Few who have experienced a divorce would disagree with Margaret Atwood: “A divorce is like an amputation: you survive it, but there’s less of you.” Few issues hit as close to home as a divorce. Most of you have been affected in some way by divorce. Baptists have the highest divorce rate of any Christian denomination and are more likely to obtain a divorce than atheists and agnostics. While 25% of American adults have been divorced at least once, 29% of Baptists have experienced divorce. There is at least two ways our church can love on those who are divorced.
1. Is to stand by them as they grieve and point them to the forgiveness in Christ.
2. The second way to love them is to communicate a hatred for divorce.
Our church exists to fly high the banner of the permanency of marriage. We want to push for sturdy marriages throughout the River Valley.
I mention two resources for marriages quickly: Let’s Get Real on April 15-16 and Paul Tripp’s What Did You Expect?
“Now as a concession, not a command, I say this. 7 I wish that all were as I myself am. But each has his own gift from God, one of one kind and one of another. 8 To the unmarried and the widows I say that it is good for them to remain single as I am. 9 But if they cannot exercise self-control, they should marry. For it is better to marry than to burn with passion.
10 To the married I give this charge (not I, but the Lord): the wife should not separate from her husband 11 (but if she does, she should remain unmarried or else be reconciled to her husband), and the husband should not divorce his wife” (1 Corinthians 7:6-11).
Let’s get right to work…
1. To Singles
“Now as a concession, not a command, I say this. 7 I wish that all were as I myself am. But each has his own gift from God, one of one kind and one of another. 8 To the unmarried and the widows I say that it is good for them to remain single as I am. 9 But if they cannot exercise self-control, they should marry. For it is better to marry than to burn with passion” (1 Corinthians 7:6-9).
Before there is any discussion about marriage, Paul has a word about singleness. Paul is responding to questions through this chapter. The word “unmarried” in verse seven is probably open. It includes those who are widowed and never married. Singles do not have to ride on the back of bus.
Marriage is not mandatory. In fact, all marriages are temporary. Marriages exist as a temporary blessing for this age. But Jesus says in the age to come, they will not exist (Matthew 22:23-30). The church will exist in the age to come. The church is the forever family. This family does not grow by sexual intercourse and women eventually giving birth but through the Gospel. The church grows by a person expressing faith in Jesus Christ.
Yet, to remain unmarried in this age, you need to be uniquely gifted. To remain single, you need to be graced with the gift of self-control. You need to be gifted with contented celibacy. “To burn with passion” is self-explaining picture. It means not to be consumed with uncontrollable desire. Sexual sin is taken very serious throughout Scripture. Paul tells us there is advantage to singleness in verse eight: “To the unmarried and the widows I say that it is good for them to remain single as I am” (1 Corinthians 7:8). Singleness is not for keeping your options open. Lifelong Singleness is for keeping your options exclusively tied to Jesus.
2. To the Married
“To the married I give this charge (not I, but the Lord): the wife should not separate from her husband 11 (but if she does, she should remain unmarried or else be reconciled to her husband), and the husband should not divorce his wife” (1 Corinthians 7:10-11).
Paul is dealing with several scenarios of marital difficulties throughout this chapter. In verses ten and eleven, the subject is marriage where both the husband and wife are believers. In verse twelve through sixteen, the subject is marriage between a believer and a non-believer. We’ll discuss this in detail next week. And in verses seventeen through twenty-four, Paul details the principles that are foundational to his martial advice and commands. We’ll examine these words in two weeks (March 6).
Today our focus verses ten and eleven. Verses eight and nine contrasts with verses ten and eleven. Paul signals the change in tone by the words, “I give this charge” in verse ten. These words are used elsewhere as in other writings in Paul’s day as a military command. Whereas his words to the unmarried were words of prudence and wisdom, his words to the married are a command. It’s a change of tone and it recalls his tone from chapters five and six where he discussed incest, lawsuits, and prostitution. Divorce is a moral question. And Paul is uncompromising.
And while the Bible’s tone changes when it discusses divorce, I want to say that divorce is a forgivable sin. Jesus’ death forgives His followers of divorce. Yet, it is important to hear the Bible’s words on divorce. When the question of divorce is addressed, Paul responds as follows:
“the wife should not separate from her husband” (verse 10)
“the husband should not divorce his wife” (verse 11)
“if any brother has a wife who is an unbeliever, and she consents to live with him, he should not divorce her.” (verse 12)
“If any woman has a husband who is an unbeliever, and he consents to live with her, she should not divorce him.” (verse 13)
So, four times in just four verses, Paul says, in effect, “Do not divorce your spouse.” What’s interesting is to note that Paul doesn’t quote Jesus’ words. He only alludes to them. By alluding to them rather than quoting them, there is evidence that the Corinthians believers where intimately familiar with Jesus’ opinion on the subject. The backstop of Paul’s command is Jesus’ words in Mark 10:2-12.
“And Pharisees came up and in order to test him asked, ‘Is it lawful for a man to divorce his wife?’ 3 He answered them, ‘What did Moses command you?’ 4 They said, ‘Moses allowed a man to write a certificate of divorce and to send her away.’ 5 And Jesus said to them, ‘Because of your hardness of heart he wrote you this commandment. 6 But from the beginning of creation, ‘God made them male and female.’ 7 ‘Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, 8 and the two shall become one flesh.’ So they are no longer two but one flesh. 9 What therefore God has joined together, let not man separate.’ 10 And in the house the disciples asked him again about this matter. 11 And he said to them, ‘Whoever divorces his wife and marries another commits adultery against her, 12 and if she divorces her husband and marries another, she commits adultery’” (Mark 10:2-12).
Because these are the words of Jesus, there is little wiggle room for Paul. These are Jesus’ words. Taking Jesus’ words in connection with Paul’s words, we can summarize the Bible’s view on marriage as follows: Marriage is a “one-flesh” union between one man and one women. This union is permanent as defined by the words of traditional wedding ceremonies, “until death do us part.” Don’t think the word “separate” in verse ten is different from the word divorce. While the two words mean different things in our day they are the same in verse ten. There are at least three cultural cues about divorce in play as we think through these issues today. Jesus taught about marriage primary in the Hebrew cultural context of His day. Paul taught about marriage primarily in the Greek and Roman cultural context of his day. I am teaching you about divorce and remarriage in the American cultural context of our day. And even more locally the River Valley of Arkansas.
Let’s examine each of the three in turn.
2.1 Divorce and Remarriage Among the Jews
Jesus’ words in Mark 2 were spoken in and around what is presently Israel. In first century there were two schools of thought about the issue of the legitimacy to divorce your wife. Nevertheless, there are two schools of thought among the rabbis of the day. The first school was the school of Shammai who permitted divorce only in cases of unfaithfulness. While the second school, the school of Hillel, stated the following, “He may divorce her even if she has spoiled a dish for him…” Both schools obtain their names from popular rabbis whose names became associated with two (2) contrasting thoughts on the matter. You might call them the liberal school and the conservative school on divorce. Notice how the Mishnah (the oral law of Judaism) uses he may divorce she. At this time, the “wife” was dominated in favor of the rights of the marital rights of males. The New Testament in particular will turn this exclusively patriarchal idea of marital rights on its head. For the NT grants equal marital rights to women as it does men. Jesus clearly sides of the school of Shammai.
2.2 Divorce and Remarriage Among the Greeks and Romans
To say that divorce was a widespread practice in Paul’s day doesn’t do service to reality. Marriage contracts were worded as if the marriage would end in divorce rather than death. In a day when one in five pregnancies were fatal and contraception and abortion were dangerous practices for women… …most marriages in Paul’s day ended in divorce rather than death.
In Roman society, you could divorce your partner by separation. It was the equivalent of the “no-fault” divorces of our day. Paul’s words were just as much countercultural then as they are today.
2.3 Divorce and Remarriage Among Us
Despite being married in the National Cathedral in Washington, DC and the organist playing the Beatles’ “All You Need is Love,” Al and Tipper Gore recently divorced after being together for 40 years. The former VP’s divorce hardly made news as divorce is so prevalent today.
Stats on divorce are tough to peg down. We often hear people talk about “starter marriages” in our day. When the Worthland Group recently asked Americans about their expectations when a friend gets married, 64% said “we expect that they'll get divorced sooner or later.”
In the 1970s, approximately 70% of first marriages remained intact for persons 25-60 years old. In 2000s, approximately 50-67% of first marriages remained intact for persons 25-60 years old, depending on your education. And Blacks in American have faired much worse in the same time period. We see celebrities get married and unmarried just to keep their faces on the cover of magazines. Sadly, the status of our marriages is in a tragic state. While the divorce rate has declined in recent years, more people are remaining unmarried in our day. They simply choose to live together. In 1960, 88% of males between the ages of 35-44 were married. Today, that same number is just over 65%. In 1960, 87% of females between the ages of 35-44 were married. Today, that same number is just under 67%. There were approximately 2.23 million marriages in 2005 down from just under 2.79 million the previous year. This decline of some 500,000 marriages is despite an increase of some 2.9 million in population.
I’m troubled that many Christians are as susceptible to divorce as non-Christians. It spite of the inexhaustible divine resources at a Christian’s disposal, the odds of a Christian marriage lasting a lifetime are as low as those outside of Christ.
2.4 Reasons to Escape
More will said about this next week as we talk about mixed marriages – marriages between believers and non-believers. Yet, let’s mention what is not mentioned as possible reasons for divorce:
Boredom…
Finances…
Unmet Needs…
Abuse…
Alcohol and Drug abuse…
Or disagreements on how to parent…
Again, Marriage is a “one-flesh” union between one man and one women. This union is permanent as defined by the words of traditional wedding ceremonies, “until death do us part.” Paul mentions one of two exception clauses in verses fifteen: “But if the unbelieving partner separates, let it be so. In such cases the brother or sister is not enslaved. God has called you to peace” (1 Corinthians 7:15). Paul doesn’t mention the second exception clause here, but Jesus does: “It was also said, ‘Whoever divorces his wife, let him give her a certificate of divorce.’ 32 But I say to you that everyone who divorces his wife, except on the ground of sexual immorality, makes her commit adultery, and whoever marries a divorced woman commits adultery’ (Matthew 5:32).
Jesus assumes that in most situations in the culture of His day, that a wife who has been put away by a husband will then be drawn into a second marriage. Nevertheless, in opposition to such pressure, He calls this second marriage adultery. This is a harsh word and Jesus pulls no punches. The noteworthy thing about the first half of Matthew 5:32 is that it straightforwardly says that the remarriage of a wife who has been innocently put away is nevertheless still called adultery. If you divorce your spouse, then God commands you to do one of two things. You can first be reconciled to your spouse. Or, second you can remain unmarried until your spouse dies or you die. Godly people disagree about this. And we will have more to say about this next week. In summary, Scripture only gives two exception clauses to the permanency of your marriage.
1. If an unbelieving spouse decides he/she wants out of the marriage;
2. Sexual Immorality
I am troubled by the havoc that a divorce brings to children. Divorce and unwed childrearing costs taxpayers at least 112 billion each year. Divorce is crippling the coming generations. More than a third of couples that were considering divorce decided to stay together due to the recent recession.
2.5 Reasons to Stay
We discover three conclusions that Jesus draws from reading Genesis in today’s passage. First, marriage is a profound union where one man and one woman become “one flesh.” Second, this uniting of man and woman into “one flesh” is the work of God. No human is able to do this work. Third, no human has the authority to separate God’s work of uniting people in marriage.
Commitment is a simple word describing a simple concept. Though not easy, commitment is a biblical mandate for marriage to survive. Commitment is the asphalt on the paved road of permanence. Commitment means effort. If you desire a sturdy marriage, then you must add effort. It’s about effort when to overcome annoying habits and sinful choices. It’s your effort and his effort to push through the harsh consequences of emotional mistreatment by one another. Once the thought of getting out of a marriage forms in the mind, the permanence of marriage begins to erode.
Staying Married is not mainly about staying in love.
