I want to start off this morning by directing your minds to an encouraging place. I want you to think about the worst smell you have ever smelled. That’s an exciting thought, isn’t it? For me, I don’t even have to think about it. Growing up, I was a dockhand at a marina on Lake Michigan and we had a fish guts dumpster behind one of our buildings for the charter boats to dump their fish carcasses when they were done cleaning their catch for the day. It was awful. It would only get emptied once a week and in between the sun would bake that big dumpster and it was difficult to get within a hundred feet. In fact, it was so potent that if you accidently got too close and caught a whiff of the horrible smell, it would permeate the lining of your nose and you would smell it for hours…it was horrible.
Have you ever noticed that a smell, good or bad, can take you back to a place in time? And for me, whenever I smell fish of any sorts, it wakes up my gag reflex and I’m immediately transported to a hot summer day at North Shore Marina. Here’s why I’m sharing this story this morning…because when something is rotten, the smell permeates EVERYTHING and EVERYONE becomes aware of it. And within the body of Christ, if there is anything rotten that travels far and wide between Christians, it’s conflict. In fact, many of you are probably nursing current wounds that happened at the hands of another professing Christian. And sometimes the pain hurts so badly – the smell is so rotten – that it begs the question—Are relationships a mess worth making?
Well, if the apostle Paul were preaching today, he would answer that question with a resounding YES. So let me invite you to turn to 2 Corinthians again today as we continue in the series we launched last week. And last week in the first half of chapter one, we saw that God really does have a purpose for the pain in our lives…that he uses affliction to draw near to us, to equip us to comfort others, and to reset our hope in him when it feels like all hope has been lost.
This week, Paul is going to help us navigate the potential pitfalls in relationships. And if relationships are the vehicle through which discipleship happens (which we’ve taught over and over), then we need to lean into what Paul is teaching this morning starting in the second half of chapter 1. And since today we’re going also going to look at all of chapter 2, let’s just start by reading verses 12 & 13 to start off.
1:12 For our boast is this, the testimony of our conscience, that we behaved in the world with simplicity and godly sincerity, not by earthly wisdom but by the grace of God, and supremely so toward you. 13 For we are not writing to you anything other than what you read and understand and I hope you will fully understand—
I don’t want to gloss over that last part of verse 13:“I hope you will fully understand.” Paul is writing here to try to restore a relationship that has gone south due to some misunderstanding that have taken place. Aren’t you glad that never happens anymore? All of Paul’s letters to the church at Corinth (starting back with 1 Corinthians) were a result of the problems within the church where they had forgotten (maybe ignored is a better word) the things that Paul had taught them. But right away in this current letter, it’s being exposed that they had problems not with just what Paul had taught them, but with Paul himself. They were being influenced by a group of false teachers, who are referred to later as “super apostles” and the church members decided that Paul was not as impressive as these NEW leaders who were flying around in the private jets and being driven around in limousines. And as a result, some within the church were now calling Paul’s teaching into question too?
We’ve all heard the phrase “there’s nothing new under the sun.” This letter is Exhibit A. They didn’t like Paul’s message and the solutions he was proposing to their trouble, so they did their best to discredit the source. This is exactly why I get so disgusted with the current state of politics where instead of attacking problems, we have learned to attack people…people made in the image of God. And this tactic is just as prevalent regardless of which side of the aisle you identify with…it’s everywhere. And it’s not just politics…this attitude has permeated our schools, and our sports, and even our churches (this week I had to shut down the commenting on one of our LHC FB posts). So, in an odd way, we should be a little encouraged by the fact that even Paul, who I would argue is the most kingdom-minded person who has ever lived, experienced the pain of fractured relationships.
But on the other hand, when YOU are the one experiencing the pain, it is incredibly hurtful. A friend shared a meme with me the other day that said, “The more people I meet, the better I like my dog.” Amen? But when the hurt comes at the hands of someone who professes to follow Jesus, it’s even worse, because we expect better…because we KNOW better. By all historical accounts, Paul was not an impressive figure or powerful public speaker. And now, the Corinthians are accusing Paul of being a liar and having sinful motives.
Paul has a decision to make. And these are the same decisions you are going to have to make when you encounter hurtful relationships. You can respond in anger. You can respond by emotionally shutting them out and cutting them off. Or you can respond in a way that glorifies God…which is exactly what Paul models for us today. And the first thing he says to do is this…
1. LIVE WITH INTEGRITY – vs 12-24
According to Scripture, my heart is hard-wired in such a way, that the last place I want to look when trying to figure out difficult relationships is in the mirror. I don’t know about you, but I can spot problems with other people from a mile away! But here is a phrase we have used a lot over the years. If you are the only common denominator in all your dysfunction, it might be you. When I’m not seeing eye-to-eye with someone, I really have to begin with me and MY heart. Proverbs 4 tells us that above all else, guard your heart for it is the wellspring of life. When conflict hits, one of the first things we should do is focus on our hearts…because whatever is in there will be exposed by conflict. Here is another phrase we have said many times – relationships (and conflict) draw out of us what we did not know was inside of us.
What’s happening here, is that people are lying about Paul as to why he had to change his travel plans. Look at verses 15-16: Because I was sure of this, I wanted to come to you first, so that you might have a second experience of grace. 16 I wanted to visit you on my way to Macedonia, and to come back to you from Macedonia and have you send me on my way to Judea. And the text doesn’t tell us WHAT they were saying, but whatever it was, it was bad enough that Paul had to spend some time setting the record straight.
Maybe they were saying that Paul really didn’t love the people and that’s why he ghosted them. We don’t know what they were saying, but we know exactly what they were doing. They were calling his integrity into account. So Paul begins to tell them, in a very pastoral manner, things like:
• I acted with simplicity and sincerity towards you ( vs 12)
• I’m writing by the grace of God and not earthly wisdom (vs 12)
• I want you to fully understand me and my motives, not partially (vs 13)
• And then he bears his heart by telling them twice that he really did desire to go to them on his way to Macedonia. And that he wanted to give them a second experience of grace (vs 15&16).
That phrase “second experience of grace” has nothing to do with salvation. What most commentators think this means is that Paul was collecting money and goods to deliver to the poor Christians in Corinth and he wanted to bless them with these gifts. And in some way they are telling others “that’s not true.”
For me, there are very few things that bother me more than when my motives are questioned. Most of you know one of my roles these last few years has been to be the face of our revitalization efforts, first in Lebanon, and most recently in Mason. And those are difficult roles because change is painful, and to be the face of change has been really hard. And even outside of these existing congregations, to be accused of trying to build a little empire by planting the LHC flag anywhere we can, these accusations are painful. A few weeks ago, literally coming off the heels of our series on Biblical ethics, Pastor Brad was accused of not being willing to call out sin in culture…and accusations like this sting.
But listen to the counsel of pastor and author Tim Keller: “Even when you think that the criticism you receive is completely unfounded and the critic completely unreliable, always ask yourself…is there any kernel of truth that I can learn and grow from.” Keller says we should ask ourselves, “Is there any lapse in our integrity that would merit these criticisms?” And Paul is willing to go back and present the integrity of his actions, not in a defensive tone, but in a pastoral tone, to assure them that, in fact, his love for them was unwavering even though his flight got rescheduled unexpectedly.
And then Paul doubles down and really tries to help them get a sense of his sincerity of heart towards them. He begins in verse 17 by rhetorically asking, “was I vacillating when I wanted to do this?” He’s basically saying, “I’m not wishy-washy, what I’m saying you can trust, I’m not a flake.” He goes on in verse 17 to ask, “Do I make my plans according to the flesh, ready to say ‘Yes, yes’ and ‘No, no’ at the same time.” In other words, “Do you think I’m speaking out of both sides of my mouth, saying yes and no to the same question? Is this what you think of me and my motives?”
And then, to put a punctuation mark on his argument to try to faithfully win them back to trusting him, he brings out the big guns…God the Father, God the Son, and God the Holy Spirit. Look at verse 18: "As surely as God is faithful, our word to you has not been Yes and No.” Did you catch that? Paul says, “As surely as GOD is faithful, MY words are faithful, too.” And if that’s not enough, let’s go to another layer. Verse 20: "For all the promises of God find their yes in him." The “him” in verse 20 points back to JESUS in verse 19. Paul is saying that, “just as the promises of God are certain in Christ, so are my words certain. I’m not vacillating. I’m telling the truth.” And finally, Paul anchors his plea in the Holy Spirit. In verse 22, Paul says God has “put his seal on us and given us his Spirit in our hearts as a guarantee.” The word picture here is that the Holy Spirit is God’s down payment to us as a promise that we belong to him, and that we’ll receive payment in full on that day when we step into his very presence in heaven.
Now this is important, so if you’re listening, smack your neighbor and say, WAKE UP! Paul knew that nothing breaks trust in a relationship like a lack of integrity. Paul’s instructions on how to live for Christ were being discounted, not because they didn’t like the message, but because they were mad at the messenger. They didn’t trust him because he had to change his plans, and they were accusing him of lacking integrity. And so Paul takes the second half of chapter one to make the case for his integrity, not for the sake of his own reputation, but for the sake of restoring a relationship with people he loved.
Biblical community is always messy, but don’t make it even more difficult by failing to live with integrity in the context of those relationships. Paul had to go back and take inventory, not only of his actions, but of his intentions…and so do we if we hope to navigate the messiness of Biblical community.
Now some of you are nervous because you know that we normally have three points and we’re only through the first point. But we purposely spent the majority of our time with this principle because if a lack of integrity causes a loss of relationships, then the next two principles are a moot point. And here’s the second challenge this morning from Paul…
2. BE MOTIVATED BY LOVE – vs 2:1-4
In chapter 2, Paul begins to explain WHY he did not visit them. And while I read the first four verses, take note of how many times he references the pain that he’s feeling: For I made up my mind not to make another painful visit to you. 2 For if I cause you pain, who is there to make me glad but the one whom I have pained? 3 And I wrote as I did, so that when I came I might not suffer pain from those who should have made me rejoice, for I felt sure of all of you, that my joy would be the joy of you all. 4 For I wrote to you out of much affliction and anguish of heart and with many tears, not to cause you pain but to let you know the abundant love that I have for you.
The first principle is learning how to effectively study the Bible is careful observation. And in four short verses, Paul references “pain” and “anguish” and “tears” seven times. It’s safe to say that Paul’s emotionally invested in this interaction. He’s not apathetic…he cares deeply for these people. And because of that, some sort of corrective conversation was awaiting Paul upon his visit…and he anticipated that it would be unpleasant and painful. Maybe it was even another act of church discipline…not as the means to show someone that he was the boss, but as a way to lovingly push someone towards repentance. Sometimes the most loving thing you can do is to have a difficult conversation. And so let me make three quick observations from these verses on what it means to be motivated by love:
• There is no such things as authentic community apart from honest conversations
Think about it – Paul was an apostle, but he was also a spiritual father to these children. And he’d been gone for a long time and like any dad returning from a long trip, he couldn’t wait to be with them. But he wasn’t excited that his first task was going to have to be a corrective conversation. But Biblical community is a mixture of encouraging the fainthearted AND admonishing the unruly (according to 1 Thessalonians 5:14). It’s not either or, but both/and. Paul understood the author of Proverbs who said, “Faithful are the wounds of a friend!”
• Love is not the absence of accountability
Proverbs says that a parent who refuses to discipline their child actually hates them. Listen to verse 2-3 again in the Living Bible paraphrase: "For if I make you sad, who is going to make me happy? You are the ones to do it, and how can you if I cause you pain? That is why I wrote as I did in my last letter, so that you will get things straightened out before I come." Paul is holding them accountable, even if it’s painful now, with the hopes that they would listen and repent and then their visit could be spent in joyful conversation rather than corrective ones. To not hold someone accountable for sinful behavior is to fail to love them. And that takes us to our last observation and then we’ll move on…
• Love has to be the motivation for confrontation
If you’re not dreading a difficult conversation, then you’re probably not motivated by love. Have you ever encountered someone that was a little too excited to share correction with other people? Listen to verse four from the Living Bible paraphrase: "Oh, how I hated to write that letter! It almost broke my heart, and I tell you honestly that I cried over it. I didn’t want to hurt you, but I had to show you how very much I loved you and cared about what was happening to you."
Here’s what happens when love is not the driving force behind a difficult conversation. One, we’re motived by the pride of being right and having to be in control and our words will be too harsh; Two, we’ll be motivated by the fear of man (what this person is going to think of me) and avoid the difficult conversation altogether. These are the two common idols of the heart we’ll battle when trying to push through the painful places in relationships.
Which brings us to the Paul’s last challenge as we push through the pain of relationships…
3. BE GENEROUS WITH FORGIVENESS – vs 5-11
There is no such thing as enduring relationships apart from being generous with forgiveness. Here’s why – sinners are gonna sin! Pick up with me in verse 5 where Paul begins to describe a relationship within the church that had NOT been restored because they were withholding forgiveness.
5 Now if anyone has caused pain, he has caused it not to me, but in some measure—not to put it too severely—to all of you. 6 For such a one, this punishment [excommunication] by the majority is enough, 7 so you should rather turn to forgive and comfort him, or he may be overwhelmed by excessive sorrow. 8 So I beg you to reaffirm your love for him. 9 For this is why I wrote, that I might test you and know whether you are obedient in everything. 10 Anyone whom you forgive, I also forgive. Indeed, what I have forgiven, if I have forgiven anything, has been for your sake in the presence of Christ, 11 so that we would not be outwitted by Satan…
Most scholars say that the person who forgiveness was being withheld from was the person we mentioned earlier in 1 Corinthians 5 that was excommunicated for unrepentant sexual sin. Praise the Lord, this person had come to a place of repentance, but instead of forgiving him, the church was still shunning him. Now, we’re out of time or we would pause here and teach an entire sermon on biblical forgiveness…but despite your love for longwinded sermons, Amen, let me quickly highlight two aspects of forgiveness that we shouldn’t skip. First, forgiveness is a decision, not a feeling. Paul was challenging them to forgive this repentant person DESPITE how they felt about the egregious nature of his sin (and it WAS awful).
Secondly, don’t miss these words at the end: “I have forgiven in the sight of Christ for your sake, 11 in order that Satan might not outwit us. For we are not unaware of his schemes.” Did you hear that? One of the primary strategies that Satan uses on Christians to outwit us is to convince us that our FEELINGS, not Biblical truth, is what should motivate us to forgive others when the relationship has become painful. Let me make this plain as day: Refusing to forgive is clear evidence that the devil has outwitted you. You are drinking bitter poison and waiting for the other person to die…while all that’s REALLY happening is that you (and everyone around you) is being defiled by your own bitterness…which is exactly what Satan wants to happen. Listen closely, the people who rarely forgive others are people who do not understand how much forgiveness they have received from Jesus. But friends, YOU don’t have to make others pay for their sins because Jesus already did that on their behalf.
And church, do you know what will happen in you navigate the messiness of relationships with integrity, love, and forgiveness. I’ll tell you what will happen. You life won’t stink like the fish dumpster at North Shore Marina. How do I know this? Look at verse 15: "For we are the aroma of Christ to God among those who are being saved and amongst those who are perishing." Living in a world marred by sin stinks sometimes, doesn’t it? But guess what, we don’t have to be stinky people. In this world full of fish dumpsters, let’s commit to being people who give off the aroma of Christ to people that need it the most.
