Measured against the biblical teaching on marriage and family, there is no other conclusion to draw than our culture is decaying. In place of biblical roles where men, women, and children find their identity, we have elevated freedom to be whatever you want as the supreme good. In place of the happiness we felt we would achieve by determining our identities and roles within the family, we have tremendous confusion. Yes, families are struggling and many young men lack a road map for their lives. In just a minute, we’ll look at David and Goliath but before here are three contributing areas where there is male confusion on their roles in life.
1. Gender Confusion
Let’s not run to stereotypes about men for being a man is more than knowing how to shave with a straight razor and how to barbeque in the backyard. Here are three myths that are being told in our culture.
Myth #1: There are no essential differences between men and women.
Myth #2: You can change your gender if you want, and that’s totally fine
Myth #3: You can be attracted to whoever comes most naturally to you — boys can like boys, girls can like girls.
Part of the reason gender confusion is novel ideas concerning gender: What does it mean to be a woman or man? Whether we are women or men is not determined just by our sex organs. Our gender includes a complex mix of beliefs, behaviors, and characteristics. How do you act, talk, and behave like a woman or man? Are you feminine or masculine, both, or neither? These are questions that help us get to the core of our gender and gender identity.
Gender-role confusion is an increasingly serious issue in American churches. Many men and women have lost the concept of what it means to be masculine or feminine.
2. Missing Men
According to Erik Hurst, an economist with the University of Chicago, more and more of America’s young men are plugged in. 75% of all leisure time spent by young men who do not have a four-year degree is spent playing video games. They are averaging between twelve and thirteen hours per week playing Xbox or Playstation. Here’s an astonishing fact: People spend a collective 3 billion hours a week playing video games. More than 174 million Americans are gamers. The average young person will spend 10,000 hours gaming by age 21. To put this figure in context, it takes the average college student half that time — 4,800 hours — to earn a bachelor’s degree.
According to this report:
Young men, significantly more so than young women, are stuck in life. Research released in May from the Pew Center documented a historic demographic shift: American men aged 18-30 are now statistically more likely to be living with their parents than with a romantic partner. This trend is significant, for one simple reason: Twenty and thirtysomething men who are living at home, working part-time or not at all, are unlikely to be preparing for marriage. Hurst’s research says that these men are single, unoccupied, and fine with that—because their happiness doesn’t depend on whether they are growing up and living life.
There is a widespread consensus that adolescence has expanded beyond the teen years into their 20s and beyond.
3. Fatherlessness
“Daddy Deprivation” was coined by Blake Wilson, a Houston pastor, to describe the cultural phenomena where children grow up without their fathers. Daddy issues are not just among poor ethnic but it is widespread throughout socioeconomic and ethnic strata of our culture. Brent’s father was been missing in most of his growing-up years even though he was present. Yes, his father was physically present but emotionally absent. Because Brent never really connected to the heart of his father, he is currently debating whether he is bisexual. Chris’ mom has eight children with three dads between them. The promiscuity she ignored in her youth caught up with her when she was ready to be responsible. Her children wanted to connect with their fathers as they grew older. Unfortunately, if she was honest, she wasn’t completely clear on the identity of Chris’ dad. She assigned fatherhood to the man that she could remember she was sleeping with at the time, but Chris found himself at a loss because he wasn’t certain who his father really was.
Tonight, about 40 percent of American children will go to sleep in homes where their fathers do not live. Before they reach the age of eighteen, more than half of our nation’s children are likely to spend at least a significant portion of their childhoods living apart from their fathers. Never before in this country have so many children been voluntarily abandoned by their father. Never before have so many children grown up without knowing what it means to have a father.
How to Reach Men
Men are called to act, to lead, and work hard and at the same time, yet you are ultimately dependent on God.
So what do I do about this? In some ways, we do not overthink this for reaching men is a lot like reaching anyone with the gospel. Yet, there are some distinctive and I want to explore these in hopes of helping you and I think biblically about men and how to reach them for Christ.
1. Prioritize Men
Note carefully that men are generally interested in personal fitness, relationships (marriage), children, and money. Reach A Man, Reach His Family This is a matter of efficiency. Statistics verify that a man is the key to reaching the family. Consider the following:
• If a child accepts Christ first, there is a 3.5% chance of the whole family becoming Christian;
• If a mother accepts Christ first, there is a 17% chance of the whole family becoming followers of Christ;
• If the father accepts Christ first, there is a 93% chance the whole family will follow Christ.
What this means is simple: if men are missing in your church life, you must prioritize reaching the men. It must be a priority for the pastor in his time.
2. Teach Frequently “What it Means to Be a Man”
At the close of Paul’s first letter to the Corinthians, we find these words: “Be watchful, stand firm in the faith, act like men, be strong. 14 Let all that you do be done in love.” (1 Corinthians 16:13-14)
One of the biggest things we must get across to aspiring men is this one less: RESIST PASSIVITY. If ever there was a time we needed men to know their purpose and to be men again, it’s now. Our world is filled with great uncertainty and instability and leaders are hard to find. We need men who aren’t preoccupied with their amusements or appearance but instead are willing and able to take on manly challenges.
We must teach our people what it means to be a man, to be male. Call men them out by highlighting “This is what it means to be a man.”
Women need this as well as men. Teenage boys and teenage girls need this as well. The culture is confused on the subject and everyone needs clarity. In a relativistic world, we need godly men. We need men who will stand on something solid and timeless.
Act Like Men
When Paul commands the church in Corinth to “act like men,” he is asking for a show of courage and maturity. In fact, many do not translate the words here as “act like men” but “be strong and courageous.” The Greek word behind this speaks of acting manly or showing courage in the face of danger. When challenging circumstances come our way, we tell our boys to “act like men.” Now courage isn’t the exclusive domain of men for a lot of women show tremendous courage. Yet, there is something manly about real courage, isn’t there. What does it mean to be a man?
Don’t Walk Away
Don’t walk away from your responsibility.
Don’t shy away from tough decisions.
And don’t stay home during discouraging times.
Against the epidemic weakness of many within our culture, manliness speaks of knowing what is right and doing what is right. It is perfectly right to say to our boys, “Don’t you walk away from your responsibilities of being a father.”
“The wicked flee when no one pursues, but the righteous are bold as a lion” (Proverbs 28:1).
David and Goliath
There are so many good and godly men inside the pages of the Old and New Testaments: Abraham, Joseph, Moses, Samson, Elijah, Jeremiah, Daniel, John the Baptist, Peter, and Timothy. Yet, when it comes to thinking about what it means to be a man and courage, I cannot help but think about the story of David and Goliath. David and Goliath is an epic battle and though it occurred 3,000 years ago, it remains a cultural metaphor even to this day. It’s important to remember fear seized everyone, including the men who were soldiers. The fear of Goliath was palpable: “When Saul and all Israel heard these words of the Philistine, they were dismayed and greatly afraid” (1 Samuel 17:11). And again later on in verse 24: “All the men of Israel, when they saw the man, fled from him and were much afraid” (1 Samuel 17:24).
For forty days, not a man could be found. The king wouldn’t fight. The generals wouldn’t fight. The commanders wouldn’t fight. The soldiers wouldn’t fight. They were all paralyzed by fear.
Contrasting David vs. Goliath
What grabs us about this story is the contrast between the two doing battle. Goliath is large and David is small. In the middle of this, no man’s land emerges Goliath, who is 9’9” feet tall. The young David is described as having red-tinted hair and beautiful eyes (1 Samuel 16:12). Goliath is an experienced warrior while David is but 19 years of age. David is even the youngest of his brothers (1 Samuel 17:14). You were not eligible for the military until 20 years of age so young David didn’t qualify (Numbers 1:3). David’s purpose was even to do battle when he came to the frontlines. Instead, his dad sent him food to his brothers serving in battle, include cheese and bread (1 Samuel 17:17-18).
The Three-Way Street of Courage
Notice there are three figures in the famous story of David and Goliath. Sometimes we miss that. There’s Saul and the missing courage. There’s Goliath and the counterfeit courage. There’s David and the true courage. There’s Saul and his missing courage. There’s Goliath and his counterfeit courage. And there’s David and his true courage. In our churches and families, we need to tell our boys to be like David and don’t be like Goliath or Saul. Let me show you how.
2.1 Missing Courage
The big thing here is character and Saul’s lack of it. The nation of Israel wanted a king so “that our king may judge us and go out before us and fight our battles” (1 Samuel 8:20).
Saul is Exhibit A for Missing Courage. In fact, King Saul was the tallest of all of Israel (1 Samuel 9:2b). The Bible notes that Saul has the armory and the height but what he was missing was the faith. And of all things, he is the king: “When Saul and all Israel heard these words of the Philistine, they were dismayed and greatly afraid” (1 Samuel 17:11). When no one else would face Goliath, inexperience, little David volunteers. Again, here King Saul says to David: “Go, and the LORD be with you” (1 Samuel 17:37b)! There’s this amusing account of Saul giving David his armor and David trying it on. Like a small boy trying to wear his father’s shoes, it’s obvious that Saul’s gear won’t work. Saul had what everyone said he needed to have to face the giant, yet he lacked faith.
2.2 Counterfeit Courage
We live in an infinitely more secure and safe environment than our ancestors did. Even though we live, in many ways, in the safest possible world that’s ever existed, all indications are we are still quite anxious and fearful. In fact, we are more anxious; we are more fraught with fears. We have more trouble facing life than even our ancestors did.
Yes, many of us struggle a great deal with fear. Yet, real courage rests on faith. May I let you in on a little secret? This fight was fixed. Goliath never had a chance, because I want you to get this down in your heart. David did not kill Goliath for God. God killed Goliath through David.
When most people read this text and most people speak on this text, usually the lessons go like this: Goliath represents your great fears, and David represents how you should handle those fears – Go right at your fears. Let’s read about Hercules and Odysseus and Beowulf and King Arthur. Let’s read about all these courageous people, and then through emulation and inspiration, let’s be like them. So, the moral of the story is be like David for the bigger they come, the harder they fall. That’s how most people approach this famous story.
For the next few moments how this approach to the story in your mind, for I want you to see counterfeit courage and contrast it with real courage. The Philistine said to David, “Come to me, and I will give your flesh to the birds of the air and to the beasts of the field.” (1 Samuel 17:44) In fact, Goliath’s confidence is bolstered by three things. In fact, as we think about turning men into boys, much of our culture believes manhood rests on stereotypical things such as The problem is that culture teaches boys to find their courage exactly in the same places Goliath went looking for it.
2.2.1 He Has Brute Strength
2.2.2 He is High Tech
David is low tech for David has a staff and he has a sling. Goliath, on the other hand, has the latest scale armor, bronze greaves. He has the whole thing. Bronze, which was really, really high-tech.
2.2.3 Goliath has Self-Esteem
He has incredible self-esteem. Why? Because Goliath’s courage, which is counterfeit courage came from his high tech gear but mostly from his tremendous size. He looked at himself with a great deal of confidence
2.3 Real Courage
Real courage doesn’t come from looking at outside appearances. Instead, real courage rests on faith. Let me show you. What is Courage? And David said to Saul, “Let no man’s heart fail because of him. Your servant will go and fight with this Philistine” (1 Samuel 17:32).
Goliath made a critical mistake. Goliath thought the battle was only between Israel and Philistines. What Goliath hadn’t counted on was this – he was fighting not against Israel but against Israel’s God. David knew what everyone else didn’t – the battle was between God and His enemies. Our problem is that we forget what we ought to remember and remember what we ought to forget.
Your mind has a hard drive just like a computer. When you erase from the hard drive of your memory what God has done for you in the past you will doubt what God will do for you in the present. “For the battle is the Lord's, and he will give you into our hand” (1 Samuel 17:47b).
Write down these five words somewhere in your notes or in your Bible - The battle is the Lord’s. Again, David had a totally different perspective from everyone else. David was not fighting for God; God was fighting for David. David was not fighting God's battle; God was fighting David’s battle.
We’ve seen Saul’s missing courage. There’s Goliath’s counterfeit courage. Now, there’s David’s true courage.
Men who step up for God’s purposes are rarely moving toward the need for the first time. They have cultivated instincts in situation after situation. They are tried and tested. They may have awkward moments, misunderstandings, and setbacks in their efforts to engage, but they press on. Often the challenges they move toward disappear and the dangers they confront prove to be false alarms. But they learn from those experiences. They keep honing their instincts and continue to step forward versus stepping back.
Young men need sufficient spiritual maturity to lead a wife and children.
3. Practical Strategies for Reaching Me
Let me limit this to two opportunities/challenges.
3.1 Get Outside the Church Walls
We need to cultivate men for godly purposes. And much of manhood cannot be taught in a classroom or worship center. When David sought to explain to Saul why he was ready to go out and fight Goliath, he brought up past experiences that prepared him to take on this current fight (1 Samuel 17:34-36). He had killed a lion and a bear and as a result, knew he could kill Goliath. You never know what Goliath moment(s) you were made for. Yours might be on the side of a road, in a coffee shop, in your living room or even in a nicely decorated sanctuary. But you’ll blow your moment or miss it altogether if you haven’t cultivated biblical manhood.
Work on skill with your boys or the young men in your church. David learned how the slingshot from his family. Now, to deliver a stone on target from a slingshot took a lot of skill. Don’t put ant hills in front of the men of your church. Don’t limit your men with weak assignments — on the bereavement, flower, grounds or fellowship committees — give men a God-sized task that they know requires a man. Come up with two or three projects, such as taking care of widows and orphans in your church, risky missions or building projects. Call some men out individually to lead in these efforts — if you give a general invitation you’ll typically get a general (and negligible) response.
3.2 Create an Appetite
Men want to follow men.
