Me too! So what does this look like in real life? Let me list a couple of environments that Paul would have been speaking into:
• Church relationships
And this is not an obvious one, but hear me out. Contextually, Paul is addressing the Corinthian Church. And apparently, there were people in that church who were true believers, meaning they were following Jesus and Paul as his apostle. And then there were people who were opposing Paul by agreeing with the false teachers who were teaching law and not grace. And Paul is essentially calling these Corinthian Christians to separate themselves from people who were calling themselves Christians but their allegiance was to a false gospel.
In the local church, this is where church discipline comes in. Back in 1 Corinthians 5, we read Paul’s warning to the Corinthian to remove from their fellowship a person guilty of habitual, unrepentant sexual sin. They were to treat that person like an unbeliever because they could no longer affirm their profession of faith. (As a side note – we don’t SHUN unbelievers, but we don’t form our deepest relationship with them either.) And the church members were apparently continuing in that relationship as if everything was fine. And so Paul is basically reminding them that “it only take one bad apple to spoil the bunch.” Not only will the Christians be influenced AWAY from Christ, their corporate witness will be damaged by tolerating sin.
• Dating Relationships
If I had to pick a topic where our counsel as pastors is most often disregarded, it’s in the area of dating. Have you ever heard the term “Missionary Dating?” It’s dating someone that is either openly not a Christian, or lacking the evidence of being a Christian with the hopes that they will influence the other person for Christ. Write this down – BAD IDEA. Do you know why? Because these verses say so. Because of the verses we read earlier in 1 Corinthians 15 and Proverbs 13…and because I believe the Bible is true in all its precepts and sufficient in all of its counsel.
But sadly, when it comes to dating, we often allow our emotions to guide us and not Scripture. We follow our hearts instead of ACTUALLY believing that our hearts are wicked and deceitful. And obviously, if this truth applies in the non-binding relationship of a dating couple, it also certainly applies to people who are engaged.
But that naturally leads to this question – What if you ARE married and your spouse is not a Christian? Maybe you disregarded the Bible’s warnings and married a non-Christian, or maybe you became a Christian after you were married? What do you do then? Here’s the good news – Scripture actually speaks directly to what you should do…you don’t even have to pray about it. 1 Peter 3:1-2: “Likewise, wives, be subject to your own husbands, so that even if some do not obey the word, they may be won without a word by the conduct of their wives, when they see your respectful and pure conduct.”
The Apostle Peter is not saying that you should endure sin or abuse without saying a word. His counsel here is not counsel on how to deal with a SINNING spouse…it’s counsel on how to live with an UNBELIEVING spouse. He is saying that you should live in such a way that following Jesus is an attractive option to your unbelieving spouse. That you are being transformed so powerfully that they cannot deny how Christlike you have become even when they are denying Christ as Lord of their life. At that would apply to both husbands and wives.
We don’t have time to develop every thought, but you should also evaluate your business partnerships in light of this principle. And while you cannot choose your family, you do get to choose how you respond to them so that may mean that you seek counsel for what life throws at you from other godly Christians (as opposed to your unbelieving family). And this principle would certainly apply to your closest friends as well and any other form of a deep, personal relationship. Just this week, I told a young girl entering college next year that her closest relationships will either draw her TOWARDS Christ, or AWAY from Christ.
Well, as we said earlier, it is hard to live in the reality of these truths, but hang with me here because it actually gets even harder when we hear Paul’s counsel of what it looks like to move forward if you have not already separated yourself from these types of relationships.
2. CHOOSE TO DO THE HARD THING – vs 17-18
Part of the evidence that you belong to the Father, that you are a son or daughter of God, is your willingness to obey him even when it costs you deeply. Let me repeat that. Part of the evidence that you belong to the Father is your willingness to obey him even when it costs you deeply. That’s exactly what Paul is going to tell us in the rest of this passage:
2 Corinthians 6:17-7:1
"Therefore go out from their midst, and be separate from them, says the Lord, and touch no unclean thing; then I will welcome you,18 and I will be a father to you, and you shall be sons and daughters to me, says the Lord Almighty.” 2:1 Since we have these promises, beloved, let us cleanse ourselves from every defilement of body and spirit, bringing holiness to completion in the fear of God.
The quotation marks around these verses 17-18 in your Bible indicate that Paul was quoting another part of Scripture…specifically Isaiah 52:11. And in Isaiah 52, the people of God (Israel) were leaving Babylon where they had been held captive. And they were returning to their own land. And here, Paul is using Isaiah as a spiritual application to call everyone living under the New Covenant to spiritually separate TO God and away FROM the world. It’s a call to make the hard choices when it comes to the relationships that we hold deeply. Now, this is hard, and I am not trying to soften it, but let me tell you how this works. As you start pursuing Christ passionately, the natural overflow will be that those relationships that are pulling you AWAY from Christ will begin to weaken.
I was saved when I was in elementary school, but it was later in high school that I really got serious about following Jesus. And during that time, I had several close unsaved friends that I spent a lot of time with. And as my passion for Jesus grew, there were no ugly conversations about not being able to continue to be close friends. It’s just that Jesus began changing my desires. And as my desires changed, my activities changed. And as my activities changed, so did my relationships.
And hear me again, this is not isolation from unbelievers, but from complicity and conformity to ungodliness. It’s what we mean when we say we are to be “IN the world but not OF the world.” We are to influence culture as salt and light instead of letting culture influence us. We are consistently doing a balancing act of building relationships with people in the world without having our worldview compromised. We are to model Jesus and be friends of sinners without being cosigners to sinful attitudes and actions.
So we have some commands here that we need to heed. Paul says:
• Go out from their midst; Be separate from them; Touch no unclean thing (that’s an Old Testament reference about laws that clearly separated God’s people from the pagan or the heathen where they were not allowed to touch unclean things)
And then Paul gives us the promises of God when we choose the hard things…God says:
• I will welcome you; I will be a Father to you; You shall be sons and daughters to me
Now there’s some debate of what exactly Paul is communicating here by quoting these promises from the Old Testament. Is Paul indicating that one of the prerequisites of salvation is to separate yourself from the world? That would be problematic as we study the rest of Scripture. Or is he perhaps saying that if we don’t separate ourselves from the world that we’ll no longer be able to claim God as our Father? That somehow we’re in danger of losing our salvation? Again, that would be problematic as we study the rest of Scripture. So what is Paul promising here as he quotes this OT passage?
Here’s what I think he’s saying. He’s saying that for those who consistently obey God, even in the hard choices like verse 17, are the ones who give evidence that they are in fact a true son and a true daughter of the King. Their obedience does NOT save them but it DOES gives evidence that they are saved. They are his sheep because they hear his voice…and they HEED his voice. And the reason that someone would make the incredibly difficult choice of separating from an unequally yoked relationship (like verse 17 calls us to do), is because they deeply believe that the blessings of verse 18 will be more satisfying in the long run. Being in deep fellowship with Jesus will bring more satisfaction than being in deep relationship with those who do not know Jesus.
And so church, let me wrap things up this morning with the following counsel: When it comes to your closest and deepest relationships, don’t follow your heart. Instead, put your heart in the hands of the only friend who will never let you down or lead you astray – and that friend is Jesus.
