7 SENSES OF MARRIAGE : SOUND COMMUNICATION
TALKING AND HEARING
JANUARY 16, 2022, 9:30AM
ED AND LISA YOUNG
ED YOUNG:
Thank you so much for being here today. We're talking about communication in marriage and if you're single, or if you are a student, if you're talking to someone, if it's official, if you're dating, whatever you want to say, this is a very important topic because communication obviously, but just think about it for a second, will take your entire life and you have your entire marriage, to work out communication and the challenges of communication.
LISA YOUNG:
So as we're in this series, The 7 Senses Of Marriage. We're talking about communication today; speaking and hearing. So, as you said, if you're single, if you're a student, communication is a part of everything we do. And so, when you practice good communication when you're young, you tend to carry that with you as you grow older and then hopefully perfect it as the days roll off the calendar. Is that right?
ED YOUNG:
Exactly and many people here Lisa, are in different situations. Some of you really are struggling with communication. It's been a struggle in our marriage, even though that's what I do for a living. It's not been easy for the last 40 years to always communicate tactfully, timely, lovingly, beautifully.
LISA YOUNG:
Do you think sometimes people think that because we've spoken on marriage, we teach on marriage it's like-
ED YOUNG:
Definitely.
LISA YOUNG:
Oh, wow. I'm sure they never argue. I'm sure they never have a cross word.
ED YOUNG:
I guarantee it.
LISA YOUNG:
I'm sure they never name call. All these different things.
ED YOUNG:
And that's not true.
LISA YOUNG:
I am here to testify that that is not true. We struggle with the very same things in our marriage that everybody else does.
ED YOUNG:
We do. I've been reading and talking, as Lisa has as well. We've talked to a lot of great Christian counselors, a lot of pastors, a lot of marital experts and basically there are four areas where we tend to have discussions or arguments.
ED YOUNG:
The first I want to talk about is the social issues. Maybe one is more social than the other. You might think, well, okay, that's not a big deal. It is though, Lisa, because all of a sudden you can get into those conflicts about, let's say, I want to have someone over or I want to do this and you're like, "No." Then I'm like, "Yeah. If you would just more social."
LISA YOUNG:
I think in our relationships, the social aspect is not so much about the hospitality of inviting people into our homes, because you and I are about equal on that. I was about to say what I get frustrated with.
ED YOUNG:
Say it.
LISA YOUNG:
But that would not be appropriate.
ED YOUNG:
Say it.
LISA YOUNG:
Okay. All right, I will. Thank you for the permission. But Ed will talk to anyone, at any time. Anybody. If we're flying on an airplane, the person sitting next to him or it could be even across the aisle. "Oh, I like your shoes. Tell me about your shoes." What you know... Before you could. Now you can't hardly hear anybody.
ED YOUNG:
Now it's like, "I like your shoes." "What'd you say?" "I like your shoes. They're pretty cool."
LISA YOUNG:
Yeah. Yeah.
ED YOUNG:
Thank you, Dr. Fauci.
LISA YOUNG:
Pull your mask down and eat something and we'll talk. So anyway, or we go into a store. He's going to have a conversation that's going to last and last and last.
ED YOUNG:
And sometimes you'll be like, "Let's go." I'm like, I know I'm getting into a good conversation.
LISA YOUNG:
Invariably, it ends up being a very positive thing. The conversation breaks the ice, kind of allows for deeper conversations, but that's just not the way I roll.
LISA YOUNG:
I am the one who goes into the store, gets what I need and I'm back out because I've got other things to do.
ED YOUNG:
To me, it's an adventure going to the store.
LISA YOUNG:
It's an adventure for him.
ED YOUNG:
But anyway-
LISA YOUNG:
Social.
ED YOUNG:
I'm tell you, kids, newlyweds, those of us who've been married 40 years, this will be a constant issue. 69%, and this sounds like a depressing number, but it's not. 69% of all issues in marriage are redundant. In other words, you're not going to solve them.
ED YOUNG:
Lisa's not going to change me into an introvert. It's not going to happen and I'm not going to change her into this loud, laughing, asking people questions, joking around a lot or whatever, person.
LISA YOUNG:
Although, I have learned.
ED YOUNG:
And I've learned.
LISA YOUNG:
I've learned. I've learned to be a little bit more engaging because sometimes I can actually come across a little rude. If I-
ED YOUNG:
And you're basically-
LISA YOUNG:
Trying to get in and out.
ED YOUNG:
Lisa is an introvert at heart.
LISA YOUNG:
At heart. I am.
ED YOUNG:
She really is. Some people are like, "Oh, no way." Well, she is.
LISA YOUNG:
I am.
ED YOUNG:
I'm an extrovert. That's a shocker. I know for a lot of people.
LISA YOUNG:
Okay, so the social aspect is one.
ED YOUNG:
But let me tell you this though. Where you are strong, I need to lean into that. She's strong at being organized, at being methodical, at those things. So I should lean into that and I've learned a ton, just like hopefully, I'm loud, storytelling, talking to people. She leans into that.
LISA YOUNG:
That's right.
ED YOUNG:
That's what the Bible says about oneness, becoming one.
ED YOUNG:
Another issue that you're going to deal with is, and this sounds just trite, but it's tremendously big. I'm talking about household chores. Now, I love household chores. I am Mr. DIY. I've never met a project I didn't like.
ED YOUNG:
Lisa, on the other hand, is more lazy. She's a little bit lazy. She likes to sit around and sip, I don't know, espresso and eat Bon Bons, while I'm doing all the work around.
LISA YOUNG:
So anyway, since we always tell the truth.
ED YOUNG:
Not true.
LISA YOUNG:
... From this stage.
ED YOUNG:
You know I'm joking.
LISA YOUNG:
But that's one of the things that we have to communicate. Recently, one of the communication sticking points is that we have a Great Dane puppy and a Maltese puppy.
ED YOUNG:
You know, we always talk about dogs, but we love dogs.
LISA YOUNG:
I feed the Maltese in the morning and I get the food out. I use one section of the counter because that's why I would, you only have to clean that one little section, so we do everything here. You put the dry food in. You add a little bit of the moist food and then you put it down for her and give her water and all of that. Watch her eat and then you're done. And of course, you're going to put the can back in the top, back on of the food and Ed has a different method.
LISA YOUNG:
It begins with the dry food, at this part of the counter and then he thinks, "Well, why not go over here and do the wet food over this side and mix that up. And you know, maybe I'll just put it on this side of the counter."
ED YOUNG:
I've seen Gordon Ramsey do that.
LISA YOUNG:
Yeah. Gordon Ramsey doesn't feed our dogs. So anyway;. Little things like that, just can get under my skin and how do I communicate with him about it?
ED YOUNG:
We have to work those things out.
LISA YOUNG:
Yes. We're we are working those things out.
ED YOUNG:
Yes.
LISA YOUNG:
What's the next one? Keeping going. I don't like this one.
ED YOUNG:
Another one. You're going to have fights, conflicts over this one, parenting. Parenting. I was talking to a great friend of mine who is a wonderful marriage and counseling therapist, Dr. Jonathan [Coo 00:07:46], just yesterday, and Jonathan and I were talking about, when you look at couples with teenage kids, their level of marital satisfaction plummets.
ED YOUNG:
But he was telling me, if you do some things we're going to talk about over the next several weeks, it will soar.
LISA YOUNG:
Even today, communication-wise because what happens basically when you get married? When Ed and I first started dating, it started with a phone call and it continued with phone calls.
ED YOUNG:
The communication was easy.
LISA YOUNG:
It was easy. The phone would ring and I mean, I would be out of breath, running to the phone to grab it and talk.
ED YOUNG:
Kind of like today.
LISA YOUNG:
For hours, I remember I had a swing in my bedroom. It was one of these wicker swings and everything is retro. It comes back because now they're selling them at every store. I had the original. So I would sit in that swing and I could talk to Ed for hours. In fact, my mom or my dad would've to come in and say, "Lisa's time for bed. Tonight's school night, whatever." We could just talk. Communication is how it started. But somehow along the way, we get busy and especially when you add children into the mix, even the birth of a child.
ED YOUNG:
Yes.
LISA YOUNG:
Creates a...
LISA YOUNG:
Into the mix.
ED YOUNG:
Oh wow.
LISA YOUNG:
Even the birth of a child creates a barrier for communication. That's why the date night is so important so that you build in margin, build in space for communication. So different stages along the way can become barriers for communication.
ED YOUNG:
And you have to anticipate these stages and know these stages can be absolutely amazing. It's not negative. You just have to understand, okay, this is a conflict. This is a barrier. This is something that we really have to work through.
ED YOUNG:
Now the other issue that we deal with in marriage is sex. And I've learned to tell Lisa no, when it comes to sex all
the time.
LISA YOUNG:
I'm not even going to respond.
ED YOUNG:
Not tonight. I'm not in the mood. I have a headache.
LISA YOUNG:
Just keep going.
ED YOUNG:
No. That is something that is something that you will have to deal with. As I said, last time, rarely, this is a shocker. I know for the young people, rarely are both of you equally in the mood. Again, if you're on some vacation in Cabo, I understand. But as far as after the honeymoon, I mean, it doesn't always happen the way it does in the movies.
LISA YOUNG:
And so you need to communicate about these things.
ED YOUNG:
Yeah, you do.
LISA YOUNG:
Sound communication is about the exchange of information. It's about affirmation and it's about confrontation. So we thought we would unpack today some of the basics for conflict resolution, for confrontation through communication, but doing that in the proper way.
ED YOUNG:
But before we begin even getting into that, because if we just talk about, okay, here are some helpful hints that we've learned, or here's some things that we can do. Why not watch Dr. Phil or read some self-help book? Well, we have a much deeper and bigger power than that. We have the gospel of Jesus Christ, the gospel of God, the gospel Gives us the sauce, the juice to do what we're talking about.
ED YOUNG:
Because the first thing we have to understand is when it comes to God, we have to settle our conflict with God. We have to settle that with God. The Bible says in Romans 5:10, "…while we were God's enemies," I was born as an enemy at war with God. "we were reconciled to Him through the death of His Son," God saw this conflict. He sent Jesus to pay the price on Calvary, to rise again, thereby giving us the opportunity to be reconciled to God through Christ. Jesus comes into our lives. We have the power of the Holy Spirit operative. Marriage is the only relationship that's analogous to God's relationship with his people. The gospel gives us the power.
Whenever I'm in a conflict with Lisa, whenever she's in a conflict with me, first thing I have to do is take it to God. And if I'm spending time with him regularly, all of a sudden, I am commanded and I am energized, even though I don't feel like it to reconcile the relationship.
LISA YOUNG:
That's one of the great things that Ed and I found through both of us reading the chronological Bible together, because we were literally on the same page. And we both do our quiet time in the mornings or read our Bible in the mornings early. And so, we start the day with that foundation. And so that makes it easier for when there's an issue, for when there's something you want to deal with to pray about it first, before you throw it at your spouse.
ED YOUNG:
And if you think too, Lisa, about how God communicates to us in such a perfect fashion through so many different ways, so many different word pictures, we're simply taking that and living that out. So when you look at the cross, there's the vertical aspect to it and also a horizontal.
LISA YOUNG:
But it seems like-
ED YOUNG:
Aspect.
LISA YOUNG:
It seems like prayer is the last thing that we do before we enter into a confrontation. It's not our first go-to thing.
ED YOUNG:
Yeah. The Bible says too, in Ephesians 4:25 that we should not let any unwholesome words or comments, we shouldn't let any of that stuff emerge from our mouths. Woo. That's tough.
LISA YOUNG:
Actually, the Chapter 4 of Ephesians-
ED YOUNG:
That's it. A treatise on communication.
LISA YOUNG:
It is a treatise on communication. So, I would suggest reading that.
ED YOUNG:
Do you remember the time Lisa years ago? Pardon me for interrupting, but I remember the time several years ago.
LISA YOUNG:
Okay. Wait a minute. Stop. Stop, stop, stop. Stop. I'm going to interrupt you back. Can I just tell you that this week Ed told me he goes, "Lisa, the twins," which they're both married have children, but they still are the twin like little girls to us. And they told Ed, they said, "Dad, make sure mom doesn't interrupt you while they're speaking together."
ED YOUNG:
Is that hilarious?
LISA YOUNG:
"Make sure that she looks interested in what you're saying." Okay. Keep going. Welcome to my world people.
ED YOUNG:
Can you believe they said that?
LISA YOUNG:
Yeah. Yeah.
ED YOUNG:
Well I can.
LISA YOUNG:
Who interrupted?
ED YOUNG:
Well, this is a long time ago and I've written about this, but I want to say this again because it's so fitting to this text, I just quoted about unwholesome talk. I took one of our twins fishing. I mean, she was maybe four or five years old, and we were catching these little fish in the pond or whatever. And so, I always return to the lake or pond, every fish I catch. And she was like, "Dad, dad, I want to take one home and show mom." I go, "Okay. I mean, okay, you can take one fish home and show it to your mom." What I didn't realize though, she'd caught another one and with my back turned, she put the other fish in my tackle box, closed it. And we're talking about July, triple degree Texas heat. I put the stuff up, the tackle my rod reels and everything in the garage. About two or three days later, we smelled something in our house and...
LISA YOUNG:
We thought something had died inside the walls.
ED YOUNG:
Yeah.
LISA YOUNG:
It was a fish in a tackle box.
ED YOUNG:
It was a fish in the tackle box. And when I began to study the word unwholesome in the original language, I promise you, hand lifted up, spoiled fish is what is behind that. So when I spoil a conversation, the whole house will stink. That's how important this is.
LISA YOUNG:
Your children are actually learning communication skills from you.
ED YOUNG:
Yes.
LISA YOUNG:
They're getting their cues for how to communicate. And when Ed and I got married, we brought our past communication skills into our relationship. Those things that we saw our parents do, then we started doing it. So, it's such a motivation, if you will, to communicate God's way with a prayerful attitude so that we're carrying that into the next generation.
ED YOUNG:
Let's go through very, very quickly because of the gospel of God. Let's go through some things that we've learned, that we've observed. Things that we do after we say “I do” and things that we don't do after we say “I do”. And I call this Sound Communication, ears and your mouth. In the book of James 1:19, it tells us that we're to be “…quick to listen and slow to speak.” Two ears, one mouth, we should listen twice as much as we speak. The first one, here's what you don't do. Don't ignore your P.R.
LISA YOUNG:
Don’t Ignore Your Pulse Rate. If you feel that your pulse rate... Ed knows his pulse, probably without even putting his fingers on the pulse. He just has that intuitive sense of his body.
ED YOUNG:
I can feel my heartbeat.
LISA YOUNG:
He can feel his heartbeat. I can't, but I can know when the temperature's rising and that means that my emotions are taking over. If your pulse rate is above 90 or in Ed's case, maybe above a hundred, then you have just become totally influenced or mostly influenced by your emotion.
ED YOUNG:
You can't reason anymore.
LISA YOUNG:
You can't reason. I mean, that's a known physical fact. It's the way your body is connected to your emotions.
ED YOUNG:
That's the way God made us.
LISA YOUNG:
If you are in one of those states where you just are getting angrier and angrier and angrier, back up because that's not the time you need to be communicating. That's not the time that you need to be articulating your emotions to your spouse. Back up, let your heart rate calm, and then proceed.
ED YOUNG:
Here's something else, don't use absolutes. Never say never, never say you always. And I think we know that, yet in the heat of the moment, we like to throw out those absolute phrases.
LISA YOUNG:
This is just something to consider. Do you think it's more of a female thing to use absolutes or a male thing?
ED YOUNG:
Yes.
LISA YOUNG:
I think it's more of a female. I'll just say that.
ED YOUNG:
Yeah, it is. It is.
LISA YOUNG:
That's more of a temptation for me.
ED YOUNG:
This next one I think is definitely more female.
LISA YOUNG:
Definitely female.
ED YOUNG:
Because you have to be a lot smarter than a man to keep up with the history. Don't get historical, not hysterical, well, that too, don't get historical.
LISA YOUNG:
If you go historical, you usually become hysterical, at least that's my case. But I can remember things, we might be talking about an issue, but I can remember things from a long time ago. And I can-
ED YOUNG:
And it's unfair to bring that. It really is.
LISA YOUNG:
It is very unfair. Okay. We'll answer that one in a minute.
ED YOUNG:
Yeah. How about this, don't name call. That's more me. I send to imitate and sing and joke around you. You don't think so?
LISA YOUNG:
Should we talk about the H?
ED YOUNG:
What?
LISA YOUNG:
Should we talk about the H?
ED YOUNG:
Yeah, do that. That's funny. You can say it.
LISA YOUNG:
Okay. I had to get permission. It's usually not a good idea to get permission up here. I should have done that backstage. But anyway. You're not supposed to say, "You're acting just like your father," or him to me, "You're acting just like your mother." It's a temptation, because guess what, we are going to act like our parents.
ED YOUNG:
It is a big temptation.
LISA YOUNG:
That's a big temptation. But I do have this little thing, and Ed's brother and I actually both do this for Ed, when he does something that's very much like his dad, which his dad is a great guy, but he does have his little idiosyncrasies.
ED YOUNG:
Yes.
LISA YOUNG:
His father's name is Homer. And so we have what we call an H-card. And if something... Hold this. It's like, "H."
ED YOUNG:
Yeah, she does that.
LISA YOUNG:
That's the H.
ED YOUNG:
It's like a hip hop artist.
LISA YOUNG:
So it's subtle, but it's really not right. I'm sorry. That is really not good.
ED YOUNG:
And sometimes here's what I do-
LISA YOUNG:
It's basically name calling, but with sign language.
ED YOUNG:
Yeah. And I'll sometimes sing a classic rock song, like Lisa's mom in her mother's voice.
LISA YOUNG:
He did. Even in honor of her now.
ED YOUNG:
Yeah, I do it in honor of her.
LISA YOUNG:
But my mother loved it. My mother absolutely loved this. Not me so much.
ED YOUNG:
She did.
LISA YOUNG:
Okay. So we're making light and this is kind of humorous.
ED YOUNG:
Yes, it's humorous.
LISA YOUNG:
But it's not humorous when you're throwing your spouse into a category of a bad habit of, "You're just like..." Or, you could do it in a different way where you're comparing your spouse to your best friend's spouse and saying, "I wish you were more like..."
ED YOUNG:
And because every marriage deals with the same issues.
LISA YOUNG:
Yeah. And you're basically making fun of God's creation. You're comparing the gift that God has given you with someone that's not in this relationship.
ED YOUNG:
Here's another one, don't threaten.
LISA YOUNG:
Not. The D word.
ED YOUNG:
Yeah.
LISA YOUNG:
If you do this, I'm walking out. I'm leaving. If you do this... Now, obviously, Ed has talked about some of the grounds for divorce. We know that and we're going to be talking about that next time. But to constantly threaten, because what you do is you minimize the severity of what you're going through. If you're always threatening, if you're always threatening, it kind of decaffeinates the subject that you're trying to deal with. Plus, there's no resolve. You're saying, "I'm done." You're saying, "I don't care anymore, so I'm not going to work on this." And that's your issue, not the issue of your spouse. Your willingness to quit so easy is your issue.
ED YOUNG:
Don't score keep.
LISA YOUNG:
Do you and I do that?
ED YOUNG:
No, we don't really score keep. Because your record is like 4,321 arguments, one mine. I may have won three or something.
LISA YOUNG:
I don't know. We just don't tend to... I can't remember well enough to keep up like that. I can remember the history of an argument, but I can't remember who won what.
ED YOUNG:
Here's the last one of this negative and then we're going to go positive. Don't correct. Now, men, women, we love to correct our spouses when they're telling a story or saying something, "Oh no, it wasn't 14, it was 15." "It wasn't in Mexico. It was in Belize."
LISA YOUNG:
And I was really, really bad at this.
ED YOUNG:
Give me a break.
LISA YOUNG:
I was bad at this when we were first married until we started realizing, okay, this counseling, whatever, it came into play, and I learned my lesson. I will tell you, when I'm sitting on the front row right here in Grapevine or at any other campus, and Ed's telling a story, sometimes in my head, I'm like, "But it was da, da, da, da. And it was... No, it wasn't that year. It was the year before." In my head, I'm doing that. But what difference does it make? First of all, I'm not going to run up on the stage and say, "Honey, excuse me, you have those facts wrong." Basically, when your spouse is telling a story or in a conversation, they're on a stage and you're not supposed to correct them. It's demeaning.
ED YOUNG:
Sometimes Lisa will be telling a story and I'll be like, "Oh man, that was so funny. But she didn't say the funny stuff."
LISA YOUNG:
She missed the punchline.
ED YOUNG:
She didn't say it. And I want to say it because I like funny stuff.
LISA YOUNG:
Hey, as an introvert, be thankful I was telling a joke.
ED YOUNG:
I know, I know. Okay. But the Bible says in Proverbs 15:1 (TLB), again, this is living out the gospel, "A gentle answer turns away wrath, but harsh words cause quarrels." We're going to talk about what we do. Do understand your communication style and your conflict resolution style and what you grew up with, we've kind of talked about it already, and how that plays into it.
LISA YOUNG:
That was what was very helpful about seeking Christian counseling, because it helped me understand how conflict was resolved or conflict was dealt with poorly in my home. And just my family, my mom, I've shared with this before, she struggled with depression. So often she had an attitude of giving up, walking away, walking out. And so, a lot of times I would tend to shut down because of that. Rather than deal with it, just shut down and think, "Oh well, this is just the way it is." It wasn't that I was threatening divorce. It wasn't that I was even thinking that way. But shut down. You have to recognize those things that were good about your family of origin and those things that were not good about your family of origin, and how they communicated. And then see the style of your spouse. Ed communicates, he thinks out loud. He just thinks out loud. So, he dreams, he's visionary.
ED YOUNG:
I'm talking when I'm doing this. I'm not just sitting there thinking. It drives people crazy.
LISA YOUNG:
He'll think and say things like... Here's a weird example, but "What if we put a slide from the upstairs to the downstairs in our living room? Wouldn't that be cool for the kids to slide?" And I'm just thinking, "That is the dumbest idea I've ever heard in my life. And how much would that cost? And who are you going to get to build it? And what if we sell our house? Who wants a slide coming down into their living room?" So, all of a sudden, I've gone to all these different things, when I have to realize that Ed is just wondering what it would be like. And he has no intention whatsoever of building the slide in our living room. But in my mind, I'm thinking he's serious. It took years for me to figure out that a lot of the things that Ed was saying was never going to happen.
ED YOUNG:
Years.
LISA YOUNG:
That was his communication skill.
ED YOUNG:
That's good. That's funny.
LISA YOUNG:
That was his communication skills. And then the thing that I'm sure, I'm just going to speak for you, frustrates Ed, is that he says something, I'm going to shoot it down. "Oh, that's not practical. I don't understand why you would even be thinking about that. It costs too much. It would take too long. And how would it affect this?" And rather than let it process, our communication [crosstalk 00:26:40].
ED YOUNG:
Yeah. Lisa, you would tend to be a defender. If I say something about a certain situation, a certain person, a certain restaurant or whatever, Lisa's going to be quick to defend it. I don't mean in a mean way, but just to say, "Well, they just had an off night at the restaurant." Well, they just had an off night at the restaurant.
LISA YOUNG:
Yeah.
ED YOUNG:
But Lisa, we sat for 30 minutes before we got our food, something like that-
LISA YOUNG:
I mean, and it's a positive thing to defend people to an extent, but when it contradicts your spouse continually, it is not. So, I have to realize that, that Ed is expressing a concern. And the use of a restaurant as an illustration is kind of on the shallow end of how that would play out, maybe. So, okay.
ED YOUNG:
Wow. Okay.
LISA YOUNG:
No, I didn't mean-
ED YOUNG:
No, I understand. I get it, I get it.
LISA YOUNG:
... your illustration was shallow. I'm just saying there are more serious ways that I do defend.
ED YOUNG:
There are, there are. Yes.
ED YOUNG:
I was trying to take the high road.
LISA YOUNG:
High road.
ED YOUNG:
Do let them talk. That's important. Listen to them, know what kind of speaker or communicator they are by the body language, whatever. That's you, you talk about that.
LISA YOUNG:
Oh, and in the video, when-
ED YOUNG:
Was that video great? Man, our team here, drop the mic. They're ridiculous. Johnny Cash, I fell into a burning ring of fire.
LISA YOUNG:
That's so good. You should have sung that. You should have sung that.
ED YOUNG:
I want to brag right quick. And whenever you brag about a celebrity, it means you don't know them. Whenever you see a picture with someone in their office or online with a celebrity, it means they don't know them. I happened to, and I've told this before, years ago, I happened to be on stage in the Superdome when I was 21 years old, right before our marriage. Johnny Cash performed literally, I mean like right here by me. June Carter. Couple of seats down, President George Bush and Billy Graham. One stage. I was 21. One day, I can tell you the whole details. I didn't even know how awesome it was. I was so clueless. I was thinking about marriage and our honeymoon, and there's Johnny Cash. I fell into a burning ring ...
LISA YOUNG:
I don't think he had recorded that song yet, but either way.
ED YOUNG:
Yes, he had. Oh yeah, yeah.
LISA YOUNG:
Oh, he had?
ED YOUNG:
Yeah. Yes, yes, yes.
LISA YOUNG:
Sorry. Correction.
ED YOUNG:
That's good. All right.
LISA YOUNG:
We got stuff to say.
ED YOUNG:
Do give respect. You got to give respect.
LISA YOUNG:
Respect is the basis. It's the foundation of communication because in the Book of Genesis, it says we become one flesh. So if I am disrespectful to Ed, I'm really being disrespectful to myself. We are one flesh. So if I intend to hurt him with my words, to cause harm with my words, then I'm causing harm to myself. Respect is the foundation.
ED YOUNG:
I'm going to tell you another dog story, because we've had so many dogs our entire lives, but I called a Bullmastiff breeder years ago and this woman answered the phone. She was like, "Hello?" I go, "Hi. I'm calling about your puppies for sale." "Oh yes. We have 17 Bullmastiff puppies for sale. And oh, there's Lulu. There's mommy. She's so cute. How are you? Just one second. My husband wants me. ‘What do you want? I'm on the phone trying to sell a dog.’ Anyway, I would love for you to come down and see." I'm thinking like ...
LISA YOUNG:
Disrespectful.
ED YOUNG:
Disrespectful.
LISA YOUNG:
Give respect.
ED YOUNG:
Tell me your philosophy. And this is a great story, Lisa, about why women love dogs more than men, why women are usually the dog breeders. This is interesting.
LISA YOUNG:
Okay. Well, unconditional love. You're totally in control of their schedule and life. Crate them when they're disobedient, play with them when they're not disobedient. It's just, I'm pretty sure that's about it. We love dogs.
ED YOUNG:
Is it true, sometimes you put me in the crate with our Great Dane?
LISA YOUNG:
No, no, no, no.
ED YOUNG:
Okay.
LISA YOUNG:
I've thought about it, but I haven't done it.
ED YOUNG:
Yeah, you've thought. Okay.
LISA YOUNG:
Okay. No.
ED YOUNG:
How about this last one? Last one. Do compliment publicly and privately.
LISA YOUNG:
Yes. The greatest compliment that Ed gets is from me.
ED YOUNG:
No doubt.
LISA YOUNG:
No one can complement him and have it mean more than me, and nobody can complement me more than Ed and have it mean more. We are to build each other up, to affirm. It's one of the greatest ... I would say that's one of your love languages, is words of affirmation. It's so important to compliment in public. Don't contradict in public, compliment in public.
ED YOUNG:
Yeah. Well, this has been so great. We could go on and on.
LISA YOUNG:
I think that's some sound advice.
ED YOUNG:
That's very sound advice.
LISA YOUNG:
Sound advice.
ED YOUNG:
So those of us who are married, who are dating, we're definitely in the ring of fire and it's a great, great place to be. Next time, Lisa and I are going to talk about some marital hurdles that we all deal with, because Lisa and I have gone through a number of tough issues, about five of them specifically, that a lot of marriages have experienced or will experience. And we're going to talk about that next time.
LISA YOUNG:
It's going to be a great weekend. Please invite your friends. I know, just by the work that we've put into it already, it's going to be transformational.
ED YOUNG:
Yeah. And also, this week, be of prayer for us, is the anniversary of our daughter's death. We're going to talk about that a little bit too next week and how God has worked in our life and how we're processing that. Thanks for being here. Let's have a word of prayer.
Father, thank you so much for every marriage here, for every future relationship here. I thank you for my wife, Lisa, for 40 years. I thank you for her love for you, and God, just for me. And I just thank you for our love that's about your glorious gospel. We ask, God, that you continue to give us the ability and the power only by your holy spirit to live out these truths. In Christ's name, Amen.
