In recent weeks I have been pondering a very important question: "What is the common denominator for understanding healthy relationships? We could postulate many words (e.g., friendship, tolerance, respect, appreciation, etc.). I then contemplated, what happens if trust is absent in a relationship? While love is important in the equation of healthy relationships, people can love another person and watch the relationship disintegrate because of the lack of trust.
Alan Sieler says that "Trust is the glue which holds relationships together." This is particularly true when considering our relationship to God. Life is made up of too many unknowns. In the realm of spirituality there is more that we do not know than we know. Therefore, how do we move forward when we can't see beyond our nose?
I also wonder if there isn't a correlation between our ability, inability in a lot of situations, to trust people and trusting God. It has been my experience that those who have been wounded in relationships have difficulty trusting other people and especially God.
I believe one of the greatest issues facing our world today, to include the church, is the fact that trust has all but disappeared in relationships. I believe the book of Micah shows us the tragedy of a society where trust is absent; however, the book also shows us how to regain that which is lost.
What misery is mine!
I am like one who gathers summer fruit
at the gleaning of the vineyard;
there is no cluster of grapes to eat,
none of the early figs that I crave. Micah 7:1
One of the great cries of the heart is for healthy relationships. Micha uses the analogy going to the vineyard to illustrate his sense of Alienation. He goes to the vineyard and the orchard, hoping he might find some fresh fruit--he finds none. To his dismay he could not find one godly person that he felt he could trust.
Was this true? Or was it also a reflection of Micah's struggle to trust? Yes, at this time the religious condition of the Israelites was at a low ebb. Micah preached during the reign of three kings, Jotham (750-735 BC), Ahaz (735-715 BC) and Hezekiah (715-686). There are obvious parallels between the condition of the nation then and America today.
First, he lived in a time of prosperity.
Second, the rich were emulating the life-styles of their pagan friends. They were absorbing the smaller farms and the unemployed were drifting into the cities. Migration to the cities was causing many social problems.
Third, from Micah’s perception, the Israelites had turned away from trusting and worshipping Yahweh. They had turned to the practice of worshipping Baal. Four festivals were held each year. In these celebrations people were exploited for personal gain (e.g. ceremonial prostitution, drunkenness, incest, homosexuality and violent assaults). Again, I believe the setting for Micah’s writing parallels the spiritual condition of America. Listen to the lyrics of popular songs. Pay attention to the manner in which many TV shows and movies show the abusive side of relationships. Observe the manner in which people treat each other and the environment.
Examples of exploitation: Witness the manner in which media and academia would have us cast doubt about our ability to trust God and His love letter to us.
• Exploitation of natural resources. When listening to friends from Louisiana I hear the names of old sawmill communities (e.g., Slagle, Alco, Fisher, Kurthwood, Flora, etc.). Numerous lumber companies set up logging mills and decimated the virgin pine and large hardwood trees. When they left, they left barren land and communities struggling to survive.
• Families struggling due to low paying jobs. I don’t object to wealthy people; however, when their wealth comes at the expense of the poor, I believe it displeases God. Micah wrote,
Doom to those who plot evil,
who go to bed dreaming up crimes!
As soon as it’s morning,
they’re off, full of energy, doing what they’ve planned.
They covet fields and grab them,
find homes and take them.
They bully the neighbor and his family,
see people only for what they can get out of them.
GOD has had enough. Micah 2:1-5
• Children who face a multiplicity of forms of abuse; often abandoned or neglected due to parents more focused on the desires than the care of their children. The number of children aborted each year is staggering, all because of a selfish desire to avoid inconvenience of personal pursuits.
• Political exploitation, politicians usurping the power of the people and abusing taxes paid by hard working people.
• Human trafficking: The Oklahoma Commission on the Status of Women website posted the following information:
o According to US facts, an estimated 200,000 US citizens are in forced labor, including sexual exploration at any given time, as a result of human trafficking.
o Oklahoma’s central location is believed to play a major role in trafficking cases; with its three major interstate highways, I-35, I-40, and I- 44
o An estimated global annual profit of all human trafficking is over $31.6 billion
o 3 major factors which create vulnerable populations for traffickers in Oklahoma:
? Factor #1, Oklahoma has the highest incarceration rate of women in the US and the world, and according to statistics, children without mothers in the household are 6 times more likely to follow the dark side than other children.
? Factor #2, Oklahoma is second in teen pregnancy and homeless children, therefore creating a “stable” of children. And finally,
? Factor #3, FBI reports, it is well-known among truck drivers “if you want good barbeque go to Kansas City, if you want young girls, go to Oklahoma City.”
Many in America live in some level of fear. While at aftercare, one of my grandson’s friends was exposed to someone who said he had a secret and wanted to know he wanted to hear it. When the boy told him yes, the person told him that when he was in his twenties, he had sex with a young girl. Phishing? Yes!
Micah was at least brave enough to venture out into the arena of life in search of godly people whom he could trust and those would trust him. Because of our own woundedness, we are often unwilling to trust people. There is a sense in which our own woundedness can serve as a blinder and will keep us from finding those who are hungry for healthy relationships. Yet, many will not put voice to their mistrust. As a counselor, I often worked with women who voiced mistrust. One told me, “Jack you are the only man I have ever trusted.”
Micah craved, longed for, those with whom his heart could connect. Yet, he was greatly disappointed.
2The godly have been swept from the land;
not one upright man remains.
Mistrust permeates the church much like what we see in society. There are a lot of ministers who have difficulty trusting church members. When I first felt called to ministry, my pastor said, “Jack, don’t get close to your people because they will hurt you.” Sad! Koinonia should be a hallmark of our churches, a safe place to build trusting and supportive relationships.
The Bible is very clear about the condition of the people's spiritual lives. It also shows the correlation between spiritual bankruptcy and the rest of our lives. Surely there were a few folks, like Micah, that had remained true to God. No society, regardless of the pressures of paganism, has ever snuffed out every godly person. Christians remained true to the love and devotion in China, Russia and other oppressive regimes. Yes! We are often tempted to give up hope and believe we are the only godly person on the face of the earth. The ability to trust is a trait that God has embedded into the soul of all people; it is something for which we long.
We are not dumb. It often seems like Micah’s words are directed toward us.
All men lie in wait to shed blood;
each hunts his brother with a net.
3Both hands are skilled in doing evil;
the ruler demands gifts,
the judge accepts bribes,
the powerful dictate what they desire--
they all conspire together.
4The best of them is like a brier,
the most upright worse than a thorn hedge.
The day of your watchmen has come,
the day God visits you.
Now is the time of their confusion.
Many today attempt the impossible. Because of the heart they have felt confused, experienced broken relationships, and often attempt to live in isolation.
When I look at the brokenness that is caused by relationships gone sic, my heart swells with compassion. I am saddened by the children who grow up distrusting everybody, to include themselves, because they did not have an environment of trust in their family. When I see adults unable to realize the blessings of God because they are afraid to trust, I am overcome by deep sorrow.
It almost sounds like Micah had given up hope. This is perhaps the reason many stay away from church, they have witnessed less than the best in human relationships.
Micah paints one of the saddest pictures of relationship gone sic that has ever been painted.
Do not trust a neighbor;
put no confidence in a friend.
Even with her who lies in your embrace
be careful of your words.
For a son dishonors his father,
a daughter rises up against her mother,
a daughter-in-law against her mother-in-law--
a man's enemies are the members of his own household. Micah 7:5-6
Most of the suffering we experience--be it individually, as a family, as a church or as a society--comes from not having the kind of relationships that God intended. Trust is the cement for mutually satisfying relationships. Distrust acts like cancer; it quickly spreads and sabotages the relationship.
Allow me to illustrate. Practically every church that I have served has struggled with distrust. They often become crippled and unable to grow. Sadly, this is often a reflection of the woundedness of those who make up the church.
The relationship between a church and a new pastor can be just like that of a wounded divorcee who attempts to enter into a new marriage. There is often an unspoken rule that governs the relationship: "Once was enough, never again will I allow myself to be vulnerable to hurt." Pastors struggle with the same issue.
I was in a group with a lady aspiring to be a Methodist minister. Yet, it was like I was a manifestation of her father and brothers who had mistreated her and had been abusive. She projected stuff that belonged to her family onto me. Without knowing me she had determined, based upon past relationships, that she could not trust me. One day I told her, "I am not your father. Nor am I your brothers. I am sorry that you have been hurt. I simply want to be your friend." We became friends; however, I have often wondered if her transference issue has created difficulties in churches where she has served.
If the evil one can drive the wedge of distrust between us and those whom we should be able to love and serve with, he has us where he wants us. When we covet our woundedness and refuse to become vulnerable and trust again we stand over against God’s desire.
Yet, what about when trust is alive and active? Those who have the ability to trust engage in a broader range of activities. They are more open to new and different experiences. Churches who refuse to give Satan the privilege of compounding distrust, will move out of their comfort zone and do things they never dreamed possible. They will not be afraid of success because of an unhealthy posture of distrust.
At this juncture the spirit of God needs to remind us how trust can live again. We know the damage that can be done when trust is dead.
How do we regain the ability to trust?
First, we acknowledge our fallen condition, our inability to have the kind of relationship with God, self and others apart from the grace of God. In other words, quit expecting other people to be more perfect than you are and don't have an inflated view of yourself! Micah accepts the fact that people are sinful. We are fallen persons, living in a sinful world, attempting to have meaningful relationships with fallen people.
Second, we accept the fact that God and His redemptive power has to be at the heart of any transformation that will occur. Anything less than transformation is merely putting a band-aid on a festering wound. Listen to how Micah holds these two realities together.
But as for me, I watch in hope for the LORD,
I wait for God my Savior;
my God will hear me.
Do not gloat over me, my enemy!
Though I have fallen, I will rise.
Though I sit in darkness,
the LORD will be my light.
Because I have sinned against him,
I will bear the LORD's wrath,
until he pleads my case
and establishes my right.
He will bring me out into the light;
I will see his righteousness. Micah 7:7-9
Do you have Micah's confidence? Think about broken relationships that have served to shatter your hope for a trusting and lasting relationship. Can you see trust replacing distrust in human relationships? Do you believe it possible for God to restore your ability to trust? Though we grieve Him with our sin, He restores us and trusts us. Now, He expects us to let Him touch our lives in order that we may trust others.
Let me introduce you to an interesting Hebrew word, "Dabar." The word has to do with creative energy. New Testament writers translated this word and used the Greek expression, "Logos." The English translation is "Word." John uses this word in his prologue:
In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God. John 1:1
Here our attention is drawn to a God that has always been brooding, hovering over His creation. He releases His creative energy to move His creation, to include His people, in the direction He intended. Anytime we break something in it, to include relationships, His creative energy can heal.
There are three elements to this creative energy of God and the human experience.
First, we must trust God. Failure to trust God and His redemptive power is a sign of our inability to believe.
Second, we must take risks. Failure to take risks is a sign that we believe we know a situation better than God and that we trust our opinion over His.
Third, we must have hope the Dabar, Logos, Word, will supernaturally transform our lives, our church and our society.
Chuck Swindoll used an illustration from another minister that I believe helps us understand that which God has for us. Allow me to put it in my vernacular. Imagine we are in a room with a thousand pianos. We want them all to be in tune, to play as one. How do we tune them? Do we number them off and tune them chronologically starting with the second piano using the first as a reference? God help us. No! They all must be tuned according to a standard. Then they will play in absolute harmony.
The writer of Proverbs holds before us a creative image for understanding the basis of our hope.
Trust GOD from the bottom of your heart;
don’t try to figure out everything on your own.
Listen for GOD’s voice in everything you do, everywhere you go;
he’s the one who will keep you on track.
Don’t assume that you know it all.
Run to GOD! Run from evil!
Your body will glow with health,
your very bones will vibrate with life!
Honor GOD with everything you own;
give him the first and the best.
Your barns will burst,
your wine vats will brim over.
But don’t, dear friend, resent GOD’s discipline;
don’t sulk under his loving correction.
It’s the child he loves that GOD corrects;
a father’s delight is behind all this. Proverbs 3:5-12
Too many times we attempt to use the wrong standard by which to tune our lives and figure out how to relate to each other.
When we tune our lives to the tune of the creativity of the One True God,
When we risk opening our hearts to God,
When we trust God to give us what we need,
Then, and only then, will we see trust return to our relationships
Micah gives us a wonderful image of God that becomes a standard for relating to others; Jesus modeled the kind of relationship for which we are to aspire.
Where is the god who can compare with you—
wiping the slate clean of guilt,
Turning a blind eye, a deaf ear,
to the past sins of your purged and precious people?
You don’t nurse your anger and don’t stay angry long,
for mercy is your specialty. That’s what you love most.
And compassion is on its way to us.
You’ll stamp out our wrongdoing.
You’ll sink our sins
to the bottom of the ocean.
You’ll stay true to your word to Father Jacob
and continue the compassion you showed Grandfather Abraham—
Everything you promised our ancestors
from a long time ago. Micah 7:18-20
Following are two examples of people who have lost the ability to trust.
1. A lady that I worked with for several years, who has little trust in men. She had slowly started talking with me, especially about an ex-husband she cared for to the point of death. Though he died a couple of years ago, she talked to me about the grief she still bears. She had a major block with religion, even though her father was a minister. (There is surely some deep hurt somewhere.) The week before Christmas we were talking. She said, “I don’t understand. They are here one minute and then they are gone. Where do they go?” Sadly, she was not open to hear about God’s eternal home. An inability to hear the Good News of the Gospel due to a general attitude of skepticism and mistrust—mistrust projected onto every aspect of life. She was direct about not believing or trusting the clients we serve.
2. Woman with 3 children at McDonalds. This past week I took my grandson to “McDonalds” for lunch—he had been working as my administrative assistant. While eating I continued to hear the mother talking with someone on her cell phone, it appeared to be a lawyer or police officer. I heard language of abuse, protection order, fear, need to get her car, etc. As we got ready to leave, I reached out to her in an attempt to let her know of my concern and to let her know I would pray for her. She became nervous, looked down at the children, and said, “Thank you for your concern, but I am pagan.” An inability to know and trust God, as well as an inability to trust due to the hurt she had experienced in her life, robbed her of the ability to connect with someone who cared.
Someone said, “Trust is like a glass that is so fragile. A little crack can break it into tiny pieces that will make it impossible to glue back together without seeing traces of the crack.”
God is unique though, when we turn to him, he invests trust in us. He takes those broken pieces and makes a beautiful tapestry. In other relationships trust is earned, it takes time for someone break through the fears and doubts that need to be overcome. God wants us to let others see the confidence we have in him and to extend his mercy and grace to those around us. Once that bridge is crossed, then trust begins. Do others see us demonstrating hope and trust? Love is patient and kind. People can trust love, for God is love.
Kintsugi is the Japanese art of putting broken china pieces back together with gold. Instead of throwing away the original piece they accept the brokenness and put the broken pieces together in a way that highlights the brokenness, scars as a part of the piece.
That is what God can do. First, he takes our brokenness and puts us together the way he intended for us. Second, he mends broken relationships that become a treasure. We never forget the hurt; however, God heals the relationship, bonds us together with his redeeming love.
