Keep your Bibles open to Colossians 3 with me. If you are a guest, please visit our QR Code or the communication card – we would love for you to let us know about your spiritual needs. You can also chat with a pastor if you are worshipping with us online.
The hope of America is vibrant churches that love Christ and His gospel. The hope of America is families that love Christ and follow Him.
Most of us have noticed cracks in the drywall in our homes. Traci and I first home that had cracks all over the drywall. We called the painter to repair and cover the cracks. The painter fixed the cracks and a few months go by – you see the cracks appear again. The problem looked like it was fixed but the cracks appear again. This time they brought all their friends with them – your walls are cracked all over the place. So you call the painter again and he says, “Mam, I cannot help you.” “Why not,” you ask. “Because you’re problem isn’t due to cracks in your walls. Your problem is you have foundation issues. Once, you fix your foundation, I will fix the cracks in your walls so they will not reappear again.” The cracks in your wall are a symptom of a deeper issue – the foundation of your house is moving. Until you fix the foundation, you will be doing patchwork on your wall for years to come.
There are all kinds of cracks appearing in our society right now — social cracks, economic cracks, and relational cracks. In our society, chaos often describes the state of the family. Relationships between wives and husbands, children and parents are strained. Divorce and redefinitions of the family only multiply. While there are many efforts to fix the cracks, they are just the symptoms of a shifting family foundation. The breakdown of the family is the single most basic reason for the disintegration of our society and culture. If we don’t solidify the foundation of your family, we will forever be doing relational patchwork.
Colossians is a book to show us the superiority of Jesus. Now, Paul shows us the impact Jesus makes on a family.
Quick note: now, the reason your Bibles include instructions for servants beginning in Colossians 3:22 is because the servant was a part of the family in the Roman world. The New Testament book of Colossians was written to citizens of the Roman Empire in the first century. It was normal for them to have servants and masters in their families. We will look at these important verses in the week to come.
A seven-year-old girl had just seen the movie Cinderella and was testing her neighbor lady’s knowledge of the story. The neighbor, anxious to impress the little girl, said, “I know what happens at the end.” “What?” asked the girl. “Cinderella and the Prince live happily ever after.” The little girl replied, “Oh no, they didn’t. They got married!”
Marriage and family have fallen on hard times over the past half-century.
1. A Christian Wife
Paul turns his attention first to wives: “Wives, submit to your husbands, as is fitting in the Lord” (Colossians 3:18). The little six-letter word “submit” brings us so much confusion. We immediately bristle at this word. Before you can understand the word, we need to clear up some myths surrounding this biblical concept. Like setting up a tent, we need to clear the area.
Three Myths of the Bible’s Teaching for Marriage
1.1 Submission Means “I’m Less”
Women and Men are Equal in Intelligence and Competence. That goes without saying but one of the myths of submission is somehow women are less in some way. Submission isn’t a bad thing: “But I want you to understand that the head of every man is Christ, the head of a wife is her husband, and the head of Christ is God” (1 Corinthians 11:3). Though Christ is equal to God, notice that Christ submits to the Father. Christ has every bit as much “Godness” in Him as God, the Father has, yet Christ submits to God, the Father. The Son is equal to the Father yet the Son submits to the Father. Both men and women are equal in importance, dignity, and honor just a Jesus was equal to God, the Father.
1.2 Submission Means “I’m Abused”
The whole idea of submission has been dealt a difficult blow by the actions of men over history. According to the CDC, More than 1 in 3 women (35.6%) and more than 1 in 4 men (28.5%) in the United States have experienced rape, physical violence, and/or stalking by an intimate partner in their lifetime. According to the CDC, nearly 1 in 10 women in the United States (9.4%) has been raped by an intimate partner in her lifetime. This staggers the mind.
I have not even mentioned the frequent and blatant use of emotional and mental intimidation where men manipulate their wives emotionally and sexually in order to get their ways. This is sinful and selfish. If you are a man under the sound of my voice who conducts himself in such a manner, you ought to be ashamed of yourself. You need to repent before God, ask your wife if she can forgive you, and find someone to hold you accountable to prevent such behavior from happening again. Many ladies will hear such a talk on submission as reinforcing such terrible behavior from men. Such is not the case.
1.3 Submission Means “He Thinks for Me”
To “submit” doesn’t mean you let the man make all the decisions or even all the important decisions. “Likewise, wives, be subject to your own husbands, so that even if some do not obey the word, they may be won without a word by the conduct of their wives, 2 when they see your respectful and pure conduct” (1 Peter 3:1–2).
Verse 1 tells us that some wives have chosen to follow Christ in opposition to their husband’s thoughts. The custom of the day expected that a wife would normally adopt the husband’s religion. This practice placed Christian wives married to non-converted husbands in a difficult position. Peter does not succumb to this cultural understanding of the wife’s intelligence where she would blindly submit to her husband’s views on religion and God. Instead, Peter assumes that she will hear, ponder, understand and respond to God’s Word on her own. Peter calls her to be submissive while assuming she will not submit to his view of the most important thing in the world – God. If the husband should say, “Stop being a Christian, be like me,” she will have to humbly say, “I cannot. I answer to a higher authority.”
1.4 What is Submission?
“Wives, submit to your husbands, as is fitting in the Lord” (Colossians 3:18). The literal meaning of the word is “to order oneself under” a leader. Submission is the disposition to follow a husband's authority. It’s where you are inclined to yield to his leadership. It is an attitude that says, “I delight for you to take the initiative in our family. I am glad when you take responsibility for things and lead with love. I don't flourish when you are passive and I have to make sure the family works.” Wives, you are supposed to show respect to your husband, and to allow God’s grace to flow through you and change you.
The Bible never calls on husbands to make their wives submit. Wives, this is something you voluntarily do – this isn’t forced on you by your husband.
1.5 Excuses
Some wife is saying something to this effect, “But you don’t understand. My husband irritates me. He gets on my nerves. He doesn’t really deserve my respect or my submission. He doesn’t even notice the fact that I’m trying to conform myself to be a godly wife. He doesn’t appreciate how when I try to allow Christ work through me.” Some wives are looking around the life and saying, “If I was married to her husband, this would be easy.” There are a lot of Christian women who could join the sorority of the unappreciated wife. Let’s slow everything down so you can really hear the next two sentences. This isn’t something you do from your strength. This is something the Spirit does through you.
1.5.1 My Husband Isn’t Worthy of My Respect
Some wives are thinking, “You want me to submit to my husband. My husband isn’t worthy of respect.” Your boss may not be worthy of your respect, but you still do your job. Your immediate officer above you may not be worthy of his/her stripes, yet you submit to their authority in the military. If everyone were to ONLY work for ideal bosses, the unemployment rate in America would skyrocket! Pray for him until he arrives at maturity.
1.5.2 My Husband Won’t Lead
“My husband won’t take spiritual leadership. He will not pray with me or read the Bible with me or the kids.” Some wives are trying to follow “a parked car.” It’s hard to follow a parked car, husbands. I have been guilty of this as well.
1.6 Respect
Look at how the Bible counsels you, wives: “Likewise, wives, be subject to your own husbands, so that even if some do not obey the word, they may be won without a word by the conduct of their wives, 2 when they see your respectful and pure conduct” (1 Peter 3:1–2). Married women, your husband craves hearing these words from you, “I respect you.”
There are Christian wives who need to go to their husbands and say something like this: “I am sorry for disrespecting you, and for talking to you disrespectfully in front of the children. I have been unwilling to serve you in the way God expects me to, and I have used your weaknesses as my excuse for not submitting to your leadership.”
This isn’t something you do from your strength. This is something the Spirit does through you.
1. A Christian Wife
2. A Christian Man
Now, we turn our attention to husbands in the room. Every woman says, “Finally!”
Aldous Huxley, in his volume Brave New World, suggested that before long, marriage licenses may be sold like dog licenses A dog license would good for 12 months and there’s no law against changing dogs or keeping more than one animal at a time. And that, ladies and gentleman, is a world that we have moved into world. Look at how the Bible instructs husbands.
2.1 Husbands
“Husbands, love your wives, and do not be harsh with them” (Colossians 3:19). Paul would write to the church in Ephesus an expanded view of the love a husband is to have for his wife: On one screen: “Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her…” (Ephesians 5:25). You are to love your wife like Christ loves the Church. Isn’t that a beautiful picture?
Meet Don – he’s is crazy about football. He can talk nonstop about his favorite football team with anyone who will listen. One Sunday afternoon, Don’s wife plops down next to him on the couch. She places her arms around his next and asks him point-blank: “Do you move me more than football? Don is puzzled by the question and he pauses for what seems like a whole minute before answering, “College or NFL?”
2.1.1 Practical Ways to Love Your Wife
Let me offer four practical ways for you to love your wife, husbands. 1) Listen to her – really listen. Put down the phone and the remote and listen.
2) Open the car door for her. This simple task reminds her of your respect for her. It also reminds you of your respect for her.
Pray with her. Yes, get alone with her and allow her voice to hear you pray out loud. You’re not going to have any success if you go around with a Bible, beating her over the head, saying, “Submit, submit, submit.” That’s not the way a successful marriage. Watch how Jesus leads His church? It is loving leadership. He leads through love.
3) Husbands, study your wife. Analyze her so you can best love her in the days to come.
2.1.2 Husbands – Lead!
Lead your home. God wants the home to have a head. Anything without a head is dead. Anything with two heads is a freak. And God wants us to have a home with a head. Don’t be a “spiritually parked car,” my friend. Get up and lead your home spiritually.
2.2 Fathers
Paul turns the focus from a man’s role as husband to his role as a father.
2.2.1 The Importance of the Fathers
“Fathers, do not provoke your children, lest they become discouraged” (Colossians 3:21). When our kids were little, I would be gone somewhere and come back to Traci after being away for a while. Our kids were small and they demanded a lot of work. I would ask her, “Do you miss me as a father or a husband?” She wisely answered, “Both.”
Fathers, do you have any idea how important you are to the home? Let’s discuss the importance of having a father in the home for a minute. According to the U.S. Census Bureau, more than one in four children live without a father in the home. 63% of youth suicides are from fatherless homes. 90% of all homeless and runaway youths are from fatherless homes. 85 % of children who exhibit behavioral disorders are from fatherless homes. 71% of high school dropouts are from fatherless homes. 70% of youths in State institutions are from fatherless homes. 75% of adolescent patients in substance abuse centers are from fatherless homes. 80% of rapists motivated by displaced anger are from fatherless homes.
The biggest pandemic in America isn’t Covid 19 – it’s an army of men finding joy in their homes. What if being a single dad with your children live with their mother right now – what do you do? You work extra hard to have meaningful conversations around God’s Word.
2.2.2 Fired Coaches
Why do football team owners fire coaches when their team isn’t doing well? The coach isn’t the one who fumbles the ball, makes bad passes, or misses games. But they fire coaches because coaches bear the responsibility for their teams. Likewise, when a family gets out of spiritual alignment, God holds the husband accountable because God has given him responsibility for the family.
“Fathers, do not provoke your children, lest they become discouraged” (Colossians 3:21).
Dads, you cannot be a tyrant at home and then place the mask of a saint on at church. Build your children up. Encourage them and nurture your children. Study your children along with studying your wife. Form a strategy that fits their personality.
1. A Christian Wife
2. A Christian Man
3. Godly Children
“Children, obey your parents in everything, for this pleases the Lord” (Colossians 3:20).
3.1 Authority
Dad and mom, your child must learn to obey you. If junior will not obey you, then he will struggle to obey his teacher. If junior doesn’t obey the teacher, then he will struggle to obey the principal. If junior will not obey you, then he will struggle to obey her coach. If junior doesn’t obey the principal, then he will struggle to obey the police officer. If junior doesn’t obey the police officer, he will have to learn to obey the judge. If junior doesn’t obey the judge, he will have to learn to obey the prison guard. If junior doesn’t obey the teacher, he will have to learn to obey Everyone must submit to authority.
3.2 Jesus House - Rules
Stuart Pendell told me a story about the Oklahoma County jail where he worked in the chaplain’s office for two summers. Now the county jail was just four blocks away from the City Rescue Mission. The City Rescue Mission was a Christian place to take care of the needs of those just released from jail. They provided food, clothing, shelter, and job training for those who had been released. The City Rescue Mission had two rules – you must shower and there’s a curfew. Again, the two places were only four blocks from one another in OK City Many of those released walked walk right past The City Rescue Mission in order to sleep under the I-40 bridge. When former inmates were asked why they choose to do this, they cited the curfew. It takes a lot to say, “I would rather sleep outside on the concrete in all kinds of weather than to be obedient to even the simplest of rules.”
When a child learns how to obey his/her parents, their chances for a successful life grow exponentially. They will find joy in the classroom, in the workplace, on the team, in the rehearsal room, and at practice – all because they learned to be obedient at home! If you want to do anything meaningful in your life - there is always going to be a boss or coach or teacher setting the pace for you.
Conclusion
I began by talking about cracks in your drywall. If you are going to build a great family, you need a great foundation. You cannot build a skyscraper on the foundation of a chicken coop. You cannot have a big, harmonious family on a small foundation. A lot of people want a skyscraper style of the family but they want to build on a chicken-coop foundation. You have to decide what you’re foundation is going to be now.
