I was watching a Julia Child cooking show last week. Julia Child will probably always be that perfect cooking personality. She continues to inspire generations today to embrace the joy of cooking. But it wasn't just her skill with intricate recipes, it was the way she responded to her own mistakes that made her both educational and entertaining.
But I think what made her popularity so lasting was how she made you feel like you could just jump in and try the same thing. She taught you how to create those complex, professional-looking dishes step-by-step. And I think the reason for that is that the best teachers are the ones who don't just tell you what to do; they show you how to do it.
That is the way the Apostle Paul wrote in the book of Romans. For the first 11 chapters, he gave us the most complex theology of salvation in Scripture. Then in Romans 12, he showed us how to live out that salvation. God's mercy moves us to present ourselves as living sacrifices, a spiritual act of worship he called it. In verses 9-21, we see that life of worship on display when we love and honor others. Today, we're going to learn the recipe of honoring our neighbors.
PRAYER
Here is Paul's lesson plan. In 1 Corinthians 13, Paul gave us a practical description of love right after instructing us about spiritual gifts in chapter 12. He does the same thing in Romans 12 when he followed up instructions about spiritual gifts by now outlining how they were to love one another. It's as though Paul wanted us to remember the big picture of our spiritual gifts: using our spiritual gifts to fulfill the Greatest Commandments of loving the Lord your God with all your heart, soul, and mind, and loving our neighbor as ourself.
Romans 12:9-10, 13 – “Let love be without hypocrisy. Detest evil; cling to what is good. 10 Love one another deeply as brothers and sisters. Take the lead in honoring one another…. 13 Share with the saints in their needs; pursue hospitality.”
It might sound like Paul was giving us a random list of commands, but each one tells us how to love our neighbors as ourselves. And each one is important. This list begins with our hearts.
The word “hypocrisy” comes from a Greek word for “play acting”. In ancient Greek stage plays, actors presented their characters by wearing a mask, sometimes switching masks to convey a different character. People eventually used the term “hypocrisy” to refer to a figurative mask used by someone whose true identity is different from the way he appears. When Paul told us to let love be without hypocrisy, he was calling for us to have pure hearts. We are not to do what seems loving for the sake of appearances or with an ulterior motive like gaining something or avoiding something unpleasant. In other words, you can’t fake real love.
As we read this passage, it's pretty easy to spot Paul's primary message; relationships are significant. We are to love others, but not just with a surface, superficial love. It should be genuine. So, we shouldn't be surprised by Paul’s detailed instructions.
Verse 10 commands and commends something we won't find anywhere else in the Bible: competition between brothers and sisters in Christ. But the competition isn't for our own benefit or glory. Instead, we’re to find ways to honor one another. He says to take the lead in honoring one another.
In most cases, we honor an achievement, maybe a sacrifice, or possibly an accomplishment that is worthy of mentioning; we honor that. Those are good things, but God calls us to another form of honor. Within God's family, his children honor one another not primarily because of what they have done, but because of the relationship they have with God and with each other.
In verse 13, Paul makes it clear that those relationships also mean that we consider all we own as resources that we use to serve one another. He calls it showing hospitality. The Greek word for “hospitality” means “love of a stranger.” The writer of the book of Hebrews used that same word as he instructed his readers,
Hebrews 13:2 – “Don’t neglect to show hospitality, for by doing this some have welcomed angels as guests without knowing it.”
We honor others by serving them in love. And as I have always said, show people that you truly care. It was D. L. Moody that said, “The world does not understand theology or dogma, but it understands love and sympathy.” That is so true. And then sandwiched between the commands that are focused on how we treat others, Paul writes verses 11 and 12 that say:
Romans 12:11–12 – “Do not lack diligence in zeal; be fervent in the Spirit; serve the Lord. 12 Rejoice in hope; be patient in affliction; be persistent in prayer.”
Now, Paul isn't just jotting down some random commands as he thought of them. Versus 11-12 need to be read in the context of how to love others. That makes a difference!
This, “loving your neighbor as yourself,” business is not for the faint of heart. It requires a spirit that is focused on the hope of God despite those discouraging times, despite those times when others mistreat us. We need to be focused on a hope that refuses to give up on asking God to intervene in any circumstance we may be going through. How many friendships, marriages, and churches would be transformed if that characterized our approach to conflict? Loving one another requires us to show honor by giving of ourselves even at personal cost.
Romans 12:14-16 – “Bless those who persecute you; bless and do not curse. 15 Rejoice with those who rejoice; weep with those who weep. 16 Live in harmony with one another. Do not be proud; instead, associate with the humble. Do not be wise in your own estimation.”
Paul mentions humility. Let's talk about that for just a moment. Christ-centered humility means putting up with what is unfair and responding with words of blessings to those who mistreat us. When Paul says to bless them, it means to ask God to give someone else what is good. Essentially, it's to want God's blessings for someone else. Gospel-humility means not needing to think about myself. It means that I stop connecting every experience, every conversation, with myself. In fact, I stop thinking about myself.
We think a lot about ourselves, though. See if you don't agree. There's a funny thing that we all tend to do when we look at photos of events that we attended. The first ones we look for in those photos are - you guessed it - ourselves. We quickly zero in on how we look, often making mental notes of whether the photo was flattering to us or how we should dress, or style our hair, or how to pose in the future.
And how many “selfies” do we take before snapping that perfect one? So, in order to love others as ourselves, humility is the key. To walk in humility is to have the mind of Christ. In Paul's letter to the Philippians he told us to adopt the same attitude as that of Christ Jesus.
And then Paul gives us further instructions that have something to do with us humbling ourselves. In verse 15, he tells us to make the joys and sorrows of others our own. That means that when someone else wins at something, we humble ourself and act as though their success feels like ours. We are truly happy when they win.
And then Paul extended his command even further. We're to love those whom the world might call insignificant or unworthy. In other words, we are to show honor to those who have nothing to give us in return. That is a humbling act yet that is what we are called to do.
Romans 12:17-19 – “Do not repay anyone evil for evil. Give careful thought to do what is honorable in everyone’s eyes. 18 If possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone. 19 Friends, do not avenge yourselves; instead, leave room for God’s wrath, because it is written, ‘Vengeance belongs to me; I will repay,’ says the Lord.”
Now think about what Paul is saying here. When we truly honor others, love humbly, and show hospitality to one another, there is no room left for vengeance in any of our relationships. Many times, we have trouble letting go of an offense because we think that means we're ignoring it or even accepting what that person did to us. But that's not what forgiveness means. Instead, it means we're looking to the Lord to make it right on our behalf.
So in order to honor others, we are to be humble in our relationships. But humility doesn't mean repressing our anger when we're treated unfairly. Instead, we are to respond like Jesus by leaving justice in the hands of God.
And that's not always easy to do. For instance, someone does something to you that is underhanded. It isn't fair. It makes you look bad. The first thing we want to do is to be vindicated. We want justice. We want revenge. We want to do something even worse back to them. But we are reminded here that vengeance doesn't belong to us. It belongs to God alone.
In fact, if we try to accomplish it our own way and get revenge for ourselves, we're actually cheating the Lord of His rightful place and He will not bless it. But don't miss the promise in this command. The Lord will vindicate his people. Vengeance will happen, but it will happen in His way, in His timing, and for His glory.
We can't choose how other people respond, but we can choose our own attitudes and actions. After we leave vengeance in the hands of the Lord, we are to bless those who wronged us by meeting their needs. Again, I know that is very difficult to do. Such attitudes and actions go against every natural impulse, but we're not expected to do this by ourselves. We need the spirit of God to empower us. We can't fix this on our own. Our human hearts can't produce this kind of love. Only God can.
Yes, this will try your patience. But if you allow God to seek justice and leave it in His hands, you can be sure that it will come out as God intended.
Romans 12:20-21 – “But
If your enemy is hungry, feed him.
If he is thirsty, give him something to drink.
For in so doing
you will be heaping fiery coals on his head.
21 Do not be conquered by evil, but conquer evil with good.”
Paul's teaching about honoring our neighbors can be summarized in two parts: leave vengeance in God's hands and trust Him with the situation. So, his next words may sound a little confusing. He mentions heaping fiery coals on someone's head. That doesn't quite seem to follow the same pattern of thought, does it? Sounds like an act of revenge. But Paul was actually quoting from:
Proverbs 25:21-22 – “If your enemy is hungry, give him food to eat, and if he is thirsty, give him water to drink, 22 for you will heap burning coals on his head,
and the Lord will reward you.”
I have been asked the question about what this verse means more times than I can count. Let me try to explain it. If we know the culture of that day it will help us to understand the meaning of this seemingly unusual saying. In biblical times, coal was a necessity for families. It was used to cook their food.
Showing kindness to one's enemy might be demonstrated by sharing a lump of coal from the family's kitchen. Doing so would mean the recipient would not have to start his or her own fire. It would be the same as if the offended party had given food to his hungry enemy. Such an act of kindness might move the enemy to repentance, and ultimately to reconciliation.
But, you might say, if we heap burning coals on our enemy's head it would destroy them. And you're right. In doing so, I destroy my enemy – I destroy them by making them my friend. As the modern wise saying goes – “kill them with kindness! The Lord would certainly reward such an act of kindness.
You might be thinking, “Paul sure is commanding us to do a lot of things today.” But everything Paul commanded us to do for others, Jesus has already done for us. The one who has every right to have vengeance upon you and me responded by taking on our sin Himself and giving His life to take away our sins. All because of love. We're to do the same. This is how we are set free from the self-constructed prison of unforgiveness that harms our relationships and witness, and even our health.
These commands for us to honor our neighbors tie in to the Great Commandment of loving our neighbor as ourself. When we consider others, honoring them with words of blessing, bearing their burdens, and delighting in their joys and in their success, we will find ourselves living in harmony with one another. Of course, we never can do these things perfectly, as Jesus did, but we can make every effort to be unhindered by the pride that keeps us from loving others.
Honoring others. It creates a better world in which to live.
