Let's talk about our doctors today. How do you know you have a good doctor? It's not just tied to his medical school or training. A good doctor applies that knowledge well. A good doctor knows what questions to ask. A good doctor discerns what symptoms mean and prescribes the right treatment. But we all tend to value one more important thing in our medical doctors and that is compassion.
A compassionate doctor is worth his weight in gold. Hearing a medical diagnosis can be a challenging time in our lives. Many times, we'd rather just avoid hearing it all together, yet we know a good doctor tactfully tells us what we may not want to hear but we so need to hear. A good doctor gently explains the problem and gives us the diagnosis so he can prescribe the cure.
Jesus is more than a good doctor. Jesus is the Great Physician. He sees what makes our hearts sick. His diagnosis is always accurate. And He provides the cure. He provides Himself. Today we are going to look at a debilitating ailment of the soul: unforgiveness. Last week we talked about honoring our neighbor and part of that process involved forgiveness on our part. We all agreed that it is not easy to always forgive. But unforgiveness robs us of the life we’re meant to live: a life of joy, peace, and love for God and others. So, let's talk about forgiving others today. Prayer.
I think a lot of us can relate to Peter. Peter had that foot-in-mouth problem. He would blurt out things without thinking about what he was going to say. Comedian and entertainer Mark Lowry said that someone once told him, “Mark, you need to think about what you're going to say before you say it.” He said, “Sometimes I don't even know what I'm thinking until I hear myself say it.”
The disciples had just heard Jesus's prescription for conflict resolution among fellow Christians. And then Peter asked a natural question: how often would he have to forgive? How often should you forgive someone? Every time.
Matthew 18:21-22 – “Then Peter approached him and asked, “Lord, how many times must I forgive my brother or sister who sins against me? As many as seven times?” 22 “I tell you, not as many as seven,” Jesus replied, “but seventy times seven.”
With Peter's question, he thought he was being generous by throwing out the number 7. That was far beyond what the Jewish religious tradition required. The Pharisees, who often added to God's laws in a way that missed its meaning entirely, taught that you weren't required to forgive someone more than three times. So, by suggesting as many as seven times, Peter thought he was going above and beyond what he needed to do to forgive someone more than double what the religious leaders prescribed.
Jesus's answer wasn't saying that we should forgive someone up to 490 times and then stop. He was telling us that we are to always forgive and be over-the-top generous in showing mercy. We’re to forgive so often that we lose count of how many times someone has offended or sinned against us. In other words, don't keep track. Just forgive. For us to understand what forgiveness is, it's important to understand what forgiveness is not.
Forgiveness is neither downplaying or dismissing the offense. Some people think they need to rationalize or minimize other people's sins and the pain they caused. But that denies the truth, and the apostle John declared that the truth will set you free.
Forgiveness is not the same thing as reconciliation. Reconciliation is a good goal to have, but it takes two people to reconcile, and you're not responsible for someone else's actions. In fact, in some cases, the safe and wise thing to do is to separate yourself from the offender.
Forgiveness is not necessarily a substitute for taking other measures like pressing charges for a criminal offense or even holding someone accountability.
Jesus’s instructions on forgiveness or not easy nor are they quick. But they're necessary for us to be spiritually whole and at peace with each other.
As we talk about forgiveness, undoubtedly someone that you need to forgive comes to mind. Here's what you do. In prayer, ask God to soften your heart so that you can genuinely forgive without keeping score or holding a grudge. Someone once said, “God initiated mercy and paid your debt before you ever asked Him to.” So, Jesus offers a parable to help us to see what we need to do.
Matthew 18:23-27 – ““For this reason, the kingdom of heaven can be compared to a king who wanted to settle accounts with his servants. 24 When he began to settle accounts, one who owed ten thousand talents was brought before him.
********25 Since he did not have the money to pay it back, his master commanded that he, his wife, his children, and everything he had be sold to pay the debt.26 “At this, the servant fell facedown before him and said, ‘Be patient with me, and I will pay you everything.’ 27 Then the master of that servant had compassion, released him, and forgave him the loan.”
This servant owed 10,000 talents to his king. A single talent represented 20 years of work. So, this man owed 200,000 years worth of money. In our modern dollars, this man's debt would be in the billions. So, imagine how irrational the servant’s response must have sounded to Peter: be patient with me and I will pay you everything. The king did not agree to his servant’s terms. He simply forgave his servant and cancelled the entire debt.
Now Jesus wasn't just teaching about forgiveness in these verses. He was also telling us who belongs in the Kingdom of God. Just like this servant, we owe a debt to God that is impossible to pay. And just as the servant went before the king in Jesus's parable, we will have to settle our account before a Holy and Righteous God, unless someone settles it for us.
When God forgives us, He doesn't ignore our sins. He doesn't pretend everything is fine or fudge the numbers on His cosmic ledger sheet. No, when God forgives, He absorbs our debt Himself. When Jesus died for our sins on the cross, He paid the debt of sin for all who come to Him for mercy. But God didn't stop there.
When we are united to Christ through faith in Him, He doesn't just forgive us. He adopts us. He brings us into His family. Since God has made us His family, His Spirit is continually making us like Himself. We are to be like Him, and we demonstrate our new identity by forgiving others. We display our identity in Christ when we forgive.
Matthew 5:3-12, records Jesus's Sermon on the Mount. In that sermon, Jesus taught about what it means to live as citizens of the kingdom of God. He began this sermon with several statements of blessings that build upon each other. For instance:
Matthew 5:3-6 – ““Blessed are the poor in spirit,
for the kingdom of heaven is theirs.
4 Blessed are those who mourn,
for they will be comforted.
5 Blessed are the humble,
for they will inherit the earth.
6 Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness,
for they will be filled.
What Jesus is saying in these four simple verses is the one who recognizes their spiritual poverty will mourn over their sinful state, submit their self entirely to God, and long for true righteousness.
When we receive God's mercy, we will be merciful to others. Forgiving others demonstrates the forgiveness that we have received from Christ. Paul said we are to imitators of Jesus. We demonstrate that God has forgiven us by our forgiveness toward others. But the opposite of that is true. The one who is unmerciful has not seen the mercy of God. That person demonstrates that they are unforgiven and still dead in their sins.
Later in the Sermon on the Mount, Jesus was more explicit.
Matthew 6:14-15 – “For if you forgive others their offenses, your heavenly Father will forgive you as well. 15 But if you don’t forgive others, your Father will not forgive your offenses.”
Now don't read this and think that Jesus was making forgiveness a work that we do to earn our own forgiveness. Instead, Jesus was describing the state of our hearts. Forgiving others isn't a condition of salvation, it's a confirmation of our salvation.
Ephesians 4: 32 – “And be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving one another, just as God also forgave you in Christ.”
So you see, forgiveness is both a choice and a process. Sometimes we know we need to forgive someone for what they've done, but we're still working through the deep pain of betrayal or loss. Am I right? Sometimes our desire for justice keeps us stuck in unforgiveness. It's important to remember that forgiveness isn't ignoring what they did to us. It's trusting God to work justice on your behalf. We leave any vengeance in God's hands, knowing that one day He will set everything right. Forgiveness means we give the unpaid debt, the balance of what the other person owes, to the Lord who will vindicate us. We can forgive and leave the rest to God.
It goes something like this. Look at who does the repaying. The one who did you wrong owes you a debt, but it's God who repays. There are two reasons for that.
1. All sin is ultimately against God. Do you agree? All sin is ultimately against God. We break His laws and rebel against His commands. And sin against God affects other people. When that person sinned against you, he sinned against God. God alone is the righteous and rightful Judge.
2. When we forgive, we trust the Lord to make things right. It may not be in our way or in our timing, but God promises to honor those who trust Him and live according to His ways. Again God honors those who trust Him and live according to His ways. It is kind of like the church sign that read, “Everyone loves forgiveness, until it's time to forgive.” And I agree with you, forgiving someone who has hurt us badly is not an easy thing to do. But God is the one who can make it truly right. His way, His time, for His glory. And now, the rest of the story.
Matthew 18:28-35 – “That servant went out and found one of his fellow servants who owed him a hundred denarii. He grabbed him, started choking him, and said, ‘Pay what you owe!’29 “At this, his fellow servant fell down and began begging him, ‘Be patient with me, and I will pay you back.’
********30 But he wasn’t willing. Instead, he went and threw him into prison until he could pay what was owed. 31 When the other servants saw what had taken place, they were deeply distressed and went and reported to their master everything that had happened.
********32 Then, after he had summoned him, his master said to him, ‘You wicked servant! I forgave you all that debt because you begged me. 33 Shouldn’t you also have had mercy on your fellow servant, as I had mercy on you?’
********34 And because he was angry, his master handed him over to the jailers to be tortured until he could pay everything that was owed. 35 So also my heavenly Father will do to you unless every one of you forgives his brother or sister from your heart.”
So, the servant hadn't understood the mercy given to him by the king. After the king forgave his debt, the servant tracked down a co-worker who owed him 100 days wages, a fraction of what he owed the king. The servant attacked his fellow servant, demanding that he repay him in full immediately. Notice that his coworker responded with the same plea for mercy that the servant cried out to the king. But the servant's heart was cold and calloused, and he threw his coworker in jail. When the king found out, he was very upset and punished the servant in full. This servant didn’t learn from the king’s forgiveness, and so his debt remained. Jail would remain his home until he could pay everything that was owed.
There's our story. Now let's close this out by applying it to our lives. If we have unforgiveness in our hearts, this will be our fate as well. The one who refuses to forgive demonstrates that despite all the Bible verses he may know, he doesn't really know God. Choosing forgiveness is the only appropriate response to God's forgiveness toward us. Choosing unforgiveness proves we don't know God and have not embraced His forgiveness.
Unforgiveness actually hurts our hearts and our relationships. The truth is we can't afford not to forgive. Unforgiveness is like a cancer that will ravage our hearts, infect our words, our thoughts, and corrupt our relationships, and destroy our Godly purpose. It's impossible to love God and love others when we're carrying this spiritual disease. God didn't create us with the ability to tolerate it and survive.
But choosing forgiveness isn't just spiritually and relationally healthy. It affects your physical health as well. Medical research has found that the act of forgiveness actually improves cholesterol levels, benefits the immune system, reduces pain, lowers blood pressure and stress levels, decreases anxiety and depression, and even reduces the risk of cardiac arrest. Now think about it. How many areas of your life have been infected by unforgiveness?
This “forgiving thing” is something we should all take to heart. If your heart is sick with unforgiveness, you can be healed and restored to spiritual health. And that is wonderful news. But you can only benefit from this if you humbly come to the Great Physician, and that is Jesus Christ. Agree with His diagnosis, and follow His plan.
Now think about all that you have done in your life that is or might be against God's will. Does God have to forgive you of any of it? No, He doesn't. But hH does forgive you. Because He loves you that much. As Paul wrote in:
Ephesians 4:32 - “And be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving one another, just as God also forgave you in Christ.”
We love because God first loved us, and now we should forgive just as God has forgiven us.
