Sherlyn, from Lawrence, Kansas, says her husband usually sets his computer bag next to the front door before leaving home in the morning. One day, he left the house but forgot to take his computer with him. Our 2-year-old saw it and came running to find me. “Mama, Daddy forgot to take his diaper bag!” (Sherilyn M., Lawrence, Kansas, “Life in Our House,” Christian Parenting Today, May/June 2000; www.PreachingToday.com).
Sometimes you wonder about some people. Perhaps, they still need to take a diaper bag, because they act like two-year-old’s, thinking the whole world revolves around them.
However, if you’re going to enjoy healthy relationships, you have to grow past that stage; you have to learn to put God and others first in your life. That’s because healthy relationships require self-sacrifice, humility, and the ability to listen to God’s Spirit. And all of that requires a certain level of spiritual maturity. So if you want to enjoy healthy relationships and maintain unity in the church…
GROW UP.
Move past childhood into spiritual adulthood. If you have your Bibles, I invite you to turn with me to 1 Corinthians 3, 1 Corinthians 3, where the Bible makes this very clear. Through the Apostle Paul, God says…
1 Corinthians 3:1-2 But I, brothers, could not address you as spiritual people, but as people of the flesh, as infants in Christ. I fed you with milk, not solid food, for you were not ready for it. And even now you are not yet ready… (ESV)
Years ago, there was a Hardees commercial which showed a mother in bed, bottle feeding her “baby.” All you see is the mother’s head with her hand holding a baby bottle behind a pile of blankets. The mother is cooing, telling her “baby” how good he is to be drinking so much. “Good boy,” she says. “That’s my boy.” Then her “baby” sits up from behind the covers, and you discover that he is a grown man.
Sandy loved that commercial, NOT! It was gross, but that’s exactly the picture God paints here in 1 Corinthians 3. There are people in adult bodies behaving like tiny little babies. They are drinking milk when they should be eating solid food.
In Hebrews 5, the author expresses the same frustration with another group of people. There He says, in verse 11…
You have become dull of hearing. For though by this time you ought to be teachers, you need someone to teach you again the basic principles [the ABC’s] of the oracles of God. You need milk, not solid food, for everyone who lives on milk is unskilled [literally, inexperienced] in the word of righteousness, since he is a child. But solid food is for the mature, for those who have their powers of discernment trained by constant practice to distinguish good from evil (Hebrews 5:11-14).
The Bible is NOT talking about gaining more knowledge here. It is NOT talking about a learning “deeper” set of truths that are only for the spiritually elite. NO! The Bible is talking about “experiencing” the knowledge you already have. It is talking about “training yourself” to practice “the word of righteousness.”
A church had called a new pastor, and on his first Sunday he preached a wonderful sermon. The people really loved it, and they gave him many compliments.
They came back the next Sunday, anxious to hear him preach again. But the new pastor preached the same exact sermon. The people were a little disappointed, but they thought, “He is a new preacher. Maybe he hasn’t had time to prepare another sermon yet.”
Then, on the third Sunday, when he preached the exact same sermon again, the people were downright angry. The chairman of the church spoke to the pastor after the service and said, “Pastor, what gives here? Don’t you have any other sermons?”
The pastor replied, “Sure I do, but none of you have begun to practice this one yet.”
If you want to grow to spiritual maturity, you have to begin practicing the truth you have already heard. You have to become experienced with righteousness. It has to become a part of your everyday life.
In other words, to grow up, you must eat right. You must learn to eat the solid food of God’s Word like an adult. That means you must put into practice God’s principles about right relationships. Practice self-sacrifice. Practice humility. Practice the things the Holy Spirit tells you in the context of your relationships.
More than that, to grow up, you must act right. You must behave like an adult, as well.
1 Corinthians 3:3 …for you are still of the flesh [i.e., you are still controlled by your fleshly desires]. For while there is jealousy and strife among you, are you not of the flesh and behaving only in a human way? (ESV)
If you want to enjoy healthy relationships, then stop letting your fleshly desires control you; or stop acting in selfish and self-centered ways.
Peter Pan is a story about a boy who never grows up. All he wants to do is have fun and never become a man. In the 2003 version of Peter Pan, Wendy falls in love with Peter and grows weary of his all-play, no commitment attitude. She confronts him in the moonlit forest of Neverland. In the darkness, Tinkerbell and Captain Hook overhear their conversation. Take a look (show video: Peter Pan, 2003, Peter and Wendy Argument Scene)
“Peter, what are your real feelings?” Wendy asks.
“Feelings?” he responds.
“What do you feel?” Wendy asks. “Happiness? Sadness? Jealousy? Anger? Love?"
“Love?” Peter replies. “I have never heard of it.”
“I think you have, Peter,” Wendy says. “I daresay you've felt it yourself… for something, or someone.”
“Never,” Peter says. “Even the sound of it offends me.”
Wendy reaches for Peter in a loving gesture, and suddenly he runs away, shouting, “Why do you spoil everything? We have fun, don't we? I taught you to fight and to fly. hat more could there be?”
“There is so much more,” she answers.
“What? What else is there?” Peter asks.
“I don't know,” Wendy replies. “I think it becomes clearer when you grow up.”
“Well, I will not grow up!” Peter says. “You cannot make me! Go home and grow up. And take your feelings with you” (Peter Pan, Universal, 2003, based on the novel by J.M. Barrie, written and directed by P.J. Hogan and Michael Goldenberg, 00:56:18 to 00:57:50).
Immature people cannot love, or they reject love, because love requires adult attitudes of commitment and self-sacrifice. But if you want healthy relationships, you must put away the childish desire to just have fun and take on the adult attitudes of commitment and sacrifice.
I like the way Jimmy Townsend put it in the context of marriage. He said, “Marriage teaches you loyalty, forbearance, self-restraint, meekness, and a great many other things you wouldn't need if you were single (Jimmy Townsend, Marriage Partnership, Vol. 5, No.1).
Loyalty, forbearance, self-restraint, meekness—those are adult activities. Children live only for themselves. Children live only to have fun. Children live only to satisfy their flesh. Selfless love, on the other hand, is a grown-up activity. So, if you want to experience love in your relationships, if you want real unity in the church, then grow up. That means eat right, act right.
And then talk right. Say the right things. When we argue, God says in vs.3, Are you not… behaving only in a human way?
1 Corinthians 3:4 For when one says, “I follow Paul,” and another, “I follow Apollos,” are you not being merely human? (ESV)
It’s like little boys bragging about how their dad is better. These are childish words that need to stop if there is going to be real unity in the church.
In the Corinthian church, people had split themselves into various factions. They were polarized into two separate camps—those who claimed to follow Paul and those who claimed to follow Apollos.
Now, typical of all human conflict, people try to win allies to their side. Well, these people are using Paul’s name and Apollos’ name to gain allies to their side. Paul and Apollos were former pastors of this church, and these people, fighting over who-knows-what, were saying stuff like, “Well, Paul would never do that,” or “Apollos would agree with us!” Now, Paul and Apollos could probably have cared less about the specific issues that created the conflict, but their names are being used to win allies to each side’s cause.
Their words are typical of mere humans in any conflict. They are not the words of spiritual people. They are the words of most normal people. They are not the words of people who are controlled by the Spirit. They are the words of people who are controlled by themselves. And those kind of words need to stop, if there is going to be unity in the church.
Retirement homes are usually quiet places, where mature adults have learned how to get along. Not so with the Spring Haven Retirement Community in Florida some time ago. They found their peace disrupted over something that happened at the salad bar.
Mealtime turned ugly after 86-year-old William Hocker complained to 62-year-old Lee Thoss about picking through the lettuce. Name-calling soon gave way to punching and the police were summoned.
One resident was bitten in his attempt to stop the fight. Another was knocked down. Thoss' mother, herself a resident, tried to rescue her son, and the 86-year-old suffered a cut on the arm. While no one was seriously injured, Thoss began looking for a new place to live (http://www.sptimes.com/2004/03/05/State? Retirement_ home_melee.shtml).
It’s hard to believe—60 and 80 year-olds fighting over the salad bar! It is so childish, but that’s why fights start. They start, because people are childish. On the other hand, fights STOP when people put away childish things. Fights STOP when people put away childish attitudes and childish words.
So if you want healthy relationships and unity in the church, then eat like adults, act like adults, and talk like adults. To put it simply, grow up. Then…
GIVE GOD THE GLORY IN EVERYTHING.
Recognize that HE is the reason for every success. HE is the reason for any increase.
1 Corinthians 3:5 What then is Apollos? What is Paul? Servants through whom you believed, as the Lord assigned to each (ESV).
Paul and Apollos are NOT the reasons people came to believe in Christ. The Lord is. Paul and Apollos were only his table-waiters, dishing up His grace as He directed. Paul says…
1 Corinthians 3:6-7 I planted, Apollos watered, but God gave the growth. So neither he who plants nor he who waters is anything, but only God who gives the growth (ESV).
God is the one who makes the church grow. God is the reason for any increase in the numbers of believers in the church.
Do you see what Paul is doing here? He is giving God the glory for the growth of the church, and that’s what we need to do if we want to remain unified. Whatever success we enjoy, whatever growth we experience, we must give God the credit. Sure, different people have different tasks, but we’re all working for the same purpose.
1 Corinthians 3:8 He who plants and he who waters are one, and each will receive his wages according to his labor (ESV).
God is going to pay us the wages we deserve, but we’re all working for one purpose. We’re all working to see God glorified, and His Kingdom expanded. I don’t know about you, but I’m here to populate heaven. I’m here to see as many people come to faith in Christ as possible.
But in the end it’s not you and me who will do it. We are simply tools in the Master’s hand. We are simply God’s field hands, doing His bidding. GOD, Himself, is the one who brings people to Himself. GOD, Himself, is the one who causes the increase.
A pastor of a church in Phoenix, Arizona, asked his congregation to randomly choose 80 people from the telephone book. He then asked that they pray every day for each person for 90 days. At the same time, he asked his congregation to choose another 80 names from the directory, but they simply laid that list aside. Nobody prayed for those people. After 90 days, they called all 160 people on both lists and asked whether or not they would like a visit from some Christians to pray for them.
Alvin VanderGriend of the American Lighthouse movement reported, “The amazing result was this: only one person on the list of people who did not receive prayer was prepared to allow Christians to visit, whereas 69 of the 80 people for whom the church members prayed were prepared to allow Christians to visit, and 45 even invited them into their houses, offered coffee and named special prayer requests” (Jay Dennis and Jim Henry, Dangerous Intersections: 11 Crucial Crossroads Facing the Church in America, Broadman & Holman, 2004).
You see, it is GOD who brings the increase. It is GOD who works in answer to prayer, and if anything of eternal value is going to be done here in this church, then that’s the way it’s going to be done.
1 Corinthians 3:9 For we are God’s fellow workers. You are God’s field, God’s building (ESV).
The church is GOD’s field. The church is GOD’s building. We are just fellow workers in GOD’S church. And the sooner we realize that, the sooner we can stop fighting for our own pet programs, the sooner we can stop lobbying for our own interests, and the sooner we can start working together for the Lord’s glory.
My friends, if you want to enjoy healthy relationships, then grow up and give God the glory. The most important thing is not which side wins or gets their way. The most important thing is that God is glorified. A good question to ask, especially in the midst of conflict, is this: Is God glorified by my actions? Is God honored by my words and my behavior? If you cannot honestly say yes to that question, then maybe you better put away your childish behavior and do something else.
Years ago, I enjoyed reading C. S. Lewis' Chronicles of Narnia to my children, all seven books in the series. In the first book, some children find themselves in the enchanted land of Narnia where they meet a majestic lion named Aslan.
In the second book, the children return to Narnia and discover that everything has changed drastically. They quickly become lost, and some terrible things happen. Then Lucy, one of the children, spots Aslan in a forest clearing. She rushes to him, throws her arms around his neck, and buries her face in his mane.
The great beast rolls over on his side, and Lucy falls, half sitting and half lying between his front paws. He bends forward and touches her nose with his tongue. His warm breath comes all around her, and she gazes up into his large wise face.
“Welcome child,” Aslan says.
“Aslan,” says Lucy, “you're bigger.”
“That's because you're older, little one,” replied the lion.
“Not because you are?” Lucy asks.
“I'm not,” says Aslan. “But each year you grow, you'll find me bigger.”
That’s the way it is when you mature in your faith. God becomes bigger and bigger in your life. He gets more and more of the glory, and you need it less and less. So grow up and give God the glory! Then you too can experience a taste of heaven here on earth.
