Ephesians 4:25-32
25Therefore, having put away falsehood, let each one of you speak the truth with his neighbor, for we are members one of another. 26Be angry and do not sin; do not let the sun go down on your anger, 27and give no opportunity to the devil. 28Let the thief no longer steal, but rather let him labor, doing honest work with his own hands, so that he may have something to share with anyone in need. 29Let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths, but only such as is good for building up, as fits the occasion, that it may give grace to those who hear. 30And do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God, by whom you were sealed for the day of redemption. 31Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away from you, along with all malice. 32Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you.
Intro
A story is told of a woman whose little girl was throwing a temper tantrum as the two went up and down the aisles of a busy grocery store. The toddler sat in the cart screaming and flailing about. As she continued shopping, she could be heard calmly muttering, "Don't yell, Susie. Calm down, Susie. Don't get excited, Susie."?
A woman passing by commended her saying, "You certainly are doing a great job trying to calm down your little Susie."
“My little Susie?!” responded the mother. “Lady, I'm Susie!”
This mom was doing her best to avoid conflict!
- Conflict within the family of God is unavoidable, but how we choose to deal with it says something about the Holy Spirit's control over us
- Paul has just finished talking about adoption into the family of God as being renewed by the Spirit; now he describes how this is literally fleshed out
1. Don’t Lie to Family
a. “Therefore, having put away falsehood, let each one of you speak the truth with his neighbor, for we are members one of another.” (v.25)
b. Honesty is a prerequisite to healthy-functioning family
- “put away falsehood” – more than lying; also exaggeration, adding fabrications to something that is true; cheating, foolish promises, betraying confidence, false excuses.
c. God’s work in the world is based on truth; the people of God can’t be used by Him if we can’t be know to be honest
- “speak the truth with his neighbor”
- Quoted from Zecharia 8:16 — “These are the things you are to do: Speak the truth to each other, and render true and sound judgment in your courts;”
2. Don’t Get All Worked Up with Family
a. “Be angry and do not sin; do not let the sun go down on your anger, and give no opportunity to the devil.” (v. 26)
b. Anger can be good or bad, depending on motive and purpose
1) “Be angry and do not sin”
2) Quoted from Psalm 4:4: “Tremble and do not sin; when you are on your beds, search your hearts and be silent.”
3) Paul is not talking here about righteous indignation, anger at evil that hates injustice, immorality, ungodliness; this is not only permissible, but commanded
4) “Again he entered the synagogue, and a man was there with a withered hand. And they [the scribes and Pharisees] watched Jesus, to see whether he would heal him on the Sabbath, so that they might accuse him. And he said to the man with the withered hand, “Come here.” And he said to them, “Is it lawful on the Sabbath to do good or to do harm, to save life or to kill?” But they were silent. And he looked around at them with anger, grieved at their hardness of heart, and said to the man, “Stretch out your hand.” He stretched it out, and his hand was restored.” (Mark 3:1-5)
c. Any anger can decay into bitterness, so it should be set aside by the end of the day
a) “Do not let the sun go down on your anger”
b) Rom. 12:17-21... “Repay no one evil for evil, but give thought to do what is honorable in the sight of all. If possible, so far as it depends on you, live peaceably with all. Beloved, never avenge yourselves, but leave it to the wrath of God, for it is written, ‘Vengeance is mine, I will repay, says the Lord.’ To the contrary, ‘if your enemy is hungry, feed him; if he is thirsty, give him something to drink; for by so doing you will heap burning coals on his head.’ Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good.”
- “heap burning coals”—this is about inciting shame, not anger
3. Don’t Take Advantage of Family
a. “Let the thief no longer steal, but rather let him labor, doing honest work with his own hands, so that he may have something to share with anyone in need.” (vv.27-28)
b. Any form of stealing is sin
1) “Let the thief no longer steal”
2) Scholars think that some sort of theft by "taking advantage" was kind of an issue in the Ephesian church
3) Our family music ministry relies on love offerings, but it’s sometimes hard for us to feel like we’re not “taking advantage” when we ask for them
- $600 from Garden Ridge, $1,000/month from a woman named Sandra
4) The Christian should work and provide for oneself, one’s family, and others honorably
c. Not only don’t harm anyone, but endeavor to help those in need
1) “share with anyone in need”
2) Story about Frances Chan & his church challenge
Frances Chan talked about a gang member who got saved and then baptized in his church yet disappeared a year later. A leader in the congregation noticed and sought him out and asked “What happened?” He said “I had the wrong idea about what I thought church would be. I thought it would be like family, a different kind of family. See, when I was in the gangs, we hung together, watched each other’s backs, took care of each other, we committed to each other 24-7, not just two meetings a week. When I got here, it was like each one was on his own. There was just no reason for me to be here with these people.” Chan said this broke his heart. The gang was better at being the church than the church was at being the church.
Chan met with the elders over this. They talked about their commitments to each other. They talked about the ways they were so radically independent of each other and tried so hard to maintain that independence. Each had their own insurance policies to take care of their families if they died. Each sought hard to take care of their own needs and never ask each other for help. They saw in themselves what this gang member saw in the congregation. And they started to break it down. In the midst of praying they started to make commitments to each other. “I commit to take care of your kids if you die.” “What is mine is yours.” “They opened up their bank accounts.” “They sold their insurance policies gave some money away.” Chan said these commitments were not haphazard that night they prayed. They were commitments out of deep trust in God and that relationship was borne out in their relationships one with another. Chan said they left that meeting that night with a feeling of awe like you read about in Acts – kinda like – “Whoah … that just felt like Christianity.”
4. Don’t Talk Bad about Family
a. “Let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths, but only such as is good for building up, as fits the occasion, that it may give grace to those who hear. And do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God, by whom you were sealed for the day of redemption. Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away from you, along with all malice.” (vv.29-31)
b. Talking bad about family is totally out of character with the new life
1) “corrupting talk” – foul, rotten, spoiled, putrid (like food)
2) “good for building up” – the grace that saved and keeps us should characterize our behavior and speech, according to Jesus’ standard (Luke 4:22)
- “And all spoke well of him and marveled at the gracious words that were coming from his mouth. And they said, ‘Is not this Joseph's son?’”
b. Talking bad about the family is considered injurious to God
- “do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God” – God is grieved when we refuse to exchange the old patterns of sinful, hurtful language for the righteous speech that characterizes the new life
c. Incidentally, here Paul indicates the personhood of the Holy Spirit, who:
1) Personally cares for believers (John 14:16, 26; 15:26)
2) Has intellect (1 Cor. 2:11), feelings (Rom. 8:27), and a will (1 Cor. 12:11)
3) Speaks (Acts 13:2), convicts (John 16:8-11), and intercedes (Rom. 8:26)
4) Glorifies Christ (John 16:14) and serves God (Acts 16:6-7)
5) “sealed for the day of redemption” – the Holy Spirit in us is our guarantee of eternal redemption in Christ, as well as the proof of it
d. Talking bad about family has specific manifestations
1) “Let all...” – summary of the changes in the life of a believer
2) “bitterness” – smoldering resentment
3) “wrath” – rage, the passion of a moment
4) “anger” – more internal, deep hostility
5) “clamor” – the outcry of strife out of control
6) “slander” – evil speaking
7) “malice” – the general Greek term for evil, the root of all vices
5. Do Right By Your Family, No Matter What
a. “Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you.” (vv.32)
b. “kind” – implies the principle of love in the heart and the outward expression of it; friendly, humble, and courteous
c. “tenderhearted” – merciful, sensitive to the distress and sufferings of others, quickly moved to compassion
d. “forgiving” – gracious to inevitable differences and offenses, whether intentional or not
e. “as God in Christ forgave you” – God forgives for Jesus’ sake, on account of the atonement He made for us, making us worthy because we can't for ourselves
Conclusion
1. More than tolerate, we are compelled to love one another, regardless of how we are treated; Be truthful, but in love: edify, don't tear down
2. These are people Jesus loved enough to have saved them, same as you; they have value to Him, they should have value to you
3. Remember that, as members of Jesus' family, He is injured when they are--and, as family, so are you
4. Taking advantage of brothers & sisters in Christ indicates a lack of faith in God's promise to care for us, as well as interferes with His plan to take care of them
5. Do right no matter what: “‘if your enemy (especially one in the church) is hungry, feed him; if he is thirsty, give him something to drink; for by so doing you will heap burning coals on his head.’ Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good.” (Rom. 12:20,21)
6. How we treat each other is at least 50% of the testimony we’ll deliver to the lost around us. If we have a reputation for disrespect or mistreating the body of Christ, how will they believe the message of the Gospel?
