NOTES
THE LANGUAGE OF MARRIAGE SERIES – Part 2
Dr. Tom Bartlett
May 22, 2022
Speaking of sex . . .
1 Thessalonians 4:3–8 (NLT) God’s will is for you to be holy, so stay away from all sexual sin. 4Then each of you will control his own body and live in holiness and honor—5not in lustful passion like the pagans who do not know God and his ways. 6Never harm or cheat a fellow believer in this matter by violating his wife, for the Lord avenges all such sins, as we have solemnly warned you Before.God has called us to live holy lives, not impure lives. 8Therefore, anyone who refuses to live by these rules is not disobeying human teaching but is rejecting God, who gives his Holy Spirit to you.
Genesis 2:18 (NLT) Then the Lord God said, “It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper who is just right for him.”
Genesis 2:24 (NLT) . . . a man leaves his father and mother and is joined to his wife, and the two are united into one.
4 Biblical Principles of Sex & Marriage
1 Corinthians 7:1–5 (NLT)
PRINCIPLE #1
Marriage and singleness are gifts
1 Corinthians 7:1, 7 (NLT) Now regarding the questions you asked in your letter. Yes, it is good to abstain from sexual relations . . . 7But I wish everyone were single, just as I am. Yet each person has a special gift from God, of one kind or another.
PRINCIPLE #2
Gifts contain responsibilities
1 Corinthians 7:2–3 (NLT) But because there is so much sexual immorality, each man should have his own wife, and each woman should have her own husband. 3The husband should fulfill his wife’s sexual needs, and the wife should fulfill her husband’s needs.
Hebrews 13:4 (NLT) Give honor to marriage, and remain faithful to one another in marriage. God will surely judge people who are immoral and those who commit adultery.
PRINCIPLE #3
Authority is given to each other
1 Corinthians 7:4 (NLT) 4The wife gives authority over her body to her husband, and the husband gives authority over his body to his wife.
PRINCIPLE #4
Growth requires deep commitments
1 Corinthians 7:5 (NLT) 5Do not deprive each other of sexual relations, unless you both agree to refrain from sexual intimacy for a limited time so you can give yourselves more completely to prayer. Afterward, you should come together again so that Satan won’t be able to tempt you because of your lack of self-control.
Next Step: I will live in agreement with God’s design for marriage
MANUSCRIPT
THE LANGUAGE OF MARRIAGE SERIES – Part 2
Dr. Tom Bartlett
May 22, 2022
ME
Good morning and welcome to the Celebration! We started a series last week called the Language of Marriage and we will continue today as we look at the topic of sex. Ok, we’ll get to that in a minute. I just wanted to say that upfront, so all those surfing at home and trying to decide who or what they will watch today, will stick with us.
Now, I grew up in a very conservative home. My parents were very modest, and the word “sex” was never used, ever! It’s not a four-letter word, but in just three letters it was stronger.
My parents were married for well over 50 years and by the time the kids were all out of the house, my dad seemed to lighten up, in a good way on some things. Now, my mom was the most congenial and friendly person you’d ever meet. Anywhere she worked, people would come there just to chat with her. After owning several businesses my mom decided to work for the local Publix grocery store. They put her in the deli area where every day she’d put on her fancy green apron and hand out samples to those walking by.
Of course, living near a retirement center, many of the senior citizens would come by often and chat with mom and get a sample of whatever she was emphasizing that day.
My dad relates the story of an older man, (my dad was pretty old too), who saw my mom out at a restaurant. Mom recognized him, but he couldn’t seem to place her. Finally, he said, after realizing that she wasn’t in her green apron from work, “Oh, Marilynn, I didn’t recognize you with your clothes on”!
My dad told that one, at mom’s funeral.
WE
I think if we’re all honest there’s this inhibition about talking about sex to our children, with our parents, and even with a therapist when we’re struggling relationally.
It’s not easy, but it’s also not like the Bible doesn’t mention sex or sexuality, because it does, over 100 times in some form or fashion[1]. Sex today is sold as something that it’s not, free, easy, harmless, and safe, well that’s true but only in a biblical context.
Sexually transmitted diseases are off the charts, yet the lie is still sold to our society. We hear that sex is merely biological, if that’s so, why are more people on anti-depressants than ever before?
I read a study years ago that said homosexual men were not considered to be “active sexually” for their study unless they had over 100 encounters with other men.
Today, we fight over abortion which was billed as a way to deal with rape and incest. One arm of our lawmakers tried to pass an abortion bill just a week or so ago that would supersede the states and allow for abortion at any point in pregnancy even seconds before birth.
Why? Because sex is sold as something with no consequence and if there’s a pregnancy, abortion is a birth-control method.
Margret Sanger who founded Planned Parenthood was a racist who wanted to limit the number of black babies born. Well, she succeeded, and today in NY more black babies are aborted than are born! [We do not want word to go out that we want to exterminate the Negro population. – Margaret Sanger, founder of Planned Parenthood, 1939]
Maybe, just maybe we should take another look at sex and marriage in a biblical sense? Maybe we should investigate what God says and why about sex.
GOD
Speaking of Sex. . .
Paul says these powerful words to the Thessalonians about sex,
1 Thessalonians 4:3–8 (NLT) 3God’s will is for you to be holy, so stay away from all sexual sin.
By implication, you cannot be holy and practice sexual sin!
4Then each of you will control his own body and live in holiness and honor—5not in lustful passion like the pagans who do not know God and his ways. 6Never harm or cheat a fellow believer in this matter by violating his wife, for the Lord avenges all such sins, as we have solemnly warned you before. 7God has called us to live holy lives, not impure lives. 8Therefore, anyone who refuses to live by these rules is not disobeying human teaching but is rejecting God, who gives his Holy Spirit to you.
Some seek happiness and find it for a moment then wish they had done it God’s way. God tells us to seek holiness!
So, what is God’s ideal for sex and marriage?
Genesis 2:18 (NLT) Then the Lord God said, “It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper who is just right for him.”
Relationships, deep relationships are important to God, not one-night flings, or playing house as unmarried people. He created man and woman to enjoy each other and Him.
One man, and one woman for one lifetime is God’s ideal. The two are to unite emotionally, spiritually, and physically. Moses goes on to write . . .
Genesis 2:24 (NLT) . . . a man leaves his father and mother and is joined to his wife, and the two are united into one.
So for just a few moments, whether you’re married, single, thinking of marriage or just curious, let’s see what the Bible says about sex and marriage from the definitive passage in the New Testament on the subject.
4 Biblical Principles of Sex & Marriage
1 Corinthians 7:1–5 (NLT)
Paul in his writings to the church at Corinth is addressing issues in the church, for the most part. In Chapter 7, he’s replying to a question that was written to him about sexuality. In that culture, sex, like today was practiced in ungodly ways and even used in pagan worship rituals.
Let’s break down his words and see the principles in his words.
PRINCIPLE #1
Marriage and singleness are gifts
1 Corinthians 7:1, 7 (NLT) Now regarding the questions you asked in your letter. Yes, it is good to abstain from sexual relations . . . 7But I wish everyone were single, just as I am. Yet each person has a special gift from God, of one kind or another.
He’s saying that the right thing to do, the good thing to do, is to abstain from sexual encounters. Now does he mean all sex? Now, as we will see in context, he’s talking about sex before, or outside of the marriage covenant.
Now Paul was in a unique position as he was single. The strange thing is that Paul most assuredly was married at one time. I say that because in order to have been in the leadership role among Jews before his conversion it was required that a man be a certain age and be married. Here we see that he is single and solely focused on God. He wishes everyone could have that single purpose, but he knows that those who are married have a gift for marriage and those who are single have a gift for singleness.
You might say, I’m single and it’s no gift! It’s all in how you look at it. At this moment, your life is not bound to the decisions of others.
Now, I can remember the days before kids when I was able to pick where we went to eat. After kids started to grow up, I learned I didn’t have that choice anymore, we had to eat wherever they would eat! LOL. My options changed. Marriage and singleness are gifts.
PRINCIPLE #2
Gifts contain responsibilities
In a spiritual and practical sense, anything that God has given you is for a reason. If you’re single, your responsibility is solely between you and God. If married, you have a marital responsibility to your spouse. Now just in a physical way, but in other ways. Here Paul addresses the physical.
1 Corinthians 7:2–3 (NLT) 2But because there is so much sexual immorality, each man should have his own wife, and each woman should have her own husband. 3The husband should fulfill his wife’s sexual needs, and the wife should fulfill her husband’s needs.
If you are married, you have made the covenant between you and your spouse that you will reject all others and you will both seek and enjoy a special and unique relationship that only you two can have.
The moment another person enters into that relationship emotionally or physically, it’s altered, and the unique relationship is destroyed. Oh, the men I have counseled and the women over the years who wish they could take back what they allowed themselves to be involved with. The writer of Hebrews says,
Hebrews 13:4 (NLT) 4Give honor to marriage, and remain faithful to one another in marriage. God will surely judge people who are immoral and those who commit adultery.
There’s a judgment for defiling or cheating. I think most of it is by natural causes. The natural effects of those actions hurt sometimes for generations!
BUT, God is able to forgive, heal and restore!
So, if you're married or single, it’s a gift! With that gift, you have God-given responsibilities.
PRINCIPLE #3
Authority is given to each other
Now, this is an interesting concept.
1 Corinthians 7:4 (NLT) 4The wife gives authority over her body to her husband, and the husband gives authority over his body to his wife.
Paul is teaching something contrary to the ancient world’s teachings and beliefs. In that culture women were property and a man had authority over his wife’s body. No one hearing Paul’s words would disagree with that. However, to say that the woman had the same authority over her husband’s body put them on a level field, and that would have been counter-cultural.
Relationships are two-way streets. Sexual intimacy is not an on-demand action. It flows with the natural flow of life and each other has a say and each other is obligated to meet each other’s needs. The difference is, that he is obligated to meet her needs and she is obligated to meet his needs.
There are times when one has a certain desire, and the other doesn’t. The love in the relationship yields and the couple decides what is best at that moment.
Now, it is important to say, if there is no sex in the marriage, typically that speaks of a problem. It may be physical, it may be emotional and it may be spiritual, in any case, get help!
PRINCIPLE #4
Growth requires deep commitments
Now we learned earlier as Paul wrote the Thessalonians that marriage and holiness go together. God wants you to grow. Growth comes through discipline.
Regular marital relations are vital for the marriage to stay close and to stay committed to each other. But, there are times when the couple will agree to focus on the Lord for a period of time such as in fasting from food, but in this way fasting from physical intimacy.
1 Corinthians 7:5 (NLT) 5Do not deprive each other of sexual relations, unless you both agree to refrain from sexual intimacy for a limited time so you can give yourselves more completely to prayer. Afterward, you should come together again so that Satan won’t be able to tempt you because of your lack of self-control.
After a period of depriving yourselves, resume your natural agreed upon rhythm for intimacy.
YOU
We’ve just learned some principles about marriage and sex. We know that God designed sex only for marriage and that any sexual encounter outside of that leads to sin which causes great pain.
What are you going to do about this? If you’re committing adultery, will you stop? If you’re in an affair, will you come clean? If you’re fantasizing or planning in a way that leads you away from your spouse, will you confess it to God?
Here’s my challenge to you
Next Step: I will live in agreement with God’s design for marriage
WE
Just imagine what it would look like if every person in this room took this up as a mandate for their life. The broken homes that have been the norm will be changed in just a short time. The pain from sexual encounters outside of marriage and all the emotional distress that goes with that will cease.
[1] https://bible.knowing-jesus.com/words/Sex
