This past week the famous and formerly beloved comedienne, Bill Cosby, has been on trial. And I happened to watch a documentary about his accuser, and the 50-some other accusers whose cases have extended past the statute of limitations. Among those who were interviewed was one of his first alleged victims, who experienced her alleged drugging and rape some 40 years ago. She was strong in claiming that she hadn't allowed Cosby to ruin her life, and then she made an interesting statement, interesting in light of the fact that she had come out in support of the woman who had brought the criminal case against Cosby. She said, "I have forgiven him, because he's a sick man."
It was indeed a very noble statement for someone who likely had been terribly taken advantage of as a young woman. But for me, it begged for the question: What did she really mean that she had forgiven him? For if she were really using the strictest Biblical definition for forgiveness, then that would mean she would have continued in relationship with him without letting any of her future behavior being affected by her past offense. Clearly, even in speaking out about what had happened to her, she had not done that.
And then that begs for a bigger question. Do we, especially as Christians, really have to forgive the unrepentant—do we really have to forgive someone whom, if they were able, would repeat the offense against us if they were given another chance?
Now it's a very serious question for those of us who are Biblically-obedient Christians. One of the imperatives in the Christian life is the matter of forgiving people who have wronged us. Jesus in Matthew 18:21-35 made that abundantly clear when Peter asked him, “How many times must I forgive my brother, up to seven times?. And Jesus replied, up to 70x7, obviously meaning as often as someone sins against us, we must be willing to forgive. And then in Matthew 18:35, Jesus concludes his discussion about the matter by essentially saying that if we do not forgive our brothers for their sins against us, then neither will our heavenly Father forgive us.
Now I always thought I was great at forgiving until some people sinned against me in a very grievous and damaging way some years ago. And they were completely unrepentant about it. All of a sudden, I found myself struggling to forgive, and then asking some very difficult questions. First, why would God ask me to do something He Himself does not do, in other words, to forgive the unrepentant. Because it was obvious to me from many places in Scripture, including Luke 13, Matthew 25 and Revelation 20 in the Great White Throne Judgment that God does not by any means forgive the unrepentant. In fact, He ultimately sends them to hell for judgment.
And then the second question that I was faced with was this: If the Bible's definition of forgiveness is not holding something against someone, not counting their sins against them, and my future behavior should not be governed in any way by a wrong that an unrepentant person has committed against me in the past, then if I forgive the unrepentant, am I required to give him a chance to sin against me in the future in the same way? To me, that seemed awfully foolish—who in the world would do that!
So, I'm going to seek to answer this morning, from the Bible, first, whether we really are required to forgive the unrepentant ourselves, and if not, exactly then how are we to treat them.
And my conclusion is this: Don't get even, but be on guard & give the offender over to God's Justice. Don't get even, but do be on guard. Do give the offender over to God's justice.
And to prove my assertion this morning we're going to go to the very end of the great Apostle Paul's life, to his last inscripturated words in II Timothy 4:14-18.
The Apostle Paul is in a Roman prison as he writes this letter to his protégé, Timothy, who is back pastoring a church Paul had founded in Ephesus, on the west coast of what is now known as Turkey. And he's in very difficult straits. He has been convicted of some crime worthy of death, no doubt preaching Jesus as God during the time of the wicked Emperor Nero's sadistic persecution of Christians in Rome. The penalty for his crime is death, and in his case it would come within a few months, by means of beheading just outside Rome in 67 A.D. Paul knows he is a condemned man and he has only a few months to live.
But more than that, He knows whose testimony had sealed his fate. A fellow by the name of Alexander the coppersmith. And He also knows who did not come to His aid to defend Him during his trial—any and all of the other Christians in Rome—the very Christians he had ministered to and risked his life for for a number of years. Apparently, the persecution of Christians was so great under Nero that no one even dared to associate with Paul or claim to be a Christian for fear that they would suffer the same fate as a martyr.
And it's with all of these very painful facts in mind that the great Apostle writes Timothy about his specific circumstances in verse 14. And what we will learn first is that as a Christian, you don't get even, but you do give your offender over to God's justice. You don't get even, but you do give your offender over to God's justice.
So, as we read this passage, he says this Alexander the Coppersmith has done him a great deal of harm. Now we don't know the precise facts here, but it seems almost certain that this Alexander was the one whose complaint and testimony at the trial had resulted in Paul's death sentence. And he speaks of Alexander as possibly someone that Timothy, who is in Ephesus, might be familiar with. More than that, Alexander's occupation as a coppersmith provides us with another major clue. Alexander may well have been one of the many metal workers whose business in making idols of the goddess Artemis was greatly damaged by the revival that took place in Ephesus because of the Apostle Paul's ministry. He could very well have been part of the riot that took place there because of Paul's insistence that gods made with hands were no gods at all. You can read all about it in Acts 19:23-41. And so, I believe it is very likely that this Alexander was one of the metal workers whose business was badly damaged by the ministry of the Apostle Paul, and it's likely he made a capital case of it, and was successful in eliminating not only Paul's ministry, but Paul himself.
Therefore, what we see in II Timothy 4:14 is likely an understatement. Alexander was not only guilty of doing Paul a great deal of harm, he was likely the single person most responsible for his impending execution! More than that, this Alexander was an unbeliever, a proponent of idolatry by which he made his living and was thoroughly unrepentant about the dastardly deed he had accomplished.
As a result, we find the Apostle Paul faced with this same question: Do you forgive the unrepentant sinner who has sinned against you? And if not, exactly what do you do in relationship to him.
The answer is actually found in Paul's next statement in verse 14: "The Lord will repay him (Alexander) for his deeds."
Now notice something here. Paul does not say, "I forgive Alexander." He does not pray, "Father, forgive him for He knows not what He does." Instead, he commits Alexander to the Lord with a prophetic statement—that God will repay him for His deeds. In other words, He's trusting and fully convinced that Alexander will get what He deserves—justice and God's eternal judgment!
What Paul is doing here is practicing precisely what He preaches. He's applying what He wrote in Romans 12:17-19 to a T: "Never pay back evil for evil to anyone. Respect what is right in the sight of all men. 18 If possible, so far as it depends on you, be at peace with all men. 19 Never take your own revenge, beloved, but leave room for the wrath of God, for it is written, “VENGEANCE IS MINE, I WILL REPAY,”
Paul was not taking his own revenge. Instead, He was indeed leaving room for the wrath of God—assured that God will take out his own vengeance on Alexander.
Now someone could question me about this. Wait a minute. What about Jesus on the cross? Didn't he pray with respect to his executioners, "Father, forgive them, for they know not what they do?" If Jesus prayed for this, why didn't Paul pray for Alexander?" It's a good question. The answer is this, I believe. I believe that Jesus was praying for his Roman executioners specifically, men who literally did not understand whom they were crucifying, but were just following orders. The Jewish leaders who had instigated His crucifixion knew exactly what they were doing—that they were crucifying the Messiah. He was not praying for them. Instead, the woes He pronounced against them in Matthew 23 predicted that God's wrath would come against them for their determined unbelief and unwillingness to repent. And as we know, Jesus never uttered a prayer that was not answered, and that was true in the case of His Roman executioners. It became true on that day, for in Matthew 27:54 we read this: "Now the centurion, and those who were with him keeping guard over Jesus, when they saw the earthquake and the things that were happening, became very frightened and said, "This is truly the Son of God!" In other words, they came to faith and recognized who Jesus really was—there was a repentance and therefore a forgiveness that came to pass for them on that day.
But the point here is that when someone is unrepentant, you don't actually forgive them in the strictest since of that word. You give them to God for God to execute His justice. And in this case, Alexander fits the profile of those unrepentant Jewish religious leaders—He was unrepentant in every sense with regard to Jesus Christ, probably eternally unrepentant as was evident from his actions, and was doomed to experience the justice and retribution of God.
So, someone has hurt you; someone has damaged you severely. They are unrepentant. And you know that if they had the chance to do the same thing to you again, they would do it again. In fact, maybe you've even given them the chance to do so—and they have repeated the terrible offense over and over again. This is often the case with regard to sexual abuse, especially when it comes to the crime of parents molesting their children, the children powerless to prevent the repeated abuse against themselves. Is this God's intended result of forgiveness? Absolutely not. If there is no repentance, then there is not actually forgiveness. Rather there's what we might call “giveness”—you give the person over to God for Him to have His way with that person, whatever it is, be it ultimate justice and judgment, or eventually grace and mercy. In other words, you let him off your hook, but you put him on God's hook for justice and vengeance. You entrust that person and His sin to God, who alone is the judge of all the earth, and who alone is perfectly able to both determine and execute the justice that is deserved.
Now this is not easy. You may have to repeatedly, in prayer, give the situation to God, day after day, month after month, and possibly even year after year, as it was in my case. But eventually, it comes to pass. It's no longer your problem; it becomes God's. You ask Him to take it from you!
But again, what about the possibility that even in giving the person over to God that you allow for repeated offenses, repeated abuse.
Verse 15 answers this question. Notice what Paul tells his protégé Timothy to do, especially in light of the fact Timothy's coming to Rome soon, where Paul was imprisoned, and there's a very strong likelihood that Alexander was heading back to Ephesus, which was likely where he had come from. What does Paul tell him to do? Go right over to Alexander's and preach the Gospel again? Go right over and show him the love of Christ? No!!!
Instead, he tells Timothy to "Be on guard against him yourself, for he vigorously opposed our teaching." Yep, it sounds like that crowd of Ephesian metalworkers, doesn't it?
Paul says, "Watch out for Alexander! Don't give him a chance to do the same thing to you that he has done to me! He's a prowling lion seeking someone to devour, and if you get in his way, you'll likely be his very next victim!
Now that makes sense, doesn't it? You have someone over for dinner one night, and when you're backs are turned, they rob you blind. The next day they’re unrepentant, they deny they did anything. Are you going to invite them over for dinner again until they repent and demonstrate it by their deeds? Not on your life! Instead, you're going to protect yourself, you're going to be on your guard against them, and you're going to take action to protect others from experiencing the same thing, either by warning them, or reporting the theft to the authorities. Right!
Now we have other Biblical precedent for this, namely the story of Joseph and his 11 brothers which is found in Genesis 43-50. To summarize, Joseph's brothers become very jealous of him, and when they have opportunity, sell him into slavery to a slave-trader who is passing by, which was virtually a death sentence. However, providentially, Joseph not only survives, but becomes the ruler of Egypt with abundant supplies of food when a famine effects the whole region. Eventually, Joseph's brothers are forced to come to him, not knowing that he's Joseph, to buy grain. Joseph provides the grain, but refuses to identify himself, and tests them terribly to see whether they are repentant about what they had done, and whether they are different people. It's only when he sees that they're now willing to give up their lives to save their youngest brother and their father's grief that He's willing to trust them with His true identity and forgive. Now Joseph doesn’t exact vengeance against them. He actually blesses them with plenty of grain. He wants to be reconciled. But He tests them first to see whether they’ve repented before he entrusts himself to them by revealing his identity. And that's exactly what happened—forgiveness and reconciliation did not occur until there was clear proof of repentance, and it was only when there was clear proof of repentance that there was the trust necessary for forgiveness to actually take place. In other words, repentance is a necessary precursor for forgiveness, even for humans, as it is for God. In fact, Jesus even says so, in Luke 17:3: "Be on your guard! If your brother sins, rebuke him; and if he repents, forgive him."
So, an unrepentant offender demands your forgiveness. But he remains unrepentant. What do you do? You don't forgive him in the sense that you give him opportunity to abuse you in the same way again, nor do you exact your own revenge. But you do give him over to God, you entrust Him to God for God's justice, or mercy or whatever. And you're on your guard until there's repentance. Otherwise, you're setting yourself up for more abuse.
Now in the Apostle Paul's case, Alexander wasn't the only person who sinned against him, as I noted earlier. There were also all those Christians in Rome who refused to come to his defense. Paul refers to them in verse 16: "At my first defense, no one supported me, but all deserted me, may it not be counted against them."
Now this was a pretty grievous sin, as well, and may in part have contributed to Paul's death sentence. However, the folks he would have expected to come to his defense didn't mean him any harm, they were just scared for their own lives. Not a great excuse. Not an excuse really at all. But note that Paul's attitude toward them is considerably different from his attitude toward Alexander. Alexander was a total reprobate, an absolutely unrepentant gross sinner. These Christians were a different situation. They were fellow believers who had responded to the grace of God and were generally repentant. And they were likely to really be repentant at Paul's martyrdom.
How does Paul respond to them? Not with a prophetic prediction of their condemnation as with Alexander but instead with a prayer that they would be forgiven. Notice the rest of verse 16: "May it not be counted against them." In other words, Father, forgive them as they come to repentance."
Paul is as gracious as he can possibly be, as gracious as he can expect God to be. This is the final step in this whole matter—pray for the repentance of those who've wronged you." Especially when they're believers. This is essentially the fulfillment of the rest of Romans 12:17-21, the last two verses being especially in view: "“BUT IF YOUR ENEMY IS HUNGRY, FEED HIM, AND IF HE IS THIRSTY, GIVE HIM A DRINK; FOR IN SO DOING YOU WILL HEAP BURNING COALS ON HIS HEAD.” 21 Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good."
These fellow Christians were not enemies, but they were simply friends who had failed him in the most dire of circumstances. A tough situation, but not too tough for the grace of God to prevail, both in Paul's prayers for them and in their lives.
So, you're dealing with fellow believers who've wronged you and are as of yet, still unrepentant. Pray for their repentance. Pray that God will show grace to them, and that ultimately their sins will not be counted against them, however sins will be counted against believers—probably in the sense of rewards and the Lord's commendation or lack thereof. In the case of believers, you pray for the repentance of those who've wronged you.
How do you respond to believers who have wronged you and are yet unrepentant? Are you taking your own revenge? That wouldn't be okay. Are you protecting yourself? That may be absolutely necessary. But are you praying for their repentance and forgiveness? That's the proper response, seeking that God will grant them repentance and forgiveness even as God in Christ has granted repentance and forgiveness to you as well.
So, how do you respond to the unrepentant? It depends on who they are, but generally we can say this: Don't Get Even, but Be on Guard & Give the Offender over to God's Justice.
So do we forgive the unrepentant? Well, close. We give them to God. We don’t take our own revenge. We pray for their repentance. We let them off our hook, but we put them on God's.
We don't Get Even, but we are on Guard & Give the Offender over to God's Justice.
Now, consider those who perhaps have greatly abused you and have never repented. You’ve got a choice here. You can choose to exact your own revenge, continue to be bitter, and keep them on your hook. Or you can put them on God’s hook.
You’ll be far better off if you in every way if you put them on God’s hook and let them off yours.
