We are in the middle of a series on Relational Living and what it takes to make a relationship work. We started with LOVE. Then last week we added ENCOURAGEMENT. Today, we add something that might be the hardest for us to do—FORGIVE. Forgiveness many times is not easy, especially when we are hurt badly. So, forgiveness comes at a price.
Sometimes we’re better off paying a higher price for something than going the cheap route.
? Have you ever bought the generic brand of peanut butter, only to discover you should have paid the higher price to get something that actually tasted like peanut butter?
? Ever bought a cheap tool or appliance, only to replace it a year later because its low price was matched by its low quality?
? Ever tried to save money by staying in a cheap hotel, only to discover the management kept their prices down by not investing in bug control?
A lot of things come at a high price, but they’re worth it.
I think I’d put forgiveness in that “high priced” category. But even though it can be costly, forgiveness is a great investment in any relationship. Forgiveness is the stuff of healthy marriages, healthy families, and healthy churches. Relationships grow when we let go of a hurt, a wound, or a critical remark. But it’s not easy, is it?
Let’s take a close look at Jesus’ story today of the unforgiving servant in Matthew 18 and let the word of God work its way into our hearts, removing any remnants of resentment and unforgiveness.
PRAYER
Let’s look at Matthew 18: 21-22. Jesus used a parable to teach about forgiveness in response to a curious question that Peter asked. Since Peter was a leader among the 12 apostles, he often spoke for the group. All of the disciples may have had this same question on their minds, but we know that Peter was the one who asked if there was a quota on grace. How many times are we called to let the same person slide off the hook. That’s a legitimate question. READ Matt. 18:21-22.
So, after Peter asks the question to Jesus, he proposes his own answer. Peter answered the question with the number 7. After all, that’s a good answer, since 7 is the number of completeness. The rabbis of that day challenged people to overlook an offense up to 3 times. Three strikes and you’re out. To Peter’s way of thinking, he was being generous. Forgiving someone 7 times more than doubled the cultural expectation for grace.
I wonder how many times you would forgive someone. From comments I have heard, we think we do good if we forgive someone just once and even then we find that hard to do.
So, Jesus must have stunned Peter with His answer. His answer has been interpreted two different ways. Some say “Seventy times seven.” Some say seventy-seven times. Either way, it’s way more than we would ever consider doing.
Either route you take, the point is perfectly clear: The grace you offer to others should have no limits. Few people are ever offended 50, 60, or 70 times by the same person in a short time. So, Jesus is exaggerating here for effect. He is creating this ridiculous scenario to capture the attention of the disciples. Essentially, He is saying, “Even if your brother insults you a 78th time or a 491st time, forgive and let it go. Don’t keep track, just keep forgiving.
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Many of you recognize the name Corrie ten Boom. Corrie ten Boom was a woman who lived through the nightmare of a Nazi concentration camp. She was the only one in her family who made it out alive. In that hellish place, she was humiliated, especially in the delousing shower where the women were watched by the leering guards. By the grace of God, Corrie survived it all and found it in her heart to forgive—or so she thought.
Corrie traveled extensively to share her testimony of God’s forgiveness. One Sunday in a church in Munich, after sharing her story, a man approached her with his hand outstretched. “A fine message, Fraulein! How good it is to know that, as you say, all our sins are at the bottom of the sea! I know that God has forgiven me for the cruel things I did there, but I would like to hear it from your lips as well. Fraulein, will you forgive me?”
She recognized his face instantly. This was the leering, mocking face of one of the cruelest guards in the shower stall. Her hand froze by her side. Coldness clutched her heart. Ashamed at herself, she prayed, “Jesus, help me! I can lift my hand. I can do that much. You supply the feeling.” As she prayed, her hand became unfrozen. The ice of hate melted, and her hand went out. “I forgive you, brother!...With all my heart!” She forgave as she was forgiven.”
Could you have forgiven? God asks us to confess to God any trouble we might have forgiving others. He is telling us to ask Him to provide what we need so that we can forgive and move forward in our relationship. Think of it this way. Every person that cannot forgive others breaks the bridge over which they must pass themselves. Every person has need to be forgiven.
Now, to drive home His shocking “seventy times seven” statement to Peter, Jesus told a parable. Keep in mind that this wasn’t a true story, but just an illustration to emphasize what Jesus wanted to teach. READ Matt. 18:23-27.
So, this parable is about a man with a major debt crisis. He owed the king a crazy amount of cash and had no means of paying it off. In Jewish parables, a king symbolized God and the idea of settling accounts symbolized judgment.
When the king called in the note, the indebted man fell face down on the ground, begging his master to give him additional time to pay it back. The king was wise. He knew this man could burn the candle at both ends, working 24/7 for the rest of his life, and still not produce the cash required to pay this bill. So, what should he do? In an act of grace and mercy, the king relieved the man of his responsibility and pardoned the debt. ALL of it.
Do you see that each of us is like the servant with an incredible debt? How big is our debt? Jesus used to outrageous amount of 10,000 talents. Of course, Jesus again was exaggerating to make a point. A talent was the highest denomination of currency at that time, and 10,000 was the largest number in the Greek language.
A worker typically earned one denarius a day, and it took 6,000 denarii to equal one talent. To earn one talent, then, would take about 20 years. With a debt of 10,000, it would take the debtor 200,000 years to pay off his debt.
The point that Jesus is trying to get across to us today is that our debt of rebellion and offense against God is so huge it’s impossible for us to pay the debt. But Jesus paid the debt for us, and God has forgiven the debt. God, in His grace and mercy has extended forgiveness to us through Jesus. WE ARE FREE! I thank God for the unlimited amount of times that He continually offers us forgiveness.
READ Matt. 18:28, 32-33. So, the king set the man free from his enormous debt. He was allowed to run free, but unfortunately, he ran in the wrong direction. He ran after someone who owed him money. The 2nd man’s debt wasn’t small, but it was insignificant compared to the debt just cancelled.
The 2nd man’s debt was 100 denarii, about 3 month’s wages, but what’s that compared to 60,000,000 denarii—200,000 years worth of wages—that the man owed the king?
Jesus’ story was designed to produce outrage in the heart of the hearers. Jesus wanted Peter and the others to ask themselves the question, “What kind of person would be so cruel as to require his friend to pay, right after he was just pardoned?” To use modern lingo, “Why wouldn’t this man choose to pay it forward?”
Now, here’s the real question. Why do we behave like this? Why do we withhold forgiveness when we’ve been forgiven so much, and when we have it in our power to give forgiveness so easily?
We can try to rationalize lots of reason for postponing forgiveness, but one of the leading reasons for withholding grace is the desire to “teach them a lesson.” I think sometimes we think that us offering forgiveness will send the wrong message.
If I forgive and let go of the offense, they’ll think I’m condoning their behavior, which could encourage them to keep doing wrong. So, I would be contributing to their downfall and would allow them to hurt me again.
FORGIVENESS ISN’T ALWAYS EASY, BUT IT’S ALWAYS RIGHT.
Now, let’s turn to Romans 8:11-14. READ. What is Paul trying to tell us? Let me use an illustration to try to explain it.
Many boat owners are familiar with the problem of barnacles in the ocean. Barnacles are organisms that bunch up on the underside of a boat or ship and can become quite a nuisance. A boat left in the water for 6 months can get so crusted up with barnacles it will use up to 50% more fuel to travel at the same speed. Barnacles can seriously weigh down a boat. Even worse, barnacles are notoriously difficult to remove once they take hold. The longer they remain, the more difficult they become to remove.
How do barnacles belong in a study of relationships, you might ask? Our past hurts and the unforgiveness we hold on to are like barnacles that take hold of us—weighing us down and preventing our relationships from moving forward.
Only through Christ can we tap into the power needed to remove these barriers and forgive. Those who have been raised with Christ have been given the strength to break free from unforgiveness. Even as Christ has forgiven us, He empowers us by His Spirit to extend that same forgiveness to others.
So, clarifying what Paul wrote, let’s look at Rom. 8:11-14 from the NLT.
“The Spirit of God, who raised Jesus from the dead, lives in you. And just as God raised Christ Jesus from the dead, he will give life to your mortal bodies by this same Spirit living within you.
12 Therefore, dear brothers and sisters, you have no obligation to do what your sinful nature urges you to do. 13 For if you live by its dictates, you will die. But if through the power of the Spirit you put to death the deeds of your sinful nature, you will live. 14 For all who are led by the Spirit of God are children of God.”
Unforgiveness is a deed of our sinful nature. So, “put to death the deeds of your sinful nature.” And you will live.
Last passage. Let’s look at Colossians 3:12-13. READ. Jesus, when asked to name the greatest commandment, brought together 2 OT Scriptures to form what we commonly call the Great Commandment. One passage calls us to love God with all that we are. The other passage calls us to love others as we love ourselves. In so doing, Jesus created a connection that can’t be separated between our relationship with God and our relationship with others. We can’t claim to belong to God on the basis of His grace while relating to each other in terms of keeping a record of wrongs.
True forgiveness leads to both gratitude and transformation. When you and I recognize the debt of sin we owe to God and the hopelessness of trying to pay it off; when we hear the incredible news that God, through Christ, will forgive our sins through our faith in Jesus; then the power of God’s grace will wipe out all the selfish things that hinder our relationships to one another.
That’s when we will weigh the small debts others owe us against our huge sin debt that God has forgiven. If forgiveness is the basis of our hope, it will also become a guide for us to follow in life. Truly forgiven people will become forgiving people.
A story is told of a guest lecturer that was invited to speak to a counseling class and he was asked to specifically discuss the topic of forgiveness. He told a powerful story from his own life that day to illustrate his point that we should forgive.
His brother had many struggles, and one day there was a conflict that arose and someone shot and killed his brother. The whole family was sad of course and grieved very much about this sudden and unfortunate loss.
The speaker that day said he struggled initially forgiving the man that killed his brother. After a while though, God helped him process the tragedy and forgive the murderer.
This was the neat part. For years, he had a prayer list with his brother’s name on it, and he prayed for him often. After his brother’s death, he eventually got to the point where he erased his brother’s name and inserted the murderer's name in his brother's place on the prayer list, and now he prays for him often.
That is forgiveness.
As children of a compassionate Father, we must find it in our hearts to forgive. We need to be forgiven, and we need to become forgivers. This means more than a one-time transaction. It means we strive to continually forgive and clear the hurts that hold us back.
You say, no way am I going to do that. I’m not able to forgive. Then don’t cry to me or God about your broken relationships if you’re not willing to take God’s instructions. God has forgiven us of many things. Truly forgiven people will become forgiving people.
