Illus: It is unbecoming for any man to wear a pair of orange pants with green stripes, and a purple shirt with polka dots. If a man insists on wearing such an outfit, people are going to laugh at him behind his back.
Today a lot of folks are laughing behind the backs of some Christians. Paul tells us that there are things that are unbecoming to us to wear as Christians. He gave us a list of things we should PUT ON and TAKE OFF in previous verses.
After talking about things that should not be in our lives, it is not by accident that Paul now starts talking about family relationships.
It is unbecoming to us as Christians to not have the right relationship between
• HUSBANDS AND WIVES
• PARENTS AND CHILDREN
Let’s look at the verses in our text, to see what we can derive from them. What do we see?
I. LET’S LOOK AT HER
Look at verse 18, we read, “Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as it is fit in the Lord.”
Look at three things about her submitting to her husband. God ask the wife to do something that is very difficult to do, He asks her to submit.
Why is it so difficult to submit?
Several reasons:
(1) We all have minds to think with, and we all have our own ideas about things, and how they should be done. For us to be willing to submit, we have to take our thoughts on the matter, and be willing to lay them aside, in order to submit to someone else.
(2) Another reason it is difficult for a wife to submit, is because we live in the midst of the Woman’s lib movement. And one of the things that woman’s lib states clearly, is that they are not going to submit to any man. They state this and they practice this.
Illus: One women’s libber worked in the office as a secretary. One day the office staff was having to work late, and her boss asked her to put on a pot of coffee, and she refused. She told him that when she was hired, she was given a job description of what she was expected to do, and it did not include making a pot of coffee.
Her boss did not like her attitude. She had been asked to do something that just about every body in the office had done at one time or another. He knew he could not fire her for not making a pot of coffee, but later, he did find something he could dismiss her for, and that is exactly what he did.
We live in a society where some women want it to be known, that they are not going to submit to any man. But if you look into their lives, you will find they do not submit to ANYONE!
They live their life selfishly, doing what they want to do!
Listen, the only thing dumber than a woman like this, is a man who will marry such a woman.
God sees woman’s submission, as something that she should be willing to do. And that is why God’s Word teaches that she should we willing to submit to her husband.
The word “submit”, is the word “hupotassesthe”, which means subdue, or subject in obedience.
W.E. Vine, and A.T. Robertson both agree that it is a military term.
Illus: A private might be in the army, and his drill sergeant tells him to do something. He might believe that he knows a better way of doing what he has been asked to do. But he is not the sergeant, and he has to be willing to submit to his authority anyway.
Notice, God says, “Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands…”
Why? Because the husband has been placed as the head of the home, and one day he is going to have to give account to God, as the head of the house. And if you are always bucking him as the spiritual leader, he cannot be the spiritual leader he is suppose to be. That does not mean he does not value your opinion, it simply means that he is going to have to give account to God for being the head, not you, and since he is going to be the one to give account, he had better do what he thinks is right.
As a wife, you must be willing to submit to him.
Look at the third thing that Paul says to the wife.
(3) Look at verse 18 again. It says, “Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, AS IT IS FIT IN THE LORD.”
Listen wives, the women’s libbers may not appreciate that you submit to your husbands way of thinking, because they had rather have you submit to their way of thinking. But God is pleased with it, AS IT IS FIT IN THE LORD.
In the eyes of God, it is “fitting” for you to submit to your own husbands. If the wife is not willing to “submit”, the whole marriage gets bogged down, and there is no need to go any further in this scripture passage.
We have looked at HER, now-
II. LET’S LOOK AT HIM
Look at verse 19. We read, “Husbands, love your wives, and be not bitter against them.”
Notice, the first thing that God tells the husband to do is, “LOVE YOUR WIVES”. DO YOU KNOW WHY THIS IS THE FIRST THING?
Because God just got through telling the wife she is to submit to him. Now she is in a very awkward place herself
• The husband could take advantage of her and make her his own personal slave
• The husband could ask her to do things that she should not do
• The husband could abuse her
Illus: One lady, who wanted to please the Lord, submitted to her husband. He literally turned his wife into a slave. She could not go shopping unless she got permission. She could be with her family, and her sisters would say let’s go to the mall, and she would say, “Let me go ask my husband if I can go.”
If a man loves his wife, he is not going to abuse her that way. God’s command for him to love his wife, destroys any evil desire to abuse her. But listen, if he loves her, as she submits to him he will not do any of these things. He loves her as Christ loved the church.
Some men have taken advantage of their wives as they tried to submit to him as the head of the house.
The kind of love that many husbands have for their wives, is an “erotic” love. That is, when she is young, she sexually turns him on. But later in life, when she is no longer young and attractive, he had rather be in the woods with his old hound dogs, chasing rabbits.
God makes it clear that the kind of love we are supposed to have for our wives, is an “agape” love. That is, he loves her the same way Christ loves the church. Christ totally gave himself for the church, He died for the church.
Listen, her job is to “submit”, and his job is to “love” her as Christ loves the church.
Suppose a Christian husband is not willing to love his wife as Christ loves the church.
Look at I Peter 3:7, we read, “Likewise, ye husbands, dwell with them according to knowledge, giving honour unto the wife, as unto as the weaker vessel, and as being heirs together of the grace of life; that your prayers be not hindered.”
Look at the last part of this verse. One of the reasons that a Christian husband should treat his wife this way, is so, “…That your prayers be not hindered.”
We have looked at HER, and HIM, but now-
III. LET’S LOOK AT THEM
WHO IS THEM? These are the children.
Look at verses 20-21. We read, “Children, obey your parents in all things: for this is well pleasing unto the Lord. Fathers, provoke not your children to anger, lest they be discouraged.”
Notice, the Lord deals with the husband and wife relationship before he deals with the parent and child relationship.
IS GOD PLACING A PRIORITY HERE?
He could be. If the husband and wife relationship is not right, you can count on the parent and child relationship not being right.
The reason a lot of children today are all messed up, is because their parents are all messed up. Many parents allow their children to pull the husband and wife apart.
When they were dating each other, they were madly in love with each other.
• Nobody could separate them
• Nobody could come between them
But once they got married, he got involved in trying to make money for the family, and she got involved with the children. Soon she is closer to the kids than she is to her husband, and he is closer to his job than he is to his wife.
But listen, married people cannot allow job or children to come between them. Why?
(1) One day he is going to grow old and have to retire from that job, and he won’t have anything left to live for.
(2) One day she is going to grow old, and those children that she built her life around are no longer going to be around her, and she will feel she doesn’t have anything to live for anymore.
God placed the husband and wife relationship before the parent and child relationship, because it must be right, before the parent and child relationship is right.
Assuming everything is alright between husband and wife, he turns his attention to the parent and child relationship.
Look at verse 20-21. We read, “Children, obey your parents in all things: for this is well pleasing unto the Lord. Fathers, provoke not your children to anger, lest they be discouraged.”
Notice, God said:
• Wives are to Submit
• Husbands are to Love
• Children are to OBEY
For a family to operate smoothly, every member of the family of God is supposed to be doing their part.
The word “obey”, is the Greek word “hupakouete”, which means to heed, hearken, comply, and follow directions.
What directions are the child to follow?
Look again at verse 20, “…In all things…”
Someone might be thinking, “What about these parents that are child abusers, should a child listen to them?”
No, God is not talking about that kind of parents, they are not parents, they are criminals that should be behind bars.
God is talking about the normal parents, that each day give instructions to their child, because they love them.
DOES THIS MEAN THE PARENTS ARE ALWAYS RIGHT?
No! But the first lesson a child must learn, is respect for, and obedience to their parents. If a child will not obey their parents, they are not going to obey any other authoritative figure in their life.
For example-
Illus: A child grows up and gets a job. But the child has never learned obedience, he only does that which he thinks is right. Every time his boss asks him to do something that he does not agree with, he refuses to do it. Now that is only going to happen a few times, and that young man is going to be our looking for a job.
There are times when parents make mistakes, and the child knows they are wrong.
Illus: This reminds me of the mother who told her little son he had to go to a birthday party. The son did not want to go, but she insisted he go. When he left, she could tell he had an attitude problem, and she said, “Now you better behave yourself, because if Mrs. Jones sends you back home because you are misbehaving, I am going to give you a paddling when you get here.” He was gone about fifteen minutes, and she saw him coming back home with his lips all poked out. He was mad. He came in the house, and she immediately threw him over her lap and gave him a good paddling, and told him to go to his room. He was crying and wanted to explain, but she said she did not want to hear what happened. After about a half hour, she had settled down, and she walked into the room and said, “Alright, if you want to explain what happened, I will listen now.” He said, “Nothing happened!” She said, “Then why did Mrs. Jones send you home from the party?” He said, “Because the doggoned party is tomorrow, not today!”
Parents do make mistake, and children have to allow for those mistakes. One day, they are going to grow up and face a lot of things they do not agree with, but they are going to have to learn to OBEY some orders, even when they completely disagree with them.
Look at verses 22-25, we read, “Servants, obey in all things your masters according to the flesh; not with eyeservice, as menpleasers; but in singleness of heart, fearing God: And whatsoever ye do, do it heartily, as to the Lord, and not unto men; Knowing that of the Lord ye shall receive the reward of the inheritance: for ye serve the Lord Christ. But he that doeth wrong shall receive for the wrong which he hath done: and there is no respect of persons.”
Notice, God first tells the child to OBEY IN ALL THINGS, and now God’s Word tells the child who has now become a servant, “SERVANTS, OBEY IN ALL THINGS”.
Obedience is a major part of our lives, and if a child can’t learn that lesson early in life, they are in for some serious problems.
In Eph. 6:1, we read, “Children, obey your parents in the Lord: for this is right”.
Conclusion:
I. LET’S LOOK AT HER
II. LET’S LOOK AT HIM
III. LET’S LOOK AT THEM
Note: You can hear Dr. Odell Belger preach some of his sermons on Youtube. Just type YOUTUBE LYKESLAND
