If your home is anything like mine, see if this sounds familiar. You have more expenses than money. Your house isn’t anywhere near as clean as you would like it. You’re embarrassed by the messiness of your garage. You have not won “yard of the month” in a long, long time. There is more arguing than you’d like to admit and it is so easy to be frustrated with annoying habits of your family members. It seems everyone has more of a hair-trigger and nerves are on a raw edge at times. There’s more homework than is possible to deal with. You cannot remember the last time your husband and you went on a date together. The daily menial tasks of parenting grind you up. Running kids to practice, ensuring their homework is finished, and worrying if you are messing up their future, you have little time to consider what you are working for. In time, a parent can easily forget what the big picture is you are working for.
In the moments to come I want to help you regain the “big picture” of parenting.
Everyone needs this sermon this morning. No matter if you have small children at home or you not. And here’s one big reason why: Our culture places a lot of emphasis on understanding your relationship with your parents in order to understand yourself. So much of our “cultural experts” trace our relationship with our parents as the reason we do what we do. People think, “I have to understand my relationship with my mother! I have to understand my relationship with my father!” At some level, this is true. Plato himself said on the scale of human decencies, honor of parents is second only to honoring God. It makes sense, because next to your relationship with God, it’s your relationship with your parents that really has had and will have the biggest impact on yourself and who you are.
Keep your Bibles open to Ephesians 6 if you will. We continue our yearlong study of Ephesians.
Today’s Scripture
“Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. 2 “Honor your father and mother” (this is the first commandment with a promise), 3 “that it may go well with you and that you may live long in the land.” 4 Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord” (Ephesians 6:1-4).
My Family
I know a number of you don’t know me well at the second campus. So I thought I would briefly share a picture of my family taken during the opening of this building a couple of years ago. I mighty proud of them. Starting from the left is Miles, who is now twenty-two years old. Then his brother Matthew, who is seventeen years old. My wife, Traci, and I would be in big trouble if I shared her age ?. And lastly, my daughter, Macaul, who is twenty-one years old.
My family isn’t perfect. Traci and I have been parents for over twenty two years now. We have had a some really challenging moments and some great moments with our children.
Personal Story
I could tell about the time that my youngest son was chased by a bear for a few scary moments when we were all in New Mexico. But one story that brings a smile to my face and sort of introduced us to being parents. We were living in south Fort Worth and barely scrapping by at the time. We have a little house and our oldest two were toddlers. The old refrigerator that came with the house stopped working all of sudden. I prepared myself to purchase a new frig even though I had no idea where we would get the money. Traci said we should call a repairman to come look it over. I indicated that this would be a waste of time and money. It’s old frig and we need to move on. But she said that her grandfather had taught her the importance of having a repairman look it over. So several days passed by and the repairman comes to the house. I am still thinking that this is going to be a waste of seventy-five dollars for him to tell us that the frig is gone. He comes into the kitchen, opens the door, looks around for a moment, and then says, “How long have you flipped the switch off in the back?” To our shock, our old frig had a switch of some kind that powered it down toward the back of the insider of the refrigerator. Miles was just walking and he was just tall enough to reach that switch way in the back of the refrigerator! As a dad, I am thinking I just spent seventy-five dollars to tell us the switch was off. But thank God I listened to my wife or I would have spent far more than this ?.
Again, parenting can be so rewarding. So that’s my family and I wanted to introduce them to you because of the nature of our topic today.
1. The Foundation of Your Family
“Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right” (Ephesians 6:1).
Everybody knows about this command, right? The command is pretty cut and dry. “Nothing to see here. Let’s keep moving,” we think.
Let’s think again.
1.1 The Challenge of Children
Parenting is rewarding but it is hard. To be honest, I thought we would never get through some of the stresses. Some seasons are really rewarding while other seasons are just the opposite. If parents are honest, you doubt yourself a lot of the time.
1.1.1 Listen Linda Illustration
Take a look and listen to this three year old child debate his mother. Media: Play “Listen Linda” now. Essentially, Matteo wants to eat a cupcake for dinner when his mother says no. This hilarious 2014 video has more than thirty million views. Instead of listening to his mother, three year old Matteo keeps insisting that his mother listen to him. Calling her by her first name, this young boy is really struggling to listen and obey his mother.
1.1.2 Non-Video Illustration
Paul David Tripp is a counselor and public speaker. After parenting conference, a mother approached him in tears as she spoke. He speaks of her obvious frustration and dismay written all over her face. And nothing was going to stop her from talking to him. She said, “I came here this weekend because I had to talk to you. You guys make parenting seem easy, with all your stories and principles, but it isn’t easy. I have a four-year-old son who I cannot control. There is nothing that I can do or say that will make him obey me. And if I raise my voice and say no, he throws a fit and will not stop until I finally give him what he wants. Rather than me parenting him, I feel he is controlling me. I know it’s wrong, but every morning I dread when he wakes up, and I can’t wait for the evening when he goes to bed. In between is just battle after battle; nothing is easy or enjoyable. The new thing now is that if I even hint at saying no to him, he hits me. I know he’s only four, but he has really hurt me a couple times. I’m at the end of my rope, and I don’t know what to do.”
1.2 The Issue of Authority
Matteo is evidently a strong-willed child from our video. Traci and I have raised some strong-willed children as well. It’s not easy but here’s how the Bible addresses this: “Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right” (Ephesians 6:1). Children are to obey both mom and dad. Why is this so important? “There is no more important heart issue for every child than the issue of authority.” You are crucial, Dad and mom – you are crucial. Dad and mom, you are God’s representative on earth for your child to understand there is a moral authority. As your child ages, they will experience freedom from your authority. One day, they will be capable of making their own decisions. But until that day, they need to obey you as their authority.
1.2.1 Musicians and Athletes
Think of it: when a bunch of musicians get together, they follow a conductor. In order to have a symphony, you need a conductor. If you get together to play a game, no matter the sport, you have to have a ref. If they don’t listen to the referee, and if every single person there says, “Well, I want to play by my own rules,” there’s not going to be a game. But if they listen to the ref there may be a game. If they listen to the conductor there may be a symphony.
You may not like the referee or think he’s doing a good job. You may not like the conductor or think he or she is doing a good job, but you do know you have to have one. You give respect to the person in authority, knowing that even if that person is not doing a good job, it would be far worse if there was no one there, because there has to be somebody there, because there’s a moral structure to things. The Bible says there is a moral order for life. God is our Creator and He tells us what is right and wrong. The first representative of this moral order is your father and your mother.
1.2.2 Authority
Dad and mom, your children must learn to obey you. If junior will not obey you, then he will struggle to obey his teacher. If junior doesn’t obey the teacher, then he will struggle to obey principal. If junior will not obey principal, then he will struggle to obey her coach. If junior doesn’t obey the principal, then he will struggle to obey the police officer. If junior doesn’t obey the police officer, he will have to learn to obey the judge. If junior doesn’t obey the judge, he will have to learn to obey the prison guard. Everyone must submit to authority.
1.2.3 “Jesus House” Rules
Stuart Pendell told me a story about the Oklahoma County jail where he worked in the chaplain’s office for two summers. He may have shared this with you as well. The county jail was just four blocks away from the City Rescue Mission. The City Rescue Mission was a Christian place to take care of the needs of those just released from jail. They provided food, clothing, shelter, and job training for those who had been released. The City Rescue Mission had just two rules – you must shower and there’s a curfew. Again, the two places were only four blocks from one another in OK City. Many of those released walked walk right past The City Rescue Mission in order to sleep under the I-40 bridge. When former inmates were asked why they choose to do this, they cited the curfew. It takes a lot to say, “I would rather sleep outside on the concrete in all kinds of weather than to be obedient to even the simplest of rules.” When a child learns how to be obey his/her parents, their chances for a successful life grow exponentially. They will find joy in the classroom, in the workplace, on the team, in the rehearsal room, and at practice – all because they learned to be obedient at home! If you want to do anything meaningful in your life - there is always going to be a boss or coach or teacher setting the pace for you.
1.3 Discipline and Instruction of the Lord
“Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord” (Ephesians 6:4).
A parent is called to be a representative of God’s teaching authority. A parent’s job is to say to the children, “This is what’s right. This is what’s good. This is what’s valuable.”
1.3.1 Daddy Deprivation
Circle the word “Fathers” in verse 4 if you will. Fathers take verse 4 really personal. Dads, we need you. “Daddy Deprivation” was coined by Blake Wilson, a Houston pastor, to describe the cultural phenomena where children grow up without their fathers. Daddy issues are widespread throughout socioeconomic and ethnic strata of our culture. Tonight, about forty percent of American children will go to sleep in homes where their fathers do not live.
Before they reach the age of eighteen, more than half of our nation’s children are likely to spend at least a significant portion of their childhoods living apart from their fathers. Never before in this country have so many children been voluntarily abandoned by their father. Never before have so many children grown up without knowing what it means to have a father. Dads, we need you.
1.3.2 Your City Surrounded
Imagine for a moment that your city is surrounded by enemy forces who aimed to destroy your family and you. You become aware that there are enemy sympathizers who are living and working in your city, hoping to undermine your city’s defenses. You do would everything possible to ensure your family doesn’t listen to the lies of their argument. Fathers, you need to be a voice in your children’s head, the walls of defense for their minds. Teach them to think carefully about consequences, especially moral consequences to their decisions. It’s a crucial life lesson.
1. The Foundation of Your Family
2. The Future of Your Family
“Honor your father and mother” (this is the first commandment with a promise), 3 “that it may go well with you and that you may live long in the land” (Ephesians 6:2-3).
2.1 Quick Notes
A couple of quick notes before we move on. First, you need to know that the book of Ephesians is quoting the fifth commandment. This is the fifth commandment of the Ten Commandments found in Exodus 20. Second, please notice the Bible directly addresses children in verse 1. In verse one, the Bible is directing children in elementary school and up to obey their parents. You might think the Bible would read something to the effect of, “Parents, ensure your children obey for this is right.” Instead, the Bible is directly written to little ones here. Children would have been present worshipping with the adults when the letter to Ephesus was read in the churches of ancient Turkey.
2.2 What’s Honor Look Like?
Some parents are really admirable people. Other parents are downright evil, and you cannot obey them. If you were to obey them, it would be unwise at best and evil at worst. Notice the Bible doesn’t say, “Admire your parents.” Instead, it says you must honor your parents.
“Honor your father and mother” (this is the first commandment with a promise), 3 “that it may go well with you and that you may live long in the land” (Ephesians 6:2-3).
The word “honor” means to esteem your parents or to value them. The Bible calls on you to respect them. You don’t have to think your parents are marvelous. You don’t have to do everything they say once you are an adult. But you must honor them.
2.2.1 Grimm’s Fairy Tale
Have you ever heard a Grimm’s fairy tales? It’s not a real famous one but an intriguing one that is really relevant to our subject this morning. It was about a little old man who had gotten very, very senile. He was very confused about things and he was particularly messy at the supper table. He was always dropping things and he was always splattering things all over himself. He lived with his married son, and his son’s wife particularly hated the fact that the father in law was so messy. Over the years, she had turned her husband against his father. She had convinced him that his father was a great nuisance and his father really was a tremendous burden. One day he was particularly messy in the dining room, and the wife said, “That does it. You’re eating in the other room.” She picked him up and they went into the other room and she sat him in the corner and she gave him the earthenware bowl. For weeks and weeks the little old man sat in that corner with his eyes blinking, not really sure what was going on, far away from everybody else, just eating his porridge. One day he dropped the earthenware bowl and destroyed it. The daughter-in-law, the wife, was really furious. She came in and said, “That does it! If you’re going to eat like a pig, you might as well eat like a pig!” She grabbed a trough out of the pigsty (it was a farm) and she brought it in and put it down in front of him and said, “From now on you can eat out of this,” and that’s how she served him. It was some weeks later that the husband and the wife, son and daughter-in-law, saw their little boy carving something. They said, “What are you working on?” He looked up and said very proudly, “I am carving you and Daddy a trough so that when I grow up and you get old I can feed you out of it.” The son and daughter-in-law looked at each other and said nothing. They began to weep. The son and daughter-in-law walked on in, picked the old man up by the hand and led him back into the dining room. They sat him down in the most comfortable chair and let him eat there and never, ever, ever got angry at him again.
It’s a good fairy tale.
2.2.2 Let’s Go Brandon
I need to pause to say something important to all of us in terms of politics because this connects to the text of Scripture. The phrase “Let’s go Brandon” is appearing in a lot of places right now. It started when an NBC reporter at a NASCAR race incorrectly reported what the fans were chanting as “Let’s Go Brandon.” “Let’s go Brandon” has turned into a rallying cry as anti-Joe Biden chant. It’s code for a profane slogan that demeans our President. A Christian cannot do this because president Joe Biden is our authority.
“Honor everyone. Love the brotherhood. Fear God. Honor the emperor” (1 Peter 2:17).
The Bible doesn’t say you must agree with your authority. You can disagree with our President over his economic policies, the legalization of killing of pre-born babies, gender and sexuality, and the list could go on. Yet, there are civil ways of expressing our disagreement with our President. But no thinking, caring Christian can repeat the words, “Let’s Go Brandon.” And no parent needs to say this phrase while expecting their children to honor their authority.
Let me conclude with some simple ways to honor your parents.
2.2.3 Simple Way to Honor Your Parents
Here’s a simple way to honor your parents: get on the phone and say, “You know, one thing I’ve always learned from you and I still do it …” That’s all it can take. That honors their need to see themselves in you.
2.2.4 Our Children Are an Extension of Us
The Bible says that a child can bring his mother shame (Proverbs 29:15b). Why is that? Because we are extensions of our parents. Their lives are in us. We are extensions of them. And if I live an honorable life, then that honors my parents. But it doesn’t have to be that way: “Let your father and mother be glad; let her who bore you rejoice” (Proverbs 23:25). Some sons have put their mothers in an early grave. Some of you have pinched wrinkles into your daddy’s forehead and put gray hairs in your mother’s head because of the way that you live. But others of you have created laugh lines on their faces!
2.3 Forgive Them
Many of us adults live in a tremendous amount of resentment toward our parents. Parents can be abusive and harsh. Some parents are alcoholics. Some parents divorce and abandon their children. There are a lot of you holding a lot of resentment toward your parents right now.
2.3.1 Henry Lee Lucas
Henry Lee Lucas was born in a one room log cabin in Blacksburg, Virginia. Many of you know his name for his all of false confessions while incarcerated with the famed Texas Rangers. His mother, Viola, was a prostitute and his father, Anderson, was an alcoholic. His father died of hypothermia as he collapsed outside the home in a drunken stupor. Lucas’ mother beat often beat him and did unspeakable things to her child. Lucas was drunk on January 11, 1960 when his mother starting arguing with him. He told her that he didn’t want anything to do with her. The two fought and Lucas stabbed his 74-year old mother. Lucas would go on to face a life of crime and die in Huntsville, TX. He’s an extreme example but some of our parents have not been honorable.
2.3.2 Forgive For Your Sake
Adult children, if you are struggling with what your parents did or did not do, you must release them from the bitterness. While you may not be able to fully forgive until your parents ask for this, you can withhold feelings of bitterness and hate until this happens. Maybe your father or your mother was really just as awful as you say, but the only way that person can continue to control you is if you stay resentful. If you still hold a grudge, they’re still winning. If you still hold bitterness, they’re still controlling you. The only way you can possibly actually get free of their control, is to release your feeling of bitterness and hate. Do this for Christ’s sake and because of the cross of Jesus. Real forgiveness between your parents and you is possible until the offending party asks for forgiveness. Until then, do as Christ commands you – love your enemies.
