Go and Be Reconciled
Luke 15:11-31, Matthew 5:21-26; 18:15-17
(If you feel this sermon is helpful, you are welcome to visit www.danachau.com for a free online course.)
Do you ever wonder why the church needs to learn and practice peacemaking? The unchurched goes through conflicts, also. Whether churched or unchurched, we are all human and sinful.
Over the past nine months, one of my good friends repeatedly disappointed me. Two months ago, I confronted him. He felt I overreacted.
So I decided in my mind to end our relationship. I didn't tell him. I was planning to simply end all communication. This would be easy, since he lives in another state.
A valuable relationship can end with a misunderstanding, an unkind word, or a wrong reaction. Two close friends can become distant foes. But this doesn't have to be the end of our story.
I think about the Apostle Paul and Mark. Mark went with Paul and Barnabas on their first missionary journey. But Mark deserted them before the mission was finished.
On a subsequent missionary journey, Barnabas wanted to give Mark a second chance. But Paul saw Mark as a liability and refused to take him. Yet towards the end of Paul's life, Paul wrote in 2 Timothy 4:11, “Get Mark and bring him with you, because he is helpful to me in my ministry.”
I believe the story of Paul and Mark is recorded that we might not lose hope when we face relational conflict. We don't have the details of when or how Paul and Mark reconciled, but we know they did. And reconciliation can be how our story ends, also.
When one of my daughters was learning to make friends and periodically got into fights with her friends, she would rather make new friends than make up with her old friends. And Susan would quote to her a preschool classic, "Make new friends and keep the old, one is silver, the other gold."
But is reconciliation worth it? Mending relationships can be complicated and messy, emotionally draining and without guarantee of success. So why would we put ourselves through the mess?
Here's why. Because God put Himself through the mess, and He calls us to do the same. We have multiple texts teaching us this morning: Luke 15:11-31, Matthew 5:21-26 and 18:15-17.
Luke 15:11-31 is the story of a father and two sons. The father symbolizes God. The younger son symbolizes those who disregard God and God's ways for living. The older son symbolizes the religious self-righteous rule-followers.
Jesus told this story in the presence of all, societal outcasts and religious elites. The younger son in the story offended the father by his outrageous disrespect and wayward living. The older son was offended by the father, because of the father's mercy and forgiveness for the younger son. And the father goes to both, the offender and the offended, in an effort to restore the father-child relationship.
The father Jesus described in the story is the God we worship. He goes to the offender and the offended. He puts himself through the mess of reconciliation.
Paul puts it this way in Romans 5:8, " But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us."
Because God goes, we are to go to the offender and the offended. Jesus said to his disciples in John 20:21, "Peace be with you! As the Father has sent me, so I am sending you."
And Paul reminds us in Colossians 3:13, "Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you."
The second half of the message has to do with us going to the offender and the offended and being reconciled. First, God calls us to go to the offender to be reconciled. This is extremely difficult.
For many years I hated and could not forgive a close relative, because he mistreated my Mom and Dad. Something unexpected happened. When this relative visited one year before my Dad died, this relative confessed his wrong-doing to my Dad and expressed his regret. His repentance gave me the power to forgive him.
But what about the offenders who are unaware or unrepentant of their offense? Here's what Jesus says in Matthew 18:15-17 (READ).
Jesus was teaching the family of God, the Church, how to reconcile the offender, and the principles apply to non-Christians as well. Here are the principles: First, the goal is to restore, not to retaliate. Second, the method is personal, not public. Third, the outcome is not guaranteed, but go anyway.
First, the goal is to restore, not to retaliate. The goal isn't to just confront, it's to restore the relationship and the person's worth. Paul tells us in Galatians 6:1, "Brothers and sisters, if someone is caught in a sin, you who live by the Spirit should restore that person gently."
To achieve this goal, we must take time and effort to prepare. Preparation involves prayer. Pray for the offender and for yourself. Ask God to help you get the log out of your own eye before getting the one out of the offender's eye. Pray for the right attitude, the right words and the right timing.
Second, the method is personal, not public. Personal means face-to-face whenever possible. Phone call when not possible. Texting and email can be misinterpreted and forwarded, escalating the problem.
Personal also means going directly and only to the offender first. Why? Because he or she may be genuinely unaware of the offense and deserves to know and correct the offense. Here's why else. To go to others before going to the offender could escalate the problem.
I remember a seminary professor repeatedly not keeping his word to me. I overlooked his first couple of missed deadlines. Then I became frustrated and angry. I felt helpless to confront my professor, because there was a power difference. He was in control of my grades.
So I went to the academic dean. The dean showed me Jesus' words in Matthew 18:15-17. When I finally got up the courage to confront my professor, he told me he had been under a great deal of stress. He didn't follow through with his promise to me because he was on the verge of a nervous breakdown.
I never would have guessed. We reconciled. And he eventually delivered on his promise.
Third, the outcome is not guaranteed, but go anyway. When God came in the person of Jesus Christ to die on the cross to restore offenders, did He have a guarantee that all or even 51% would be reconciled? No. He came anyway.
So we are to go to our offender. If he refuses to listen, bring along another mature Christian the second time. If he still refuses to listen, bring the matter to the deacons or the pastor. If he refuses to listen to the church leadership, treat him like a non-believer. This means don't give him the benefits of church membership or the benefit of the doubt that he is saved. Share the gospel with him, as you would with a nonbeliever.
In addition to go and be reconciled to those who offend us, God calls us to go to the offended to be reconciled. Here's what Jesus says in Matthew 5:23-24 (READ).
Going to reconcile with those we have offended is challenging. First because we may not realize we've offended someone. Second, we often see our offense against another as small and should be overlooked. Third, Asians are more often non-confrontational, so we brew silently in anger for months. But when others or God shows us someone we've offended, we must go and be reconciled.
A few years back, God prompted me to go and be reconciled with a middle school classmate. I was not a Christian in middle school, and I made fun of a developmentally delayed classmate. The offense took place 28 years ago!
So I began by contacting friends who might know his whereabouts or have his contact info. No one knew. I thought, "God, I tried."
A few days later, God prompted me again. As a last resort, I searched FB. In short, I found him on FB, messaged him, asked for and received his forgiveness.
I've shared before that when I visit individuals near death, I always ask permission to explain how to have total peace. I begin by explaining that total peace involves peace with God, peace in relationships and peace of mind. Whenever the individual receives peace with God and makes peace in relationships, greater peace of mind follows.
Let me close by encouraging all of us to go and be reconciled. Whether we are the offender or the offended. Don't wait; be willing to take the initiative. Go to your spouse, your children, your parents, your colleague, your neighbor. Jesus said in Matthew 5:9, " Blessed are the peacemakers, for they will be called children of God."
(If you feel this sermon is helpful, you are welcome to visit www.danachau.com for a free online course.)
