A Roll Up Your Sleeves Kind Of Love.
1 Corinthians 13:1-8aNLT
A recent e-mail asked readers to reflect on the following questions:
Name the five wealthiest people in the world.
Name the last five Heinemann trophy winners.
Name the last five winners of the Miss America contest.
Name ten people who have won the Nobel or Pulitzer Prize.
Name the last half dozen Academy Award winners for best actor and actress.
Name the last 10 World Series winners.
Then as we sit and realize that we don’t know the answers to these questions, another set of questions are asked:
List a few teachers who aided your journey through school.
Name three friends who have helped you through a difficult time.
Name five people who have taught you something worthwhile.
Think of a few people who have made you feel appreciated and special.
Think of five people you enjoy spending time with.
Name six heroes whose stories have inspired you.
The point of the e-mail is this: “The people who make a difference in your lives are not the ones with the most credentials, the most money, or the most awards. The people who make a difference in your lives are the ones that care.”
What makes a good marriage? If you’re like nearly 90% of the population, the answer is, being in love. A good marriage, people say, is built on a powerful, romantic attraction, fueled by companionship, and empowered by happiness.
Today, marriage is seen as a bond that’s all about love and intimacy.
Romance is the essential precursor to marriage.
We see it as a requirement; We see it as paramount.
And that is the problem. As you know, marriage, no matter how loving, isn’t a fairytale.
According to therapist, Dan Wile, “Marriage takes sacrifice, hard, work, and the ability to put up with disappointments and cope with frustration.”
Sandwiched between two chapters instructing every reader of spiritual gifts, and their abilities and how these gifts should be used throughout the body of the Lord Jesus Christ. The apostle Paul writes,
1 Corinthians 13:1-7NLT If I could speak all the languages of earth and of angels, but didn’t love others, I would only be a noisy gong or a clanging cymbal. 2 If I had the gift of prophecy, and if I understood all of God’s secret plans and possessed all knowledge, and if I had such faith that I could move mountains, but didn’t love others, I would be nothing. 3 If I gave everything I have to the poor and even sacrificed my body, I could boast about it; but if I didn’t love others, I would have gained nothing.
4 Love is patient and kind. Love is not jealous or boastful or proud 5 or rude. It does not demand its own way. It is not irritable, and it keeps no record of being wronged. 6 It does not rejoice about injustice but rejoices whenever the truth wins out. 7 Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance. 8a Love never fails...
When people say, being in love, is the key to marriage, knowingly, or not, they equate it to romance.
If I could understand all languages, but have not love... I was on board a huge jet in Atlanta that crossed the Atlantic, headed for Frankfort Germany. It was at least a 13-hour trip. I noticed that on board were many business men. I noticed that most spoke several languages, and you could easily tell these men prided themselves in their abilities.
However, I noticed that after their learned language contest, and one man was left standing none ever spoke again.
* CECC, we aren’t here just to learn.
* We aren’t here for a faith contest.
* We aren’t here just to get filled up.
-CECC, we are here to love God and love others. We are here to pray, knowing He’s praying for us. We are here to thank Him for His grace, as we give others grace!
1 Corinthians 13:1TPT If I were to speak with eloquence in earth’s many languages, and in the heavenly tongues of angels, yet I didn’t express myself with love, my words would be reduced to the hollow sound of nothing more than a clanging cymbal.
Paul states, “Refuse to let your words be hollow. No substance. A clanging cymbal."
When couples rely primarily on romance to support their relationship, the more deluded and disappointed they become.
Powerful fact, When neuroscientist examined the brains of people with romantic love, they found that the areas of the brain involved with decision making, and judgment become impaired.
A person who claims to be truly, deeply, and madly, in love actually activates brain regions associated with delusions, drug cravings, and addiction. Powerful, right?
1 Corinthians 13:2TPT And if I were to have the gift of prophecy with a profound understanding of God’s hidden secrets, and if I possessed unending supernatural knowledge, and if I had the greatest gift of faith that could move mountains, but have never learned to love, then I am nothing.
Notice, Real love is learned. It’s practiced. Real love is applied daily!
And when romantic love is mistaken, for lasting love, we marry, an idealized image of our partner. -That person doesn’t exist in real life.
Romantic love, by its very nature, is fleeting.
1 Corinthians 13:3AMP If I give all my possessions to feed the poor, and if I surrender my body to be burned, but do not have love, it does me no good at all.
According to most marriage therapist, they believe the half-life of romantic love is about 3 months, after which you have only half the amount of romantic feelings, you started off with.
Others believe, romantic love stays at a peak for 2 to 3 years before starting to fade.
According to 1 Corinthians 13:3, Marriage partners, Are you willing to feed your poor marriage? How about give your body to be burned for your spouse?
And did you know that almost 2/3 of divorces happen within the first 10 years of marriage! For now, we need to put the emphasis on one word, expectations.
One thing for sure, the majority of new couples distort their view of their relationship in a positive direction because of faulty expectations.
The rose-colored phenomenon is indisputable.
** Research makes it abundantly clear, expectations are deeply linked to marital satisfaction.
a) Are my expectations realistic?
b) Am I bent on changing my partner?
Expectations are only problematic when they are misaligned. “I thought you were going to pay the bill,” or unreasonable, “You should always make me happy.”
Eli Finkel, Professor, at Northwestern University, and many other professionals call it Recalibrating Marital Expectations.
(SYMBIS) “Saving Your Marriage Before It Starts” curriculum begins with helping couples uncover the myths of marriage. What are these myths? Here are the top four:
Myth one: We expect exactly the same things from marriage.
Most couples go into their relationship with unrealistic expectations.
I expect Jenny to read four to five hours a day.
I expect Jenny to go swim a mile and a half.
I expect Jenny to teach and preach like me.
Jenny expects Howard to come sew for hours. I do it, you do it.
Jenny expects Howard to come cook for the family.
Jenny expects Howard to wash and fold the clothes. Make beds.
Proverbs 31:30NLT Charm is deceptive, and beauty does not last; but a woman who fears the Lord will be greatly praised.
Hear a paraphrase of this scripture, A woman or a man, even couples, who fear the Lord will be greatly praised. Praised by God and man!
1 Corinthians 13:4TPT Love is large and incredibly patient. Love is gentle and consistently kind to all. It refuses to be jealous when blessing comes to someone else. Love does not brag about one’s achievements nor inflate its own importance.
“Even though my day look different than Jenny’s day, we both fear the Lord, and God is greatly praised!” P.H
Myth two: Everything good in our relationship will get better.
Every successful marriage requires necessary losses.
The apostle Paul said it this way in, Philippians 3:7-9NLT I once thought these things were valuable, but now I consider them worthless because of what Christ has done. 8 Yes, everything else is worthless when compared with the infinite value of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord. For his sake I have discarded everything else, counting it all as garbage, so that I could gain Christ 9 and become one with him. I no longer count on my own righteousness through obeying the law; rather, I become righteous through faith in Christ. For God’s way of making us right with himself depends on faith.
For some, it’s a right of passage that means giving up the freedoms of youth.
For others, it means giving up a free, carefree lifestyle and coming to terms with new limits and inconveniences.
In other words, marriage is filled with both enjoyable and tedious trade-offs.
But by far, the most traumatic loss, experienced in a new marriage, is the idealized image of a partner.
We say, “You will be just like the way I want you to be!” P.H
Myth three: Everything bad in my life will disappear.
?
Many believe marriage will erase pain, bring healing, or illuminate loneliness.
Hear me, A marriage certificate is not a magical-glass-slipper.
1 Corinthians 13:5AMP It is not rude; it is not self-seeking, it is not provoked [nor overly sensitive and easily angered]; it does not take into account a wrong endured.
Did you know that most professionals that win a major sporting event such as, the Super Bowl or the World Series, say pretty much the same thing.
“I thought this would make me happy. What a- let down.”
Bad things will still occur; however, if you marry a strong believer, the two of you can agree together in prayer.
Amos 3:3NKJV Can two walk together, unless they are agreed?
Agreement means everything, When you have a Valentines partner/ spouse, who walk together in agreement!
Myth four: My spouse will make me whole.
Jesus is the only way to wholeness!
Psalm 16:11NKJV You will show me the path of life; In Your presence is fullness of joy; At Your right hand are pleasures forevermore.
Of the 2.5 million couples who wed each year in America, more than a third of them want some form of marriage education.
According to Polls America has five primary mindsets about marriage:
1. Resolute.
Purposeful, determined, and unwavering. 22% of the population prize marriage, and hold tight to an unyielding determination for making it go the distance.
1 Corinthians 15:58KJV Therefore, my beloved brethren, be ye stedfast, un-moveable, always abounding in the work of the Lord, forasmuch as ye know that your labour is not in vain in the Lord.
Again, Become resolute and steadfast!
2. Primary mindsets about marriage:
Rational.
Acts 26:24-25NASB While Paul was stating these things in his defense, Festus said in a loud voice, “Paul, you are out of your mind! Your great learning is driving you insane.” 25 But Paul said, “I am not insane, most excellent Festus; on the contrary, I am speaking out with truthful and rational words.
Again, Rational. Logical, sound judgment, and realistic. This segment, 23% of the population, take some more practical approach to marriage than most.
They view marriage as lifelong commitment.
Testimony- I watched and listened as a committed wife in our community spoke up to her husband, and said, “Hey you, yes you, you’re mine, come to your wife.”
3. Primary mindsets about marriage:
Romantic.
Inspired by the idea of affection and love. This segment, 19% of the population, brings a heavy dose of idealism to marriage and love.
For the romantic, love is a bit like a movie. It is adventurous, poetic, starry eyed, chivalrous.
1 Corinthians 13:6-7AMP It (love) does not rejoice at injustice, but rejoices with the truth [when right and truth prevail]. 7 Love bears all things [regardless of what comes], believes all things [looking for the best in each one], hopes all things [remaining steadfast during difficult times], endures all things [without weakening].
I’m saying be romantic, but focus on the third person in the relationship. P.H
4. Primary mindset about marriage:
Restless.
Cavalier, in no hurry, and unsettled. This segment, 22% of the population, isn’t, so sure about marriage, at least for now.
They want to keep their options open. This group is dominated by males, who aren't ready to settle down, because they are busy exploring their options.
From the restless perspective, the fewer responsibilities they take on, including marriage, the more fun they believe they'll have.
5. Primary mindsets about marriage:
Reluctant.
Resistant and unwilling. This segment, 14% of the population is not the marrying kind. More than any other segment, reluctance, or cynical about matrimony.
For all the reluctant ones, and the restless ones, “I charge you to pray for the valentines.”
For the restless and the reluctant, A couple was celebrating their 25th wedding anniversary.
On their special day, a genie came to them, and said that because they have been so devoted to one another, she would grant each of them one wish. The wife wished for a trip around the world with her husband. Whoosh! Immediately she had cruise tickets in her hands. It was the man's turn. He looked at his loving wife, he looked at those tickets, and then, with a devilish twinkle in his eyes, he wished for a much younger wife. And whoosh… He turns 75!
Philippians 2:1-11NIV Therefore if you have any encouragement from being united with Christ, if any comfort from his love, if any common sharing in the Spirit, if any tenderness and compassion, 2 then make my joy complete by being like-minded, having the same love, being one in spirit and of one mind. 3 Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves, 4 not looking to your own interests but each of you to the interests of the others. 5 In your relationships with one another, have the same mindset as Christ Jesus: 6 Who, being in very nature God, did not consider equality with God something to be used to his own advantage; 7 rather, he made himself nothing by taking the very nature of a servant, being made in human likeness. 8 And being found in appearance as a man, he humbled himself by becoming obedient to death—even death on a cross! 9 Therefore God exalted him to the highest place and gave him the name that is above every name, 10 that at the name of Jesus every knee should bow, in heaven and on earth and under the earth, 11 and every tongue acknowledge that Jesus Christ is Lord, to the glory of God the Father.
1 Corinthians 13:8a Love never fails...
Benediction. Come on church, lets roll up our selves with love!
